Perfection

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and everything related belongs first, and foremost, to JKR, and then to her partnerships with Scholastics, Bloomsbury, Warner Bros., etc.

Summary: There was only one word to describe you: perfect. You, Lily Evans, were perfection. You kept to yourself; you had your group of friends and that's all you needed. And 'all' didn't include me, James Potter. (A NOTE about HE LOVED ME!)

Authors Note: Guess what? I redoing the end of He Loved Me. Are you excited:)

Perfection

There was something about you; something about your vibrant red hair, something about your emerald jewels of eyes, something about your joyful smile. Even when I first met you, I knew there was something about you. You were bright, cheerful, fun, energetic, smart, beautiful… There was only one word to describe you: perfect. You, Lily Evans, were perfection.

I noticed you during the Sorting Ceremony our first year. Well, who didn't notice you? Nobody was as beautiful as you were; no girl came close to capturing the beauty you possessed. What did big brown eyes have, compared to bright green eyes? What did dull blond hair have, compared to noticeably dark red hair? They didn't compare. Because you were always more beautiful than anyone I'd ever seen. You were my ideal girl. In fact, before I learned your name, to Sirius, I called you "perfection" and still did it even after I learned it was Lillian Marie Evans, Muggle-born, Charms' Club President, Best in Charms…

I didn't know you more than two days and I was hooked on you. I wanted to know you, because you seemed to be the girl everyone wanted to be around. But it wasn't like that. You weren't the most popular. You kept to yourself; you had your group of friends and that's all you needed. And 'all' didn't include me, James Potter. In reality, I was the popular one. And you made it quite clear, each and every time I tried to bring you into the spot-light, that you didn't want to be known around the school. But you were. And maybe that was a reason you hated me.

No matter how much you hated me, though, Lily, I always loved you.

They say that falling in love with someone is not done by finding the perfect person, but being able to see an imperfect person, and look beyond the imperfect qualities. I laughed whenever someone told me this. It may be true to some, but not to me. Because you were perfect for me. No, I didn't ignore your "bad qualities" when I proclaimed my love. I merely looked at you, and there was no bad. There was nothing that needed fixing.

One may argue that you need to stop being so stubborn. That you need to stop being so studious. That you need to become more social. But you'll never hear those words out of my mouth. Nope. No way. Because every day I spent with you, I fell in love with you more and more. You could do no wrong with me. You could yell, you could curse me, you could scream my name, but you were still the best girl I could have asked for. You could have chosen a million guys over me, and you have chosen many, but you'd never make me forget you.

I've tried before, Lily. I've tried and I've tried. Letting you go has been my goal since our fight at the end of fifth year. I wanted to get over you. How do you think it feels being in love with someone that won't give you the time of day? How do you think it feels to sit there, day after day, watching, waiting, praying, hurting, because the one thing you love above all else, is the thing that doesn't care if you stay or go?

But through all this, Lily, you have been perfection to me. Even pining for you hasn't dampened the fact that you have always been and will always be the one I want. The one I'll choose above any girl. The one I set my standards to, which no girl has ever been able to meet.

I've even tried to change for you. I became a gentleman, I thought. I thought I would walk into your life sixth year and you could fall for me. I opened doors for you, and when you insulted me, I took it. I didn't threaten to curse you. I even gave up my snitch. But it didn't seem to be enough. I was not good enough then, and it was foolish of me to think that I could have been. To think that I pined, changed and waited for you, and all for nothing.

But it doesn't change the fact that when you bound down the stairs every morning to the common room, that my heart flutters inside. It still doesn't change that when I look at you, my day becomes better. It still doesn't change that I always want to know where you are. And it doesn't change that I can't think of life without you. Only with you. You and me. Together. That'd be perfect.

Now, it's our seventh year. I'm not getting my hopes up anymore. I've been successful in giving up on you thus far. I've been successful in forgetting what ever thing it once was that I felt for you. A crush? Love? A mere fancy? I don't know. But I'm stronger now, after the summer. There are other things in my life; I have no time for unrequited feelings. Dating seems so petty now that Lord Voldemort is at large. But I'm not going to be foolish enough. I'm not going to trick myself into thinking that you have feelings for me. We're friends now, and I'm content. And I'm not listening to Sirius when he gives me advice to ask you for a date. I'm not setting myself up for disappointment.

And even though all you've ever been to me, one big disappointment, you still are the most perfect girl I know. Through the disappointment of you never loving me, you are still perfection.

Well, I know this is probably the worst way to receive this information. And I know that a birthday card is supposed to hold "Happy Birthday! Make it good!" but I needed to get this off my chest. Have fun being eighteen, Lily. And I hope nothing changes between us. I hope you don't feel obligated to be my friend because of these feelings. And I'm sorry if I hurt you any time during this letter; any time during our years together here. I just need to protect my heart.

You're too perfect. And thanks for giving me a chance to be a good friend, Perfection.

Lily folded up the letter, bringing it to her chin as she closed her eyes. Her mind was racing. He was so redundant. He said one thing, but meant another. But she knew that that was James. After spending hours upon hours with him, she knew him back and forth. And she knew she did this to him.

She never meant to. She doesn't even know now why she hurt him like she did. Perhaps it was because she didn't know him. Perhaps she didn't love him then, because she didn't know him. But she knew him now. He was down in the Head's Common Room, probably working on some school work or something. She knew she wanted to go down, but she didn't know what she wanted to say.

Intending on playing it cool, she walked down the steps of her dormitory. He didn't look up as she entered. He was writing a Potions essay on a long roll of parchment, but she knew she had to talk to him about the letter. It would only take a moment. She approached him quietly, the letter clutched to her right hand, and the left hovering over her mouth in nervousness.

"The tables have turned," she said quietly. His eyes stopped moving on the parchment, but he didn't look up for a moment. "I've read your letter."

His eyes jumped to her face apologetically, but he didn't utter a word. He felt as though he had said enough.

"How's your heart?" she asked.

He looked away from her piercing stare. "Still being protected, to the best of my ability."

She scrunched up her nose, and he looked toward her, torn between apprehensive and amused. "It's a pity you don't listen to Sirius."

James looked up at her. His brow was creased in thought, and she peered on to the letter. "'I'm not going to trick myself into thinking that you have feelings for me. We're friends now, and I'm content. And I'm not listening to Sirius when he gives me advice to ask you for a date,'" she read, and his eyes met hers. "The only time you don't listen to Sirius is when you should."

His eyes widened as his brain clicked speedily. "You don't mean—"

"No matter what you said in this letter, James, I'm not perfect." Lily smiled, sitting down next to him. "Because if I were perfect, it wouldn't have taken me so long to do," she leaned over to kiss his lips, "this."

James stared at her, his Potions' essay forgotten. "I don't understand."

"I know you want your heart protected, James," Lily said. "And I'm sorry for making you need it protected. But I want my heart protected, too. And if you're willing to give me the chance some day, I'm willing to be really protective of your heart."

Lily threw her arms around his shoulders, dreading and anticipating his answer.

"Sounds perfect," he said, hugging her back.

They sat in the common room, working on homework, both feeling on top of the world. James was in shock that Lily had fallen for him, and Lily was just happy he was willing to give it a go. But nevertheless, they had found something in each other, that they had only dreamed of: perfection.