A/N: So sometimes I watch Glee, and sometimes I get very upset by what I see. This is my take on what happens (or should happen) between Choke and Prom-A-Saurus. Faberry friendship, although the beginnings of something else are definitely there. This could be part of a series of one shots, depending on how outraged I am about the rest of the season. All mistakes are mine, Glee isn't. Review and stuff.
There is a distinct darkness, Quinn notices, hanging over the choir room as she wheels in. Her friends are all wearing somber expressions, and there's a certain overcast tone that makes Quinn wish she stayed home just one more day.
Joe looks up, his face quirking up slightly as he watches her wheel over. "Where have you been?"
Quinn shrugs. "I've had a pretty rough few days at physical therapy." She states. It's true, the past week has been intense. They had her trying to balance herself on parallel bars and (attempting) kicking in the pool. It was rough work, and even though it had tired her out so much that she had to miss almost a week of school it was paying off. She could kind of sort of stand on her own, for a few wobbly seconds, and if she tried really hard she could wiggle her toes.
Quinn doesn't miss the crestfallen expression on Joe's face once she says it, but he nods. It had been decided that since "the incident", and since she was moving on to more intense therapy sessions, he wouldn't go anymore. Shes glad for the space. They were still "just friends", and shes not sure where she wanted to head in that respect. Everything is just such a mess and all she really wants is to walk again.
Quinn wheels to the empty space next to him. "Why's everyone so glum?" She asks. This was not what she wanted to come back to, especially after having such a tiring and hopeful week.
Joe huffs, and rubs his temples. "It's been an absolutely horrible week. It's probably a good thing that you were out." He looks up at her with a half hearted smile.
"Go on." Quinn states, her eyebrow arching up. Things had been going poorly for a while, at least in her opinion (and this was before the accident), but the broken expressions on her classmates faces were heart breaking.
"Well, first of all Coach Bieste's husband has been hitting her." Joe says.
Quinn's face falls, horror struck. "No." She mutters, barely a whisper.
He nods, and Quinn braces herself because the look on his face is screaming 'wait, it gets worse.'
"Yes. And Puck's dad came back, causing this whole mess with him." Joe says.
Quinn looks up at Puck, her chest suddenly feeling tight. When she was pregnant, and living with him, one of the things the two bonded over was the how their fathers had abandoned them. She can't imagine how she would feel if her dad tried to waltz back in her life. Puck must be absolutely devastated.
She closes her eyes and lets out a breath. Her and Puck might have the strangest relationship (outside of her and Rachel of course) in the entire Glee Club, but she wishes she could have been there this past week for her friend.
"There's one more thing, too." Joe says, and Quinn feels her stomach drop.
"What?" She asks, and Joe sighs.
"Rachel blew her audition. She's been like a zombie lately." Joe says, but Quinn can't hear him. She won't hear him.
She laughs, because that statement is so absolutely ridiculous. "You're funny Joe." She says through chuckles.
"Quinn, I'm serious." He says, but Quinn isn't paying attention. She's too busy thinking about how ridiculous that thought would be. In what world would Rachel Berry blow anything?
But then Finn and Kurt amble into the room, bent down with serious and murmuring about something she can't make out. And then Rachel follows shortly, and Quinn suddenly feels much heavier than she did a moment ago.
Rachel looks like a zombie, her face void of expression and her eyes brimmed with red. Quinn suddenly knows that Joe wasn't joking around, and she feels her heart shatter.
She turns to Joe, to ask what happened, but Mr. Schue walks in right at that moment and starts the lesson. She's suddenly drowning, and she's not really sure why. Well she is, because this is the first time in the entire span she has known Rachel, where she's suddenly uncertain of Rachel's future. There had been moments, of course, when Quinn was weary. When she got engaged to Finn was a big one, but Quinn knew that if Rachel saw Finn in her dream, then Rachel would find a way to make it work because it was Rachel. But now what?
