Birthday fic for vampireunicorn on AF. Happy (early) birthday hun :D
A bit crackish, but hey.
Trading Places
Sasuke thought maybe, just maybe, it might have been a better idea to have someone translate the jutsu completely before attempting it so he really knew what it would do.
But he didn't.
He had been so sure it was an interrogation jutsu from the order of the pictured seals. And likely it was when the right amount of chakra was used. What had made him think it was a good idea to overcompensate on the side of caution, he wasn't sure; but he admits to himself, and himself only, that perhaps he didn't want to look stupid in front of Naruto.
Well Sasuke assumes he infused too much of his chakra in to the technique, though that's just semantics now considering how spectacularly he has just fucked up. But the passing notion is that that would make sense.
Naruto has his eyes closed still, doesn't realise what's happened yet, and Sasuke is thankful for small mercies.
"Have you done it yet?" Naruto asks, unconcerned because Sasuke knows that Naruto trusts him.
"Just wait," he manages, stalling and thinking because he has no idea what to do.
And Naruto starts talking, because that's what he seems to do when Sasuke really wants him to shut up.
"So this jutsu is meant to, like, join your mind with mine for a short time...or something? How is that an interrogation technique? Is that sort of like Ino's bloodline ability? You know how she leaves her body? I remember watching her do that during the chuunin exam when she fought Sakura, do you remember?"
Sasuke does remember, but he doesn't care because he thinks Ino's ability is about as useful as a cock-flavoured lollipop. Though he does wonder about how Sakura managed to force Ino out of her body, since a few of the jounin watching seemed rather impressed by that feat. But that has absolutely nothing to do with his current situation, and that's kind of why Sasuke wants Naruto to be quiet.
"It's an interrogation technique," Sasuke decides to answer when he realises it will mean more time to think, "because if my mind was connected to yours, you wouldn't be able to lie to me. I would see what you are thinking."
"Oh," Naruto says, and looks a little uncomfortable. "That's sorta creepy."
"Mm," Sasuke replies, and shushes Naruto when he opens his mouth again.
Sasuke is smart, so the first thing he thinks to try is to perform the jutsu again in the hopes of reversing it.
It doesn't work and Sasuke panics a little more because it should've.
Next he tries reversing the order of the seals and, just before he tries to infuse his chakra, Sasuke realises he's just performed the seals for a medical technique he's seen Sakura use before.
His panic is making his breathing a little uneven.
The last thing he tries is a genjutsu release technique, but now he knows he's grasping for anything. It doesn't work anyway and he really doesn't know what the fuck to do.
He has to tell Naruto.
Before he does, Sasuke considers how he would feel if he was Naruto in this situation to determine what sort of reaction his friend might have. He thinks he would be pretty pissed off and would probably kick Naruto's ass...so Sasuke hopes Naruto is a bit more forgiving than himself.
No longer able to postpone the inevitable, Sasuke clears his throat a little.
"Done," he says, and Naruto opens his eyes.
And stares at Sasuke for a full ten seconds before speaking. Naruto's in the middle of asking Sasuke why he looks like he does until he catches sight of his own gesturing hand.
And shuts up like Sasuke wished he had done earlier.
And stares at the hand which is his but not.
Within seconds Naruto is on his feet, twisting this way and that and slapping his hands to his face to discover just how much he should be freaking out. Sasuke's already done this bit and so waits for Naruto to get it over with.
"Why," Naruto manages to ask, eyes widening as he finally realises even his voice has changed, "am I in your body?"
Sasuke read somewhere that it takes a lot of courage and pride to admit to your own mistakes, and he was a little concerned that he didn't seem to have enough of either substance at the present moment.
"Why," Naruto asks again, sounding remarkably like he was being strangled, "are you in my body?"
And finally – finally – Sasuke finds it within himself to at least say, "I...may have performed the jutsu somewhat...incorrectly."
DATTEBAYO x DATTEBAYO x DATTEBAYO x DATTEBAYO x DATTEBAYO
After some shouting, a bit of shoving and some heckling about Sasuke being a bastard and not as perfect as everyone has been led to believe, Naruto quietens down and the sheer gravity of the situation hits Sasuke in the face.
They're stuck like this indefinitely.
And after Naruto tries to activate Sasuke's Sharingan, and Sasuke tries to call the Nine Tails, they discover they can't access their chakra because it's not actually theirs. In retrospect Sasuke thinks that a relief; he didn't really want to be responsible for unleashing the fox and destroying the world.
But Sasuke's hopes decide to float and uplift themselves as he realises that of course he can't fix the situation if he can't access any chakra. But he only knew one way to get his chakra back, and he didn't think things were that dire just yet.
Then Naruto wails and Sasuke is concerned that his face can pull that sort of expression.
