Just A Simple Walk In The Woods
This story is dedicated to the powerful and expressive short-type phrase "WTF."
It had all happened so quickly that not one of them had even recalled how it came to be, exactly. 'Just a simple walk in the woods'. Flute had suggested it, since it was such a nice and cheerful day in the Holy kingdom of Sforzando. Being cooped up in a castle for the passed week hadn't made her job as queen any easier and she was growing so bored writing letters and conversing with foreign royalty.
Hamel had not once left her side for long periods of time, though, and she was grateful for the company… even IF that company constantly complained about his butt hurting from sitting too long and about how hungry he was. But, even though he mumbled grumpily as she forced him to stand outside of her chambers as she dressed for the occasion, she could tell that he was grateful for the small getaway.
"Are you done, yet?" Came his voice through the oak door. Flute sighed, clearly hearing the agitation in his tone. Slipping her arm into a sleeveless blue dress that just brushed the ground, she headed over to the door and swung it open, eyes instantly falling on the half-breed prince leaning against the wall opposite of her. He rolled his eyes, pushing himself off of the wall with his hands. "Finally." He said, now eyeing her with raised eyebrows as if questioning her very purpose. She rolled her eyes in return, spun around, and headed down the hall, her light footsteps echoing as if to mock him.
"YOU KNOW, I'd be a little more grateful if I were you!" He shouted after her down the hall, walking after her leisurely but secretly trying to keep up. She huffed loudly but did not falter in her walking, continuing to quickly move towards the spiral stairway that led down into the castle's entrance and main doorway. Hamel continued complaining, moving his arms above him to clutch the back of his head in a lazy motion. "Stop acting all high and mighty just because you're a queen!" He started, dropping his arms in an annoyed fit. "I sat with you for TWO HOURS watchin' you do all your royal shit, writin' crap and stuff! I THINK you should APPOLOGIZE for--!" Suddenly, he was cut off as he felt a hard solid object fall upon his shoulder and rest there. He went rigid and pale, slowly craning his neck to glance behind him. His gaze met two cold cobalt eyes, clearly glaring death into his own. He spluttered, eyes going wide with fright, and skittered hurriedly forward… so fast, in fact, that his feet caught his cape and sent him flailing face first to the floor.
The High Priest of Sforzando let out a small sweatdrop, returning his golden staff to it's position, standing dignified and guard-like at his side. "You fool…" He began, eyes flickering with a deadly flare. "You DARE speak to the Queen in such a hostile manner?" Hamel stuttered for a moment, then regained a more steady tongue and blurted out. "B-but Flute STARTED--!" "SILENCE!" Clarinet shouted, cutting Hamel's poor excuse short.
At that shout, Flute spun back around, blinking, only to catch the oh-so-familiar sight. "Clari…" She murmured, letting out another deep sigh. Stalking forward towards them with hardly any time for grace, her eyes came upon the abandoned sight of Hamel's telltale hat, which had fallen off during his fall, exposing his milky white horn, the sign of his abnormality. But suddenly, the small piece of bone did not seem so intimidating anymore. It felt almost normal to her and she expected the rest of their mismatched 'group' to feel the same. Stopping behind Hamel, she stared down at the pathetic looking boy, frail looking as a woman but possessing so much strength that it was frightening. Slowly, she sat his hat back upon his head, gently. He craned his neck slightly in surprise, gracing her with a glance before turning back to Clari with a scowl. She let her gaze drift up to her High Priest who had instantly dropped down into a low bow before her. "Joou-sama…" He spoke with a highly respectful tone, his abnormally long locks draping across the floor in waves of sparkling blonde. Hamel suddenly went into a coughing fit at his position on the floor. Patting his back with her free hand—the other occupied with her cross staff—she smiled at the man before her. "Clari-san. I trust Hamel isn't getting himself into any more trouble than he's worth?" She began pounding on his back as he ineffectively tried to yell out "HEY!" but ended up coughing even louder, digging at his throat like a wild animal.
