Disclaimer: They are not mine. If they were, Harm and Mac would already be together in Australia, or shortly after it.
Summary: The scene which appeared in my head after watching "All Ye Faithful". What could happen between Harm and Mac during the evening at Robert's house.
A/N: I replaced the original story with this corrected one. Thanks to byrhthelm for reading and correcting my mistakes.
I have a chapter to write, but I just felt I have to write it first. I watched "All Ye Faithful" on Tuesday and I had this scene in my head from the first second after the end. Maybe it's just my shipper nature, but I was sure Mac will do or say something to show Harm how worried she was, because it was really noticeable, at least for me. And I was disappointed, when everything we got was just "later".
I'm not sure about the rating, so if it should be different, tell me and I'll change it.
I had been waiting the whole evening for an opportunity to talk with Harm. Although he was laughing and joking with everyone, I knew him too well not to not notice, that he was hiding something. I was almost sure, that something happened, and my intuition was telling me that it had something to do with the disappearance of his wings.
"Mac, is everything okay?" asked Sturgis, joining me where I was standing alone in the kitchen, "I thought earlier, that you were distracted because you were worried about Harm."
"You were right…" I sighed, smiling slightly, and thankful that all my friends had ignored my behavior before Harm arrived for dinner. They understood that I was worried, especially after his previous return home in the cockpit of an F-14. The thought that he could again crash somewhere in the middle of the ocean and this time might not be found was driving me crazy.
"So, what's going on now?" he asked again, looking at me.
"Actually… I am worried about Harm" I said, and a puzzled look appeared on his face "I feel that something has happened and he's trying to hide it".
"Have you talked to him, asked him about it?"
"No…" I sighed, "I haven't had an opportunity… Every time I tried to talk to him, somebody interrupted… And you know Harm, you know that it's better to try to talk to him in private about anything he's got going on in his life…"
"Yeah, I know…" he nodded, "Maybe I could talk to him, suggest he comes here and talks to you? I could tell him that you've been fretting all evening, and maybe he can do something about that."
I nodded and he left the kitchen. I saw him go to Harm and talk to him, at point during their conversation I saw him point in my direction. I looked away, knowing that Harm would be bound to look towards me, and not wanting him to realize that Sturgis had gone to him only after first talking to me about that. I felt like an idiot, that instead of just going and talking to him, I had sent our friend to do that. But, maybe Sturgis was right in choosing this way of convincing Harm to tell to me what was bothering him. It was probable that if I had gone to him and asked him directly, he would probably not have told me tell me anything.
"Can I?" I heard Harm's voice and turning my head I saw him standing in the kitchen doorway. He didn't wait for my answer and came closer, "Has something happened, Mac? I noticed that from the moment we stood up from the table, your behavior was strange… Sturgis says that you've been quiet all the evening and you don't want to talk with him…"
"I guess so" I said with a smile "But the question, whether something has happened should be asked by me. You shouldbe telling me if something has happened."
"Me?" he looked surprised "What could have happened? As you can see, I'm alive and well; I made a perfectly safe, normal landing…
"Harm…" I looked at him "The rest of them may believe you, but you can't fool me. I know all your games too well for that…"
He sighed, nodding his head. I thought, with relief, that he's acknowledged that he can't hide it from me this time, and he's admitting that not everything is alright. It shocked me at the same time, because he never gave up so easily, no matter what arguments I used.
"So…" he started, looking at me attentively "You want to say, that you're acting strangely because you think that something happened during my flight?"
"I'm just worried, Harm! You know how your last flight home in an F-14 ended… I was scared something might happen again, that you'd crash again or… Or whatever! I hate it when you're sitting in a Tomcat's cockpit, and I don't know how the flight is going! When we are on a carrier, I'm still terrified but at least I know what's going on! But sitting here I can only worry and pray, that the phone won't ring! You don't even realize just how much relief I felt, when you came in and opposite to me, and I saw with my own eyes that you were safe! But now you're giving me a new reason to worry about you, because you don't want to talk about the flight! You change the subject every time somebody asks how it was!" I sighed, feeling much better having finally told him how I felt and how much I worried whenever he flew.
"I'm sorry…" he said, after a short silence "I never knew you felt like that. And you may have nothing to worry about, really… I'm just starting to realize, that I may never fly again…"
"What..? Why?" I asked, looking at him in shock.
"The plane I crashed in the Atlantic… It was CAG's of the USS Coral Sea… Although the air investigation board cleared me of blame, he's sure it was my fault, because he won't believe there might have been something wrong with the 'plane… He warned me before take-off that if this time I changed the flight plan in any way, he would do everything in his power to pull my wings… I ignored that waning when I diverted and went to help the other machine…"
"So… You may never be allowed to fly again?"
