Title: The Choice.
Author: AstraGalactic
Archive: Ask Please
Disclaimer: Andromeda is not mine. If it was, Gaheris would be alive, and Dylan would be with Rommie.
Rating: T
Setting/Season: TUM universe/AU
Characters: G. Rhade, D. Hunt, Andromeda.
Summary: What if Gaheris had failed to kill Dylan with the first shot?
A/N: One of my first. The writing could use improvement perhaps.
Gaheris Rhade approached the doors to Command, which obediently hissed open. His face a mask of icy steel, hiding the raging storm of emotions pent up within.
He saw Refractions of Dawn, their Than pilot turn her pilot chair around to see who entered. Dylan had heard the door open too, and glanced back, but turned away when he saw Rhade, unconcerned. Dawn was not quite so trusting, and he could hear the note of suspicion when she asked "Commander?" Without warning, he raised his forcelance and fired two shots straight into her chest, killing her instantly.
Dylan turned to face him, away from the console he was facing, activating his own forcelance as he pulled it from its holster. Gaheris saw the expression of shock and unbearable pain on Dylan's face as the reality sank in, and their eyes locked for a fraction of a second. Dylan aimed, but before he could fire a single shot, Gaheris fired twice.
The first plasma blast hit Dylan in the side, the second hit the wall behind as Dylan fell.
Gaheris froze as he saw Dylan's body hit the ground, on his right side, his left arm clenched reflexively around his chest, his right still holding his forcelance, and then roll onto his back loosing consciousness.
Gaheris lowered his forcelance, the icy steel resolve in his expression melted away revealing his turbulent emotions. He clenched his jaw, stifling the cry of emotional pain and guilt that almost escaped, silencing the words that hurt too much to say aloud, that he was sorry.
Andromeda was drifting towards the black hole. Gaheris knew that he had to pilot her away from the singularity before they both were killed by it, but he could not bring himself to do it. Perhaps it should not have mattered, but for some reason, Gaheris could not bear the idea of leaving Dylan's body on the floor. He walked to Dylan's side, his feet unwilling to move, at some level not wanting to face up close the consequences of his actions.
He knelt down, gently taking Dylan's limp body into his arms. A lone tear trickled from his eye as he watched Dylan's face. It seemed so peaceful, but yet even at that moment so sad. Suddenly he realized, he could feel a faint pulse against his left wrist, and it was not his... Dylan was alive, barely.
Now that he was listening, he heard what he should have noticed before, the weak labored breathing which was audible quite clearly thanks to Gaheris's enhanced Nietzschean hearing. He simply had not noticed before, too distracted by his own pain and guilt.
Gaheris froze in place, his thoughts displaced by the torrent of conflicting emotions. He pulled Dylan closer, now with Dylan's head cradled by his left arm, and his chest laying across Gaheris's knees. His right hand pressed gently against Dylan's neck, where he could feel the shallow erratic pulse still flowing. Part of him felt an unbelievable relief that his best friend was somehow still alive, and part of him hurt even more than before, having to face how badly he had hurt the one person he had loved most... and yet betrayed.
The last thought jerked him back to painful reality, and he reminded himself what he was doing, and why. No matter how much it hurt him, he had to do this. Pushing back the torrent of emotions, Gaheris drew his forcelance again, and pressed it's tip against Dylan's chest, right above his heart.
Gaheris knew that if he had just left Dylan, he would die. The plasma blast had torn a hole in Dylan's left side, and while the plasma had flash cauterized most of the wound, some parts of it were still bleeding. Granted, if it had not been for Dylan being half heavy-worlder, he would be dead already, but either way, he would not last much longer.
But he could not bear the thought of leaving Dylan to suffer slowly till he died, even if he was unconscious. It was why he had aimed for the autonomic nerve-group. Sure there were other places where he could have hit, and it would be lethal, but he did not want Dylan to hurt. That was why he had not fired till Dylan had turned to face him, wanting to be sure. Yet somehow he had missed, by allot.
Gaheris was confused. He knew exactly how Dylan fought, and how he evaded shots. They had fought each other in melee training more times than he could count, and fought side by side also more times than he could count. Gaheris had taken Dylan's evasive maneuver into account when he fired, knowing exactly where Dylan would move to. Suddenly, Gaheris knew. He remembered the moment he had shot Dylan, the flash of pain and shock in Dylan's eyes, and he realized, Dylan had not tried to dodge the shot, He had been so shocked and hurt by the betrayal that he had frozen.
That realization made the feelings Gaheris had suppressed all well back up to the surface, the memories of the three years they had known each other, the friendship they shared. He had chosen to put it all aside, to try and save the universe from the inevitable doom the Magog would bring, the enemy that the Commonwealth had chosen to ignore. It was never what he wanted, and he knew that betraying his best friend, killing Dylan, would leave a wound in his soul that would never heal, but in the end, it seemed the best choice, for the universe.
