Avengers Christmas

Christmas in July Prompt

(Written and posted in June)

It was Christmas at Stark Tower. This was the first time the whole group had been together since...Well, since things had gone sour between Steve and Tony. Even Bucky was attending the party this year. And he graciously came out of his room when the rest of the gang was putting the finishing touches on the common room where they all hung out.

Bucky had gotten his hair cut for the occasion. Everytime Steve laid eyes on him, he couldn't help but smile. He was starting to look like his Bucky again. But Bucky couldn't stop pointing out his arm on most occasions. He'd even gotten his memories back. Which in itself was a good thing and a very bad thing at the same time. Lately, he'd been sullenly sulking in his room which Steve knew didn't bode well. He hoped his friend didn't do anything stupid and to make sure, Steve had actually gone to Tony the previous week and put in a request that involved Bucky. Generously enough, Stark complied. And today was the day that Stark had set out to finish Steve's request.

Steve had been talking with Bucky, Natasha, Wanda, and Sam when Tony walked into the floor's common room. "Excuse me for a moment, won't'cha?" Steve jumped away from the table, pushing it a few inches forward in the process and then practically skipped over to Tony.

Bucky feltl his left eye start to twitch just from watching that scene. He was the only person who ever got Steve to skip. 'Damn it, Stark!' Bucky glared at him, feeling his Solo cup crumple into his hand. He wasn't sure what to do about the mess he made after he had crushed the cup.

"Someone's a little jealous," Natasha declared, looking pointedly at the crushed cup in Bucky's right hand.

"What in the world was that about?" Wanda asked, her eyes still on Steve who was practically in place. There were times that Steve reminded her of a hyper puppy. This was one of those times.

"No idea," Sam replied and was shushed by Nat.

"He's coming back," Natasha whispered.

The table got quiet and Bucky hid his crushed cup under the table. Although, it was difficult to hide the fact that his drink spilled out all over the table when the cup got crushed.

"What happened here?" He looked at Bucky. "I'm not even gone a whole minute and you're already making a mess," he joked. "What am I gonna do with you?"

Bucky smiled sheepishly. "Keep me around? Love me. Help me not to lose my mind.." He glanced away when he said the last phrase.

Steve sat down so Bucky was on his left and took Bucky's right hand into his own left one, not noticing or perhaps completely ignoring the cup as it slipped out between their hands. He'd pick it up later. He squeezed Bucky's hand. "Of course, Bucky. I'm with you 'til the end of the line." He smiled cheerily.

And Bucky squeezed back, grinning that cheeky grin that he always did whenever Steve was around. "What the hell was that about anyway?" He turned from the grin to a look of pure curiosity.

Steve didn't answer, he just continued to sit back with his hand in Bucky's and smile largely.

The way that smile seemed to be plastered to Steve's face was making Bucky uncomfortable. Natasha was the first to notice this and tried to get Steve's attention. "Fossil, I think you're making Prongs* uncomfortable," she informed him.

That snapped Steve back to attention and his large smile was swiftly replaced with a look of confusion. Bucky felt as confused as he looked. Wanda shrugged and Sam just died laughing. He understood that reference and would have told Starbucks what she was talking about but he couldn't breathe.

Bucky saw Clint coming toward them and waved him down to get his attention.

He walked over to the group and stood next to Natasha. "Yeah? What's up?" he questioned.

"I called him Prongs," Natasha explained. "He's confused."

"Extremely," Bucky agreed. "Why Prongs?"

Clint pulled up a seat and sat down. "It's a Harry Potter reference. I think you two might need to sit down and watch them."

"And Wanda," Sam informed him. He was over his laughing fit now. "I don't think she's seen them. She didn't get the reference either."

Clint looked at her and shook his head. "It's also a play on names. The character that Nat was referencing was also named James. He could shift into a stag at will and got his nickname because of his prongs. His horns," Clint explained.

Bucky looked unamused. "I know what prongs are. What do they have to do with me?"

"A shortened version of 'Bucky' is 'Buck'. Bucks are also referred to as stags. James could shift into a stag. Stags have horns. Horns are also referred to as prongs. Therefore, Prongs."

Bucky shook his head. "I still don't get it. At least 'Fossil' makes sense." Bucky didn't realize that everything had gotten quiet and that peoples' attentions were split. He also didn't hear somebody come up behind him so he was startled when a box was thrust into his personal space. He looked up to see Stark giving him a gift. Steve let go of Bucky's hand so his best friend could grab the box with both hands. "What?" he asked, looking over at Steve, then back at Stark, then again at Steve who had taken the box and was now shoving it into Bucky's hands. "But it's not even..." He gave Steve a confused look. "But Christmas isn't until next week."

