Final Goodbye
Written by: HoshiHikari
Disclaimer: I do not own HP
Summary: A decade has passed since Harry graduated from Hogwarts. With the sudden disappearance of Harry, the war with Voldemort rages on. After a battle, Remus finds himself on his deathbed with a visitor he never thought he'd see again. This is a story of love and betrayal, forgiveness and redemption.
Author Notes: This was inspired while revising The Final Lesson and writing Misconceptions, though this fic is unrelated to the other two. It first started as a drabbled that turned into a One shot.
Warning: Implied Slash Harry/Remus
He found himself standing before the massive doors, staring and marveling at the castle before him. A decade had passed since he graduated as Head boy with honors from Hogwarts. Eight years had passed since he last set foot here. Eight years had passed since he made the decision to join Voldemort, only to have the war against the Dark Lord intensify. If he had known that this would have been the case, in which he should have, then he wouldn't have made this fateful decision. However, the decision was made and now he had to live with the consequences. Once again he found himself at Hogwarts, only this time she was his enemy and its occupants were his foe. Yet he knew he had to come, otherwise he would be haunted by his actions, particularly this one, for the rest of his life. It was true that he had sinned before and probably will continue on sinning for a long time to come, but this was different, very different. There was no doubt about it. He had to come even if it meant sealing his own fate. He had to say his final goodbye.
Pulling his cloak tighter, he pushed the doors open and cautiously stepped inside. At first glance, the school looked quiet and empty, but that was to be expected as it was during the summer holidays.
Bang! Without warning he was lifted into the air and slammed against the wall. Before he could retaliate, not that he would have, he found himself at wand point before a very gruesome face. Alastor "Mad Eye" Moody's features were even more distorted then before. Instead of one wooden leg, he had two and where his normal eye use to be was an empty socket. His face, body and limbs were scarred as much as any werewolf he had ever encountered was scarred due to transformations and not to war.
"Give me one reason." Mad Eye growled, jabbing his wand closer. "Just give me one little reason."
"Please," he croaked out, his voice raspy and dry due to the lack of use. "Please let me see him. Please, I have to see him."
Moody cocked his head to one side, frowning as though he didn't know what the other was talking about. Then suddenly the frown disappeared only to be replaced by anger and hatred. The magical eye that had been staring fixedly at him looked away and seemed to be staring at the ceiling, before it returned its attention to him, piercing him with a glare.
"You did this to him. You're the reason he's…"
"I didn't mean it, I didn't mean any of this. I should have known better, but I didn't think the war would turn out this way. I had thought it would have been the best, and it was until," he caught himself there, his voice trailing off.
"You joined Voldemort," Mad Eye hissing, his voice raising a notch. "Willingly!"
"I did what I had to do to protect you, to protect my friends, to protect him from Voldemort. Voldemort made a vow to leave all my friends, the Order and him untouched as long as none of you retaliate. If you all just backed off…."
"The Weasley's are dead, every last one of them. The Grangers are dead. The last Longbottom is gone." Moody cut in. "Did you really think we'll sit by and let the destruction of the world occur? This war isn't about destroying Voldemort. Too much damage has been done to have one man die and be satisfied by it. The fight is to ensure that millions of people haven't died in vain. The battle is for survival from extinction. The success of the combination is for the future, so that the next generation and the generations to come will not have to be exposed to the wretched evils of mankind. You, out of all people, should have understood this, but you, out of all people, abandoned this."
"I came back." He said softly. "I have sinned in the past and I know nothing I do now will wipe me clean of it." He continued. "Ever since I was born, my life has always been dictated by someone or another. First to fight against Voldemort to protect those I love, then to fight with Voldemort for those I loved. My life has always been for the best for everyone else, is it too much to ask for a little in return? Please, let me see him. I knew when I first came I would be facing the past and all the demons that come with it. I knew that once I came, my fate would lie in another's hand. Still I came because I had to, because I need to. Afterwards, you and whoever is left of the Order can do what you want with me, but now, please I have to see him. I have to say goodbye." By now his voice was straining and clogged with emotions that Mad Eye didn't know the other could still possess. "I loved him, I still love him, please, just please, I have to see him."
For a minute neither spoke. He slowly stuck a hand to his pocket, pulled out his wand and handed it to the older man. Mad Eye studied him carefully as he took the wand and pocketed it.
"You shouldn't have left if you love him as much as you claim." The older man said softly. "You shouldn't have come back if you love him just as much."
He gave Mad Eye a look that told the other to elaborate.
"He doesn't know." Mad Eye said calmly. "We kept it from him. All he knows is that you left and is still missing, presumed dead. It tore him apart when you disappeared and now you will break him if he discovers…the truth."
