Twas the Night Before Christmas Black Sheep Style- A Parody
Twas the night before Christmas and inside the Sheep Pen.
The Black Sheep were consuming scotch, beer, bourbon, and gin.
Bottles and cans covered the bar, floor, and tables
as Anderson drunkenly read passages from Aesop's Fables.
While back in his tent, Meatball was stretched out on Greg's cot.
The dog did not care if he had room to sleep there or not.
The jukebox was playing a popular Christmas song
And as far as the Black Sheep were concerned nothing could go wrong.
When outside the Sheep Pen a noise could be heard
Everyone became silent; no one spoke even a word.
Greg got up from his chair and rushed to the door,
almost falling over Gutterman, who was passed out drunk on the floor.
The full moon in the sky on this warm, tropical night
covered everything softly with its pearlescent light.
Then quickly they realized the sound they did hear,
belonged to a jeep and it was drawing quite near.
It didn't take long; they didn't have to think very hard
Before realizing they were about to be visited by Colonel Lard.
As he got out of his jeep the Colonel's countenance wasn't tame
and it was clear he wasn't happy as he called out their names.
All right, Boyington and Bragg, French and Casey
Gutterman and Boyle, Anderson and Wiley.
I know you 're in there so don't try and stall
On the double, front and center before I court martial you all.
Everyone except Gutterman started muttering curses.
They would rather be drinking and making out with the nurses.
Than listening to Colonel Lard's ranting and raving
about how like exemplary Marines none of them were behaving.
They stayed still as statues, no one dared even breathe
Maybe, just maybe he'd eventually leave.
While they contemplated if this was the best thing to do
The door suddenly opened and the Colonel walked through.
By military standards, he was impeccably dressed
Unlike the Sheep Pen and the Black Sheep, both of which were a mess.
A packet of papers he held tight in his fist
and chances were good it wasn't his Christmas wish list.
His eyes bore right through them as he glanced round the room.
and his face was as red as the backside of a baboon
His mouth was drawn in a menacing scowl
and everyone thought to themselves "What the hell did we do now."
He appeared angry enough that from his ears spouted steam,
causing everyone to hope that this was all a bad dream.
They needed a miracle and needed one quick
Whatever charges the Colonel had against them, this time he might make them stick.
But, Greg thought of an idea that just might even the score.
If worst came to worst he would call General Moore.
Just then the Colonel's whole demeanor changed
Something everyone thought was definitely strange.
He smiled handing each one hundred dollars and a nice Christmas card.
as well as a weekend pass, which really put them on guard.
They couldn't believe he'd given them such nice Christmas presents.
Not mention on a table he'd set several roast pheasants.
Getting into his jeep he drove quickly away
Leaving the Black Sheep were so surprised they didn't know what to say
Though they thought he said as he roared off like a Corsair taking flight
Merry Christmas you drunken screw-ups and next year try doing things right.