"What are we supposed to do, Sasuke?"
Sasuke exhales slowly as he forces himself to calm down some more. "It'll probably only last a few hours and then it will be like it never happened."
He wonders if he's so calm only because he hasn't actually seen his reflection.
"Fucking hell! This is all your fault, you bastard!"
Sasuke doesn't say anything, which seems safest. But then Naruto's face turns whiter than Sasuke's norm.
"What?" Sasuke demands, a little nervous at Naruto's expression.
"It's my jounin physical exam tomorrow."
That makes Sasuke nervous too, but he thinks about it rationally.
"That's not until tomorrow morning. We'll be back to normal by then," he decides.
They weren't back to normal.
DATTEBAYO x DATTEBAYO x DATTEBAYO x DATTEBAYO x DATTEBAYO
When Sasuke leaves the Hokage Tower he finds Naruto clearly making an effort to stand still and pull some sort of stoic expression, but Sasuke thinks he just looks constipated. He's pretty sure he doesn't really look like that. Pretty sure.
"So, so, what did the old hag say?" Naruto asks immediately, falling in to step beside him.
Sasuke rubs the back of his head instinctively. "She hit me. Hard."
"Of course she hit you! I missed the exam!"Naruto grins, pleased. "Serves you right."
Sasuke scowls, which doesn't look too out of place on Naruto's features. "Anyway, the jounin physical was postponed because – surprise, surprise – one of the proctor's was late."
"Heh, Kakashi-sensei?"
"Did you even have to ask?"
Naruto throws his hands behind his head, openly relieved, and laughs. "Hah, phew. So when's it been rescheduled to?"
"Tomorrow morning, and-" Sasuke shudders at the memory, "Tsunade made it very clear that you had best make sure you attend."
Naruto's grin slides off his face, which Sasuke is a little thankful for because it's weird seeing all of his own teeth.
"I can't miss it again, Sasuke."
Sasuke knows that, and he realises that they can't wait for the messed up jutsu to wear off on its own.
"...I know a way to get my chakra back so I can reverse the jutsu."
DATTEBAYO x DATTEBAYO x DATTEBAYO x DATTEBAYO x DATTEBAYO
Kakashi follows his two ex-students undetected easily, needing a pick-me-up after getting a lengthy lecture from Tsunade for his jounin exam tardiness, feeling there was likely a very interesting story as to why Sasuke was acting an awful lot like Naruto.
DATTEBAYO x DATTEBAYO x DATTEBAYO x DATTEBAYO x DATTEBAYO
They're standing in Sasuke's kitchen, Naruto's face lit up like a tomato as Sasuke considers that his body even had the capabilities to blush so intensely.
"This is fucked up," Naruto mutters once Sasuke finishes explaining, arms crossed defensively as he glares at the harmless kitchen table. "This is your fault."
Sasuke's sick of hearing that now and almost stamps his feet angrily. "I fucking know, alright! And I've given you the option to reverse this so less complaining, more deciding if you want to be a jounin enough to do it! Fuck, Naruto!"
They're both silent for a long moment after Sasuke's outburst until Naruto sighs.
"I don't wanna sound like a girl about this, but I can't just get straight to it, if you get me."
"That's fine," Sasuke says, and wonders how much this is going to fuck up their already fucked up friendship.
"Ok then," Naruto uncrosses his arms and moves around the table toward Sasuke. "Let's do this."
He stops in front of Sasuke and they stare at each other, neither really willing to start with the first move.
Sasuke smirks then and Naruto looks wary. He decides this is a competition.
He stretches his fingers toward Naruto, slips them under his Uchiha shirt and smooths his palms up a stomach he knows well. He chuckles when Naruto realises the game he's playing, and answers the challenge. Because Sasuke sure as hell wouldn't have a clue what turns Naruto on, but he knew what his body liked.
Naruto leans forward, tugging down the chuunin vest collar hiding Sasuke's neck and practically bites the soft flesh. Fuck, Sasuke would've been annoyed if it didn't send a jolt straight up his spine.
He skims his hands upward faster, not wanting to lose this competition, flicking and squeezing. He wants to bask in his win as Naruto breathes hard against his throat, but then Naruto's hand grabs his ass and pulls their bodies flush, and rubs his lower body against Sasuke's.
Unfair, Sasuke thinks as he hears himself moan a little, dreadfully unfair. And wasn't it just his luck that they both had no idea how to take things slow. Taking back some control of himself and Naruto, Sasuke pushes his friend down against the kitchen table and doesn't realise they're kissing until a tongue's exploring his back teeth. He quickly discovers it's a bit easier to keep his friend in check with Naruto's strength. Sasuke decides not to consider that Naruto is more pliable in his body or what that might mean in regard to comparing their strength.