He unconsciously pulled the cloak tighter around him. Slowly Mad Eye lowered his wand, turned and began walking away. The man was at the bottom of the staircase when he turned and beckoned the newcomer to follow. Slowly he followed the man at a distance, with only the chucking of the wooden feet disturbing the silence that had once again befallen the castle.
The two made their way towards the hospital wing, thankfully not bumping into anyone during the journey. When they arrived, the door was shut so Mad Eye gave it a knock. Both heard footsteps before the door was opened.
"Wotcher Moody," Tonks greeted as she stepped out. She spotted the newcomer and glanced at Mad Eye with curiosity. The newcomer stared at her, noting that she didn't look much different from the last time he had seen her, only that she looked older and much more exhausted. He assumed this was because of her ability to metamorphose into whatever she pleased, and so he assumed if she had obtained any scars from the war, she would hide them.
"Remus has a visitor," was all Moody would say. "Can you please ask whoever is in there to step out for a second?" Again Tonks glanced at the newcomer before doing as she was told. A minute later, McGonagall, and Kingsley stepped out. Both had their own set of battle scars, with Minerva in a wheelchair, Kingsley almost a replica of Moody. The two also glanced at the newcomer with curiosity.
"We'll be right here." Moody said warningly. "Don't let me regret this."
The newcomer bowed his head in gratitude and without saying a word, stepped into the hospital wing. He heard the door shut before he made his way to the bed where the person he had come visit lay. He sat down on the empty chair that was beside the bed. Slowly he accessed the man before him, and the damages that he had done two days ago that most likely would cost the man his life. He was surprised and thankful that the bedridden man hadn't passed on before he could do what he had come to do.
Remus was as scarred as ever due to his monthly transformations and the war. It could easily be said that he looked the worst out of all those people he met since he returned to Hogwarts. There was no skin on the man that was left untouched.
"Hey Remus," he said softly as he gently reached out and took the man's right hand. Briefly glancing down, he noticed the area on the arm in which he had momentarily stabbed with silver. He rubbed it gently, tracing the mark that he had made.
"Who are you?" Remus breathed out. Although he knew he was safe because Mad Eye allowed him in, he still wondered who his visitor was.
The cloaked figure hesitated for a split second.
"Harry, it's me, Harry." He said at last, knowing it was useless to keep his identity a secret any longer. He noticed the man's eyes widen as the man struggled to sit up.
"Harry?" Remus questioned, not believing his ears.
"Yes, it's me. I'm here now. I won't ever leave you again." Harry's hold on Remus' hand tightened. "Never Remus, never again."
"Harry," Remus called out again, lifting his hands, wanting to remove the hood that covered Harry's face. "Let me see you."
"No, you can't. Please I came back, that is all that matters." Harry didn't want Remus to find out, not now, not ever. Moody was right. If Remus didn't already know, he wasn't going to tell him for it would break his heart.
The look on Remus face said otherwise. There was something there that Harry couldn't quite put a finger on.
"Harry, I'm helpless and at your mercy right now. We both know that I'm going to die. If you came to speed up the process, then do so now. Just let me see your face one last time." Remus said in a tone that sounded like he had given up. "The Order was kind as they tried to protect me from the truth, but tell me Harry, how can I not know when I've been with the pack for a better part of this decade? I hear things, I see things, don't treat me as though I'm naive. Don't sweet talk and apologize, when we know why you came. Just get it over with."
Harry reached up and lowered his hood, revealing the marred face to Remus. Remus gasped, for the last time he had seen Harry, two days ago, Harry's face was still milky and creamy, without any scratch. Now, there were numerous scars that ran this way and that, tearing the flesh into pieces.
"I went back for you," Harry said, as an explanation to the unasked question. "But you were gone. I slaughtered Greyback and his pack before moving on to others, but still you weren't there. When I realized what I had done, I went everywhere to search for you, to fix what I had done, but you weren't there. Do you know desperate I was to set foot here? Do you realize how painful it was these last two days?"
"Eight years Harry, you have no idea what I've been through, since I lost you. Do you know how hurt I was when I discovered the truth? Do you realize how painful it was for me when I realized what had happened? Why did you join Voldemort? What is it that he could offer, but I could not? We had a strong and steady relationship for two years! Why did you abandon it?"
"You joined Greyback!" Harry shot back reflexively. "I could bear my burden each day because you had been there, you had been supportive. However, you chose them over me. I had lost you Remus, lost the only thing that was keeping me from insanity. I fell apart, and so I did what I could do, join Voldemort. I did it to protect my friends, to protect you, to hope to see you again."
