Where am I? Where am I? Where-?
Calm, Judy. Stay calm.
My name! Judy…I remember my name. That's always good. Come on Judy, keep repeating the information you know, that's what Perry taught you.
Judy. Platypus. Perry. Mate. Home. OWCA.
That's a start.
Where are you?
There's grass and trees and a lake on my right. A forest?
Danville Forest! You live near Danville Forest! Perry's house. Well, Perry's shed. You painted it purple and decorated it with the little butterfly stickers, didn't you? You like butterflies. You like purple.
Okay, remember what you did today. Why did you come into the woods?
I was walking…Perry had gone to work…the last thing he said to me was "I love you, see you later." Then he kissed me on the cheek and left via a silver tunnel in the side of the large oak tree that's on the opposite side of the backyard to my shed.
Typical, Judy. Either you remember nothing or you remember everything.
Why did you come into the woods?
I wanted to walk…
Why did you want to walk? You don't like walking because you get lost easily. You don't like going too far from home because you often forget where you live.
Like now, for instance.
Breathe slow. Stop hyperventilating. I know you have anxiety but if you want to get home, you have to calm down. Breathe slow.
That's it. Keep breathing and take steps. One after the other.
There's a tree stump. I-I passed that earlier…on my way in.
You're going the right way, Judy. Just keep going.
You're out of the woods! Well done, Judy. Good girl. Now look around. What can you see that's familiar?
There's a restaurant called the Better Panda. Perry and I went there two days ago for dinner. It was exactly two blocks from his house.
Keep walking, Judy. Keep going. You must be nearly there.
I must be nearly there.
I-I don't understand. Perry's house should be right here! It should be right here!
Judy, calm. Breathe slow.
I'm lost! I'm never going to get back home!
Breathe slowl
NOOO! I'M NEVER GOING TO SEE PERRY AGAIN!
Judy!
Judy!
"Judy!"
Someone's calling my name. I'm curled up between two garbage cans. There's rain pouring over my whole body. I'm completely wet.
"Judy!"
Someone bends down beside my hiding spot and sees me hiding between the two cans.
"Oh, thank goodness."
Like an animal trainer, my mate holds his hand out to me. "Judy, I've been worried sick about you. You've been missing for hours."
"I…went…for a walk…" I cough. "But I got…I got lost…I thought I would never find my way back!"
"It's okay, I'm here now. I'm here."
I take Perry's hand and allow him to help me out from my hiding spot. "Where am I?" I choke.
"You're in front of Isabella's house," Perry replies, helping me walk. "It's across the road from my house. You almost made it this time," he adds encouragingly. "You're getting better."
"I don't feel better." I sneeze and cough at the same time.
"Oh, dear. I think you might have caught a cold."
Perry helps me jump through the pet door and then we're inside the house, a fact I only notice properly after Perry has tucked me into his own pet bed.
"Perry? Why am I in your house?"
He picks up on my worried tone. "It's okay, my owners won't mind. Well, Candace probably will. But that's only if you go in her room."
"Why would I want to go in her room?"
"Then you'll be fine." Perry tucks the blanket around me.
I roll onto my back and look up at my mate. "Why am I in your house?"
"You're ill, Judy," Perry says gently. "You were between those dumpsters for hours in the rain and the cold. You might have caught pneumonia."
"Pneumonia is really the least of my worries right now," I sigh. "Isn't it?"
"How is it you can switch between depression and anxiety just like that?"
I replay my mate's words in my head. The words themselves are kind of mean but the tone was teasing…I decide not to be offended. Just like I have periods where I can't remember basic things, I have periods where I don't understand basic emotions. I don't know why that is.
"I don't know."
"Do you need anything? Food, water?"
He turns away as if to go, so I stick out my hand and catch his wrist. "Company," I choke out, a pleading look on my face.
"I can't, Jude. I really wish I could but I had to try really hard to convince Major Monogram to let me have a few hours off to look for you. Now he's saying I have to cover for my friend Pinky, who's off sick today."
"P-please," I beg.
Perry looks so torn that for a moment I feel bad for trying to make him stay.
"How about I take you down to your shed, a familiar place, and tuck you into bed there? I can sing to you."
I nod shakily, and Perry takes me down to my shed. It's about half the size of Perry's garage, and it has a proper human-style bed in the corner, where I feel safest. There's no windows but I have a light on my ceiling, a litterbox, a metronome with no ticking sound (it helps me relax to just watch it go back and forth), an iPod full of relaxing classical music to help me calm down, and an A4 notebook full of pictures that I've drawn. When I'm upset or scared, I need to draw the first thing that comes into my mind or I'll freak out. If I can't think of anything, I just look back at all the other pictures I've drawn to calm myself down.
I get into my bed and feel the softness of the sheets and duvet under my body. I can always tell which sheets and duvet are mine, even if they've just been washed. It gives me a sense of familiarity. Perry tucks the duvet around me and sits down in the rocking chair next to my bed.
"Do you ever regret meeting me?" I ask.
It's a question I have never asked him before but have always wanted to. Sometimes I get the sense that Perry wishes he had never met me or made me his mate because he has to look after me like he would a child. I only understand that in periods where I have a clear head, like most of the time when I'm around Perry.
My mate's face grows shocked. "What? Do I regret-? No! Of course I don't!"
"It's just that…I'm like a child…"
He takes my paw in his. "I love you more than anything, Judy. Don't ever doubt that again. I promise I have never once regretted meeting you. I will do anything for you, and if "anything" means rescuing you when you get lost and treating you like I would a child and dealing with your depression and anxiety, then I will continue to do it. I love you, Judy. You're amazing, despite everything you think is wrong with you."
"I have depression, anxiety, memory loss, and Asperger's," I point out.
"None of those things make me love you less," he reassures me.
"But…what if I'm not strong enough to give you a family? Children?"
"I don't care about that," Perry dismisses. "Children are simply a bonus. If I spend the rest of my life with just you, it'll be a wonderful life."
I smile weakly. "Thank you. I love you."
"I love you too, Judy."
He kisses me on the cheek and begins to sing me to sleep like a child:
It's a perfect day, it's in the mid-seventies
Humidity is sixty percent
It's a perfect day, not a cloud in the sky and I
Can say without fear of dissent:
It's a picture-postcard perfect kind of a summer afternoon
It's a perfect day…
It's a perfect day.
I can't say it's been a perfect day for me, but my mate's soothing voice sends me to sleep before I can hear the rest of the song.