Dedicated to my brother.
All my life I had to place on a façade to continue living my life, to continue on with this rebellion that was the sole destruction of my heart, my soul, and my life. But there was something that you didn't understand at the time.
You were one of the people that I never wish to use the power of Geass on, but when the time had come for me to do so, I heard something crack within my chest as I commanded you to hand over the key of Damocles. Yes, my heart was shattering into tiny pieces; the pieces that had managed to stay intact for all this time began to fall into a black hole, never to return again. I had led myself into a life of chaos and emotions were nothing but trivial matters that I must ignore, but no matter how many times I have told myself such things, I can never turn the other cheek when it comes to how I feel about you, my dearly beloved.
Retrieving the key of Damocles did not bring any satisfaction within me. No, the only satisfaction that I was able to feel was knowing that you were alive. It saddened me that you had opened your eyes to a world that was still at war. My dream was to see your eyes open when the world was beautiful, pure, and the way you wanted it from the very beginning. The promise that we had made a year ago rang within my mind; the melody of that song you had learned resonated for a brief second before fading to the depths of my thoughts.
I listened to your beautiful voice filled with various emotions and all you were able to hear from me was my footsteps taking brief steps away from you. Taking those steps hurt because I knew that I was unable to look back afterwards. The decision I have made was absolute; no longer am I able to look back and lament over the past events of my life. Suddenly, I heard a thud coming from your direction. You didn't know what I was feeling at the time, but when I glanced over my shoulder to see that you were sprawled on those stairs, I had a sudden urge to help you back onto your wheelchair, but knowing what my duties were when it came to the plans of Zero Requiem, I didn't. I needed you to hate me and I needed you to not understand what I was going through from within because I'm sure if I were to disappear, you wouldn't miss me. I want you to live happily. That is why I am doing this.
I absorbed the insults that you had thrown at me. I allowed them to sink deep within the core of my tainted soul. I wanted to live forever with you. I wanted to see you smile again. I wanted to hear your gentle laughter and I wanted to feel your warm hand against mine as I held it close to my chest. I wanted to listen to your voice until my dying day, but being with you was impossible because I don't even deserve to be with you in the first place.
There was something that you didn't understand at the time, but I don't blame you for it. At the time, you didn't know that I was doing all of this just for you and your happiness.
I love you, Nunnally. That will never change. Not even after death.