Clarinet stood straight once more but then allowed himself to slide into a more relaxed position, using the back of his hand to swipe stray hair out of his eyes in the most graceful and feminine manner Flute had ever seen, but she was still so overtaken by his good looks that it didn't really matter. "He's a nuisance, my queen… I still say we throw him into the dungeons and only allow him one meal per day. He might then learn some decency and stop being an embarrassment to the Sforzando Kingdom's reputation." He glanced down at Hamel, who had taken to gnawing at his feet in an aggressive animal-like motion while STILL coughing in a choked manner. He ripped his foot from Hamel's mouth, who only coughed harder until, suddenly, a lone sparkle fell from his mouth, hitting the floor and disappearing around the corner to find it's little sparkly friends. A large sweatdrop lined each of their heads.
"YOU TRIED TO KILL ME WITH YOUR GAY, SPARKLY, DAINTY LITTLE GAY-NESS, ASSHOLE!" Hamel hoarsely accused, jumping up from the ground in one swift motion and pointing a finger at Clari's chest. "Stop… being… ridiculous." Clarinet hissed back, a vein protruding from his forehead.
Flute stared after the two of them, sweat dropping heavily. She then sighed for the third time that morning. "…Hamel…" She began in a normal, almost-calm tone. He ignored her, continuing to bicker with the priest, who seemed as though he wasn't giving up, either. "Hamel." She repeated, a little louder and sterner, staring at him with a ticking eye. He ignored her once more. Now truly flustered, grinding her teeth, she stuck out her staff and prodded him, hard, in the back.
He spun around so quickly that it could've made anyone dizzy. "Flute! C'mon! I was just messing around!" He pleaded, eyes beginning to wibble, slightly. Flute faltered for a moment, resisting the adorable and heart-breaking little motion Hamel was so fond of using against her. Re-composing herself, she stuck out the staff and let it rest against his back, pushing him in front of her. He pouted, grumbling something about "…gay… stupid… priest thinks he's so high and mighty… fuckin' homo-nii-chan…" Clarinet eye-ticked, the vein upon his forehead throbbing slightly.
"Clari-san…" As Flute addressed him, he instantly became a statue again, staring at her with the utmost attention. "Yes, Joou-sama?" "Yes, Joou-sama?" Hamel repeated behind Flute sneakily, standing at his full height and making a great show of flicking his hair in the most feminine way possible, which looked downright ridiculous. Clari flared up, grinding his teeth and trying to keep his cool in front of his queen. Flute, who had jabbed Hamel in the stomach with her staff the moment she had heard those words, smiled up at Clari as if the former incident had never taken place. "We're going for a walk in the woods just outside of the kingdom. I'm terribly exhausted and bored of sitting in the throne room… do you think you can hold down the fort for a little bit until I return? Please?" As Flute looked up at him expectantly, Clari stared at her in confusion. Why was she asking him? She was the queen. She could so whatever she pleased, as far as he was concerned. But then, he quickly understood what position she was in. She had just become queen three months before and was still not used to having so much authority. "Why of course I can, my queen. I am at your service no matter what task it is that you ask of me to perform. Please remember that." He told her with a small smile, bowing once more to make his words firm. "Thank you. We'll be back soon!" She responded brightly, placing a hand on his harm in a gentle and friendly manner. Hamel scoffed behind her, glaring death at the man before him. Clari only smirked in return.
By the time the pair had made it to the middle of the city it was already mid-day. The kingdom around them was bustling with life, as it was everyday. Flute had to keep Hamel from running into the pubs and Hamel had to keep Flute from running into the trinket and clothing shops. Soon, though, they approached the living corridors of the city and approached a small, welcoming-looking home. Flute rapped on the door, pausing to listen for movement inside. She caught sound of shuffling and then the door was pulled open. "Ah! Flute-chan! Ha-chan! What a nice visit!" Came the 'Warrior of Love's pleasant voice, smiling brightly and giving Flute a small gentle hug. "Hello, Raiel-kun! We came to ask if you and Sizer-chan wanted to come for a walk with us. It's an awfully nice day, isn't it?" Flute said, smiling brightly all the same. Raiel's smile faded slightly and he looked thoughtful for a moment. "What's wrong? Did we interrupt something?" She asked, blinking. At that, Hamel let out a snort and fell into a fit of laughter, bending over and smacking his knees in uncontrollable delight. "RAIEL?! US, interrupting something between him and SIZER!? HAH! That's damn good!" He shouted, falling into dead silence as he met piercing glares from the two of them.