Yet, now at this moment, it all had crumbled under a sea of pain. The image of the pain and betrayal written clearly on Dylan's face, the confusion that gave way to sorrow and bitterness in his eyes before they closed...was forever burned into his mind. Gaheris looked down at Dylan, laying defenseless in his arms, the tip of his forcelance pressing against his chest. Dylan's blood splattered across the front of his uniform, from a wound inflicted by his best friend.
Gaheris could feel Dylan's heartbeat travel up the handle of his weapon.
Gaheris knew what he HAD to do, but could not do it. He could not kill his best friend. That first shot had been hard enough, the second would be impossible, especially now that Dylan did not even have a chance of defending himself.
Then his pain and regret deepened even more, Dylan never had a chance. Gaheris knew that because of his own Nietzschean DNA, his reflexes would always be faster than his best friend's. For the first time, Gaheris Rhade cursed his perfection, because it had ensured that it was his best friend, not he, who was dying.
All the resolve he had built up for so long for this climactic moment, all the work he had done to bury his own emotions, to force himself to do this, melted away, shattered by the reality that he now held in his arms, shattered by a sea of unbearable pain. He tried to remind himself of why he had done this...but nothing seemed clear in his grief-filled mind.
The force-lance fell to the deck, and Gaheris gathered Dylan into his arms, and rushed him to Med-deck.
Gaheris hooked Dylan up to the life-support systems and bio-monitors of one of Andromeda's intensive-care stations.
Then he opened the front of the torn, bloodied uniform, and cut off Dylan's blood-soaked shirt, removing it in strips from his body, as moving Dylan in his state to properly remove the garments would be too much of a risk. He injected tissue-repair nanobots to heal the damage to Dylan's internal organs, and used the tissue-fuser to close the bleeding hole in Dylan's side.
That done, he looked back up at the bio-monitors, and the hope he felt for his best friend died. Despite everything he had done, despite the fact that Dylan was strong, his vitals had weakened further. Though he was fighting, it seemed he would loose this battle.
The monitor that monitored the activity of the nanobot swarms showed that they were working, but not ideally. That was one more thing that Gaheris had, and Dylan did not: Nietzschean nanobots. Unlike the medical nanobots he had used, the nanobots in his body had been passed on to him by his parents. Thus as generations went by, an individual's nanobots lived and died with him, reproduced when he did, and thus evolved to become more effective than any first generation nanobot ever. They healed wounds quickly, but they also helped by supporting failing immune, respiratory, and nervous systems, etc...
That thought gave Gaheris an idea. If he could capture a sufficient number of his own nanobots, he could reprogram them easily to Dylan's DNA instead of his own, but the usual methods for herding the nanobots would not work. It was against survival to follow the mandates of an external probe, so they never clustered except when they needed to repair a wound.
Not taking his eyes off Dylan, he reached down, pulling a thin, but long sharp knife from its sheath.
He unfastened the front of his own uniform, and pulled up his own shirt that lay beneath.
The tip of the blade sank through the layers of muscle on his chest, coming to a stop after stabbing half an inch into his own heart. Gaheris felt the waves of blinding pain each time his heart beat, felt his own heart rate go up, his breathing rate increase...his own body's responses to try and survive. But still there was no manifestation of the pain on his face, and he still had not shifted his gaze from Dylan's unconscious form.
He pulled out and sheathed the blade, ignoring the blood that ran from his own chest, and walked to the next empty bed, connecting a probe to himself. He watched the monitor show his own nanobots swarming to the injured organ. It was not a mortal wound, at least not for him, but it was serious enough to get every available nanobot in his body to swarm there.
He had what he needed now to give Dylan a better chance, and reached for an empty syringe, pushing its tip through the path the blade had taken, and pulling out a blood sample that was loaded with most of the nanobots that had gone there.
It was simple enough, as expeced to reprogram the nanobots to fit Dylan's DNA instead of his own. He purified the sample, by removing all his immune cells - as they would attack Dylan's cells - but opted to leave his erythrocytes there. After all, Dylan had lost allot of blood, and having a few enhanced blood cells would not hurt.
He injected the solution strait into Dylan's aorta in his chest, and Dylan's vitals stabilized almost immediately.
Satisfied, that though Dylan was not past the danger of dying, he had now a chance of surviving, Gaheris picked up the tissue-fuser and used it to seal the bleding wound on his own chest. It was the first expression of physical pain he had manifested that day, a grimace, as he plunged the tissue-fuser into his chest.
He wiped away the blood that had left a trail down his torso and turned back to see Dylan. His vitals were now stable, but still dangerously low, despite a very very slight increase, after Gaheris had given him the Nietzschean nanobots.
It did not really surprise him..it was a serious wound, one that had nearly killed Dylan...one inflicted by his best friend.
Gaheris glanced down at his own hands, covered in blood - Dylan's blood - blood that he had spilled. He staggered to the sink, letting the soothing water wash the crimson stains off his hands, but nothing could wash them from his soul. Then he walked back to stand by Dylan's side, lost in his own thoughts. He knew that by saving Dylan, he had signed his own death sentence. He had betrayed his own people, in addition to the Commonwealth, and worst of all, his best friend. There was nothing left to live for...not to mention that the penalty for his actions was death.
