I Create Myself
A/N: Hey everybody! I recently discovered Doctor Who! Needless to say Doomsday had me on my floor crying. So here is a little something that I came up with after watching Doomsday.
Disclaimer: The Doctor owns the Tardis. I am just along for the ride.
"I lo... I love you." I cried
Here I stand on the worst day of my life, standing in front of a mere image of the man I love. I had never told him that I loved him though. I had never told him until now.
"Quite right too." The Doctor laughs.
This was it he was going to tell me he loved me but what good can it do me now? He was gone and I can never see him again. I can never hear him soothing the TARDIS again. I can never stare blankly at him while he tried to explain quantum physics to me again. The man I was going to be with forever was going to tell me he loved me and it tore me to pieces.
"And I suppose if it's my last chance to say it..." I brace myself for the words that I had waited to hear for two years. I wait for him to say the words. The words that would tear my heart in two, the words that were supposed to joyous and happy but were now an echo of our travels.
"Rose Tyler..." I close my eyes and listen but nothing comes. He never says it. I can only hear the wind of the beach whipping my hair. why doesn't he say anything? When my eyes flutter open I realize that the man I love was no longer standing in front of me. He was gone and I will never see him again.
I will never get to hear him tell me he loved me. The one phrase I had wanted to hear while I traveled with him had become the one phrase that would poison me the rest of my life. My faith in him was unwavering though. I know what he meant to say. Every hug, every hand hold, every kiss, every look told me what he wanted to say. I suppose it doesn't need saying but I want that tangible phrase floating in my mind. I need those words if I am to survive the rest of my life without him. I want to know for certain that he loves me. It would plague me the rest of my life that I will never get to hear my lonely man tell me he loves me. It will also pain me to know that the one person in this universe who I love is the one person I can never have.
The tears flow freely now, there was no stopping them. He was truly gone. This was not just a visit home to see Mum, this was final and forever. I was no longer the Doctor's companion. My fun was over and a new person would take my place at the Doctor's side, a new woman or a man perhaps. That person will hold the Doctor's attention forever. No matter how hard I try the Doctor will never look at me again.
I sink to my knees and hold my heart. It will kill me. The pain of not having him will kill me. The cold sand digs into my knees and I can feel its chill through my jeans. I am in pain, so much pain. I sob until I have a headache. Mum doesn't bother coming near me because she knew the pain of losing the man you love. But she had her love back and she could spend her entire life with him. They could grow old together and watch their children grow old. I will never have that. I could've spent the rest of my life with the Doctor but could never have spent his with me.
I know what I need to do. I need to get back to the Doctor. I was not going to let the pain of not having him kill me. I was going to be strong and able. I was going to fight for my love, my life, and my sanity. I would only allow myself to cry this once. After today there will be no more crying. After today I will never stop trying to find him. I will find him even if it kills me.
I rise up and wipe the tears from my face. I walk over to Mum and engulf her in a hug.
"Don't you worry Rose you will see that man again." Mum soothes
"I know Mum. I know." I cry into her shoulder.
The Doctor had changed me while I was with him. He made me better. He was preparing me for when he was not there to lead me. I will be my own person now. I will create myself. No one will stand in my way. I will find him and when I do I will never leave him. We are meant to travel the stars together and that is what we will do. The Oncoming Storm and the Bad Wolf will be together again.
I create myself.
I control my own destiny.
I will lead myself to him.
Even if it's the last thing I do.
I love this man and love is something that cannot be wasted in tears.
A/N: Thank you for reading! Please leave a review I love hearing what everybody has to think!