Raiel rubbed the back of his head in slight embarrassment. "No, Flute-chan, it's nothing like that. I'd love to come and I bet Sizer-chan would too, but… we're kind of in a rut back in the kitchen. Sizer-chan made dinner and… well… you get the point." He said, sweatdropping. Flute and Hamel sweatdropped too, instantly taking note of the black stains and soot on his shirt. "Would you like some help?" Flute asked, taking the liberty to step inside their quaint little home. Hamel followed in after her and Raiel took up the rear, shutting the door with a pleasant smile.
"That'd be really nice of you. Sizer-chan doesn't take to listening to me about her cooking… she say's…" He paused for a moment, and then raised his voice to a more feminine tone, mimicking Sizer's voice. "I cooked for myself for years in Hameln. I think I know what I'm doing". Eheh…" He slipped back into his own voice. "I don't think she understands that what she cooked in Hameln might've tasted good in slabs and practically raw but what she cook's here wouldn't taste the same." Flute sweatdropped, watching Raiel laugh nervously with his own number of sweatdrops.
But Hamel just looked smug. "You people don't know what's good. I bet Sizer's food is a delicacy! Your taste buds aren't as developed an' shit. We have angel blood in us." He ended, looking even smugger than before. "…You mean Sizer-chan has angelic blood. You're half mazoku. You'd eat anything that moves, Ha-chan." Raiel responded, blinking innocently. Hamel scowled and pointed a finger at him accusingly. "I RESENT THAT! I haven't eaten YOU or FLUTE, have I!?" He shouted. Flute sweatdropped, eyeing him with a slightly suspicious gaze. "That's because we wouldn't let you." At that, a huge sweatdrop lined his forehead. "…I'm not a cannibal." He said, quietly, turning away from them.
Soon after, Flute left the two of them and entered the kitchen to help Sizer. Hamel and Raiel moved over to sit by the unlit fireplace and to avoid the choking black clouds of smoke fleeing from the kitchen.
"So, Raiel…" Hamel began, an almost unnoticeable glint glazing his crimson orbs. "Have you and Sizer… ya'know, proceeded your relationship yet?" He asked with a fanged smirk. Raiel blinked repeatedly, totally oblivious to what the other was implying. "I didn't know you COULD 'proceed your relationship' farther than marriage, Ha-chan." Hamel's brows went flat with a slight sweatdrop. "Hell, Raiel, did you bang her, yet!?" As soon as the words had left Hamel's mouth, he knew he had gone too far as Raiel's face INSTANTLY went scarlet. "W-Wait Raiel! NOT ON ME! PLEASE NOT ON ME! Go to the DAMN WIND--! AW, SHIT!" Before Hamel had a chance to move out of the way, a powerful and plentiful stream of blood jutted forth from his nose and covered the violinist in a sticky crimson coat, as well as all over the floor.
"DAMN YOU, HA-CHAN! You KNOW I'm sensitive!" Raiel managed to squawk while desperately trying to hold his nostrils shut. "I don't know HOW THE HELL you even got through the "you may kiss the bride" SHIT AT THE WEDDING! You ass! I thought ya' toughened up! Stupid pansy…!" Hamel shouted, shaking with rage while fruitlessly trying to rid the blood from his clothing and hair. At the shouting, Flute and Sizer emerged from the kitchen, both covered in soot from head to toe. "…He had a nosebleed, didn't he?" Flute asked her before they even laid eyes on the sight. As they did, though, they both sweatdropped heavily. "Yes. Yes he did." Sizer answered her, flat browed.
"You shouldn't ask such private questions, then!" Raiel continued, glaring with all of his nasal-voiced might. "YEAH, WELL I wanted to make sure you didn't 'cause I'd kick your ass STRAIGHT to Hameln if you did! I dunno' WHY I even asked!" Hamel replied, turning away from the pianist and crossing his arms over his chest, eyes shut in superiority. "Sizer's a lot more 'classy' than you. She wouldn't have banged you even if her deprived little hormone-y's JUMPED OUT and ATE HER EYES!"