Yet, despite the powerful survival instinct that was part of his genes, Gaheris could not regret what he did. He did regret taking this path in the first place, he regretted ever betraying Dylan, but he did not regret trading his own life for his best friend's life.
He glanced up at the steadily beeping monitors telling him that his best friend was still alive, still fighting, but he also knew it would be a hard fight to win. He reached out, taking Dylan's relaxed hand in his own, gently caressing the top of Dylan's hand with his thumb. The emotional pain became too much to bear, thinking of how precious a friendship they had shared, only for him to have betrayed it.
The one person who he had loved most in the whole universe, the person he would gladly give his own life for, now lay wounded, struggling to survive, all by his own actions.
In the end, he knew that he could never stop loving Dylan, but he felt unworthy of the love Dylan had given him.
Gaheris lowered his head, as tears rolled from his eyes, his gaze betraying infinite pain and regret. He looked at Dylan's peaceful face, thinking of the expression of pure pain and shock it showed when Dylan realized that his best friend was a traitor... and the one thing that he regretted most was that he had hurt Dylan in this way.
Standing in silence, he held onto Dylan's hand, gently but firmly, almost as if it was a lifeline, the last thing that anchored his best friend to this world, silently praying that he would survive.
Time stopped ticking, as the Andromeda Ascendant herself reached the event horizon of the black hole.
Three-hundred-four years later, the Eureka Maru, a salvage ship ran by Beka Valentine approached the Hephaestus black hole, to salvage the Andromeda Ascendant. The Commonwealth had long since fallen, and with it, so had the Nietzcheans, destroyed by civil war. The Magog had decimated what was left, ruthlessly killing both sides. For people in their age, civilization was in tatters, and Beka with her crew tried to make an honest living, salvaging and hauling cargo, while trying to fend off attacks by pirates, slavers, terrorists, and Magog.
Their latest job was offered by a Nightsider, and it consisted of salvaging the Andromeda from the event horizon. Even at the measly percentage he was giving them, it would make them rich - if they actually survived the mission, that is.
They had managed to connect to the Andromeda, with bucky-cables, but now the real challenge was pulling the Andromeda free of the gravitational tides. As cables snapped, and the Maru's engines went into overload, Harper came up with a plan...he injected protons right into one of their AP tanks, turning the Maru into an instant Roman candle, and giving enough force to pull the Andromeda into safety. Then the Maru's engines went critical, and Harper had to shut down all systems, with only 2 seconds to spare, leaving them dead in space, just like the beautiful silver ship before their eyes. Harper set to work on restoring life-support, with several hours of repairs to go, while unknown to them, on board the Andromeda, another drama was unfolding.
For Gaheris and Dylan, time continued as if it had never stopped. Gaheris was still holding Dylan's hand. It hurt him to stand there before the reminder of what he had done, yet he would not let go, as if wishing that he could give Dylan some of his own life force, to save him.
Andromeda watched silently, unable to intervene, she had watched as Gaheris nearly killed her beloved Captain, and his best friend, and then do everything to save him, even wounding himself to extract those nanobots.
She did not understand why he had done what he did in the first place, but she understood his actions for what they were, a manifestation of love, and knew she could still trust him. She still loved him as her friend.
Andromeda rested her mind, at least from worrying about Dylan and Gaheris, and reached out with her sensors to see the state of the universe. She nearly lurched with shock, upon realizing that they had been trapped for over 300 years. Everyone she knew would be gone by now, and the same would be true for Dylan and Gaheris. Their families, and friends...all gone in the blink of an eye.
She saw the Maru in the system, but knew that whatever its purpose there was, they would only know when the other ship's crew boarded, she knew she had to appeal to Gaheris for his help.
Knowing that Andromeda was not in a fighting condition, and not knowing how the universe had changed in the last 300 years, and if the other ship had friendly or hostile intent, Gaheris set to work repairing Andromeda immediately, despite the fact his own wound was not healing as fast as normally, thanks to the fewer nanobots in his body.
Three hours later, he had finished all he could do. Andromeda had to admit, she was truly impressed with his engineering skills, skills she never realized he had, until now. And she could tell, from his gentleness while repairing her, that he really cared.
Now Andromeda's only problem was battle damage, which her nanobots and repair-bots were fixing, and that she was too low on fuel. Gaheris had undone his temporary sabotage to her starboard engine, but still, they both knew that in her current state, she could not make more than 20 PSL.
His last action towards repairs was to send out drones to find some hydrogen as fuel for her, not wanting to draw attention to them yet.
Gaheris was exhausted from three hours of crawling into conduits, and hanging from ladders over slipstream core, working without stop, adding to the physical strain from the damage to his heart, but Gaheris did not settle down to rest. Instead he stopped by Med-deck to check on Dylan.
