While I deal with the writers block I am having with ASPOM, I had this story just rolling around in my mind and finally had to get it out. I'm sure there are spelling and punctuation errors, but it's unbeta'd. So, don't judge too harshly. Hope you enjoy. :)
Negative. How could it be negative? Again...? They had been trying desperately to get pregnant for 10 months. Since tying the knot at the Author's mansion on a beautiful Saturday in late June, Emma and Killian discussed adding to their unique little family right away. With Henry nearing his 15th birthday and Emma nearing her 33rd, and Killian being somewhere upward of 300 there was no time like the present to begin "Operation Baby Jones". So far, they had been through one miscarriage, a false positive and two visits to two different fertility Doctors, who insisted that everything was just fine, but these things "take time". Emma was losing hope. She stared at that little stick and a single, lonely little blue line stared right back at her.
"How is this possible?" She asked herself with a sigh."How come when I didn't want to have a baby 15 years ago, I ended up pregnant?" And in jail, but lets not get into that. "And now that I am trying to make a baby with the man I have been to hell and back with...literally, nothing is happening?" She shook her head; her eyes rolling in frustration. What was taking so long? She was a relatively young, vibrant, active woman. Both fertility specialists confirmed that her eggs were viable and that Killian had a high sperm count. So, what was the hold up? Was she being punished? She'd already had a baby and gave it up. Maybe this was fates way of telling her that she didn't deserve another baby. That she didn't get a second chance. She felt ashamed. Ashamed for wanting a baby now, when she didn't want the baby that she had given birth to 15 years ago. She felt ashamed of her body for failing, yet again.
How am I going to tell him? she thought. What if I can't give him the family he wants?"
Suddenly there was a soft knock on the door, "Emma, love? Are you in there? Is everything alright?" In a panic, she wiped the tears from her cheeks and stuffed the false pregnancy test into its box. "I'm fine." She replied. "Um, I'll be out in a minute." She flushed the toilet for good measure, to assure him that she was indeed almost done.
"I'll go and make some breakfast then." Emma could hear his foot steps growing farther and farther away, until she knew he was not standing on the other side of the door anymore.
She quickly pulled some tissues from box on the counter and buried the evidence of her disappointment in the trash can. After washing her hands she headed down to the kitchen where her husband awaited her.
"Good morning, Swan." Killian was standing at the stove in a pair of black cotton pajama pants and a white v-neck t-shirt. His hair was still tussled from their night of passion and the deep sleep that quickly followed. He held a frying pan handle pinned between the base and tip of his hook and a spatula in his hand.
"Now, I know you like your eggs over easy, but Henry insisted that I learn to make eggs a different way. So," dropping the plastic cooking utensil to the counter, he reached for a plate. "here are your...scrambled eggs." The pan flipped and the bundle of eggs fell softly onto the plate, steam rising up from their center. He added two pieces of bacon, a piece of buttered toast and set the plate down in front of his wife with a steaming cup of Hot Cocoa. (Topped with cinnamon, of course.)
Emma gave a small smile that didn't quite reach her eyes, nodded her head and took a bite of her breakfast. Focusing her eyes downward, she grabbed the closest piece of paper to her and began to read with false interest, hoping that Killian would take the hint that she wasn't in the mood to talk.
After fixing himself a plate, Hook sauntered over and planted himself in the seat next to her while the savior's eyes remained steady on the Storybrooke Daily Mirror. Her mind was focused so hard on keeping the tears at bay that she hadn't even realized that Hook was trying to ask her a question.
"Emma?" He questioned.
"Hmm?" was her only reply as she forked another bite into her mouth. If she kept her mouth full, she knew he wouldn't expect her to talk.
"I said, I was thinking maybe tonight we could go out for the evening. Perhaps take the Jolly Roger out into the harbor; have a picnic under the stars." The Captain angled his body toward her so that her hip was positioned between his legs.
She spoke out of the corner of her mouth, still chewing her last bite. "Eh, it's kind of cold for a night out on the water." She still wouldn't look up at him.
Leaning in closer, Killian's lips grazed the shell of her ear. "Ah, worry not, darling, I know a few ways we can keep warm." his hook rested on her lower back; his hand on her thigh.
Normally Emma was receptive to his advances, but today was different. She curled away from him and shuffled to her feet. "Actually," she began as she strode to the sink "I have a lot to do down at the station. I'm still catching up from...you know; The Thing." She waved her hand nonchalantly in the air as her other hand dropped her plate in the sink, not even turning to face him.