"It's not certain, but possible." He sighed , "I thought you would feel better, when I told you that I won't be flying anymore… I know, that you hate that... You should be happy… But you're looking at me like I just told you that they'd shot me down…"
"I just know how important flying is to you…" I said, "You joined Navy to fly… It was only when you couldn't be a pilot any more that, you became a lawyer, but I know it's not the same for you… I won't say that I'm sorry, because it wouldn't be the truth… A part of me thinks that it would be better this … I won't have to worry that I'll lose you…"
"It's not so easy to lose Harmon Rabb Junior," he smiled, causing a smile to appear on my face too, "You have the misfortune that I'll never leave your life, until you very clearly show me that you don't want to me in it anymore."
"What if I show you that regardless of what happen, or what I say or what I do, that I want you to stay in my life… To always be a part of it?" I asked after a while, looking at him attentively.
I knew he understood what I wanted to say. I saw the puzzled look on his face and for several moments I thought he was going to say something. I remembered that he'd had a similar look that night in Australia when I very clearly made a fool of myself. I was now afraid that this attempt to take a big step forward in our relationship was about to end similarly. But I had felt that since the Jagathon we were both well on our way to being able to stop pretending that there is nothing between us, and I that this moment was good for trying to stretch the boundary. Except that I had already done that in some way, by telling him how much I worried about him.
"Okay, it's not important…" I sighed after a long few seconds of silence and moved towards the door to leave the kitchen behind me. I felt like somebody had just broken my heart into a million pieces and I had to get out of there, just run away somewhere, where nobody will pay attention to the tears which were streaming down my face.
"Mac, wait!" I heard behind me "Mac, please!" But there was no way I was going to stop and turn around, "Mac!" I felt a hand catch hold of my wrist and I tried to pull my hand away, trying to escape.
Not only did he keep hold of my hand, but after a moment of stillness, I felt his hands on my arms as he turned me around to face him.
"Sarah, please, let me say something…"
"Eight seconds ago you hadn't anything to tell me" I said, doing everything to not look at his face "And by the way, you're crushing my arms…"
"Oh, sorry." His grip eased a bit, "It's just that with you I always have a problem finding the right words, and I don't want to say something I would regret later… And… As for your question…" he cupped my face in his hands wiping the tears away, and making me look into his eyes "I think you know the answer…"
The next thing I remember were his lips on mine and his arms coming around my waist, probably to make sure that I wouldn't run away. I didn't want to do it, I wouldn't run, I couldn't run; I couldn't even move. Too stunned it took a second for me to realise what was happening and then I kissed him back, putting my hands around his neck, pressing him closer to me. Then I heard Harriet's squeak, then happy shouts and cheers and applause, and it reminded me that we were standing in the middle of the living room, together with all our friends. I slowly moved my face away from his knowing that my face is crimson, and I looked around. Most of them were looking at us with grins on faces, except for the Admiral, who was looking at us very calmly. I wasn't sure if I should be happy that he's not angry at us, or if I should be scared and wait for the explosion.
"Something tells me, that somebody needs to say something…" he said after a while "I hope to see Colonel and Commander in my office soon… For seven years I've been waiting for you two to stop behaving like kids in the kindergarten; and I don't even want to hear that this kiss was a result of temporary emotions because of Christmas…" he paused "If after two years I am not at your wedding, I promise you that I will do everything in my power to ensure that the following Christmas you will spend in the coldest place in Greenland. Is that clear?"
"Yes, Sir!" we both said, exchanging puzzled looks.
"Great, because that means you will finally both be happy" a grin spread across his face, and he looked at the rest, who laughed.
"Can we open presents now?" we all heard little AJ's voice, who was looking at Harriet with hope "I want to know what Santa Claus left for me under the tree!"
"I think it's a good idea" said Bud going to the other room with his son.
"Your Santa Claus took your wings…" I said, looking at Harm, when we were alone in the living room.
"Not really… I gave them to a young pilot, who didn't make it to pick up his own wings, because he came here to a friend, who had tried to commit suicide…" he was silent for a while "But, my Santa Claus left very beautiful Marine Colonel under my tree, and it's the best present I could ever get" he grinned, leaned to me and kissed me.
I'm not sure if they opened the presents before Harm's arrival or not… But I don't remember them doing it… And I needed somebody to say something, what would give them the opportunity to be alone in the room. And I have to write that I watched the episode in Polish, and the translation could be a little different than what they said in the original version… So, please, be forgiving.