Dylan had improved, but only slightly, and was still not safe. Gaheris let out a trembling sigh, wracked by silent sobs, and ran his right hand gently through Dylan's hair. He lingered for a few moments, his own tear-filled gaze resting on Dylan's unconscious form, before turning to leave.
Then Gaheris went to Command. He took Dawn's still body in his arms and placed it in Cryo. He had never really gotten to know her, but nonetheless regretted that he had killed her for nothing. Then he returned, picking up his own weapon that he had dropped. For what seemed like an eternity to him, he froze in place, crouching on one knee, as the memories of their fight filled his mind.
Shaking the painful thoughts from his mind, he turned, leaving Command, and went to the OBS deck.
Andromeda watched as her first-officer, and friend Gaheris Rhade sat dejectedly looking out at the stars, but not really appreciating their beauty. It was only too clear his mind was elsewhere.
He pulled his own forcelance, and sat staring at the dab of now dried crimson blood on its end...his best friend's blood. It triggered another series of memories in his mind, the happy moments he and Dylan had shared, the times they had saved each other's lives, the times they had confided in each other things that they would never tell to anyone...He remembered the time he had let his own guard down, and told Dylan: "It's an honor serving with you, and an honor to be your friend." He had meant it, in an even deeper way that his words had expressed, but when Dylan met his gaze, he knew no more words were needed.
It was true, he had truly loved Dylan, as the most dear person in the universe to him, and he had trusted him. Dylan had returned his feelings... yet in the end, it felt like his entire universe was destroyed before his eyes as he had destroyed everything they had with one shot from his forcelance.
Unwittingly, he had pointed the weapon at himself, his own hand pressing lightly on the button that would power it up.
Andromeda could tell from the distant look in his eyes that his own thoughts were far away, and thus she knew that his slightly suicidal gesture was probably a manifestation of his thoughts. She decided it was time to talk to him.
Andromeda's gentle voice jarred him from his thoughts, as her hologram materialized next to him. He quickly holstered the weapon.
He heard her ask "What are you thinking?"
There was not trace of anger or hate in her voice. Gaheris found the courage to meet her gaze, wanting to know how she felt toward him. He had talked to Andromeda before, but her holographic self was more expressive than her ship-self.
In some ways he found himself disappointed to see only a thoughtful understanding, no anger or hate. He knew how much it would have hurt to see anger in her eyes, because unlike many of his species, he respected AI's as sentient beings, and truly valued her friendship. Yet part of him wanted to feel her anger, wanted to suffer the pain it would cause, because he felt he deserved the suffering.
Finally he broke his own silence, and admitted to her, in a soft sad tone: "I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought I had good reasons for doing what I did, but now nothing makes sense anymore... nothing justifies nearly killing my best friend."
Gaheris knew he owed it to Andromeda, and by extension to Dylan, to explain why he had done what he did, especially since he would not be around to tell Dylan himself.
He told Andromeda the reasons his people had for overthrowing the Commonwealth, and how the massacres at Brandenburg-Tor, Hawking, and other places, followed by the treaty of Antares between the Commonwealth and the Magog had been the final catalyst, the final straw that had convinced him and those like him that the Commonwealth had to be replaced.
He finished: "I was supposed to kill Dylan and take control of you. It was never what I wanted though, it was what I felt I had to do, my duty to my people... but in the end... I..."
He sighed softly, and then continued, his voice trembling with sorrow: "I could not bring myself to do it. Dylan means too much to me...So I have failed everyone... I betrayed my people, my oath to the Commonwealth, but worst of all, I betrayed my friends... Dylan trusted and loved me, and I betrayed him. I betrayed our friendship."
Andromeda also knew that when he said friends, he was also thinking of her, but chose to say nothing.
Gaheris lowered his gaze, not wanting her to see the tears that had formed, and drew a ragged breath, choked with sorrow. When he raised his eyes again, his emotions were buried under a facade of cool determination, but to Andromeda who knew him for years, she could see the raging emotions beneath.
Gaheris stated: "As soon as Dylan is past the danger of dying, I will leave."
He continued quickly: "Dylan can manage this situation by himself."
Seeing Andromeda's frown, he continued, his tone clearly betraying his sorrow, and regret for what he had done, as well as a deeply burning anger toward himself:
"I do not belong here anymore. I have betrayed Dylan and you. I betrayed my best friends, and for that alone, I do not deserve to be here any longer, nor do I deserve to live...
Honestly I'm surprised that you have not turned your internal defenses against me yet, because you have every right to."
He fell silent again, and dropped his gaze, not noticing Andromeda looking at him with great concern. In all truth she was worried about him. Andromeda broke teh heavy silence that descended in them, saying softly: "Look, for what it's worth, Gaheris. I am not angry at you, and Dylan would not be either."
He shrugged, becoming even more unhappy if that were possible, and said, his voice barely more than a whisper: "But it does not change the fact that I hurt those I love the most."