His eyebrows furrowed. The Thing. He knew what that meant. She only ever talked about it when she was trying to push him away. Something was wrong. What had happened to make her think about The Thing this morning? He stood from the table and walked up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waste; his hand and hook finding their way to her flat, taut stomach as he rested his chin on her shoulder. "Darling..."
Emma shrugged away, turned to face him and gave him a half-hearted smile.
"Maybe another night, ok?" Her tone was soft, but her words were tight. She was done discussing it and he knew it. When their eyes met for just a moment, he saw a sadness that he almost recognized hidden behind the facade she held. But before Killian could question her, she leaned in and gave him a peck on the cheek. Without another word, she broke from his embrace and hurried toward the front door.
"Emma..." he called after her.
"I'll check in later." She called back just before he heard the door close behind her.
Killian dropped his plate in the sink on top of hers, finished his coffee and made his way to the upstairs bathroom to begin getting ready for his day. He removed his can of shaving cream from the medicine cabinet, gave it a quick shake and tried to spray a small amount onto his face. Instead of a puff of cream, a blast of shaving cream bits shot onto his cheek.
"Bloody Hell." he muttered to himself. Realizing that the can was empty, he thoughtlessly dropped it into the trash. The 'thunk' sound it made when it landed was not what he expected to hear from an empty can dropping onto a pile of soft tissues. Killian bend down and shuffled the tissues off to the side. And there is was...the purple box with EPT stamped in bold print on the front. He gave the box a slight jiggle and heard the test rattling around inside. Emptying the contents onto the counter, he picked up the stick.
One Line.
His head fell in sadness. That's why she was acting so strange this morning. Another negative pregnancy test. His precious Swan was silently carrying the weight of disappointment on her shoulders so that she wouldn't burden him. He slid the test back into box, buried it where he'd found it and somberly went about his morning routine. Only when he wiped the steam from the mirror and saw his own eyes staring back did his feelings reach the surface and he shed tears for their struggle. He shed them for the child they lost at 11 weeks. He shed them for the child they thought they would have, until the Dr. confirmed a false positive. And for his wife. His beautiful, graceful Swan, who only wanted to give him a family. The tears flowed freely for her. He thought back to the night of "The Thing". The night that they had lost their child at 11 weeks. The look in Emma's eyes reflected a sadness that he had never seen before. It was more than sadness...it was grief. It was loss. They had something that they wanted so badly; so desperately. And in a moment is was just gone. Killian brushed his hand over his face, scrubbing the tears away. His princess needed him to be strong. Even if she didn't realize it. Hook had been a great many things in his long life; a brother, a Captain, a villain, even a hero. But today, he was a husband. A supportive, loving husband who would comfort his amazingly beautiful wife in any way he could. He straightened his back, shook the memory from his mind and continued getting ready for his day.
~!*!~
She sat hunched over her desk, burying herself in whatever paperwork she could to take her mind off of what she'd learned this morning. She was so focused on forgetting that she didn't hear the heavy fall of Killian's boots as he entered the Sheriff's station. His presence startled her when he placed the paper take-out bag on the desk next to her stack of papers.
"Jesus, Killian...you scared me." she let out a little chuckle.
"Sorry, Love. Not my intention, I assure you." he replied, reaching into the white bag. "I just thought I'd drop by with some lunch." He continued. "You ran out of the house in such a rush this morning..." when their eyes met, he recognized the look and quickly changed his tone. "So, being the gentleman that I am, I brought you your favorite food from your favorite restaurant."
Emma's eyes were fixed on the bacon grilled cheese and onion rings he set out before her. Her stomach let out a loud growl as soon as the scent of the bacon hit her nose. But her mind was not on the food. Her eyes watered as she thought of how good Killian was to her; how he always thought of her needs before his own. And all he wanted in return was a family...and she was failing him.
"Emma." the pirate pulled a chair up next to her. "I found the pregnancy test in the washroom after you left." he admitted.
The Sheriff's heart sank once her mind had processed what he'd said. He knew.
Killian continued. "I think we should take some time..." his eyes fell on her and without meeting his gaze she steeled herself in defense. This was it. She had failed him again and he didn't want her anymore. She blinked back the tears in her eyes and turned to face her husband.
"Um, yeah." Her voice was flat; not a single emotion to be detected. "I can make arrangements to stay with David and Mary Margaret for a few days while you move your stuff back to your ship." Her eyes shifted from his face to her lap; she wrung her hands trying to calm her adrenalin. "I know that things have been difficult for us since..." she hesitated for a moment before standing up and walking to the other side of her office. "...so, I...I understand." She finished.