The lesson passed in a blur, and before she knows it the bell is ringing. She watches as Rachel slinks out of the classroom, and wants nothing more than to follow her. To talk to her and to figure out what the hell happened.
She releases the breaks on her wheel chair, and starts to roll forward, but Joe walks in front of her. He's wearing a nervous smile, and Quinn wants nothing more than to roll by and ignore him. But she won't, because this is Joe and he actually cares about her, and she doesn't want to hurt him.
"So Quinn, what are you doing after school?" He asks, his smile faltering slightly.
Quinn sighs, and swallows the guilt that's already bubbling up due to the lie she's formulating.
"Joe, I have pt today." She says. She doesn't, and the disappointment on his face makes her stomach churn.
"Oh, well...I just. Uh. Are you going to be free at any time this week? We haven't really hung out since...you know...and I'd like to. Hang out." Joe says, shuffling his feet and looking down. Quinn would've found it cute if she wasn't so preoccupied with thoughts of the devastated brunette.
Quinn sighs, because she owes him that. Because he likes her and cares about her, and she can't bare to let down another person. But she just can't deal with it right now.
"I don't know." She states simply, and rolls forward.
"Alright, well hey um, just let me know?" He asks. Quinn turns around and nods, and as she continues out of the choir room she feels as if somethings wrong.
The rest of the school week is long. The disappointment that's clouded over the Glee club thickens to the point where it's almost tangible.
It's Friday, and Quinn's thankful for that at least, but she's dreading Glee club. She can't take seeing zombie Rachel again, and shes tired of trying to come up with excuses for why she can't hang out with Joe.
To be honest, Quinn doesn't want to hang out with Joe anymore. He's cute, sure, and he's a great guy, but she can't get over what had happened last week. It wasn't the fact that he had gotten...excited...she understood that those situations were uncontrollable and they just sort of happened. It was what he had said after that made her unsure. He was just so young, and inexperienced, and she was leaving for Yale wheelchair or not in August. There was just so much going on in her life that she couldn't justify starting a new romantic relationship with him.
And then there was Rachel. She wasn't sure why it mattered so much that Rachel was upset, and she definitely wasn't sure how Rachel being sad worked into her and Joe, but it did and Quinn knew that it mattered.
Quinn's wheeling herself to her English class when she spots Rachel. The singer's head is tucked down, and she's shaking as she barges into the bathroom. Quinn suddenly doesn't care that she's going to miss yet another class. She just needs to talk to Rachel.
She enters the bathroom and is met with soft sobs, echoing from the handicapped stall at the end of the isle. She wheels up and knocks on the door.
"Occu...occupied." Rachel responds from the other side.
"Well you better hurry up since this is the only stall I can actually use." Quinn states, and holds back the laugh as she hears Rachel fumble to get out of the stall.
It quickly dies when she's face to face with her. Her brown hair is pulled into a ponytail, her eyes are red rimmed and watery, and her cheeks are stained with black streaks of makeup. Quinn feels her heart break for the girl again.
"Quinn." Rachel whispers.
"Hey." Quinn says. Rachel's looking deep into her eyes now, and Quinn can't make out whats going on behind those teary brown eyes.
She does know that despite the fact Rachel looks like a walking hurricane, the girl standing before her is gorgeous. She's not sure what to make of that.
"I'm sorry." Rachel states finally, her jaw setting as a neutral expression washes over her face. "It was completely inconsiderate of me to use this stall, especially knowing that one of my good friends actually needs it now. Please forgive me."
Quinn shakes her head. "Rachel, I don't really need to use the bathroom." She says, and Rachel's face contorts to expression of confusion. "I want to talk."
Rachel shakes her head and steps out of the stall. "Oh okay. Whats wrong Quinn? Are you having trouble adjusting to your new circumstances? I know it's been a few weeks but that by no means makes it easy to handle. Or do you need...boy...advice?" Rachel asks. Quinn doesn't miss the hesitant way Rachel asks about boy advice, but decides to file that away for later.