Andromeda decided to change the topic, seeing that it was not helping him any, and asked: "So what will you do after you leave?"
Gaheris was silent for a long time, and Andromeda could see the torrents of emotions running beneath his carefully held stoic expression. Finally he answered: "I don't know... I guess I will ... find somewhere to start over..."
Andromeda was not convinced, since in all the years she had known him, Gaheris Rhade was never one to leave an action unplanned.
His emotions were running in a decidedly self-destructive direction. She wished that a few nice knocks from her AG field would get the notion out of his head, but she knew him too well to think that it was not part of his character. It was that that made him who he was, the amazing blend of a sensitive loving individual and a pragmatic logical Nietzschean...and at this moment she was terribly worried that she was dealing with a suicidal Rhade.
Though the idea of a suicidal Nietzchean almost sounded like a paradox, she knew that if one force in the universe was strong enough to override survival, it was love, and the pain that sometimes accompanied it.
Between herselves, Andromeda decided to keep an eye on him.
Gaheris made his way back to Med-deck, to check on Dylan's condition. Dylan was still unconscious, and still in danger of dying, but his progress had been steady, and he was better than before.
Gaheris stood by his side, looking sadly down at Dylan's form, then ran his hand over Dylan's arm, pausing briefly to hold his hand, before turning to leave.
His next move was to go to a conduit, and cut Andromeda's sensors on certain areas of the ship, temporarily. She had been prepared for this, though, and sent a swarm of tiny surveillance nanobots to follow him.
From there, he headed straight to her weapons locker, and proceeded to pick up a huge quantity of plasma explosives. She became more worried. In all truth, she wished that she could be afraid he would try to use them against her, but she knew too well to think that, and the realization that he was the one in danger hurt her more.
From there he did a little more fiddling with her wiring, creating a path of temporarily blind areas leading to the slipfighter bay, which would give him just enough time to pass through undetected before restoring themselves.
Andromeda had to marvel at his engineering skills, which though rarely used, were a mark of genius, and though ordinarily she would be offended by someone rewiring her, at that moment, she was too concerned for him to be offended.
Apparently, Gaheris understood how she would feel about it ordinarily, because she heard him quietly say: "I'm sorry, Andromeda."
His trek ended in the slipfighter bay, where he entered one of the slipfighters, and started to place the charges.
It was strange in a sense, watching Gaheris go through with his classic perfectionism, methodically placing the charges to ensure that they would incinerate the whole slipfighter, pilot included. It amazed her how he could be so focused and calm, despite the consequences of his actions, despite the knowledge that they would be his certain death.
Andromeda knew he was placing the charges so that the epicenter would be at the pilot seat, but the shockwaves of plasma, expanding outward would incinerate the slipfighter without trace. But it was also not entirely unexpected. Gaheris Rhade had the ability to carry out a plan, putting aside his emotions, that was how he had nearly killed Dylan...except in the end it was his love for Dylan that won...and that love was now the driving force for his actions...
When he finished with his work, Gaheris sat down and ran a simulation of the explosion on his slipfighter's computer. The charges were enough to destroy the slipfighter 20 times over, without a trace left behind.
He let out a satisfied "Hmmm" and a strangely appreciative smile graced his lips, his first smile in weeks. Apparently he was satisfied with his work, despite the obvious consequences for him.
That done, he cleared the simulation, and his expression of icy resolve, and pragmatic pride at his success melted away into a sea of pain, as he drew his forcelance, looking intently at the dried blood on the end.
His eyes filled with tears as his thoughts drifted back to the fateful moment he had nearly killed his best friend.
Gaheris consciously pulled back his thoughts, taking control once more, and checked the weapon's power level, ensuring it could deliver one last plasma round. Satisfied, he deactivated it again, and then pointed his weapon at his chest.
Andromeda saw him lightly press the trigger, not enough to fire a shot, but she knew it carried the idea, to him as well, as his expression changed slightly, his mind anticipating the lethal wound. Then after a short pause, he reached for the detonator, and his fingers lingered on the button momentarily.
She could almost see the plasma fire burning in his eyes, as he thought of, and prepared for the consuming pain that would engulf his very being. And now she knew what he would do.
His hand dropped away from the button, and he holstered the forcelance. He leaned back, eyes closed, his peaceful expression tinged with a deep sorrow encompassing the myriad emotions and thoughts running through him.
Andromeda understood what he was planning and why. The fact that he was planning to shoot himself in the heart with a plasma blast from his forcelance, *and* also blow the plasma explosives, while not sparing himself the pain of either, told her of his sense of justice, and his love. He wanted the lethal wound to be inflicted by the same weapon that he had used against Dylan, but he also wanted to make sure Dylan never found out about his death, so he was going to detonate the explosives while he was still conscious enough to make sure it would go according to plan, perhaps for no other reason than to know, before he died, that he could not be the cause of any more pain to those he loved.
It was truly a perfect plan, except for one thing: Andromeda knew, and would not let him succeed.
