TW: A very little menstruation talk at the beginning
It had been two sunsets since she had talked to Tamlen. She longed to see him again, even after such a short while, even knowing he was mere minutes away now. He was all she could think of, though her mind should have been with the gods. It was her journey, her stellin, the offering of her first blood to those who created her. Ashalle had let her go alone, the second last ritual until her adulthood. If she managed to slay her first beast alone, she would be both woman and hunter, capable of both creation and destruction.
She thought of Tamlen at night, when she slept among the trees and creatures. She thought of him with a faint patter of her heart, her breath hitching. Ashalle had spoken to her before her journey, like any Dalish mother would. The gods had marked her ready to carry a child, but they would not accept one that was not from parents who had been blessed by the Creators. Such a child was not Dalish, not one of them.
She had understood the meaning hidden slightly behind her words. Opposite-sex friendships were not as common as Dalish children grew older, as the proper limits of propriety grew more and more distinct. The others might be fooled that Tamlen was a brother to her, that the two children viewed each other as flesh and blood, but Ashalle knew better. And while she might have even approved, it was a veiled threat. She would not be able to protect Juin forever from those who thought her friendship with Tamlen was a sign of deviant behaviour.
Juin arrived in the camp near nightfall, making her way to the Keeper to announce her return. She paused as she neared her Aravel, seeing a livid Tamlen just outside, insisting upon something she could not hear. She hid just behind the vehicle, watching her friend from a distance. That same flutter in her chest returned, her legs weakened slightly.
He turned to leave and their eyes met.
"Lethallan," Tamlen said quietly, "You have had a safe journey?"
Juin smiled, "I have. It is good to see you. Maybe you would break my fast with me? It has been a long day and I would enjoy the company."
"I do not know if that would be wise," Tamlen admitted, glancing back at the Aravel, "Perhaps it is best if you went back to your campfire tonight alone."
"What's wrong?" She replied, touching his hand. He stepped back from her and her face fell slightly.
Juin felt her heart sink into her chest.
"I should go," Tamlen replied, "I still have things I must do before sundown. I will see you later."
"What were you discussing with the Keeper?"
"I don't have to explain myself to you," he replied harshly, "Go home, Juin."
Juin felt as if she had been slapped. She stood, watching him walk away from her. She stormed off to her own tent, barely nodding to Ashalle before she curled into her bedroll. She had missed him. She had felt his absence with a heartache that she could not comprehend. And he didn't want to see her. He had never raised his voice to her, even when they were young and roughhousing.
She refused to cry, merely curling her frame around the blankets. She was not a child anymore, only children cried when they could not have what they wanted.
She spent the next day hunting by herself, quietly enjoying the forests near her camp. Perhaps today she would slay her first beast, perhaps today she would no longer be an apprentice.
Juin heard a rustling in the trees and brought out her bow, looking in the direction of the sound. She was surprised to see Tamlen walking towards her and put her weapon away. Her heart pounded as he made his way to her side.
"I'm sorry, Lethallan," he said, "I did not mean to speak so unkindly to you last night. I was...not myself.
"What is going on?" She asked gently, "I have missed you and you didn't even want to see me. Did you not miss me?"
Tamlen murmured, "More than breath."
Her pulse raced as his hand touched hers briefly.
"I can't stay here," he said softly, "This is changing. You and I...I...I can't think anymore when I'm around you. I just think of..." he blushed.
"What are you thinking of?" She asked in response, blood rushing to her cheeks.
"This is wrong," he replied, his hand running through his hair, "We both know it. You're practically my own flesh and blood. The Keeper would never approve of this, you know that. I can't be bonded to you. But...I..."
His hand touched her cheek gingerly, "When I see you, I can barely stop myself. And when you're gone, you're all I think about. I think about...I think about us. I think of...bonding. I shame myself, lethallan. I shame you with these thoughts. It is...not right. Not when we are not bonded, not when we are so young. I asked the Keeper to allow me to leave the clan, to join another. Perhaps when I am gone, we can both find a proper mate. We can stop this before...before we hurt one another. When we join in the northern forests, I will find a new hunter to apprentice from."
"Tamlen..." she murmured, tears welling in her eyes.
"You feel it too, don't you?" He replied softly, "You want this too. It's not fair for you to have to go. Let me do this."
"Stay," she pleaded, "Don't leave. I don't give a damn what that woman thinks. I care what you think."
She unlaced her armour, Tamlen turning as it fell around her feet. She unstrapped her boots, her smallclothes, tossing it to the forest ground.
"Look at me," she demanded, a tear running down her cheek.
Tamlen did so, and knelt at her feet. He kissed the skin just above her right ankle.
"You got that scar when you were four years old," he said quietly, "I dared you to try to climb that really high tree just outside of Redcliffe. You were always so brave and so foolish."
"You know me," she said softly, "You know everything about me. How could this be wrong? I want to be with you, always. I know everything about you, Tamlen. And...ma'arlath. I love you. I don't give a damn if we have to leave together, I don't give a damn about anything else but you."
He rose to his feet, sweeping her into his arms as their lips met for the first time. It was deep and hungry and utterly perfect. She let her feet touch the ground and she stripped him off his clothes.
"Ma sa'lath," Tamlen groaned between kisses, "This is not wise. Though...Creators, I have dreamt of this for so many nights. I...I pretend it is you when I shame myself. But...we have gone too far."
"You want to bond with me," Juin said, slipping off his small clothes, "Then do it before they take you from me. The gods already know we belong together. That is what matters."
His hand slipped into her hair, pulling her close to him as their naked bodies touched for the first time. She could feel him hard against her thigh, his hands trembling slightly as the kiss continued.
They laid down together in the deep grass, their bodies lying beside each other as the creatures of the forest called out around them. He knelt between her knees, letting her body curl around his frame as they kissed again, tenderly.
Juin closed her eyes as she felt his hands run down her body, tracing over her bones with reverence. She gasped slightly, opening her eyes as she felt his fingers reach her sex, a look of pure lust crossing his face.
She nodded, their foreheads touching as he guided himself inside of her. It was painful at first and they stayed still, their hands linking. She nodded again and he kissed her again, pushing again until he was fully seated. She bit her lip as he moved, thrusting lightly inside of her.
She wrapped her legs around him, their bodies closer as he moved again, murmuring, "Emma lath, oh Creators, you are so beautiful."
As he moved, she felt a pressure begin to build, her skin on fire as it touched his. She threw her head back, letting him kiss down her throat as he quickened his pace. His kisses ran down her chest, kissing her breast. He inexpertly licked her nipple, looking up hesitantly as she groaned out.
He licked harder, taking in the nipple to suck as she bucked against his movements. She groaned in surprise as her body shook around him, a wave of pleasure causing her to cry out around the trees.
Now this Ashalle had not warned her about.
Tamlen paused, murmuring, "Lethallan, are you alright?"
"I'm wonderful," she whispered, kissing him, "Don't stop, emma lath, please."
Their lips met again as her body quivered slightly, his thrusts growing harder against her until she felt his legs shake and a gush of warmth enter her body. He laid down on top of her, holding her close to him as he remained inside of her.
They smiled at each other nervously, kissing again with new intimacy. He withdrew, kissing her belly with devotion.
"I love you," he promised, "I will be your mate. I already am, I always have been. I will follow you into hell and back if you asked it of me. Nothing will tear me apart from you, not even the gods themselves."
She wiped away a tear from his face, and they held each other in the grass. Her hand rested on her belly, protective of what might grow there. She had made her choice; there was no turning back now.
And as their lips met again, she knew she never wanted to be away from him again. If it cost her family, her clan, she did not care. She only wanted him.