Tales of the Tea Shop
Sokka and Suki Tie the Knot
"Karo?" Katara banged her fist against the heavy wooden bathroom door. She had a towel, her Water Tribe comb with its beautiful blue markings, a towel, a white warm looking bath robe as well as a blue bag of perfumes and make up. Lady Zhao had a basket of shampoo and her toiletries in a delicate wooden box and wore her red bath robe. "My brother's wedding takes place at two in the afternoon and Azula, Lady Zhao and I have to get ready."
"Aiyah!"
"Karo?" Katara knocked again.
"Aiyah!"
"What on Earth are you doing?" Katara was joined by Lady Zhao.
"Sorry! Aftershave a wee bit strong this morning." Karo yelled through the door. "The Aqua Velvet stung me."
"Can I brush my teeth?" Azula slowly came up the stairs clutching her toothbrush.
"Sorry girls." Karo came out reeking of late spring blossoms, something used to make vodka and a musky scent. He had his hair nicely done up with a gold flame decoration and looked prim and proper in his finest Fire Nation uniform. "Art like this takes time."
"Age before beauty dear." Lady Zhao walked into the washroom and closed the door. A few seconds later she began to sing of love in the spring as she showered. Katara turned to Azula who looked - as she typically did – as if she needed to take a few more hours to sleep in on a sunny spring Saturday.
"I hope Aqua Velvet has a short half life. Open a window." Azula looked at Karo. "Does that aftershave thin out in time? How many experienced chemists did they need to come up with that stuff?"
"What will you wear to the wedding Azula?" Katara asked.
"New boxers." Azula answered bluntly. "I will brush my teeth, put on a fresh change of clothes and show up to make fun of the Kyoshi Warriors. I will sit next to Karo since his smell will drive off any stinging insects."
"Har har!" Karo walked to his bedroom window and opened it hoping that early morning fresh spring air would soften the blow of the fragrance. "The clerk at the department store said this proved to be his best seller."
"They ban DDT?" Azula countered. "The gardeners need something to knock back the tent caterpillars?"
"Please don't use up all the hot water please!" Katara said through the door hoping that Lady Zhao could hear her between refrains of the wedding march and rushing water. "With Azula over as a guest and Karo, myself and Lady Zhao living here - I don't think this house is big enough for three women and Karo."
"Suki and Ty Lee stole my guest cottage." Azula reminded Katara. "Uncle Iroh figures that since he doesn't make me pay rent I can put up with having my life disrupted."
"We will cope." Katara said calmly. "Karo takes the most time in there anyway."
"Have you suddenly entered puberty?" Azula needled Karo as he sat at his desk checking his hair.
"No." Karo responded.
"Why did you bother to shave?" Azula tapped the top of the hair decoration Karo had so carefully placed in his hair.
"It is a wedding?" Karo sarcastically grinned.
"Uh yes." Azula looked out the window and realized that she had seen eight in the morning on a Saturday Morning for the first time since the War. As Saturdays it looked nice, sunny and the sky had less smog than the weekdays. A soft breeze kept Ba Sing Se cool and as a day for a wedding it promised much good fortune for Sokka and Suki. "We bought that crazed clock."
"Yes?" Karo fanned his stinging face with a sheet of cardboard and saw Katara standing against the door. "She could have any man she wanted and ..."
"And yet she chose Katara's idiot of a brother." Azula glanced at Katara. "No offense."
"Did you put our names on the card for the wedding gift?" Karo turned to Azula. "Oh wait I have seen your writing – military forces around the world could encipher messages with it."
"Hold on." Azula walked down the stairs.
"Can I ask your opinion?" Katara turned to Karo with an outfit in each hand. "Should I wear my Water Tribe pant suit or the Earth Kingdom dress and tan vest?"
"You strike me as a pant suit kind of girl." Karo smiled. "You should proudly represent the Water Tribes and since you will be standing next to the rest of your family you should keep to the color theme."
* * *
Lady Zhao, Azula and Karo politely took the seats assigned to them as guests of the both the bride and groom. Katara took her seat at the very front next to her dad, Master Pakku and Gran Gran. Uncle Iroh had groomed the back yard for the event and even painted the crooked garden shed, trimmed back the old pine tree and mowed the grass. The wedding began late so Azula began teasing Karo.
"I can still smell your aftershave....no wait the west wind means I'm picking up fumes from the paint factory." Azula said sarcastically while Lady Zhao cracked a smile.
"Well hello!" Lady Zhao greeted Lady Ursa who had traveled to attend the wedding as the representative of the Royal Fire Nation family.
"Nice to see you." Lady Ursa and Lady Zhao stood up hugged and then bowed. "I greet you on behalf of the Fire Nation. Fire Lord Zuko and Lady Mai have many duties and I came on their behalf."
"Greetings Lady Zhao and the young Karo." Lady Ursa bowed and took her seat in front of them. "I smell Aqua Velvet! How very daring of you Karo – did Azula recommend that aftershave? When will you ask my daughter for her hand in marriage?"
"I don't have to marry Karo – a simple pet license will suffice." Azula tersely responded. "And the aftershave serves to keep stinging insects away."
"I think Lady Zhao would agree that Hakoda of the Water Tribe is a manly man." Lady Ursa turned around and faced Lady Zhao who politely laughed. "Is he single?"
"Yes." Karo answered quietly and very cautiously.
"You can't be thinking that." Azula smacked her forehead.
"I have needs honey." Lady Ursa gracefully stood up in her delicate red robes. Azula had to admit that her mother still had charm and grace. "I will introduce myself."