Still in the slipfighter, Gaheris Rhade opened his eyes, his expression back to the cool stoic mask he usually wore, and making sure none of the plasma charges were visible behind him, he stood up, activating a recording flexi.
He began: "Dylan..." then paused, unsure of what to say... "If you are getting this message, you have finally recovered...recovered from the wound I inflicted...
I realize it may not matter to you, but if it does, for what it's worth, I just wanted to tell you I am sorry.
... This was not what I wanted... it was what I HAD to do...and in the end I could not carry it out...
I am sorry I have betrayed your trust, our friendship in this way,...
But I thought you should at least know that it never was about us, Dylan. The truth is that your friendship is the most precious thing I have known in my life...and I betrayed you."
Gaheris fell silent, struggling to control the sorrow that was engulfing him, to hold back the tears that were forming in his eyes. He lowered his gaze, blinking rapidly, to dry the tears.
He looked back up at the flexi and continued: "I know you are wondering where I am. I just could not stay... not after I betrayed you... I know you Dylan. I know you would just try to put this behind us, and like the idealist you are, forget that it ever happened, instead of killing me like you should...
The problem is that I cannot forget. I'm not ready to put this behind us, and perhaps I never will be...
I need to find a place to be at peace..."
He smiled bitterly at his next statement: "A place where I cannot cause more hurt to those I love."
The he went on, stating what he knew would never happen, but needing to give Dylan and Andromeda that hope:
"If I ever can, I will come back to you, when I am ready...so please do not seek me out."
Gaheris fell silent again, struggling to hold his Nietzchean impassive front, his wounded soul battered by a storm of emotions, wanting so much to at least say goodbye to his best friend, but not able to reveal his intentions.
Finally he could do nothing more than say, in a voice betraying his deep sorrow: "Promise me you'll take care of yourself, Dylan."
He stood up straight, and saluted sadly, his voice breaking with emotion: "Commander Gaheris Rhade... out."
He shut off the flexi, and put it down, then leaned his hand against the wall, and a few tears forced their way through his tight control. He whispered between his quiet sobs: "Goodbye Dylan. Goodbye Andromeda...I will always love you."
Andromeda saw his tears run welling up from deep inside his troubled heart. Part of her felt bad for watching him, knowing that if he knew, he would have held the pain inside... and part of her wished she had an Avatar, so she could take him into her arms.
But his actions were the final thing that made her trust and love him with all her being...more so that ever before.
She knew he would leave before Dylan awakened, but after he knew Dylan was safe from the danger of dying...so she simply recalibrated the sensors on Med-deck, to still show Dylan as being in danger, while even at that moment, Dylan was past the danger point, and would awaken soon.
Gaheris dried his tears, and with his emotions held firmly in check once again, he made his final checks on the system he had set up, before exiting the slipfighter, and blinding sensors as he dropped the flexi by Dylan's quarters, then returned to his starting place.
Pretending to know nothing, Andromeda asked Gaheris to check her sensors, as she had lost sight of him for a while, and said she suspected they were damaged in the battle.
He complied, knowing what really happened, but figuring it could not hurt to do that for her, and spent the next two hours fine-tuning all her sensors.
By now, Dylan was more in a state of deep sleep, than a coma, and Gaheris was going to check on his best friend's progress. Just to ensure Dylan would not betray his improvement by partially awakening, Andromeda used some of her medical nanobot swarms to sedate him mildly and keep him asleep.
Gaheris felt yet another wave of sorrow hit him, as the monitors showed little improvement since the last time, and he felt truly afraid for his best friend, and regretted how badly he had hurt him. But he tried not to be pessimistic...Dylan would recover, it would just take some time... Gaheris pushed from his mind the thoughts of his worst fears. He could not bear the idea of Dylan dying... he needed Dylan to survive, to go on with his life, because he loved him.
He placed one hand on Dylan's upper arm, and with the other he gently caressed Dylan's forehead. He whispered to Dylan: "Stay with me."
Worried and saddened, yet needing to believe Dylan would be OK, Gaheris turned to leave, and headed to OBS Deck.
About half an hour later, Dylan awakened. He felt disoriented, and his side hurt a lot... but he was still alive.
He could not help but feel confused, very confused, that he was alive. Raising his eyes to see his surroundings, he found himself in Med-deck with Andromeda watching over him.
He could feel his uniform was unclasped, allowing his chest to be exposed, and his shirt had been cut off.
He was warm though, thanks to Andromeda's life support and also a soft thermal blanket that had been draped over him, covering his exposed chest. But how did he get here?
Dylan asked, his voice was tired: "What happened?"
Andromeda answered with a question of her own: "What do you remember?"
The memories of the last time he was in Command flooded his mind, his hand unconsciously drifted up to his side, feeling the blood covered uniform front with a hole in it, and the now-closed but still painful wound.
His eyes filled with tears as he remembered the last emotion that flooded his mind before he was hit by a plasma blast, and his world went dark: "Why, Gaheris... why have I lost your friendship?"
