A/N: I AM SO NERVOUS ABOUT THIS PIECE. I D K WHY
- # Major Crimes # -
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He Remembered
He had been toying with it for days. He practically memorized the dimensions of it and he could probably recite its exact measurements just by holding it in his hands. He shouldn't be so focused on this right now, not when there was a criminal to catch. Not just any criminal; Philip Stroh. But he couldn't help himself and he gripped onto the small object a little tighter. He felt pathetic.
He let out an exhausted breath and got up as he placed it in the pocket of his suit jacket. He pushed himself up off his chair and straightened out his tie and suit. He lifted his hands to rub his eyes and sighed. He was tired, but everyone had already went home as it was already 3am. But he couldn't bring himself to leave. He took in a ragged, broken breath of courage and knocked on her door. The sound of the soft knock rang through his ears as he patiently waited for her reply.
"Come in."
He took in a breath of courage, placed his hand on the door handle and turned.
"Why do you want to know?" She asked as she tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.
There was a small silence between them even though the crowd roared as the Dodgers came in with a home-run. He looked down at his hands that were clasped together as his brows furrowed. His lips pressed together in a thin line and he bit the inside of them, thinking carefully as to how to phrase the words that were about to come out of his mouth. He turned his head to look at her and spat out, "Because I'm your friend and friends should know these things."
She smirked in response and the wind blew in her face once again. God, it was windy that day. But he had to admit to himself that he should thank Him above for the weather. The gusts of wind blew in their faces and she had to reach up several times to hold her baseball cap in place just so it wouldn't blow away. He sported a crooked grin at the sight beside him – Sharon Raydor dressed in a Dodgers cap with a Jersey that was presumably back when Ricky was a kid. The wind was blowing in her hair, causing the auburn strands to fly in her face and sometimes in his too. The wind carried the subtle scent of her shampoo and it teased his nostrils. God, he wish he could just nuzzle her neck and breathe in her scent whenever he wanted to. And then he would kiss her neck and feel her pulse under his lips.
That was what always killed him; imagining things that he would never be able to do, never be able to accomplish.
He knew he just had to clench his jaw and give her time. He prayed and prayed that he wouldn't screw it up because he basically screwed everything up before. He was terrified of his admission to himself. He couldn't believe that he had fell for her. He fell for Sharon Raydor; a woman who shared the opposite side of his tragedy and who saw the difference between him and Jack. He fisted his hands in the pockets of his Dodgers' jacket. Now he was praying for a chance.
"And also because perhaps we could do something that day…" He quickly stopped his thoughts and his shot wide open as his eyebrows attempted to collide with his hairline. His face flushed a shade of crimson as he realized how his words sounded. He the lump in his throat that formed as a result of his nervousness. He tried again, "I mean, I could take you to dinner, you know. Somewhere nice."
Back in the day, he was never nervous with women and he was actually quite proud of that before. But now, now he didn't know how to handle himself. He felt the way he did when he was trying to get his ex-wife to notice him only with Sharon, that feeling was intensified. Perhaps it was because he had never met anyone like her before, with that kind of presence, respect, integrity, and reputation. And on top of all of that, he had never met anyone with her maternal instincts and her humanity. He had something beside him that beats the hell of winning any lottery. He shook out of his thoughts and added, "The kid too."
"It isn't for a while, Andy."
Another gust of wind blew across their faces and he noticed her shiver. He took off his jacket and draped it across her shoulders. He gather her hair in his hands and untucked it from the collar of the jacket. His fingers brushed across the warm skin of her neck but quickly moved his hand away, fearing that he would never be able to pull away. He saw her give him an soft, appreciative smile and God, she was so beautiful at that exact moment. He felt a pang of arousal shaking him from within and he mentally groaned. He was only a man. He left out a barely audible sigh and said, "I know. It would be nice though, huh?"
"It would be."
He opened the door and entered her office slowly. He saw manilla files dotted everywhere on her desk along with a few coffee mugs beside her opened laptop. Her head tilted upward and smiled softly at him. It pained her to see that the crooked grin he had on his face wasn't genuine but instead, was etched with worry and concern.
Lately he had always seemed worried and today she could deduce that the look of worry was about her. Her eyes followed his hand as it closed the door behind him. He approached her desk and presumed to sit in the chair on the opposite side of her desk. It had suprised her, actually. He would usually come up and stand right beside her.