"If they mated...." Karo said speculatively. "A tall amazonian water bender like Katara with your hair and amber eyes."
"Don't make me have to hurt you – smelly boy." Azula smacked Karo's arm.
"Can I talk to you Azula?" Katara had noticed her father talking to Azula's mother and she walked back and sat next to Azula. "Your mother has hit on my dad and my dad is talking to her!"
"Welcome to the family?" Azula looked at Katara. "Sister?"
"Stop this before it...." Katara watched as her father put his arm around Lady Ursa.
"My mother can't be stopped. A middle aged and lonely woman is a force of nature much like the geological forces involved in earthquakes." Azula sighed. "Well have a seat sis."
"I will take my seat but point out my father's advanced age when you next talk to her." Katara began to walk back.
"Speaking of advanced age." Azula started a clumsy segue. "What happened to the Avatar."
"He will appear as the Best Man." Katara answered. "Sokka and the groom's wedding party are in ritual seclusion."
"How ugly will the face paint be?" Azula raised her eyebrow.
"You will see." Katara said coyly.
Azula had become impatient after an hour had passed but Karo had brought a book. Young men serving as ushers dressed in delicate looking light blue robes passed out tea and apologetically explained that preparing a Kyoshi Warrior bride took time and involved much ceremony. Azula politely suggested to Karo that most of it involved drying the make up and waiting for the varnish to cure. According to Azula the process involved delicate welding and a reputable locksmith because someone had left the combination to Suki's chastity belt back on Kyoshi Island. Karo nodded as he read his book Earth Kingdom Poetry for Dummies.
"Earth Kingdom Poetry for Dummies?" Azula turned over the yellow cover of the book.
"We have to take that course at some time. You keep avoiding it citing scheduling conflicts but we both need the course to graduate. I decided to take it this fall and get the pain over with quickly." Karo spoke from between the pages of the book. "Do you know that Omashu took its name from two mythical lovers named Oma and Shu."
"The Omashu Chamber of Commerce could have told me that." Azula rolled her eyes. "Where did you mine that nugget of information from?"
"This poem written by Ho Chiang a hundred and fifty years ago." Karo explained. "As for what it means if I take the book's word for it. The book says The Saga of Omashu tells of two lovers who sacrifice themselves for love. I have to take their word for it. Poetry is not my thing."
"You survive a literature course by creative lying – which the academic world calls citing articles. The Saga of Omashu serves as a potent metaphor." Azula cleared her throat. "Then explain that the events of the poem are historically doubtful but the tale of self sacrifice is universal or something like that. Find out what academic know it all in the faculty of Earth Kingdom Literature at Ba Sing Se published the most articles on that work and cite them all to build your argument. If you really need a good grade then make your argument agree with the academic know it all."
"How cynical." Katara replied.
* * *
"Azula!" A tall red haired haired Kyoshi Warrior looked out of the window of the tea shop kitchen and growled. The priestesses had taken over the first floor tea shop to prepare Suki for her wedding in secrecy while Sokka and the head priest of Kyoshi Island used the second floor. Kyoshi Island tradition dictated that the bride and groom should not see each other on the wedding day or it would curse the wedding in some unspecified manner. The Kyoshi Warriors had set up in the kitchen of the tea shop and they guarded against any interruptions. They all knew Azula. Suki had invited her along with Karo and Lady Zhao but some of the Kyoshi Warriors did not have her forgiving nature.
"We have our own duties." A shorter brunette looked out the window. "Many years have passed since the War and times have changed. I heard she went insane and spent a year in the asylum so she was a prisoner of sorts."
"Still the same cruel person we knew." The tall red haired warrior looked out of the window glaring at Azula. "What do you know about the short guy reading the book?"
"Karo Zhao." The brunette replied. "He is the son of the late Admiral Zhao and cousin of the Fire Lord."
"Another pig no doubt." The red haired warrior snorted.
"A good and decent man according to Suki." The brunette put her arms behind her back. "He came to Ba Sing Se as a refugee with his mother when he was a very young child. Suki knows him and has nothing but kind things to say about him."
"Can you bring him to me so I may speak with him?" The tall warrior asked politely.
"I will ask." The brunette bowed and left out the back door. She found Karo and Azula casually talking about Earth Kingdom literature.
"Whoa! Hey there big fellah!" Azula had not heard the Kyoshi Warrior approach her from behind – a feat made even more amazing since she had to walk past any number of wedding guests. "I heard if you give them a sugar cube and a carrot they will go away."
"Karo Zhao?" The Kyoshi Warrior said quietly. "May we speak to you."
"I guess so?" Karo stood up cautiously.
"Aqua Velvet acts as a pheromone for Kyoshi Warriors." Azula warned Karo as she stood up beside him. Lady Zhao tried to maintain her calm exterior as a prim and proper Lady of the Fire Nation but she had to admit that at times Azula had a clever sense of humor if one took the time to listen carefully. "Little did young Karo know that this chance meeting would start a series of events that would end with the establishment of the much respected and feared order of Kyoshi Accountants."
"I warn you Koko was not be happy to see you Princess." The brunette had spent time in Fire nation prisons and knew Azula had great power and cruelty. She found it hard to believe the hard willed Azula had gone mad since as the Princess of the Fire Nation she inspired fear. Suki and Koko disagreed on her status as a war criminal. Azula had interrogated Suki firmly but since Suki had no useful intelligence Azula gave up and tossed them all into prison. Suki had the opinion that Azula acted as a soldier serving the evil ends of the Fire Nation and believed the time for retribution had long passed. Zuko had burned down the village and done many cruel things in his own time and had become the well respected Lord of the Fire Nation and yet the Kyoshi Warriors had largely forgiven him.
