CATALYTIC EFFECT
Author:Ysrith
Summary- River ponders her relationship with Mal.
Rating - K
Disclaimer - Not mine. Belongs to JW, ME and other people.
Thanks to Den for the Beta
River watches the crew play. Kaylee is running with the ball trying to get past Jayne. Mal sits on the steps to the side, his right arm in a sling. River was not listening and was not able to warn him of the stray shot that clipped him. He laughs as Kaylee slides under Jayne's arm and scores.
River smiles. The light of Kaylee's joy is infusing the others, even Mal. For a moment, he shines in her afterglow. The room vibrates with warmth, and for a brief moment, despite the chaos, there is balance. River enjoys that. Simon walks in the room and Kaylee lights up even more, but Mal fades in intensity.
River frowns. The equations become unbalanced. She needs to rewrite for order and her sums do not compute. She sits and tries to unravel the equations. She becomes lost in the flow of integers and denominators.
"You okay down there?"
She looks up. Mal has moved over to her side.
"Yes," she nods in reply. "I am trying to comprehend."
"That's good, I suppose!"
She likes Mal. Despite his frequent protests, she knows that he accepts her, even as damaged as she is. She tries to understand him, but his own logic is fuzzy. There is no discernible pattern to it. He is clouded by many thoughts she cannot read and she finds that annoying. He holds his light in, hidden away, to open only in short bursts that blaze in intensity, and that scares her.
In another time, she sees him walking down the steps limping badly. The bullet destroyed the knee. But in the here and now, she recognizes the vision for what it is. They come often, and for a while they were confusing. It was difficult to tell what was, what is and what was to be. She is more centered now and recognizes that a vision is but one possible outcome and that it may not have to be. Her visions are imprecise, the input corrupted by faulty software, so the analysis produced was often inaccurate.
"What's wrong?" Mal's quiet voice brings her back to the present. "You got a little distracted there."
She looks up and smiles. "The equations don't work and the images are not helping!"
A brief look of confusion passes across his face and then he shrugs and sits down beside her. He looks tired, pale skin contrasting with dark hair. Everything around Mal is dark.
Mal, bad, dark. She remembers an ancient language, words with old meanings now forgotten, but meanings are often not accurate. They need to be taken in context.
Mal's eyes burn, bright, shining with pain and intelligence. He is always watching, scanning, looking for an edge. He is not as stupid as he likes to pretend. Not in her category of course but then no-one is, not even Simon, but Mal is sharp, very sharp. He understood quicker than the others, knew what she was. Long before Early came on board, he had made his own calculations, and even though they were improbable, had jumped to the correct conclusion. Though she still does not understand why he had kept that knowledge to himself for so long. She wondered was it possible that he might understand.
"Everyone is linked by equations, but humans are irrational and do not follow the patterns they should. They insist on following pathways that do not make sense."
She looks over at Kaylee and Simon as she speaks. Mal follows her gaze.
"Ah, young love's dream!"
"Except it is not," River replies. "The obvious is being ignored and that makes me sad."
Mal takes her hand. "Ain't nothin' you can do about that."
She looks sharply at him.
"River, some people are meant to be together. Take Wash an' Zoë. I'd lay money your equations work on those two."
She nods.
"So Simon and Kaylee... my advice,leave 'em be. If it is meant to happen then it will."
She sighs again. He does not see the imbalance. She wants to explain to him, to make him understand, but they are interrupted by Kaylee's cheerful voice.
"Heh, Cap'n I beat Jayne."
She waves up at them. Mal gets up and starts down the steps. He turns and reaches his hand out toward River.
"Come on girl, let's go join them. Get Kaylee to teach you how to play."
She nods and follows him down the steps.
As she walks behind Mal, she considers him again. He is complex, she often has to rewrite his equations. He is unpredictable, fuzzy.
Mal watches over them all. He would die to protect them. River shudders. Niska proved that before he died screaming. She remembers Mal broken and bloody, on his knees before Niska, begging for Kaylee's life. She was not there, but Kaylee's dreams are vivid, and unlike Mal, her thoughts scream loud in the night. She saw through Kaylee's eyes. Mal lying naked on the floor, men hurting him, and River felt her anguish.
He is always hurting. Even now when they should be safe, Mal is in pain. He has a terrible way of getting into trouble, much worse than Simon. But he took River and Simon under his protection, bled for them, killed for them, so now she will try and keep him safe as best she can.
It will not be easy. The future is violent. He draws the dark to him, and her images of what his future holds are frightening.
In one, she sees him in a dark alleyway lying against a wall, blood trickling from his nose, eyes unfocused. A man with blue hands stands over him.
She shifts the numbers, attempts to redress the sums, and instead she watches as he pushes Kaylee out of the way and takes the bullet, blood on his lips, as he falls to the ground.
She tweaks again, and they are back in the alleyway and Mal stills lies against the wall bleeding, but now a broken girl with a bright gun stands over him and the man with the blue hands lies dead at her feet.
River prefers that vision, but it is not to last. She is on Serenity but the ship is empty. There are no laughing voices. Mal sits on the bridge and takes them deeper into the Black, and only River stands beside him. They are alone.
It should not be like that either.
In all her visions, she never sees him with gray in his hair. She reaches out and feels his fire. Some stars burn too fast, they feed on their own gases and burn too brightly. Without protection, Mal will burn outand sadly River realizes she is not the one to prevent that.
As she walks along the catwalk, she tries to recalculate, to compensate for the missing part of the equation.
Sighing, she looks down and sees Mal slide in behind Kaylee and slip his good arm around her waist in a playful hug. Kaylee giggles, but leans back into him. Mal smiles and whispers into Kaylee's ear and she laughs out loud.
As she stands above them, River watches as Kaylee glows even brighter and Mal's sharp burn becomes a warm fire and River bathes in their conjoined light.
And then she realizes she knows how to protect him, and suddenly the equations slide into place, and the visions shift once more, and this time there is a little girl with a beautiful smile and big blue eyes. Her father laughs as he picks her up and swings her. Her mother waves at her, and the little girl giggles and hugs her father.
She looks down at Mal. He is looking up at her, a smile on his face. She smiles back at him. The equations are now balancing, and Serenity is happy.