He rested his elbows on his knees as he leaned forward. There was a small moment of silence between them where all they could hear was Rusty's breathing as he slept peacefully behind him. He looked up at her and he was met with eyes that were covered with emotion so raw that it made him shudder. In a low, tenor voice he murmured, "Hey, Sharon. You okay?"
She pressed her lips together and let out an exhausted breath as she placed her pen down beside a newly refilled tea mug. She smiled weakly at him and she could feel the heaviness of her eyelids as the lack of sleep caught up on her. With a slight nod she answered, "Hanging on." She was alluding to just a couple of hours ago where he had surprised her by placing his steady hand on her trembling shoulder. For the first time that day, she let a genuine smile caress her face. She couldn't help but reach up to place her hands gently on top of his as her way of saying, thank you.
She noticed that he nodded in response as he looked down at his shoes. His hands were fisted in the pockets of his trousers and she knew that she wasn't the only one feeling the late hour. She asked softly, "What can I do for you?"
He winced at the formality and he frowned. He slightly turned his head and saw Rusty sleeping in chair behind him with his jacket draped across his chest. He sighed sadly and asked, "How is he?"
"He doesn't want the security detail."
He saw her head bowed low and the shadows of her auburn strands darkened her face. He saw her lips turn slightly downwards as she bit her bottom lip. As she leaned back against her chair, he saw her resting her chin on one fist while the other arm draped across her chest. The pain shot right to his stomach seeing her like this. He swallowed hard as he fought the urge to get up off his feet and round her desk to the other side. He wanted, so desperately, to kneel down in front of her and take her hands in his or just wrap his arms around her. He mentally shook his head and dismissed his thoughts. He couldn't. She needed room to breathe and he gave it. He said just above a whisper, "And it absolutely terrifies you."
She shakes her head at herself. She couldn't begin to describe the emotion that were raging through her right now. Terror. Sadness. Disappointment. Anger. But most of all, she felt guilt as the dominant ingredient in his emotional mixture of hers. She felt guilty as hell because Stroh was on the loose. Good God if anything happened to her boy that was sleeping just merely a few feet in front of her - she wouldn't know what to do. She put herself to blame. Like she always had and she always will. She felt tears stinging her eyes and she tried her hardest not to let them fall. She drew in a broken breath and slightly choked as she exhaled. Her emotions were swirling uncontrollably inside her and she felt incredibly pathetic when she failed to keep them at equilibrium. She breathed out, "Stroh. God, I hate him."
She rarely used that word, not even when speaking in regards to Jack. But she hated Stroh and hated him for what he did to those innocent women and the peril that he put her son in. She looked over Andy's shoulder at Rusty and let out a pent breath. If he wasn't asleep on the chair right now, she would imagining where he would be. She couldn't shake those thoughts out of her head. Her stomach dropped and she immediately squeezed her eyes closed. A slight nausea hit her as her stomach churned. She swallowed hard and looked away from the man sitting in front of her. With apologetic eyes, she brokenly murmured, "I'm sorry. I'm just…."
"Worried? Being a parent?", he cut in. He shook his head but not as a sign of disagreement, but as a sign of understanding. They are your kids and they'll be your baby at any age. He understood that philosophy, and he preached it. He couldn't bring himself to imagine Nicole or Daniel being in any sort of danger. If he were in her shoes, he would lose control. He would end up at the front door of an familiar building and have a debate with himself as the neon lights flickered in his face. That's where he would be and he knew it. But he would only stand there and he wouldn't dare go inside. He said quietly, "He may not be your flesh and blood, but he's your heart. You're a great Mother. And a great Captain."
She couldn't help but smile at his words as she hummed in agreement. He understood her, always stood beside her, and never fled when times were rough. It was all she could ever ask for in a man and the whole entity was sitting in front of her right now. She had put a thick wall between them and she didn't know how to tear it down. She had feared that he had given up and cut ties but god, she was relieved when he came up to her and put his hand on her. She still smiled at the thought of it - at the thought that he was still there with her and for her. When she was terrified, he was the one to help her be strong.
She realized the silence between them and she shook out of her thoughts. She cleared her throat and straightened her glasses. He was looking into her eyes and she took in its dark glow. She had to look away from the rawness of them, fearing that she would fall deeper in them. She asked, "I'm sorry, Andy. I interrupted you. What was it that you needed?"
"I just wanted…." He cleared his throat as a way of masking his train of broken thoughts. He felt nervous and his hands started to tremble as he reached into the pocket of his suit jacket. He felt its jagged edges in his hands as he pulled it out. He held it in both of his hands as he toyed with the fraying bits. Should he just retract and leave? No, no he couldn't do that. He made it this far. He cleared his throat again before saying, "I just wanted to give you something."
