A/N: This came to me in a dream. Corny, I know, but honestly, it's amazing once you read it!
My name is Herbert Johnstien, and I have had much better experiences than this. Believe, me, you probably have too… This is the most disturbing experience of my LIFE.
I was sitting on my back porch, just randomly staring out into the forest. Then, out of nowhere, a strange mist came rolling in. In that mist, was a group of about nine strange figures, all wearing dark cloaks. They brought with them an eerie feel to the environment. I couldn't shake it off. I then was blown away by their, um, special approach…
One of the figures took off its hood, and a stream of light came in. A random bird tweeted, and I figured out it was a female with dark short hair and a yellow bow in it.
"Hi, Herbert!" She cried, shaking her head back and forth like a total baboon. It was Alice Cullen! Then, all the others took off their cloaks to reveal bright clothes. Alice in particular was wearing a "showy" yellow sundress and was smiling like a total idiot. I was amazed to realize that all of the figures were all of the Cullen's!
Then, to my great disgust, the Cullen's began singing the "YMCA" song. I watched in horror as each of their disturbed dances took place. Carlisle, near Alice in the front, was doing the big hand motions along with Esme, Alice, and Rosalie. Then, on the sides, were Jasper, Emmett, and Edward, all doing the big hand motions, but only with their fingers. Then, on each of the sides next to Edward and Jasper, were Renesmee and Bella, randomly bouncing to the strange and oddly amusing beat.
In great horror, I stood watch, and then the music stopped. Finally! Then, Edward said:
"I love you, Herbert!" I was terrified. Then Bella got all defensive, and put her hands on her hips. Girl that is something!
"What about me?" She asked. Renesmee stood by Edward.
"Why don't you like mommy?" Renesmee asked.
"I do like your mommy, but as a friend!" Edward said, being, uh, special. I was almost on the verge of dying of laughter.
Renesmee, in a reign of terror, jumped on Edward and hit him "below the belt".
"Man, even for a vampire, that hurts!" Edward cried, toppling over in pain. Then, all the Cullen's (except Edward, who was spazzing out on the ground like a diseased monkey) created their horror-film mist and exited looking just like the Vultori.
Then, eager to leave, I ran over to the spazzing Edward and violently kicked him in the head. He immediately stopped moving. I knew I would be in trouble of killing a vampire, so I high-tailed it out of there pretty fast. And that, my friends, is the most disturbing thing that has ever happened to me.
Hoped you liked it! Yeah, yeah, I know. Total awesomeness. You don't have to brag for me! Someone stood and watched me over my shoulder the entire time I wrote this… I am deeply afraid!