"No, Rachel, what's wrong?" Quinn asks, wheeling up next to Rachel. Rachel sighs and leans back wards into a sink, facing away from the mirror.
"I messed up my NYADA audition Quinn." She whispers, as if saying it loudly would make it harder. Quinn knows that feeling all to well.
"What...what happened?" Quinn asks. Rachel's face breaks and Quinn wishes she could do something substantial to make her feel better. Instead she reaches for Rachel's hand, hoping it will help.
Rachel slides her fingers easily into Quinn and grips, causing Quinn's throat to dry.
"I don't know. Quinn it was awful!" Rachel says, tears starting to stream freely from her eyes. "I messed up Don't Rain On My Parade. It was so awful, and I tried twice, and she...she..." Rachel's hiccuping now and Quinn feels as if her heart is physically caving in.
"Shhh, Rachel, shhh. Slow down okay?" Quinn says, running her thumb over the distraught girl's knuckles. She wants to hold her, to pull Rachel down onto her lap and just let her cry, but she's not sure if it'll be appropriate.
"Quinn, I'm...I'm so scared. Whats going to happen? There's no way I'll get in now." Rachel whines. She uses her free hand to swipe at her face, and Quinn can feel tears welling up in her own eyes.
"Rachel no, don't think like that." Quinn says. Shes not really sure what else to say, mostly because she can't fathom a future where Rachel didn't get into the school of her dreams.
Rachel whimpers, and Quinn shushes. "No, Rachel, really. You can't think like that. Sure you might have messed up, things like that happen in auditions. These things happen."
It's not very good, Quinn knows this, but it's all she can come up with.
Rachel's face crumples, actually folds in on it's self, and she looks like such a little girl and Quinn feels useless. She's sure that Finn or her dads have said all these things.
Rachel shakes her head, "Quinn you don't understand. First, Kurt nailed it! And the look...she was so...she was pissed Quinn! Like I...like I wasted her time."
Quinn's resolve breaks, and before Rachel can even process whats going on shes in Quinn's lap with the blondes arms rapped around her waist.
"Don't you dare say that Rachel Berry. You are not a waste of time." Quinn murmurs, as the brunette sobs into her shoulder.
They sit there quietly for a long time, with Rachel's face buried in Quinn's shoulder and Quinn's in Rachel's hair. Quinn feels so torn because holding her feels so right, and she smells like cherries and springtime, but Rachel keeps crying. Quinn's not sure what to do other than hold her and rub her back. She fights back her own tears, because this just isn't fair. Quinn has been horrible to the girl, and even though she has gone through so much, she's going to go to Yale and is going to leave this stupid town. Rachel has been preparing for this audition since forever, and she is the best person Quinn knows, and because of one stupid mistake she might not leave. And it's not fair at all.
Finally, Rachel sniffles, and lifts her head off of Quinn's shoulder. "Finn got into the Actor's Studio."
It's barely a whisper, but Quinn heard it. The two look at each other, Rachel's eyes are blood shot and her lips are cracked, dehydrated from all the tears.
"Rachel." Quinn whispers, and she reaches a shaky hand up to wipe a smudge of mascara away from the smaller girl. Rachel's brown eyes, framed by a ring of angry crimson, look so deep and expressive that Quinn shudders. The moment is so intimate, and even though she knows a lot of things have changed over the past year between the two of them, she knows that their relationship has now escalated even further.
"I'm the one who has always wanted to go to New York. I've been planning for this forever, and I can't...I'm not even going to get in. And he...Quinn he's wanted this for 2 weeks and he's getting it. And it's not fair!" Rachel yells. She falls back onto Quinn's shoulder, arms squeezing desperately around her waist and her head resting in her own tear stains. She's shaking, and whimpering, but she's not crying. Quinn's not sure she can even more.
"Lets leave." Quinn says softly.