But it clearly doesn't matter if Naruto is in his own body or Sasuke's, because his hand worms down between them and massages Sasuke through his pants.
"Take 'em off," Naruto says, and Sasuke thinks it's pretty cool that his voice can sound like that – he'll have to try it...well, when he gets his body back.
Sasuke doesn't really know what Naruto's comment is referring to, and they both end up in just their mesh nin undershirts anyway. Sasuke's kitchen table starts to groan in complaint at their heated movement, and he hopes it holds up for the next few minutes or so.
Naruto arches off the table and grips Sasuke's hips harder as they just revel in moving their bodies against each other. Leaning back on his hands and staring at his kitchen ceiling, Sasuke decides he wouldn't mind all that much if they didn't get to the sex, but he remembers that Naruto has his jounin exam tomorrow.
He leans forward over Naruto, a little overwhelmed by an expression he's never seen on his own face before staring up at him, and trails his fingers down.
"Just wait for a bit," he says, not quite comfortable enough to let Naruto do this for him.
It's uncomfortable at first, but he's done it a few times before and it always feels good eventually. In moments Sasuke's face presses against Naruto's chest as he loses himself in the feeling, fingers moving almost frantically since he's sort of forgotten what he's doing this for.
It's Naruto's moan that sounds like it had to fight to get out that focuses Sasuke.
"Fuck, Sasuke, how long are you gonna make me wait?"
Sasuke glances up at him, embarrassed until he looks at Naruto. Sasuke knows he looks nothing like Naruto, but he can see his friend somehow in the pale face, grin and eyes. It's Sasuke's face, but somehow Naruto makes it his.
Naruto grips Sasuke's hips again, but doesn't move.
"This'll work, right Sasuke?"
Sasuke sure hopes so, but-
"If not, we might have to do it again," he smirks then, and eases himself on to Naruto.
Naruto grits his teeth and is openly doing his best not to move. Sasuke thinks this is way too much. Fingers are one thing, but this was totally different. And too much.
His breathing is all wrong and it's hard to relax, and he can't make himself move.
They stay like that for too long – Sasuke knows his hard-on isn't quite what it was before – until Naruto's grip on Sasuke's hips tightens again.
He knows what Naruto's about to do but, even when his friend moves them both, all Sasuke can think is too deep and his heart must've stopped because he couldn't breathe.
Within moments it wasn't deep enough and Sasuke glances down at Naruto and wonders why his friend can make his face look that hot when Sasuke couldn't, and then forgets what he's thinking when he's moaning and telling Naruto "Fuck, don't you even fucking think about stopping".
Sasuke can almost taste it now, his chakra just out of reach but right there. Naruto's doing all the work so Sasuke leans forward and plants his hands on the table beside Naruto's head.
"Give me my chakra back now, Naruto."
His voice is so low and lost in their breathing that he's not immediately sure Naruto heard him. Then clouded dark eyes flicker open and Naruto grins and nods, and Sasuke has to hold on to Naruto's shoulders because they're moving even more desperately.
He can tell Naruto's going to get there first, but still isn't prepared when it happens. His friend's fingers dig in to his hips as wave after wave of chakra returns to Sasuke. It's far too much in too short a time, and it even distracts him from the orgasm he had thought was inevitable.
But it's worked and, despite their current still-joined position, Sasuke flies through the interrogation technique seals and infuses the same amount of chakra he had the day before.
He sighs, pleased and relieved, when he looks down at Naruto and it really is Naruto, flushed and sweaty and still breathing hard and staring back at Sasuke with wide eyes. Sasuke's cock jumps a little - just to remind him it wasn't quite satisfied yet and that he was in prime position to rectify that.
Sasuke was listening very intently to what his hard-on had to say until it was interrupted.
"You know," says Kakashi, appearing with a slight pop in Sasuke's kitchen, "most ANBU know how to return chakra to its rightful owner and reverse a great many jutsu."
Their ex-sensei bends and picks up an apple that had found its way from the kitchen table to the floor.
"All you had to do was ask."
Kakashi's eye crinkles as he shines the fruit on his vest but, before he pulls down his mask to eat, he disappears again.
The two boys stare at the empty space for a while and Sasuke's flagging cock makes one last valiant attempt to remind Sasuke that he was still All Go, but only within the next few minutes.
Sasuke looks at his friend. "Has your chakra returned?"
Naruto nods. "Yeah, when you did the jutsu."
Sasuke stares at Naruto very meaningfully.
"Oooh," says Naruto, grinning when he understands. "I guess we had best make sure though, eh? I suppose I could always find an ANBU nin..."
At Sasuke's frowny glare, Naruto's grin widens until he's squinting.
"Though I'm pretty sure I like your way better."