"Open it, Buck."

"Tradition, Steve."

"Bucky," Steve said in a warning tone.

"Stevie," Bucky retorted in a mock warning tone.

"Take it, Bucky, or so help me God, you won't see me for a few days."

Bucky gave Steve a look that was a cross between hurt and exasperated. He didn't need to study Steve's expression to know that he was completely serious. Finally, Bucky accepted the package from Stark and opened it. What he saw in the box elicited a slew of emotions from Bucky, none of them good. He tossed the box onto the table and walked out of the room as fast as he could without breaking into a run.

Steve was immediately on his feet to go after his friend, but before he could go anywhere, he was halted by Jarvis. "He just needs a few moments to himself, Captain Rogers. You forget that this piece of machinery is all he has left now, just as all you have left is your shield. That arm of his is all he has known for the last seventy years. Asking him to give that up is like asking him to give up his identity."

Steve looked up at the cameras in the room, miffed that Jarvis would have the nerve to say such a thing.** "I'm not asking him to give up who he was. I am in no way asking James to give up his identity. I'm asking him to give up the Winter Soldier and all the deeds that were done when he wasn't himself."

"Yes, I see," Jarvis drawled.***

"He wasn't himself. He hasn't been himself since he fell off that train during the war!"

"He has been himself," Jarvis corrected him. "He's been broken and wiped and made to submit. He's been broken beyond repair, Captain. His brain has also been re-wiped more than you know. But that's how it goes during wars, doesn't it? Broken, unfixable, unidentifiable. That's how ninety percent of war-torn soldiers come home. That broken identity becomes their new identity. Whether they want to admit to it or not; whether the people around them want to confess it, they know it's true deep inside."

Rogers was shaking now, seething.**** And all anybody could do was watch. Except Tony. "Shut down, Jarvis. SHUT DOWN!"

"JARVIS system shut down, proceeding."

"Thank you, Friday."

Bucky closed the bathroom door and locked it. He turned to the mirror and peered into it. It had been a week since the haircut, but every time Bucky looked into the mirror, he didn't see himself. He saw the Soldier. Even though he stopped wearing make up completely, he still saw those eyes as well. Stark had even tried helping him a few months back by reprogramming his arm and constructing a latex sleeve made to fit the arm perfectly and conceal the metal. But somewhere in the back of Bucky's head, he was afraid. He was afraid of the change, he was afraid of having a relapse, he was afraid that maybe everything with Steve and the rest of the Avengers was all in his head, that maybe it's all just a really fantastic dream and that soon, he's going to wake up with his memories in tact and then it'll just be repeat of the times before. He'll be wiped and have no notion of who he is, where he's from, and that he'll have the feeling that there is something missing but he can't put his finger on what it is exactly. All he'll know is that he feels strangely empty without knowing why he feels that way and he just can't take it. He doesn't want to go through that again. He can't. He won't. But if this is a dream and he wakes up, that decision isn't his and it's all out of his hands from there on out.

Bucky desperately wanted to say goodbye to the Soldier once and for all but he doesn't have the same faith and trust in himself that his friends have in him. They don't see what he sees. When he looks at himself in the mirror all he can see, all he knows now, is the killer, the assassin. The soldier that Steve once knew and proudly fought beside was gone. He was in shambles, broken to pieces somewhere in the grimy corners of his brain—if he even still existed at all that was.

There came a knock on the door, startling Bucky out of his thoughts. He practically flew into the mirror because of the sudden noise.*****

"Everything all right in there, Buck? You got out of there pretty fast.

"I..." Bucky didn't know what to say.

"You don't need to be afraid, Buck. We're all right here with you. Tony said that he'd x-ray your arm and see just how Hydra worked with those wires and he'll make sure it's completely safe to remove. Just don't get mad at Tony. The new prosthetic was my idea because I know how uncomfortable you are with the metal. I understand if you don't want to part with it though. It's all you've known for seventy years. So, yeah...I get it."

Bucky's breath stuck in his throat. Steve thought he was mad at the idea and that wasn't the case at all. "It's not that, Stevie..." Bucky sighed. "Please, don't think that I don't like it. I love it and the thought behind it, I really do. I just... I don't think I'm ready for that step. I know all of you, especially you, Stevie, have a huge amount of faith in me and trust that I can overcome it. I don't think I can. Every time I look in the mirror, I don't see myself, Steve, I still see him." Bucky could feel tears pricking at his eyes and he was pretty sure Steve could hear them. "It scares me, Steve." He let the emotions flow through his words and the tears came with it.