"You were already falling apart!" Remus raised his voice. "When we came home that night from Ron's funeral, you were a mess. I couldn't do anything to sooth you. The spark of hope was gone. I knew what you were going to do, but before I could stop you, you were gone. I couldn't lose you Harry, and so I did what I had to do."
Harry opened his mouth, before snapping it shut. Again he reached out and took a hold of Remus's hands.
"Looks like it isn't clear who joined the Dark first." Harry said, trying to smile. "But that doesn't matter, our intentions were honorable. We both tried to protect what was the most dear to us. Now we're together, and that's all that is important."
The two sat in comfortable silence for a while.
"Why did you attack me, when you knew it was me. Couldn't you have used something else besides silver? All I regret is dying after knowing the truth, and having everything sorted out. We were foolish. We could have had a decade or more together."
"I wouldn't have attacked you, if I knew it was you." Harry said softly. "I went to Greyback with the same reason I came here. I had to see you. I had to…"
"I know Harry, I know. I'll forgive you, if you forgive me."
"Of course Moony, I love you. How can I not forgive you? That's the reason I came here. I had to have your forgiveness. I had to…" Harry trailed off.
"What is it Harry?" Remus said gently.
Instead of answering, he reached into his pocket and pulled out a vial of green liquid. Remus eyed it carefully.
"I had to come and ease your pain, that is, if you haven't…" Harry stopped again. "You've suffered a lot, and I don't want you to suffer anymore. There isn't any way to reverse what I had done, no spells, no potions, nothing. I know how much torture you must be in, must continue to be in until…"
"Hush, Harry." Remus said, taking the potion and placing it on the bedside table.
"I'm sorry, you must think ill of me, to want you…"
"I understand Harry. I understand more then you think. Believe me Harry, this will come to me as a relief. Once again you're my savior."
Harry tired to smile, but he could not.
"I love you Harry. I want you to always know that, no matter what happens, I'll always be with you. I want you to fight Harry, I want you to fight Volddemort and destroy him. I want you to be there when the new era arrives. I want you to lead them into it." Remus looked into Harry's eyes. "There will be times when you may think you're alone, when everything seems at lost, but all you have to do is remember me. I will be with you, always."
"I promise Remus. I promise."
"Good Harry," Remus said, smiling. "Now go. I'll like to have a few more words with the others."
Harry didn't look like he wanted to go, in fact, he looked very unsure. At that moment, the door opened. Harry turned to see Mad Eye, McGonagall, Kingsley and Tonks enter, all with solemn faces. When McGonagall passed Harry, she reached out and squeezed his shoulder. Unwillingly, Harry got up and was about to leave before he changed his mind. He turned back to Remus, reached out and gave him a hug. He knew that doing anything else would make his body stay put.
"I'll send your regards to your parents and Sirius." Remus said, before adding. "They're proud of you Harry, but make them prouder. Make us all proud." Again he paused. "I don't want to see you again for a very, very long time and the only time I want to see you is after you have succeeded, long after that."
Harry nodded, swallowing the lump in his throat. By now he was crying freely, but he didn't care.
"Goodbye Remus." Harry said softly. "I love you."
"And I love you too, Harry. Goodbye."
Having said that, Harry made his way out of the hospital wing. The last thing he saw of Remus was the man smiling back at him, before the door shut. What seemed like an eternity later, the door to the hospital wing opened and the occupants filed out. Harry looked up at them and asked the unasked question. Slowly, Moody nodded in confirmation.
"He loved you very much." McGonagall said for the first time since Harry saw her today. "Never doubt that."
"I was stupid to doubt that at one point in life, but this will never happen again." Harry replied, wiping away the tears. "I may never understand it, but it will never happen again. After all, I'm the reason he's dead. I'm the reason all of you are…."
"You're lucky Harry. You gained his love, it's not something he'll give to anyone." Tonks added. "You should appreciate and cherish it for all of eternity."
Harry didn't need to be told that, he already knew it.
"Remus left you everything in is will." Kingsley said.
"I don't want it. I don't need it and I really hadn't hope to obtain it."
The man looked at him with sympathy, knowing what he meant. Harry already had a fortune from his parents and Sirius.
"I'll give everything to have him back. I want him back so bad."
"That is not something you can have," Moody said. He reached into his pocket and pulled out Harry's wand. "However, this is."
Harry took his wand and held it tightly.
"I promise Remus, I promise I'll do it." He said more then to himself, then those around him. "The next time we meet, the promise will be fulfilled."
This is the result of a sudden muse. Hope you all enjoyed it, and that it was just as tearful for you, who was reading it, as much as me, the author. Remember to comment and review!