A/N: Inspired by a scene from Pretty Little Liars.
JUST A BROKEN DREAM
"I want to confess as best I can, but my heart is void. The void is a mirror. I see my face and feel loathing and horror. My indifference to men has shut me out. I live now in a world of ghosts, a prisoner in my dreams."
-The Seventh Seal-
Ty Lee enters the room expecting to spark a grand story about the healing power of love. Zuko waits for her, ready to unlock Azula's cage—see: bedroom—and let Ty Lee in for the first time. A thunderstorm rages outside. It soared in from the sea an hour or so ago, as if it followed Ty Lee here. Zuko considers the downpour outside and the occasional rumble of thunder oddly symbolic.
"I don't know if this is a good idea," Zuko says yet again. He does not know how he could make it any clearer to his guest.
Ty Lee says, "If she doesn't want to see me, then I'll leave, but I gotta try."
Zuko attempts to explain, "It's more about you not wanting to see her. I mean, she knows you're coming and everything but I don't think you'll like this."
"I know I've avoided seeing her for a long time, but I'm ready now. I thought she was dead, Zuko. I thought she was dead and it was all my fault." Ty Lee wrings her hands and bows her head. The shadows dance on her cheeks and brow.
"She kind of is," Zuko says without thinking. He internally curses at himself for being so blunt. Ty Lee always has been quite fragile about Azula.
And she stands up straight, eyes wide and stunned. "What?"
"She isn't dead, but she isn't really there, either," Zuko tries to explain, his hand twitching towards Ty Lee. He restrains himself; he doubts a comforting friend will make her change her mind.
"I don't understand that," she says, lips parted, now trembling.
"Have you ever had people in your life who are alive but they're gone and so you can't get over the grief if you tried?" Zuko manages to answer, surprised at how well that sums it up.
Ty Lee shakes her head. "I'm here to get over grief. I know what I'm wrapping myself up in."
Zuko disagrees, but he knows he will not deter her. She has a determined glint in her copper-colored doe eyes. He guides her down the hall and leads her to his sister, the woman he wants to redeem but mostly with whom he tries to make up for his mistakes.
"I'm sorry," he says, although he knows he is to blame for nothing involved in this situation.
Ty Lee walks in slowly. Her shoes do not quite fit and they pinch her toes as she strides inside. She wore them because they are the prettiest ones she owns, as if Azula would notice her shoes and fall in love with her over the right kind of accessory.
She finds the princess waiting for her, which gives her chills. Ty Lee walks in and hugs herself, already shrinking under that golden gaze. But nothing happens. No fight, no cold remarks. She only watches, and somehow that scares Ty Lee more than anything Azula could say.
"I know you probably don't want to see me," Ty Lee uneasily says, trying to keep her posture straight and her expression warm. "But I want to see you."
Azula does not reply. Ty Lee thinks she sees hatred in her old true love's golden eyes but maybe she imagines it there. She would deserve it.
Ty Lee continues, "I'm sorry I never came to see you. We didn't part great. We never part great, I guess, but I'm sorry I never was brave enough to come here."
Azula does not reply.
Ty Lee continues, "You look pretty."
That is not true. Azula is a mess. She just leans against the wall behind her bed, and, she always seemed to sit places like they were thrones but right now she looks like the room is halfway through swallowing her whole. She is in disarray and she is not the perfectly composed being Ty Lee thinks about every day.
But it does not matter. Because Ty Lee loves her and that will fix everything.
Ty Lee says, attempting to keep her confidence up, "I'm hoping that we could be friends again. It would be good to be friends again. We could gossip about things and I could…"
Silence.
Ty Lee states, "I got engaged a while ago. But I didn't go through with it. I couldn't, 'cause, 'cause somebody else just kept popping up in my head whenever I looked at the courtship flame. It was such a pretty red with such perfect details, but he was so angry that I gave it back that he threw it into the water. I don't think I'm getting it back."
She adds, "It was you who got in my head if you didn't guess, but I bet you guessed because you're the smartest person I've ever known."
Azula does not reply. Ty Lee toys with her sleeve and tries to think.
Then she sits on the floor across from the princess in utter silence. She finally gets up and finds nail varnish. Someone tucked away plenty in Azula's expansive closet.
"Can I paint your nails?" inquires Ty Lee, toying with one of the many shades of red.
She waits for permission but then accepts the fact that she will not get a word. And so, she strides forward and sits on Azula's bed. She takes the unusually cold hands of the firebender in hers and instantly thinks of what Zuko said about her being between death and life. She clears her head of those thoughts and begins filing and expertly painting Azula's unkempt nails.
Ty Lee says, "I used to do this for you. I used to do this for you when we were out on the road and you didn't have any servants. You asked me to. I mean, you ordered me to, but I would've offered if it was my place to do that."
Thunder crashes and the white rush of lightning brightly illuminates the room. Ty Lee knocks over the varnish and it spills like blood on the sheets. She rubs at her arm but knows it is futile, and she still shivers slightly after the storm reminds her of its presence.
Ty Lee finishes painting Azula's nails, talking about people Azula does not know and situations she does not care about. But it is the only way Ty Lee knows how to be a friend anymore.
She finishes her work and smiles at the ghost she once knew.
"Why are you being so cruel?" Ty Lee whispers, fidgeting under that hollow golden gaze. "You could answer me. Am I boring? Am I boring you?"
Silence. Ty Lee stands up. She has lost it now and thunder rumbles again in the distance.
Sweetly and pleadingly, Ty Lee begs, "Just at least say goodbye. I've given you so much. I've given you all of me and I just want you to give me a goodbye."
Silence. Ty Lee clenches her fists.
"You owe me! You've made my life a nightmare! You owe me!" Ty Lee punches the wall and it erupts around her agonized knuckles. She sinks to her knees, crying, and wonders if she is the crazy one now. "I'm so stupid! I should never have come here!"
Azula's lips part; Ty Lee holds her breath.
The silence hurts every single bone in Ty Lee's body.
"I owe you nothing," Azula says, so softly Ty Lee barely can hear. "You have always struck first, and you ought to know that."
"I don't know. I don't know what to do. I don't know anything. I don't even think I know you anymore," Ty Lee stammers, blinking away her tears.
"You didn't know me when you knew me."
Azula seals her lips. Ty Lee does not know about that final statement, but she does know that Azula is not who she thought she knew anymore. She is no longer the princess she pined over; she is just the broken dream of a girl who never knew better.
But that…
That does not…
That does not make a difference and that person is there somewhere…
Some of that light faded away but…
Ty Lee takes a breath and controls her tears. "I love you. You know I love you, don't you?" Ty Lee whispers, setting her palms on Azula's knees.
"Of course I do," Azula says and Ty Lee does not know what to think or feel. "And if I now I admit I love you too, does that change a single thing?"
Ty Lee thinks about that for ages. Azula waits, not as if she has anything else to do about it.
"It changes one thing; I'm not scared to do this anymore," Ty Lee says, standing and with all of the courage she has left in her body, she kisses Azula on the dry, cracked lips.
She steps back; Azula lies down.
The storm worsens; the wind moans.
Ty Lee exits the room understanding that sometimes love alone is not enough.
end