Rachel looks up, eyes wide. "The days not over." She says, and Quinn feels her chest tighten at the broken tone.
"It's okay. Do you have your car?" Quinn asks, and Rachel nods. "Then lets get you home okay?"
The two girls leave the bathroom, and sneak out of the school from the auditorium exits. Quinn knows the routine, even though she hasn't done it since her pink haired days. She's sure if Rachel wasn't so upset that she'd be getting a lecture, but Rachel's silent the entire way to her car.
They stop at Rachel's silver Volvo, and Quinn feels her heartbeat quicken. The only person she has trusted to drive her around since the accident was her mother. Even with her mom, she has to fight back panic attacks.
Rachel seems to notice Quinn's anxiety, as she opens the passenger door. "I'll drive really slow." She promises. "And it's only noon. There isn't going to be a lot of people on the road."
Quinn nods, and takes a deep breath and nods. "I trust you." She whispers shakily. She means them too, even if she's worried. She would trust Rachel Berry with everything if given the chance. She thinks that Rachel might be the only person.
Rachel doesn't know what to say, the look is clear on her face, so she lets Quinn instruct her on the proper way to help her into the car. Quinn insists that she doesn't actually need the help, but Rachel's adamant about helping so Quinn allows it. Once she's settled safely in her seat and her wheelchair is stowed in the trunk, they're off.
They make their way through the streets of Lima at a snail's pace. Rachel's driving at least 10 miles under the speed limit, and Quinn feels her nerves calm slightly.
"You know, it's unsafe to driver under the speed limit, too." Quinn says jokingly.
Rachel shakes her head and ignores her, keeping the car at a steady 20.
"Rachel." Quinn says again.
Rachel's doesn't say anything, but bumps the speed up to 25.
It's quiet again, before Rachel lets out a long sigh.
"I'm sorry Quinn."
Quinn looks over, and can see a few stray tears rolling down the brunette's cheeks.
"Rachel, we've been over this. It's not your fault." Quinn states firmly. She doesn't want to discuss this again, though she knows she will if Rachel still honestly feels at fault.
"No, Quinn. I'm not apologizing for that." She says. "Quinn, I'm sorry I haven't been there."
Quinn feels confused. "You were here for me." Quinn says.
"No, Quinn, I wasn't. I didn't even...I should have seen you in the hospital. I should have been there for you. I should be helping you." Rachel says. "You're helping me right now, and, and gosh, my NYADA audition is nowhere near as bad as what you've been going through."
Quinn disagrees. A Rachel Berry without New York, even if it's only a possibility, is just as bad as a Quinn without the ability to walk. If anything, Quinn feels as if its worse.
Rachel's sobbing again, and Quinn's not sure how much heart break she can withstand from one person in a single day.
"Rachel, pull over." Quinn says. "You're crying, and you can't see, and-'
Quinn doesn't finish the sentence. Rachel understands. She pulls the car over to the side of the road and kills the engine.
Quinn reaches her hand over to Rachel's again, and laces their fingers together once more. "Rachel it's okay. You've been great through this whole thing." Quinn says.
Rachel grips Quinn's hand tightly. "No, Quinn, I haven't. I've been so selfish lately. You're my best friend and I didn't even visit you in the hospital. Or send you flowers, or anything. I'm, gosh I'm so sorry."
Quinn exhales, trying to forget the loneliness she felt that entire month in the hospital. What's done is done, and the two girls couldn't change the past.
"Rachel, I know. I know you're sorry. But you're here now." Quinn states.
It's quiet for a moment before Rachel talks again. "Quinn, can I come to your next physical therapy session?"
Quinn's heart stops. "Why?"
"I know, I know that Joe's been going. And well, I know you have...feelings...for him. But I can't...he barely knows you. And you're my best friend...and and..."
"Yes Rachel, you can come." Quinn says, and she smiles. Rachel looks up and smiles too, and for the first time since forever, Quinn feels a little bit of the pressure relieved from her shoulders.