She saw him gently place it on top of the manilla files on her desk. She reached out to pick it up and her brows furrowed as a curious and questioning look painted her face. Intrigued, she asked, "What's this?"
"Goodnight, Sharon." He said as he gave a sad, crooked grin. That was all he could say as he feared that he would start saying things that he would never be able to retract. He feared that he would scare her if he stayed a little longer. He never expected it would happen like this. In his mind, he had planned this day for a long time and now that it has come, he was dissapointed that it had to be like this. He walked towards her door and turned the knob. He turned back slightly to say, "Call me if you need anything. I'll always answer."
"I will. And Andy?"
His arms felt slightly numb as they tingled with anticipation. He didn't verbally answer but she knew he was attentively listening. He looked at her and her emerald eyes looked right back. He felt her presence more than anything else at this moment and he felt the walls caving in on him. He missed her so much. He heard her, in a broken voice just slightly louder than a whisper, "Thank you."
He closed her door behind him and let out a pent breath. He fisted his hands in the pockets of his trousers as he started the path towards his desk. He couldn't do what he promised himself he would do. In his mind, he would've asked her to dinner with the kid. And maybe, just maybe when the kid would go to the restroom, he would give it to her then. He pictured the smile on her face as she grinned through glimmering tears. God, he felt ridiculous for ever daring to imagine couldn't ask that of her; not now, not with the chaotic mess that just exploded around them.
He shook his head all the pain that this world had caused her. Why couldn't they just let her breathe for once? Why couldn't they just leave her alone? He felt slightly guilty himself for not being able to protect her. All he wanted was to be there for her and he guessed that when she opened it, she would know that he's here. He hoped, he prayed that she will come around after the world gives her peace.
Later, maybe later.
: : :
She unwrapped the box as quietly as possible and eyed Rusty as he reached up to scratch his head, still sound asleep. She let out a soft chuckle as she saw the absolutely ridiculous wrapping job with tape in the corners and the wrapping paper crinkled in various places. He must of spent quite a while on it though, she thought. She rolled her chair backwards and reached down to discard the deep purple paper. She gasped audibly as she held the box in her hands.
She carefully opened the square box and found a note placed above a white pouch. She picked up the small piece of paper in her hand and her eyes moved slowly from left to right as her mind absorbed each word. A pocket of air hitched in her throat and she tried her hardest to swallow. She forgot about this day, this occasion, this date. Her kids would call her but rarely could they fly down and see her. It was simply too busy this time of year – every business, every company; just everyone was busy in January.
She looked up and saw him through gathering his things through her blinds. She watched him walk towards to elevator and shutting off the office lights on his way, and leaving the one on in the hallway. Now she knew what he came into her office for and why he was so hesitant to speak what was on his mind. She opened the soft, white pouch and found a sterling silver bangle waiting inside with a gold clasp. Dangling from it was a single garnet glass charm; a symbol for not only friendship and trust but for protection, devotion, and commitment.
She placed the pouch back in the box and clasped the bangle on her left wrist. It was slightly too big for her small wrists but she didn't care. Though her moisture glazed eyes, she could still see the small, pear-shaped pendant glimmer as it swayed off the bangle in her dimly lit office. She felt overwhelmed and she smiled softly but as soon as she did, she could feel the pressure building behind her eyes as the tears threatened to release themselves. She swallowed hard and licked her lips that suddenly felt dry and chapped.
She carefully held the note in her hand, afraid that she would crumple it. She let out a barely audible sob as she read it again. He remembered while she forgot.
Thought it would look nice with your watch.
I just wanted to say, Happy Birthday.
- Andy
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- # C'est Fini
A/N: First and foremost: Thank you guys for all the wonderful reviews on my last Fic! Also, bonus points for all of those reviewers who noticed the Reba lyrics in it! I'm an old soul at heart, I guess – 19 years old and I listen to 90's Reba. Yep, I'm odd….
I know that I made a lot of grammatical errors in my last one. I greatly apologize for that. Oh, jeeze. 95% in English in high school and I completely fail when I write creative work. I guess that this crazy fool pursuing a Math degree completely lost her English skills! I apologize once again! Hopefully this one wasn't such a mess!
But I thank you all for reading from the bottom of my heart. Your reviews bring me so much joy and encourage me to be a better writer. You guys are just wonderful.
Best,
- Jessica