"NAAAAANI!?" At Sizer's shout, the bickering duo went silent. "…Just what in KESTRA'S name are you trying to say, HAMEL!?" She exclaimed, wings flaring out in anger. "Just that you wouldn't touch Rai-chan here with a fifty-foot POLE!" Hamel spat back, looking confident in his reasoning. Grinding her teeth, the aforementioned angel instinctively reached for her scythe, which was propped up against the wall beside her. Flute saw this and grasped Sizer's arm before she could take hold of the weapon. Then, she turned back to Hamel with a frustrated glare. "YOU!" She pointed at Hamel with a shaking hand. "Go to Raiel's room and borrow some clothes, take them to the bath and GET CLEANED UP!" As Hamel began to protest, she whipped out her staff, which sent him scurrying like a stricken puppy to the pianist's bedroom. "Raiel! Go into the kitchen and clean off at the washtub. Flute told me about the walk and if we want to go, you'd better hurry up. It's getting late." Not daring to fight back against the former Hell King, nor really wanting to, he hastily made his way passed them and into the kitchen.
As they were left alone, the girls both cast a glance at each other and sweatdropped. "We're being a little hypocritical, huh?" Flute said, letting out a giggle. Sizer just nodded, gracing Flute with a smile before they both went to clean up, themselves.
Miraculously, it didn't take the mismatched group long to become presentable as they made their way out of the Holy Kingdom's main gates and towards the forest. They walked down a few paths before entering a choppy trail leading into the dark woods. "'Just a simple walk in the woods'?" Hamel spoke up as he valiantly walked ahead of the group. "This shit is creeping me out…" He quietly said, glancing this way and that and then suspiciously through the trees. "It's not even passed eight yet, Hamel… and you, 'The Great Hero'. Shouldn't you be a little more brave?" Flute answered him with a raised eyebrow, only receiving an upraised middle finger in return. She seethed for a moment before jumping forward and clinging to Hamel's borrowed shirt as an owl hooted hauntingly in some unknown tree above them. "Hypocrite." He answered her, quietly, awkwardly patting her hand. "I'm not a 'Great Hero', now am I?" She replied but did not receive an answer in return.
Raiel and Sizer took up the rear but stayed close to the duo before them. "I think it's beautiful." Sizer said, smiling slightly as her eyes moved this way and that to take in the scenery. "Heheh. It IS pretty, isn't it, koishii?" Raiel spoke up, smiling pleasantly and glancing to his betrothed. Sizer nodded, her smile slowly fading as she glanced to the two ahead of her. Hamel and Flute had stopped completely and were looking this way and that, Flute still clinging closely to the man before her. "What's wrong, Ha-chan?" Raiel asked, walking up and beside his best friend. "The damn path splits into a fork." He answered, sighing. "That's alright. We can just pick a path." Raiel suggested. "Iei, Raiel-kun. That's just it. The path's are almost identical and we've come too far in to turn around…" Flute spoke up, her voice quaking slightly with worry.
Raiel glanced behind him and indeed… it was so dark that the path they had taken was hardly distinguishable from the woods around them. The only light was the faint glimmer of the moon the sky. "Geeze… I didn't know it got dark this early." He said in a quiet tone, sheepishly wrapping his arms around his torso. "Oh yeah!" Flute suddenly said. "It's daylight… savings… time…" She spoke quietly, inching low. Everyone had a sweatdrop lining his or her forehead in a matter of seconds. "…Damnit, Flute." Hamel hissed, sighing once more. "She didn't know, Hamel. It's an honest mistake." Sizer added, walking up to stand beside her brother. "I know, I know…" He responded, slightly agitated.