"Bucky..." Steve felt the tears in his own eyes. He knew his friend was in emotional distress. "That's why I asked Tony if he could make you a different arm, that way you could part with the Soldier once and for all." Steve thought it was a long shot because he knew Bucky would have locked the door, but he tried it anyway. Of course it was locked.

"Steve, you don't get it..." Bucky felt helpless. He didn't know how to explain his fear. Instead of trying to say it, he quietly unlocked the door and sat down with his back against the wall next to it. More tears fell. "You don't understand, Steve. I'm not just scared, I'm terrified. I'm so frightened that I'm just going to wake up one morning and that all of this will have been a dream."

Steve heard a gasp from the other side of the door and couldn't help but feel his throat getting tight. He feared for his friend as much as his friend feared for himself. He felt inadequate, not having a clue what to do to help his friend. Tears flowed down his face and he sank against the bathroom door, crying silent tears for his terrified friend.

"I'm terrified that this is all just a dream and that when I wake up, you won't be around—" Bucky gasped for air and all Steve wanted to do was wrap his arms around his best friend. "I'm so afraid that my mind will be wiped again. And then I won't remember anything. I don't want to wake up one morning without any notion of who I am or where I'm from, Stevie." He let out a loud sob. "I don't want to ever experience that feeling that something important is missing from my life. I don't want to have no idea why I'm feeling empty. I don't want to lose you, Stevie." He gasped and sobbed and cried.

Steve took as much of Bucky's pain as he could, if not more. He reached up behind him, wondering if Bucky was still being stubborn or if he had finally broke and ended up asking for Steve to be by his side in his own silent way. When the door opened, Steve was instantly at Bucky's side, his arms embracing his friend, tears rolling down his own face, feeling extreme empathy for Bucky.

Bucky embraced Steve as well he could, his face buried in his best friend's elbow, still sobbing, crocodile tears rolling down his face. "I love you, Stevie," he sobbed. "I really do. I don't know what I would do if you were wiped from my mind again."

"I love you too, Bucky. You've been my best friend forever. Heck, I've actually told the others that even when I had nothing, I always had you." He pulled back a bit and Bucky looked up at him, confused as to why he was pulling away. "Bucky, in order for Hydra to get their hands on you again, they have to get through a Super Soldier, the Miracle Twins, two master assassins, the Norse god of thunder, the Norse god of mischief, an Exo 7 Falcon, a genius billionaire playboy philanthropist, and a giant green rage monster. You're not going anywhere." He gently took Bucky's chin and tilted it up, giving him a passionate kiss. "I'm with you 'til the end of the line, Buck."

Bucky felt better after that. He felt his fear dissipate and he finally felt like he could breathe for the first time in ages. "Thanks, Stevie." His eyes were lit by love for his best friend, a glow that Steve hadn't seen since the war. "You've helped me out a lot." He pulled away from Steve and got to his feet. He held his hand out to Steve, helping him up. "Let's go back out there. I'm ready for a change," he said, gesturing to his arm."

And things were fixed with Bucky, his metal arm was no longer a part of him, and therefore no longer a reminder of the Soldier. Now that he had the prosthetic that Tony made him, he began to feel like himself again. He could finally look at himself in the mirror and see himself. He was ecstatic and, well, so was Steve. So much so, that he stole Bucky's metal arm placed it atop the tree.

"Just because it has a star on it, Steve, does mean that it belongs on the tree! Steve! Steve, god damn it, get my fucking arm off the Christmas Tree! STEVE! Steve, get my—STEVE! GET MY ARM DOWN FROM THERE! Steve!"

END

* Am I the only one who has thought of this? Bucky needed a nickname. Nat gave him a nickname. Prongs works I think. Does anybody else see it?

** In Tony's defense, he programmed JARVIS to respond like the human Jarvis would, so it wasn't his fault when his AI got sassy.

*** I have no idea if I'm writing JARVIS OOC or not, but I imagine this type of thing may have happened between Cap and the human Jarvis if they would have met.

**** And if Cap and Edwin Jarvis were to do this in person, that's exactly where Steve would have decked him.

***** If that doesn't scream "startled deer", IDK what does.

I really hope you guys like this. It was just a spur of the moment thing that was brought on by an Avengers dialogue thing I read from Steve to Bucky, but really Steve would do this.

"Just because it has a star on it doesn't mean it belongs on the top of the Christmas Tree. Bucky GET YOUR ARM DOWN FROM THERE" - Steve Rogers