He managed to choke out, in answer to Andromeda's question: "I was in Command. Gaheris came in..."
He could not go further, his words drowned by a wave of sorrow, and silent tears.
Andromeda filled in: "After that, Gaheris brought you here... He had reasons for what he did...it was never personal, but in the end he could not let you die. You were too seriously wounded, and even my nanobots were not able to stabilize you...so he wounded himself to make his Nietzschean nanobots cluster there and extracted most of them, to help you. It worked. Since then you have been recovering, and he has been working to repair me."
Dylan was amazed, but not that shocked... perhaps in the end, Gaheris was the person Dylan thought he was...
Now he wanted to know what he had missed, and laboriously sat up, asking Andromeda: "Show me."
In all truth what he had seen amazed him... Gaheris had truly done everything to save him, and even given himself what must have been an unbearably painful wound to save his life. He saw Gaheris's gestures of affection, and his whispered plea: "Stay with me."
Dylan burst into tears again, but this time he was smiling, this time they were tears of joy, knowing that he had never lost Gaheris's friendship, and deeply touched by Gaheris's actions.
He heard Gaheris explain to Andromeda his actions, and while he liked to believe the Commonwealth did the right thing, he could understand the reasons, and even admit, Gaheris DID have a valid point.
Finally the playback of Andromeda's memories ended, but despite the fact Andromeda had not yet gotten to her later memories, the ones that made her worried about Gaheris, Dylan was worried...because in all the years he had known Gaheris Rhade, he had never seen an expression of such pure spiritual agony in his eyes.
Finally he asked: "How is Gaheris taking this?"
Andromeda sighed: "Not well. I am worried about him."
She went on: "He was planning to leave as soon as you were past the danger of dying, but while he says he only wants to start over, he has said repeatedly that he does not deserve to live, and I fear he may be planning to leave, and then take his life without us knowing."
Dylan seemed truly terrified, and even somewhat angry, but not shocked. True, Nietzscheans did not normally commit suicide, but then again, which Nietzschean would normally do what Gaheris did? Gaheris had always been... special.
Again, Andromeda showed him her memories, including the surveillance data gathered by her nanobots... including Gaheris planting the charges in his slipfighter, and recording the final message to him.
Dylan knew that Andromeda was right... Gaheris was planning to leave, only to end his life, and was going to ensure that Dylan and Andromeda never found out, to spare them the pain of his death.
Without another word, Dylan made up his mind, and said: "Andromeda. First. If he tries to leave, tell him permission DENIED - use your AG field if you have to. And second, where is he now?"
Andromeda smiled sadly, and then told him: "Obs Deck."
Dylan got to his feet, suddenly assaulted by a wave of dizziness and pain, but insisted on going right that minute to talk to Gaheris. He shrugged off his bloodied uniform, and the remnants of his shirt, and pulled on the clean gray shirt Gaheris had left there for him.
Gaheris was sitting in OBS deck. It had been almost an hour since he had last gotten there, and now he was staring at an old photo of Dylan and himself. It was the day they had been assigned to the Andromeda, and he remembered the feeling of pride that was his, not just at being given the honor of being the executive officer on the fleet's pride-and-joy but also that he would have the chance to serve with, and know better Dylan. Admittedly, he had taken a strong liking to Dylan on their first mission, and even repeatedly risked his life to protect Dylan that day...
Little did he know that their mutual admiration and attraction would grow into the most beautiful friendship the universe had seen... the most precious gift of his life... only for him to betray it.
His eyes filled with tears as he thought of the many happy memories they shared, the way they confided in each other, the beautiful feeling of knowing that by your side was a person who meant more to you than your own life, and the knowledge that Dylan felt the same for him.
It was true, but the one time in his life he felt truly happy, was when he was with Dylan.
This was the love he knew - pure selfless love, friendship - and it was better than magic...
Ghaeris had the incredible luck of being given this precious gift, to hold in trust...yet it had ended in tragedy.
All the happy memories crashed into a sea of unbearable pain as he remembered the moment he walked into command and shot his best friend...
He was so caught in his own melancholy thoughts, nursing the deepening wound in his soul, that he did not notice Dylan walk up behind him, until Dylan broke the silence: "Hey Gaheris."
Gaheris jumped slightly in shock, until he realized what Andromeda must have done, and wiped the tears from his eyes before turning to face Dylan. His face assumed his usual cool stoic facade.
Gaheris's tone was scolding, but Dylan could hear the buried gentle and melancholy note to it: "Dylan, you should be in medical."
Dylan heard Andromeda's hologram materialize behind him, and noticed Gaheris throw a reproachful glare at her. She met his expression with a knowing smile, and then vanished.
Dylan smiled sadly, and said: "I heard you were leaving."
Some of his cool facade dropped, as he asked: "I take it you don't agree?"