Suddenly, there was the faint sound of shuffling somewhere down the right path, causing Flute to jump and take hold of Hamel's shirt even tighter. "Aw, c'mon Flute… It was probably just a… a rabbit 'er somethin'." But he didn't sound so sure about that, himself. "R-Really?" She quivered, standing on tiptoes and glancing over his right shoulder. "Wan'me to go see?" He suggested, his voice having a slight quake to it. "…N-n-no." She whispered, falling back onto her feet, staring at the ground. "It's alright, Flute." Sizer spoke up, laying a hand on the queen's shoulder. "I can fly above the trees and lead all of you back to the main path." She offered. "That'd be a great idea, koishii." Raiel said, giving his wife a reassuring smile. "Be careful." He told her as she took to the air, receiving a nod and smile in return.
The moment after she left, the same shuffling was heard again, but much louder, causing Flute to bury her head in Hamel's back in fright. Hamel narrowed his eyes, angry that whatever it was that was making the sound had caused Flute to become so scared. "You know what!?" He shouted down the darkened path. Flute raised her head in confusion and Raiel blinked repeatedly. "You stupid ass WHATEVER-YOU-ARE! Why don't you stop being a coward and show yourself!" At that, he took Flute's hands from his shirt and gently made her release him. Stepping forward in front of them, he stood on the fork, facing the right path and raising a thumb to point at himself. "I am the GREAT HERO, HAMEL! Defeater of the Demon King Kestra! Defender of the weak! Protector of women and children alike!" At that, Flute and Raiel sweatdropped heavily, both face faulting. Oblivious to the commotion behind him, he continued, stalking forward and down the path. "H-Hamel!" Flute exclaimed, her eyes widening in worry. "Get back here! You don't know what's down there!" "Yeah, Ha-chan!" Raiel added, stepping up beside Flute. "You could get injured!"
Hamel waved them off. "I am a HERO! Nothing foul can injure the likes of me! You two mortals just stay back. Your defender will protect you from all evil!" Through their heavy sweatdrops, which were weighing them down tremendously, they could only watch as their 'defender' disappeared into the darkness of the path. Suddenly, though, everything went silent, TOO silent in fact… at least for Hamel. "R-Raiel-kun… why's Hamel being so quiet?" Flute spoke up, quivering slightly. "I don't know, Flute-chan." He said, stepping forward. "HA-CHAN!" He exclaimed, shouting down the path. "HAMEL!" Flute followed his lead. They were answered with complete silence. "R-Raiel-kun! What if…!" She cut herself off, eyes watering up. "He's fine, Flute-chan. I'm sure of it. I'll go find him!" And at that, Raiel took off down the path, disappearing into darkness while calling his friend's name. Once again, there was silence as Flute was left alone.
She glanced around in fright, wrapping her arms around her small frame. "U-uhh…" She squeaked out. But then, she knew that there was only one thing left to do. "SIZER-CHAAAAN!" She exclaimed, shouting up into the air with her hands cupping her mouth. Once again, she was answered with silence. Whimpering, she spun around, glancing down the path and cautiously taking a step forward, looking into its dark depths. "R-Raiel-kun?" She asked, lips quivering with an impending sob. Suddenly, though, the deep hoot of an owl sent her stumbling forward at a run and into the pitch black of the path, screaming Hamel's name.
As soon as Flute had turned into the darkness, Sizer landed where her friends once were. "I heard someone scream my na--… areh?" She said, sweatdropping. "Oi, Hamel… Raiel? Flute?" She said, walking out onto the fork and glancing down each path. "Mou…" She mumbled, frustrated. Suddenly, she heard a faint and distant scream in the darkness of the right path. "Flute!?" She shouted, quickly moving forward and into the dark of the tree-covered path. She ran, calling out her companion's names, taking flight every few seconds to obtain a boost of speed. Suddenly, her eyes came upon three separate figures lying beneath a tree. "A-Areh…?" She whispered, walking forward to reveal the three figures as her companions, lying unconscious on the forest floor.
"OH MY GO--!" Quickly, she was cut off by the impact of something hard against her skull, causing her to wobbly walk forward before falling face first onto her brother's unconscious form, passing out from the blow. Above the fallen four, from the branches of the tree, more shuffling took place and two voices slowly raised in volume.
"Dude! You could've given them a concussion!" One slightly high pitched female voice said with a hint of worry. "I know! I know! But let's just hope Heru-masutaa doesn't give ME a concussion!" Another deeper southern male voice said, sheepishly.
And it all went downhill from there.