"Did my odor offend?" Karo bowed in front of a very tall red haired Kyoshi Warrior. "You wanted to see me?"
"No." The tall red haired warrior motioned for him to sit down. "I have a test for you."
"Earth Kingdom Lit?" Karo sat on a rickety old stool that had a wobble.
"Your father." The young warrior towered over Karo and made a very workable attempt to intimidate him. "Admiral Zhao."
"An old wound I would not enjoy having reopened." Karo stated frankly. "He died at the Siege of the North and I prefer to forget about his other crimes."
"What was the darkest day of the Fire Nation?" The warrior decided to sit on a stool and face the young Karo so she could see his eyes. He struck her as an honest man with little or no capacity for deception but she knew the eyes told the truth.
"An eclipse." Karo said as if reciting common knowledge. "We lost our powers on the Day of Black Sun. Can I ask a question?"
"Go ahead." The warrior liked this young man. He came from a family that had given rise to one of the great war criminals of the war. He made no secret of the fact he came from an important family of Fire Nation nobles in his manner of dress but he looked kind.
"I did not take part in the War. When my father died my mother and I found ourselves with many mysteries so why ask me questions about the War?" Karo shifted on the stool. "I have lived here since I was three and have never been to the Fire Nation. During the War the Dai Lee told us what they thought we needed to know and no one really wanted to know the uncomfortable truth. During the Fire Nation Occupation no one told us anything."
"What does your mother know?" The red haired girl had begun to realize Karo posed no threat.
"As much as me." Karo shrugged. "We were refugees fleeing the oppression of the Fire Nation and hoping to hide from it in this city. Many people from the Fire Nation fled here during the War so I am not unique."
"You may go now." The tall warrior dismissed him with a wave. "We need to protect our leader Suki."
"Okay?" Karo bowed as he left but felt as if he had to ask permission. He left out the back door feeling a bit strange about the whole thing.
"Koko?" The brunette warrior waved her hand in front of her eyes.
"A very cute little man." Koko said as she watched Karo sit down next to Azula. "Could you see me and him going out?"
"No." Her companion answered. "He is the son of Zhao and your family would never approve. He has that Fire Nation arrogance and as you can see he has become friends with the Princess. Don't even go there."
* * *
"The ushers keep telling us the wedding will begin shortly." Azula complained as Karo took his seat and adjusted his clothes. "What did the Kyoshi Warriors ask you?"
"They knew my dad was the infamous Admiral Zhao." Karo sounded confused. "They told me we lose our bending during eclipses – a commonly known fact."
"The wedding photographer keeps checking his watch." Katara pointed at the portly man hired to take wedding photos. He stood out of the way of pedestrian traffic with a huge camera and an eel skin bag presumably filled with the tools of his trade. He had to struggle with his large camera and a heavy metal tripod and he found the delays annoying as he had another wedding scheduled for five that afternoon. The wedding would take place on a wooden stage painted white and decorated with flowers and Kyoshi Island bunting and flags. The wedding stage looked rather simple to Azula who had expected the Kyoshi Warriors to indulge in a more baroque ceremony. It looked like something a cheap deck made of cheap lumber and whitewashed to look clean. A huge bass drum stood at the back forming a kind of backdrop.
A small unassuming man came out with a stick and slowly walked up to the bass drum three times. Azula found it all too simple for a people she could best describe as having a ceremony for everything including removing warts. She had learned from her time with the Kyoshi Warriors that each part of their uniform had symbolic significance but she had repressed much of it. The Fire Nation had grossly baroque rituals but they had culturally obtuse rituals in grossly bad taste – the very best kind. Fire Nation rituals had all the best elements required to dull the masses into blind obedience. They had loud music, stuff blowing up, inflated rhetoric, a sense of cultural supremacy all mixed together in a hedonistic manner designed to ensure a good deal of cleaning up after the event. Kyoshi Island indulged in quaint and quiet ceremonies designed to focus the mind and instruct people in a quiet and contemplative way.
"Now we see a virgin sacrificed." Azula murmured to Karo. "Quick take your place."
"Shh!" Katara admonished.
"Why don't you sit with your family?" Azula looked at Katara who had remained in her seat.
"Master Pakku and Gran Gran keep talking about the old days. Your mom and my dad keep talking about their kids. More than I can handle in one day. Now quiet you two!" Katara whispered menacingly. Lady Zhao had obligingly moved over and let Katara take a spare seat set aside for someone who hadn't shown up.
Things began to happen. The man stood in the middle of the stage with the flowers wilting in the heat and as his long blue robes blowing in the breeze. From either side of the tea shop two people appeared. Ty Lee from the north side and Aang from the south. They lead white ostrich horses with the bride sitting on the one lead by Ty Lee and the groom sitting on the one lead by Aang. Everyone wore face paint. The elderly man beat the drum slowly while the wedding photographer struggled with glass plates to capture the bride, groom, Avatar and whatever title Ty Lee had.
The wedding party all wore white flowing robes of a design like the robes of the Kyoshi Warriors but the bride wore her hair with purple flowers in her pony tail. The groom had a pony tail tied back with a simple piece of white silk string. Karo found it fascinating but he wished someone had gone to the trouble of printing out a program since the slow steady pace of the ostrich horses and the very definite choice of white meant something – he had no clue as to what. Karo did not have a good mind for metaphors.