Dylan shook his head silently. Gaheris told him, his face remaining as it was before, but some of his anger towards himself, and his pain seeped into his voice:
"You should have killed me on sight, you have every right to. You didn't. Instead you want to just put this behind us, but I cannot do that. Not yet, perhaps not ever. I need to go somewhere where I can start over...I do not belong here anymore."
Dylan's blue eyes locked with his, and Dylan said, sadly: "But you have no intentions of starting over. You are leaving so you can end your life... and you don't want me to know... you don't want me to mourn your death... And I cannot let that happen."
Gaheris reacted as Dylan thought he would, he gave Dylan one of his classic Rhade smirks, one eyebrow raised, and the opposite end of his mouth curled into a half-smile, and said, hiding his true emotions:
"How many Nietzscheans have ever committed suicide?"
They both knew the answer to that question: none, but Dylan suspected that answer would soon change... Nevertheless, he also knew that Gaheris was trying to draw him off.
Dylan stepped closer, setting his hands gently on Gaheris's arms, left bare by his short sleeved t-shirt, since Gaheris had removed his uniform. He said, in a sorrowful tone, not breaking eye contact:
"I know a Nietzschean who sacrificed everything: his life, the survival of his genes, his reputation, his place in the universe...to save a human...because he loved that person... You."
Gaheris felt his steel wall crumbling as Dylan pulled him close. He knew Dylan understood, and there was no point in deceiving him now. He dropped his voice a level, and in a heavy tone said to Dylan:
"I am guilty of treason, and insurrection at the worst level. For that, even the Commonwealth has the death penalty...All I'm asking you is... let that be by my own hand."
Dylan smiled sadly, knowing that this was not the true reason Gaheris was planning to take his own life. He replied:
"The Commonwealth does not need to know."
He realized that his words must have shocked Gaheris as much as they shocked him...Dylan Hunt, the man who practically represented and fully trusted the Commonwealth decided to keep this a secret?
Dylan was the kind of person who would bear witness to evidence that would convict him if it were true, rather than hold a secret from the Commonwealth...yet now he realized there was one thing worth protecting with everything.
Gaheris's wall collapsed totally with this realization, and tears filled his eyes. He wrapped his arms around, holding Dylan's elbows in his hands, and once again met Dylan's gaze, even as the tears ran from his eyes.
His voice was trembling with pure emotional pain, as he said softly:
"The greatest gift I have ever had in life is your friendship, your trust, and I betrayed that. I betrayed you...
I cannot forgive myself for that, Dylan, I cannot just pretend it did not happen..."
He continued: "I have no place in this universe. I've failed my people, I've betrayed the Commonwealth, but worst of all, I betrayed our friendship. Even if you want to forget this, I cannot. I cannot forgive myself for what I have done."
His voice cracked, choked with sorrow as he finished: "I cannot forget how much I have hurt you, in more ways than one."
Dylan met Gaheris's sad brown eyes with his own tear-filled blue eyes and said to him:
"Gaheris. I cannot force you to stay, and I certainly cannot force you to go on living, but I want you to know this much."
Dylan went on: "Your friendship means more to me than my own life...it's the most precious thing in the universe ...Knowing you is the best thing that ever happened to me."
Dylan's eyes started to stream tears, and his voice cracked as he said:
"When you shot me, the plasma blast was not what hurt. What hurt me was that I thought I had lost you, lost your friendship. Now I know that's not true. You are still my best friend... but now you are trying to leave again, only this time there is no way back, because if you leave, we will never be together again..."
Dylan could see the pain that was radiating from Gaheris's eyes, when he mentioned their fight, and even more so now, but he could see the love that was there too. He finished, his voice barely more than a whisper:
"I don't want to loose your friendship... I cannot bear to loose you."
Gaheris tried holding Dylan back, saying bitterly, an overwhelming wave of anger toward himself rising:
"There's nothing left to loose, Dylan. I destroyed all that we had when I tried to kill you."
Dylan held Gaheris's sad gaze as he replied, soothingly:
"For a moment back there that is what I thought, but you kept our friendship alive in your heart...It's why you were willing to sacrifice everything for me...it's why you put yourself through so much to save me."
Gaheris could not reply, too choked by tears. It was true, he did love Dylan, more than anyone or anything else, and somehow, despite everything, Dylan still loved him the same way. Somehow their trust and love had not been broken, but rather strengthened, as if somehow a friendship pact had been sealed between them, signed in their blood.
Dylan saw the bitterness in Gaheris's gaze melt away, and he leaned into Gaheris's embrace. He softly said: "Stay with me."
A strange peace settled over Gaheris's pained heart and tortured soul, and he wrapped his arms gently but protectively around Dylan's chest.
Within his heart, Gaheris Rhade made a silent promise, the stars before them and the sentient ship cradling them in her bosom as his witnesses, that no matter what crossed their paths, nothing would ever shake their friendship again...their pure true love that would live forever.
Within her AI core, Andromeda smiled, happy that her friends were safe, and at peace. It gave her hope that no matter how bad things got, this love would bring harmony to the universe.