Drown by Bring Me the Horizon
What doesn't kill you makes you wish you were dead.
Got a hole in my soul, growing deeper and deeper.
And I can't take one more moment of this silence.
The loneliness is haunting me.
And the weight of the world's getting harder to hold up.
It was hopeless. He wouldn't let me help him. Charles only ever talked to Hank to get his drugs. I had dumped them all down the drain and he had almost hit me. But Hank stopped him. Hank always stopped him, he hates seeing Charles like this as much as I do. But he still makes the drugs. And when the drugs run out, Charles just drinks. I want him to feel again, but he refuses. And I'm scared for him.
It comes in waves, I close my eyes.
Hold my breath and let it bury me.
I'm not okay, and it's not alright.
Won't you drag the lake and bring me home again?
Who will fix me now? Dive in when I'm down?
Save me from myself, don't let me drown.
Who will make me fight? Drag me out alive?
Save me from myself, don't let me drown.
"ILLIANA!" Hank screams from the top floors of the mansion. I run to him and find Charles in a heap with the medication in the syringe almost gone. As if he had stopped mid-dose. I went to Charles and picked him up bridal style. He curled into me, as though he knew I was there.
"Don't worry, Hank. I've got him." I left Hank and went to Charles' room. I laid him on his bed, took his shoes off and covered him up. I kissed his head and as I was about to leave, I felt him catch my hand. I turned back and saw him looking up at me.
"Don't leave me, Illiana. Stay with me... Please."
I smiled lightly. "Of course, Charles."
What doesn't destroy you, leaves you broken instead.
Got a hole in my soul growing deeper and deeper.
And I can't take one more moment of this silence.
The loneliness is haunting me.
And the weight of the world's getting harder to hold up.
"CHARLES! That's enough! No more, this is ridiculous," I screamed at him for the last time. He still used the drugs and I was tired of it.
"I don't care, Illiana. It takes the pain away. It takes my powers away," he yelled back at me.
"You have always used your powers for good, Charles. There are people like us out there that need your help. That need our help," I screamed at him.
"I don't want to help them. I will never help them again," he yelled back.
I gasped. "Then there's no reason for me to be here. If you won't help them, then I have to. Goodbye, Charles." And I left to go pack my bags.
With my bags packed and a heavy heart I stood at the front door the next morning. Hank was there and so was Charles. I turned to Hank and hugged him.
"You don't have to go. You could stay here," he said as he hugged me. I pulled back and cupped his face like a mother would.
"I must go, Hank. There are people like us, that need my help. You will always be in my heart, my dear Hank." I kissed him on the forehead and went to Charles. I knew he hadn't taken any drugs yet because he was in the wheel chair. I leaned down so I could whisper in his ear.
"Charles, I know this may mean nothing to you right now, but I love you. I have always loved you and I will continue to love you. But the others need my help more. I hope one day that you will hope again... As you once did. Goodbye, my love." I kissed his cheek and took my necklace that I had received from my mother when I was younger off my neck. I put it around his. "I leave my heart with you, Charles."
I turned around, picked up my bags and walked out of the mansion. I set off to go find others who needed my help.
It comes in waves, I close my eyes.
Hold my breath and let it bury me.
I'm not okay, and it's not alright
Won't you drag the lake and bring me home again?
Who will fix me now? Dive in when I'm down?
Save me from myself, don't let me drown.
Who will make me fight? Drag me out alive?
Save me from myself, don't let me drown.
(1975)
I stared up at the mansion or school. Charles had changed it into a school for mutants. After I found out about it, I had sent the mutants I had saved here. I wanted them to be there for a little while before I came. I knew that Charles was doing better because of what my students had told me.
I took a deep breath and rang the bell. I knew that someone I knew would probably answer the door, I just didn't think it would be both of my boys. They opened the door. I heard a gasp from Hank.
"Mom?"
"Hi, Hank. It's good to see you. And I like that you called me mom. Felt better than 'Illiana.'"
He came up to me and hugged me tight. I had missed him so much.
"It's good to see you."
"Good to see you as well, Hank."
He looked back fourth between Charles and myself. "I'm gonna go... Check on the students." We didn't acknowledge he had said anything.
"Hello, Charles. It's been a long time, hasn't it?"
"Illiana..." he looked at me like he didn't know if he wanted to scream at me or grab me... Well, grab me as well as he could in the wheel chair. I was tired of waiting so I made the decision for him. I leaned down and captured his lips in a sweet and tender kiss.
"I've missed you, Charles."
"And I you, my sweet Illi," he said using and old nickname. I knew that he loved me just as much I loved him. After all, I couldn't let him drown.
'Cause you know that I can't do this on my own.
(Woah oh oh oh)
'Cause you know that I can't do this on my own.
(Woah oh oh oh)
'Cause you know that I can't do this on my own.
(Woah oh oh oh)
('Cause you know that I can't do this on my own.)
Who will fix me now?
Who will fix me now?
Who will fix me now? Dive in when I'm down?
Save me from myself, don't let me drown.