The two ostrich horses met in the middle before the elderly man beating the drum and two people sitting in the first row led them out of the tea shop garden once Suki and Sokka had climbed off. The Avatar and Ty Lee followed behind them as they climbed the stage – all of this took place in silence.
"Do you really think Ty Lee ought to wear white?" Azula asked Karo.
"I would like to know where one gets white ostrich horses." Karo replied.
"A very deep vat of peroxide." Azula mused.
"Hush!" Katara hissed a the two fire benders. "The priest is about the speak."
"We are gathered here to witness the marriage of Suki and Sokka." The priest turned from the drum and stood between the bride and groom. "Sokka of the Southern Water Tribe and Suki Tojo have decided to join in marriage. Avatar Aang and Ty Lee have joined as witnesses to this event."
The white haired priest had a fantastic memory and what followed was the traditional recitation of Suki and Sokka's bloodlines. Azula began thinking that the genealogy would go back in history to the time of the asteroid that killed off the dinosaurs. Karo found it interesting that Sokka had a great great grandfather on his mother's side who had campaigned against cannibalism.
The priest went on to describe in detail the privileges and duties of marriage and then in a lengthy thirty five minute long prayer asked the gods for their blessing. This began to test Azula's patience. An efficient culture would have one god to govern birth or death or trees; the Kyoshi Islanders had a god who governed Bismuth. Azula thought this a bit excessive since the only use she knew of for Bismuth was for stomach medicine.
"I need a transit token." Azula whispered to Karo once she determined Katara had begun to cry and would not hear her.
"You need to ride the Metro?" Karo whispered back.
"I know you carry around transit tokens. Give me one of them." Azula held out her hand. "If I don't stop this priest we will end up sitting here until the sun reaches old age and goes nova. I figure bouncing a transit token between his eyes might send a message to hurry up."
"I don't think...." Karo held out a red, heavy cardboard token.
"Shut up you two or I start splitting heads!" Katara stood up and shouted – she had found the ceremony deeply moving and her baby brother had finally gotten married and Karo and Azula kept interrupting her crying. The wedding photographer jumped backwards with a pan of flash powder and tumbled into a large flower pot of petunias. The flash powder went off. The priest stopped and looked at Katara.
"I bet Hakoda couldn't be prouder." Azula looked up at Katara.
"You realize I'm adding a twenty five percent markup to your bill." The photographer said to the wedding party.
* * *
"The idea that time slows down as you near the speed of light also applies to the speed of the sermon of the priest at a wedding." Azula stood with her mom, Karo and Lady Zhao in a small group as the wedding caterers rushed around preparing the reception and dance that would follow. "Thank goodness they finally opened the tea shop so we could use the bathrooms. I had to leave the ceremony and use the bathroom in the bank across the street. Lucky I have an account there."
"Hello Azula." Lady Ursa walked up to her daughter and kissed her gently on the forehead.
"Hello Mom." Azula had Karo's copy of Earth Kingdom Literature for Dummies although she had no use for the study of literature. The book filled her with a kind of cold dread when she realized that an understanding of literary devices required a special region of the brain only half the population possessed but her grades would suffer if she couldn't come to grips with the idea. She remembered the experiments of the Fire Nation to teach dolphins to use human speech. They had begun the project thinking that dolphins could use stealth to carry messages by silently swimming beneath the sea. The messenger hawks had not proven stealthy – they had proven rather unreliable due to a large amount of often terminal stupidity. They flew off course, some fell victim to a hungry farmer with a rifle, some found job satisfaction lacking and ran off in search of mates. Dolphins showed a greater intelligence and thus more promise but in spite of much effort, some cohesion, bribery and animal cruelty – the dolphins just didn't get it or sided with the Water Tribe. The project frustrated the scientists and drove some of the dolphins mad. One pack of escaped dolphins even took to shaking down swimmers off popular beach resorts and if the swimmer didn't offer a nice tidbit or something shiny he got rammed by crazed dolphins.
"How did you find your time speaking with Hakoda?" Azula walked beside her mother along a flower bed of red irises growing along the back wall that fenced in the garden. "Does he know you committed murder and Fire Lord Ozai made the show of banishing you for it?"
"I didn't know you knew." Lady Ursa patted Azula on the shoulder and whispered.
"You never gave me credit for figuring these things out." Azula sounded a bit bitter. "On the night Lord Azulon died I followed you to the palace kitchen. You kindly gave the staff an early night off and then when they left you prepared a pot of tea. You knew Lord Azulon always had green tea before he retired for the night."
"Go on?" Lady Ursa checked over her shoulder as they walked to the back of the garden.
"After the servant left with Azulon's poisoned late night tea I snooped around the kitchen." Azula looked down at the grass. "I found an open box of Warfarin pellets – rat poison - in the cleaning supply cupboard. The box looked newly open and still had most of its contents. I found the same kind of pellet under the table where you had prepared the tea."
"I had to save Zuko. I had duties to the Fire Nation but above all else I had my duty to protect my children as a mother." Lady Ursa put her arm around Azula. "I went to the palace library to find a way to murder Fire Lord Azulon quietly and I read about this common household poison used to kill rats."
"You could have simply read the side of the box." Azula began to walk back to the main party of the wedding.
"Do you hate me?" Ursa walked arm in arm with Azula.
"I don't have a son." Azula said plainly. "How would I know what to think? I wanted to know more about my past since Zuko never talked to me about it and my father killed himself in prison while I was in hospital."
