Of Tally Marks and Memories
Summary: One of those typical "Lie-low-at-Lupin's" fics… Slash
Authors Note: This may or may not be a one-shot… I dunno. No major plans.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Except my clothes.
The "dog days" of summer were just beginning and Sirius was starting to realize why those days in August had been dubbed that name. The coat of fur sagged him down and his tongue rolled from side to side, dripping every now and then before he could suck it back in; he was human after all and he had retained a few manners. He had attempted to run under the neighbors sprinkler with the youngsters but a stubborn mother had shooed him away. Another boy dropped his ice cream near the park, and Sirius lapped it up happily, but the effects were wearing off. As the heat rose, so did his temper. He wanted Remus, and air-conditioning.
It had become a sort-of ritual for the two of them. Dog wakes master up. Master goes to work at Bookshop. Dog plays around town. At three, dog fetches master. They go home, go to sleep.
It was pathetically dull, really, compared to the wild adventures they had planed in their youth. Yet, Sirius had to admit, even as he panted into the pavement, that he was happier than he ever expected to be in thirteen years. The cold, forsaken, black hole that was azkaban was long gone now, and Sirius was living again. Life was sweet in its simplicity.
The dog barked into the window. Remus was collecting change from a lady with a dark purple hat, but from the way his eyes grew wide Sirius could tell he knew he was here. Once she left, laughing to her friends with a big plastic bag, Remus told his boss he was going home. The tall, gangly form of Remus Lupin stood in the wooden doorframe, staring down to his friend in dog form, wagging his tail on the placemat. "Hello Padfoot, old chap," he squatted down to his height, massaging his ears with his hand, "Come to take me home?" Sirius loved it, when they saw eye-to-eye, nose-to-nose when Remus was so much taller. He whined into his empty palm, rubbing his cold nose against warm flesh. He whimpered as Remus stroked the hair on the back of his neck.
"I know, old boy, it's hot. Let's hurry home so we can turn on the fans, alright?"
Sirius yipped happily. It was strange; Remus knew the language he spoke in dog form as well as he knew English. His boss just thought he was nutters, which was just as well. His dog-mouth formed a grin as he skipped by his master's side.
The trip home was much quicker than the trip to the store. His master got out the bronze keys, opened the door beyond the fading garden, started up the fans, opened the cupboards and asked, "What do'u want to eat, Padfoot?"
Padfoot had become a grown man, black hair reaching the small of his back, looking lean, but much better than he had a few months ago. He cocked his head sideways, much like he did as a dog, "I dunno, what've we got?"
"Not much," said Lupin, looking exasperated, "I need to get another job." He stared into the empty cupboards sadly, and all the remains of lays chips and beer on the pantry paper.
"I wish you would let me give you some money from my account…"
"Sirius, don't be a pig-head."
"I'm not! I've been eating you out of house and home and you're not letting me compensate!"
"Sirius, you hardly eat enough to make me get another job. I was merely suggesting to myself that it would be better to get another job so that I can maintain a better style of well-being…"
"For yourself, though, right?"
"Yes, Padfoot."
Though not thoroughly convinced, Sirius came round to stare at a loaf of bread, and a can of tomato soup in another corner. "We could have grilled cheese and tomato soup…" He mused.
"I guess… that's all we can have, unless I call a pizza boy."
"Go on, make us grilled cheese, please…"
"Well, if you insist."
A few moments and a few dirty dishes later Sirius was staring at his sandwich lovingly cut diagonally for him. A bowl of tomato soup lay between him and his master. He dipped the tip into the red mush and ate it, contently, mentally waging his tail. Remus just stared at him, with an amused expression only Moony could wear, like a mother seeing watching her child play with stuffed animals, or like a when two people in front of you in the line at the grocery store are in an argument and you can't help but smile goofily into the magazines, pretending not to hear. It was almost a loving expression, but not quite. It wasn't rude or hurtfully amusing; it was just a "you're so silly" twist of the cheek trying to hide underneath a blush. Sirius stomach leapt, as the cheese and bread made its way down. He recognized that expression, not the where or when of it, but it had significance in the back of his brain that he should remember but he can't.
Azkaban had taken so many memories that Sirius didn't even realize that he and Remus were ever lovers. And Remus didn't have the heart to tell him.
"Like that sandwich, eh Padfoot?" Remus mused, bringing his own cheese and bread to his lips.
"Yeah… it's good…" Sirius stared at him bewildered, trying to remember what was so significant about that smile. "Moony? Did I? Do you? I mean…"
"Did I what?"
"I dunno… I was just wondering…"
Remus' smiling mouth turned into a stoic line and he closed his eyes. He was used Sirius ramblings such as these, "Don't worry. It'll come back, Padfoot. Just give it some time."
Sirius frowned into the tomato soup, "I know I just… want it all to come back at once…" He was speaking, of course, of the happy memories that had escaped him from such a long time with the dementor's. It seemed that ever happy memory had been sucked out of him, and when he escaped he only had one thing on his mind: to kill Wormtail. But since he met Harry and Dumbledore again, his memories slowly, painfully were coming back.
"But you've done so well already! I mean it was only yesterday when you remembered being on the dueling team at Hogwarts in third year!"
"That was hardly a happy memory, Snape was on the team, after all… but it feels like I'm missing something more important…"
"Well," Remus' voice sounded oddly constrained, like he was trying to sound like someone else, "the happiest memories take the most time. I wouldn't worry about it. What you need is sleep, food and care."
"Right," Sirius said, sounding defeated. They ate the rest of their meal in silence, wondering what the next day would bring.
A/N: Do you think I should continue? Send me a review to tell me what you think! (I apologize in advance for my bad grammar skills.)