Killian's eyes followed her across the room with utter disbelief. "Emma..." His brow furrowed in confusion.
Emma continued, "It's fine, Hook." she plastered a fake half-smile across her face trying to convey understanding. Of course, he didn't buy it. She only called him Hook when she wanted to create distance between them. "I don't blame you." She continued. "I can't give you what you need." Her facade was falling quickly. "300 years is a long time to wait, only to find out that the woman you married;" she raised her hands to make air quotations, "The Savior, couldn't even give you a baby." Emma turned to face the window; a tear slipping down her cheek. "Some savior I turned out to be, huh?" she whispered to herself.
The wooden chair creaked as Killian rose from it. He moved toward her without hesitation and turned her to face him. "Love," he tucked a piece of hair behind her shoulder with his hook and wiped the tear from her cheek with his thumb. "when have I ever given the impression that you are not enough for me?" The captain lifted her chin with his hook, searching her face until their eyes met. "Emma, you've already given me my happy ending." He let out a soft sigh; a smile appearing on his face. "Anything after that is just bounty." His hand found hers, their fingers weaving together. Emma blinked back her tears, wiping away the few that fell with her free hand.
She looked down to where their hands were joined. "But, you said we needed to take time..." she sniffled; her emotions catching up with her.
Killian nodded, "Yes, and had you let me finish, you would have understood my meaning." She remained quiet, giving him the chance to finish his thought. "I think we should take a rest, darling. Give ourselves a chance to enjoy each other again, without the pressure of trying to extend our family." Her head seemed to fall just a bit at his suggestion. "Just for now." he added.
Her silence was worrisome to him. How could he make her understand?
"What if it never happens, Killian?" She finally broke the silence. "Don't you want someone who can give you a family?" He had never heard her sound as small as she did in that moment.
"Emma, you have already given me more family than I ever thought I would have." tears pricked his eyes. "All of those years, alone on the Jolly Roger." He continued. "I was so consumed with hatred and vengeance." The Savior reached up to brush a stray tear from his cheek. "I never dreamed I would ever find someone to love...and to love me in return." He shifted the mood from solemn to light with just a small chuckle. "Not to mention her son, who would see through the fairy tale depictions of the fearsome, murderous Captain Hook." She smiled at his choice of phrase. A small giggle and a sniffle later, Emma found herself in a better mood. "There now," the Captain released her hand from his own and pressed his palm to her soft cheek. "that's the Swan I married."
Killian leaned in, pressing their foreheads gently together as his left arm curled around Emma's back. "I love you, Killian." her breath ghosted across his lips.
"And I you, love." he answered.
"A-HEM!" came a voice from the other side of the room. "Ugh, seriously? Can't you guys do that at home?" Henry questioned with disgust.
Emma and Killian laughed at the expression on her son's face. They quickly pulled apart from each other, sharing a look before Killian turned toward his step-son. "Well, m'boy. You've arrived just in time to walk with me to the docks." The captain strode leisurely toward Henry. "The Jolly must be brought into dry dock to prepare for the summer months." he slapped the young man's back. "I could use a strapping, young lad like yourself to help me with the rigging." Emma watched her husband and her son from across the Sheriff's station. Just seeing them together made her well up with tears. How could she have been so lucky to not only get a second chance at a relationship with her son, but a second chance at love?
"I'm going to head to my mom's house after helping Killian. Ok, mom?" It was more of a statement than a question, but for good measure he waited for his mother to give him permission. "Of course, Kid." she nodded. "Text me tomorrow. Maybe we can all meet for lunch or something." she added. The two of them smiled back at Emma and there was a comfortable silence that hung in the air for just a moment as they all seemed to share an appreciation for their little family.
"Alright gentlemen," Emma tossed her head slightly toward the door. "Get outta here. I have paperwork to catch up on."
"As you wish." her husband replied with a knowing glint in his eye. "Come Henry. Let's go get to work." He began to lead his step-son toward the door.
"Oh, and Killian." Emma called after him causing him to turn and face her. "I love you, too."
"I'll see you tonight, love." He gave her a playful wink and continued toward the door with Henry.
I'm not sure if I'm going to continue this story. It was an idea that I just HAD to get out of my head. I think I could do more with it, but I don't like the pressure of having to update. Yes, I am still working on "A Stolen Piece of Me" but for now, I'm having severe writers block. Maybe with this story making it's way out of my brain, I can finally get back to focusing on ASPOM and maybe post an update soon. Thanks for reading!