* * *
The caterers had begun setting out the tables to begin serving the fine Kyoshi Island meal. The caterers had brought in the best chefs to help them so they could serve the best and most genuine food. Azula and Karo examined the large smorgasbord as the caterers laid it out on large tables in front of the stand. Most of the food appeared pastry based with rice and meat dishes laid out on hot trays.
"What would you have done if your father had succeeded in destroying the Northern Water Tribe?" Azula examined some kind of yellow rice flour pastry with cream in it.
"Even a lowly accountant wakes up screaming sometimes." Karo sighed. "Fire Nation almost destroyed the Southern Water Tribe. They took water benders prisoner – they had done no crime except defending their homes and families. I do not sleep well at nights sometimes. I hear the screams of innocent people."
"I never have." Azula mused. "I had a job to do and a father to please. I preferred to leave it at that."
"We have a lovely evening." Karo tried to change the conversation. "The sun is out but the breezes are cool."
"You harbor a delusion my good friend Karo." Azula noticed that the Kyoshi Warriors milled around speaking with the wedding guests even her mother and Lady Zhao but they avoided her and Karo – even taking the effort to step away from them as they passed by.
"In what way?" Karo politely let the elderly Kyoshi Island priest pass by him as he seemed set on some important business.
"Moral fiber is ductile – circumstances shape it." Azula answered with some degree of certainty. "Had you grown up with your father you might have become a very different person or been banished or killed by him in an Agni Kai."
"I find myself enjoying your company less and less." Karo looked down at the grass. "What has put you in such a dark mood?"
"I have a confession." Azula sat down on the concrete pad in front of the battered door of the garden shed. "My mother killed Lord Azulon to save my brother from an execution commanded by him."
"I had understood he died of old age." Karo had his hand behind Azula's back. "The newspapers reported that."
"Lord Azulon wanted my Uncle Iroh to take the Fire Nation throne after his death. My father argued with the old geezer and Fire Lord Azulon ordered his first son put to death for his insolence." Azula said as she picked up grass and tossed it across the lawn like a nervous schoolgirl. "My mother would not have it and murdered Fire Lord Azulon by putting rat poison."
"The textbooks will need some revising." Karo looked up at the sky. "Why do you call this a confession?"
"My mother told me." Azula wrapped her hands around her knees. "I knew and always have known."
"Your mother saved the life of an innocent young boy." Karo put his hand around Azula's shoulder. "I think some things should never appear in history books."
"You must think I have seen and done such awful things." Azula put her head on her friend's shoulder. "Why do you remain my friend?"
"We are family?" Karo answered slowly and doubtfully. "Flawed sense of loyalty."
"I came for the food." Toph stomped up to Karo and Azula and gave both of them a start as they held each other. "I didn't want to hear the long winded sermon so I came later. Why does Karo smell like the stuff they put on rice paddies to keep the bugs down? Why are you two crying?"
"Uh! Hi Toph." Karo said as he hid his irritation at being startled. "I always cry at weddings."
"Liar." Toph pointed her finger at him. "I know better than to expect a straight answer from a member of the Fire Nation."
"Toph?" Azula spoke as Toph sat next to Karo. Her voice took on a commanding tone that Karo had heard only a few times before as if ordering Toph to cease her line of questioning. "We were discussing the War. Don't inquire any further."
* * *
The dinner began as the sun set and the master of ceremonies – the renowned stand up comic Koh Neng took his position at the center of the stage now lit with white, tan, green and blue wedding lanterns. The tables had paper lanterns to provide dining light while torches placed on the fences added mood lighting for guests and for the dancing that would follow. Karo, Azula and Lady Zhao took their seats. A large Earth Kingdom brass band played as the guests found their seats and Koh Neng took time to relax and examine the audience before he began what promised to be a long evening. A tall man with a mop of short curly red hair; Koh Neng looked like a comedian.
"Alright!" Koh Neng yelled to the audience and gestured to the band. "Give it up for Max Wei Bong and the the Shichi Nin no Max!"
"Where did they get this guy from?" Azula asked Karo. "He looks like that tall red haired nerd with a rotten hairdo."
"If I may ask for your indulgence?" Koh Neng said as the applause died down.
"Does he do a magic act?" Karo asked Azula. "Sawing people in half and stuff like that."
"Will the blushing bride and the groom Sokka take the seat at the head table! " Koh Neng motioned off stage and Suki came out in a very finely made dark green silk dress with fine gold trim holding a green fan. She wore no face paint this time. The designer meant for it to flatter but not look so tight that it looked like swimwear – indeed it looked regal, classy and in Karo's eyes fit the occasion perfectly. Azula showed every sign of being very impressed. Sokka came out from the other side of the stage in fine Earth Kingdom robes and held her hand gently while the audience clapped. Suki had a family which took a seat along one side of the head table while Sokka's family including Katara and Master Pakku sat on the other side. The table stood on a platform at the base of the stage so the wedding guests could see the head table easily. "Now that the wedding party had taken their seats we can begin."
The audience waited as Koh Neng took a theatrical pause to grow the tension in his audience. He was a showman and quite a good one having done Earth Rumble and many stage acts so he knew how to keep the audience interested.
"Thank you!" Koh Neng kissed the hand of the tall red haired Kyoshi Warrior dressed in a similar dress to Suki's who entered from the side of the stage with a canvas bag containing the names of the wedding guests. "During the course of the wedding we will invite guests to come up and give a toast to the bride and groom. I will reach in and draw the first name now."
"Azula Kai of the Fire Nation!" He read off the folded piece of paper. "Come on up."
