She had just left his house. Why was everything so difficult? Why couldn't they just be together? They had spent so much time apart wanting one another and now that they finally had the chance to do so it seemed like everything was getting in the way. Meredith just stared straight ahead while driving home. She just didn't understand, 20 minutes ago they were making love and now they were over. She felt the tears come on but wouldn't allow them come out.
"I'm not crying over Derek Shepherd again" she thought to herself. She had done that to many times. She was done with it. Perhaps she didn't deserve to be happy; perhaps she was being punished for something, for trying to live a normal life, for finally getting what she thought she had always wanted. As she drove home all she thought of doing was sitting at home alone in the dark with her bottle of tequila. Tequila never hurt her feelings, tequila never told her that he loved her but couldn't this anymore. Yes that's what she needed, her good friend tequila.
Derek laid in his bed and just listened to the silence. She had gotten up quickly and left, he said nothing, didn't try to stop her or anything. He didn't know what to do anymore. He loved her, but felt like she was taking him down with her. All he wanted to do was to love her and make her happy. Why was she being so difficult? Why didn't she just didn't understand that this is how things are supposed to be. He let out a huge sigh and wondered if he was making the right decision. Wondering if he could ever really have the Meredith that he loved so much. Flashes of him carry her out the water appeared in his head. He rolled over to his side holding the blanket tighter to his body. He wanted to forget those moments but they wouldn't leave his mind. He almost lost her that day and she didn't even fight; fight for herself or for them. How could he be with someone who didn't fight for their own life or for what they loved the most? He spent hours thinking about this analyzing over and over in his head, and yet no answers were ever made. He had to let her go; it was right thing to do. He could do this, he could become chief now and live out his dreams of chief of surgery. But what he didn't realize yet, was she was a part him and she had become part of his dreams.