Azula stood up half expecting a chorus of booing but the audience politely if nervously clapped. Lady Zhao table Lady Ursa at another table stood up to provide moral support and clapped loudly. Karo stood up and wished her good luck. Azula looked nervous but she looked as courageous as possible and walked in a dignified manner toward the stage. Lady Zhao hoped Azula would open up to her audience – she had a strange, charming, dark and yet clever sense of humor. Azula approached the stage, walked up and received a hug from Koh Neng but the red haired warrior stood next to her as if guarding against anything Azula might have planned.
"Azula!" Koh Neng spoke loudly so the crowd could hear him. The lights of the torches danced on the stage. "Azula Kai of the Fire Nation welcome to the Suki and Sokka Wedding Reception."
"I wore fresh boxers for this event." Azula said dryly. "Can I go now?"
"Do you have anything to say to the bride and groom?" Koh Neng said politely.
"I had nothing prepared." Azula paused as someone in the crowd coughed. "To Suki – one of the reasons I enjoy being a lesbian and to Sokka – one of the many good reasons to remain one."
Azula walked off the stage to nervous applause.
"Okay." Koh Neng motioned to the Kyoshi Warrior to pull out another piece of paper. "None of us expected the Princess of the Fire Nation to out herself. I have the name of Karo Zhao. Could Karo Zhao of the Fire Nation come up."
"You set this up." Karo said quietly as he passed Azula as she made her way back to the table.
"You are very cute." The tall red haired Kyoshi Warrior said loudly as Karo came up to the stage. "Don't all you Kyoshi Warriors agree?"
"Well!" Karo bowed as all the women applauded. "Thank you very much. I am deeply honored."
"I have dibs on him honey!"
"Thanks Toph!" Karo said awkwardly. "That makes giving a speech in public so much easier."
"Give it up ladies! He's mine!" Azula shouted from her seat at the table.
"Thanks Azula." Karo murmured.
"You're cousins!" Toph shouted back.
"So?" Azula shouted equally loudly as Koh Neng, the tall Kyoshi Warrior and Karo looked on. "Our kids may end up retarded or have six limbs but our love will endure and get us arrested in some jurisdictions."
"Can I take a seat?" Karo crossed his legs and sat down.
"Sokka will tell you that he has never had it as good as me!" Toph pounded her chest.
"At long last we have something interesting!" Azula sneered.
"You sleep with your cousin?" The tall warrior stood over Karo.
"No!" Karo defended himself and hoped by rushing off to take his seat things would settle down. They didn't.
Thump!
Sokka fell backwards off his chair when Suki punched him in the gut.
* * *
"Okay?" Karo stood next to Sokka who clutched his gut. "I figured marriage would leave me unable to hold down solid food for several days. I figured Toph would have much the same effect."
"We had an affair." Sokka grunted. "Before Suki and I got engaged."
"What in the word 'okay' implied I wanted to know that?" Karo helped Sokka to his feet. "Never have toasts at the wedding – we had the outing of the Princess and the - uh - keep your pants on around me."
"Suki looks pissed." Azula held the box that contained the wedding gift Karo and her had bought for Sokka. "We can still get our money back on this? Can't we?"
"What did Suki say?" Karo asked patiently.
"Something about 'Sokka that cheating bastard' and I shouldn't sleep with my cousin." Azula said.
"You haven't slept with your cousin!" Karo said emphatically.
"We do have our duties keep the royal bloodline pure." Azula looked at Sokka. "Our family line seems healthy enough if you discount the obvious mental illness and dysfunctional loonies. To change the topic – why Toph?"
"Do we need to know?" Karo reminded Azula.
"I could point out that I didn't ruin the evening." Azula put the box down.
"That was a long time ago!" Sokka protested. "We had a thing. I love Suki with all my heart."
"Anything used to its full potential will break." Azula leaned against the backyard fence. "Katara went with Toph to speak with your wife." Karo said reassuringly. "Doing some diplomacy so we can get back to the wedding."
"The caterers have started bringing food out." Azula looked on.
"Sokka." Suki walked toward Sokka with her hands crossed. "Toph apologized and told me everything."
"Everything?" Sokka blushed and saw Katara standing next to Suki. "As in the War, the passionate night and everything?"
"Now again let me remind you that does not imply that you have to tell us 'everything'." Karo cautioned emphatically. "And that means you too Toph."
"Can't brag about my conquests?" Toph walked past Katara and slugged Karo. "I may be rugged and kick ass but I have a sweet feminine side."
"I'll take your word for that." Karo cracked his shoulders. "So can we leave it at that and get this wedding underway."
"You have awfully small feet." Azula looked down at Sokka's feet.
* * *
The wedding dinner consisted of a choice sampling of Kyoshi Island cuisine which unfortunately for Azula consisted of many fish dishes. She made a quick trip to a nearby bodega and returned with a vegetarian hoagie and a bottle of caffeine ridden soda called Dr Xhu's Special Energy Drink and came in a green glass bottle. Toph sat beside Karo as he ate a bowl of fish soup and looked as if he wanted to drown in it. Koh Neng invited guests to toast the bride now that the wedding had come back on track and he told the audience a few jokes. Karo paid no attention to it as Toph had set about tormenting him.
"Toph please!" Karo pleaded.
Fump! Ploosh! Tink!
"Soup course?" Azula asked Karo as she tossed the bottle cap and the opener on the table and sat down.
"Karo's a prude!" Toph pushed him.
"I know more about Toph's anatomy than I do about craters on the Moon!" Karo dropped his spoon in his soup. "I am not a prude."
"How would I know?" Azula took a bite from her hoagie as Toph walked over and whispered in her ear. "I know he has freakishly big feet."
"Oh stop!" Karo picked up his spoon and looked at the pinkish liquid with fish chunks in it. The food was delicious but Toph's anatomical banter bled most of the flavor from it.
"Hey I have large feet." Azula winced as she smelled fish. "Yet my chest looks like that of a six year old boy."
"I think I will hide under the table." Karo lifted the lavender table cloth and pointed under the collapsible table.
"I like you." Toph slugged Karo. "Even Azula doesn't make me puke anymore."
"Oh man!" Azula waved her hand in front of her face. "You have been drinking!"
"She has." Karo slurped his soup politely. "She tried spiking my tea with sake."
"Come on." Toph put her feet on Karo's lap. "Relax for tomorrow we may all die and I think I'm going to barf now."
"Lovely." Azula said as she watched Toph set her feet on Karo's lap. "According to my shrink – Dr Isuru - people get tanked to hide pain."
"Doctor Isuru." Karo said with some trepidation. "I had my talks with him over my childhood bed wetting – he said I felt conflict over being gay. It never struck him that I have a small bladder."
"Karo." Toph slurred. "Can I tell you something?"
"Do you have to?" Azula said.
"I fell in love with Sokka and I will miss him." Toph spoke quietly and sadly and stroked Karo's face with her hand. "He's a very sweet guy. You're a sweet guy too – wanna fool around."
Karo's brain froze as he searched in vain for something to say but the drunk Toph fell asleep at that moment. The dinner began to wind down as caterers in neat tan suits took away the dishes. The evening would end in dancing and Karo wondered if he wanted to stick around for the dancing. Azula finished her store bought sandwich and a caterer removed the empty bottle of soda and the paper wrapper the sandwich came in.
"Unspeakable girl." Azula looked at Toph then at Karo. "You pick up her feet and I will pick up the other end and we will sell her into slavery."
"Surely you jest." Karo gently stood up and picked up Toph's feet.
"We'll put her in the cottage." Azula picked Toph up by the arms.
* * *
"What do you mean you don't have the key?" Karo held up Toph as Azula worked the door.
"We can use Toph as a battering ram." Azula grabbed Toph's head. "She won't feel anything."
"No!" Karo protested. "You're not decorating the cottage door with 'hint of brain'."
"Okay door. Meet your equal!" Azula picked up a cobble stone from the path in front of the cottage and heaved it through the large front window. The window exploded into fragments and Azula deftly climbed in.
"Ow!" Azula's voice came through clearly as Karo heard a scuffle from inside. "How many of you guys have infested this bloody place!"
"Azula!?" Karo held Toph but he had developed a considerable lean since solid, muscular eath benders weighed more than dorky economists. "Toph is not light. I need to use the head? Azula?"
"I stumbled onto a nest of Kyoshi Warriors in full face paint." Azula yelled out the broken window. "And Sokka. I have a knee in my back, one in my neck and Ty Lee took away my motor skills. What the hell is going on!!"
"Can one of the Kyoshi Warriors open the door." Karo asked politely. "I have to set Toph down before I become a hunchback."
"Come in." Sokka appeared in the door with his familiar Water Tribe blue clothes on. "Sorry. I have an entourage of guards. I came in here for a change of clothes and the Kyoshi Warriors came to protect me."
"I have two Kyoshi Warriors sitting on me." Azula lay on the floor with two Kyoshi Warriors with their knees on he back. Ty Lee stood over the Princess.
"What happened to Toph?" Sokka helped Karo place Toph on the bed.
"Sake happened to her." Karo straightened out her feet and placed a blanket over her. "She got drunk and passed out."
"Azula threw a rock through the window." Ty Lee helped Azula to her feet. "We thought she meant to attack us."
"What did you do to her?" Karo asked.
"She can't move but she will recover in a few hours." Ty Lee and the brunette warrior lay Azula on face up on the bed next to Toph.
"So I have to lay here – helpless – in the company of the Kyoshi Warriors, someone who is literally blind drunk, my cousin and a man who could lose a battle of wits with a stick of butter. No offense Sokka." Azula sniped.
"I wasn't going to stick around for the dance. We will get you home somehow." Karo offered.
"I live in this cottage although Iroh keeps letting guests use it." Azula hated not having the ability to turn and chew someone out. She had fallen to Ty Lee at the Boiling Rock and hated the tingling, numb feeling that ran through her body. She had decided to chew out the Kyoshi Warriors and felt the diatribe growing inside her. "What a lovely wedding! Toph spouts off like a freaking moron then gets blind drunk! Suki and Sokka nearly split up! We have more face paint and geisha fans than all of the houses of ill repute in all of the lands of all of the realms! And no one has seen my mom in hours! I think we ought to be concerned."
"You sound unhappy." Ty Lee tried to form an apology.
"And for Round 2 of 'State the Bloody Obvious'!"Azula coughed.
""Where did Sokka get to?" Suki came into the room with two other Kyoshi Warriors. "Oh!"
"Oh!? Oh!? You have a gift for words!" Azula scowled. "Your hooker mob attacks me and because of Ty Lee and her quick reflexes I can't move and Toph has breath that smells like a cesspool squared! Why do you and your walking side show attraction cows keep trying to kill me!?"
"You tortured Suki and threw us in jail." One of the warriors stated.
"I had not forgotten that fact!" Azula felt Karo sit on the edge of the bed but she let the hysterical fit boil over. "You keep telling me this like I need reminding! I'm not some eighty nine year old man who stumbles into the kitchen and forgets why he came there! I know I tossed you into prison to rot! What the hell should I have done!? During the War we didn't have a catch and release policy for our enemies! I defeated you and took you prisoner! What do you epic morons think Prisoner of War means!? It doesn't mean a continental breakfast and free soap in the hotel bathrooms – it means I defeated you and locked you away so you wouldn't pose a threat anymore."
* * *
"How did I get here." Toph woke up on the Zhao couch with a pounding headache and a desperate thirst. She lay on her back and let the room spin.
Lady Zhao sang a loud and migraine inducing song about two of something. Karo came down the stairs fully dressed and ready for the day , headed for the front door and cursed the paperboy for having bad aim and sending it into the juniper bushes. The day looked sunny and promising and Karo took time to let the sun shine on him. He returned to the house with the large and heavy Sunday paper tucked under his arms.
"Karo!" Lady Zhao yelled. "I made tea!"
"You have come back to life!" Karo walked past Toph with a cup of tea.
"Did I do anything too awful." Toph winced.
"You did the usual drunken stupid things then passed out." Karo sat in the chair with a pencil behind his ears and began to read the comics. "We brought you here to recover."
"I didn't see you at the dance at all." Katara walked softly down the stairs and entered the living room. She had dressed for the oncoming day and seemed to enjoy the prospect of a sunny day.
"We skipped the dance." Karo folded the paper in half. "Azula and the Kyoshi Warriors do not get along at all. Azula lacks subtlety and the Kyoshi Warriors hold grudges. Toph passed out so we wanted to make sure she had a safe place to stay so we came home about ten in the evening. My mom and I had to carry Toph and Azula back here."
"I hate Ty Lee." Azula hissed as she came down the stairs in her night robe.
"You talk in your sleep." Azula pointed an accusatory finger at Karo.
"You snore." Karo answered back.
"Shut up all of you!" Toph curled up in a ball.
"I need tea." Azula left the room. "At least you didn't put on any of that Aqua Velvet."
Karo resumed reading the paper and took the pencil out from behind his ear as he worked the puzzle page. Katara sat at the dining room table and read the sections of the newspaper Karo had not read yet. A loud knock came from the front door. Azula made for the door with a cup of tea in her hand.
"Yes...yes! Keep your shirt on." Azula cursed the incessant knocking, tightened her robe, shook her hair and answered the door.
"Four raccoons!" The tall Kyoshi Warrior with red hair now looked tired and angry. She gritted her teeth and growled. "Do you know how much trouble we had trying to get them to leave to cottage""
"Sequoia of Kyoshi Island." Azula stood on the porch and yawned. "I see you brought Number 114 and 114 b with you – otherwise known as the brunette and Ty Lee. I went home at ten with Karo. I know nothing of raccoons."
"We didn't sleep at all last night and one of them bit me." The tall Kyoshi Warrior gritted her teeth even tighter. "I will have to endure three weeks of rabies shots!"
"Look!" Azula smiled slightly but in a way that made the Kyoshi Warriors worry. Azula still could inspire fear if she felt the need. "I have no idea how you ended up with four raccoons in your cottage. I remember Karo and Lady Zhao helping me home helping me home and falling asleep on Karo's bedroom floor. You are Kyoshi Warriors! Why didn't Ty Lee stun them rigid? Why didn't you simply kill them with heavy objects?"
"We came close but we have scruples." The tall warrior answered.
"Can I help?" Karo stood just inside the house with a cup of tea.
"She planted raccoons in our cottage." Ty Lee said unhappily.
"She didn't leave here all night." Karo asserted.
"The dance ended at around one this morning." The tall warrior continued. "When we retired to the guest cottage to rest we got attacked by a hoard of raccoons. It took us four hours to get rid of them all."
"Oh." Karo shrugged. "Do you have any evidence that points to her?"
"No." The tall warrior admitted.
"We came home early." Karo said. "Ba Sing Se has a raccoon problem so you have to take great care not to leave windows and doors open. I apologize but we came home at ten."
"We have our reasons to suspect you Azula." The tall warrior wagged her finger.
"Enjoy the shots. That which does not kill you makes you stronger." Azula smiled pleasantly and closed the door.
"Can you guys shut up!" Toph complained and wrapped herself up in the blanket as if to screen out the daylight.
"I did not put raccoons in the cottage." Azula looked at Katara who sat at a chair in the dining room. "I still don't know where my mother went off too."
"Don't look at me." Katara sat calmly at the table. "I considered the Kyoshi Warriors my friends."
"Karo?" Azula put her arm around his shoulder. "If you wanted to get four live raccoons where would I go?"
"A raccoon store?" Karo looked at Azula evasively.
"He's lying." Toph grunted.
"How did you get four raccoons?" Azula squeezed her arm tightly around him.
"The caterers had live traps set out to catch the ones that live in the garden and remove them from the backyard during the wedding. Iroh did not want them killed. They put them in one of their carts and if one wanted to sneak around in the dark you could take the captured raccoons and placed them gently through a window into some theoretical cottage." Karo felt uncomfortable. "Bad aftershave really pisses them off too."
"Why?" Azula asked in a hissing voice.
"Everyone loves raccoons?"
"I see." Azula dragged Karo around by his neck. "I thought you might have found the rude treatment of a certain Princess somewhat insulting so you went back before the wedding and placed four raccoons quietly in the cottage as revenge for insulting Fire Nation honor."
"Uh okay." Karo gasped. "I don't like bullies."
"You suck at fire bending but I like you." Azula let him go and brushed his vest off. "Onto the big mystery – where has my mother – Lady Mid Life Crisis gone off to?"