Jones

by Rex76

Spencer and Ethan had a history.

Disclaimer: No copyright infringement intended. Criminal Minds is owned by CBS and I am in no way affiliated with them.

The bar in which he had arranged to meet Reid was in a quiet part of the Arts District and Ethan made his way down a deserted alley.

The phone call from his old friend earlier that day had surprised him. He was in town, he wanted to meet up. After all these years Ethan wasn't quite sure what to expect. He knew that leaving the way he had would have left Reid questioning his motives, wondering why.

A noise behind him startled him and he looked around; there was nothing there and he quietly chided himself for being so jumpy.

That noise again, someone was definitely following him. He picked up his pace but glanced back over his shoulder. Just as he turned back around Reid stepped out from behind a wall.

"Jeez! Reid. You scared me." Ethan's heart was pounding.

Reid smirked. "I've always been one step ahead of you man."

"Yeah, whatever helps you sleep at night." Ethan was rattled and trying to regain his composure. "I'm glad you called, it's good to see you."

"You too", Reid said quietly.

"Let's get a drink." Ethan led the way to the small dimly lit bar.

Drinks ordered, Reid's phone started to ring. Taking it from his pocket he checked the display before rejecting the call and putting it away.

There was an elephant in the room and Ethan decided to tackle it head on. "So, are you gonna ask the question?"

Reid looked surprised though he shouldn't have been. Ethan could always read him like a book. "What question?"

"Come on man, it's me here. We haven't talked to each other in years. I know that's why you called me. Ask the question."

Reid sighed and asked quickly, like a band-aid being ripped from skin, "Why did you quit after only one day of FBI training?"

"Well, I'm sure you've considered the evidence, analysed the signs." Ethan took a sip of his liquor. "What's your theory?"

"You were battling your own demons, you didn't have time to analyse someone else's", Reid said flatly, emotionless. He wanted answers but damned if he was going to dredge up that part of their past. Ethan leaving had affected him more than he cared to admit but wasn't that the story of his life? Everyone left him sooner or later. "Your mother didn't leave", a voice in his head taunted. "If anything you left her, in a sanatorium no less. You deserve all you get."

Reid was brought back to the moment by Ethan answering his analysis. "Not bad, not bad. Those days I did prefer Jack Daniels to Jeff Dahmer. But they both weigh on your soul eventually."

Reid's phone started ringing again. "Sorry", Reid rejected the caller again.

"The Bat phone", Ethan joked.

A shadow of a sad smile passed over Reid's lips. "Can I ask you this Ethan. Do you ever regret it?"

Ethan had expected this question but the moment Reid asked he had no idea how to answer. There were regrets. Or more specifically one regret, that played heavy on his mind. But dropping out of the academy was not it. "No, I may not be changing the world but my music makes me happy. Doesn't take a profiler to see that you're not."

Reid tried to deflect this observation. "It's not easy. It's not… I don't really believe some of the things that I've seen."

They picked up their drinks and headed to a cosy sitting area of leather chairs.

Ethan watched Reid settle into his chair with his snifter of Brandy. He looked broken and lost, like he had that day when he had had his mother committed. Ethan remembered that day. Reid calling him, inconsolable. Reid's need for closeness. Their falling into bed together for the first time. There was something bigger going on here though and Ethan had a bad feeling he knew what it was. What he didn't know was why. Spencer was smart, what would push him to this point?

Ethan spoke. "John Coltrane, he was a genius too. Died of Cancer, but most people think it was the booze and heroin that did him in."

Reid shifted uncomfortably. "What are you trying to say?"

"You look like hell." It wasn't the most flattering thing to say to an old friend but it was the truth.

"I'm fine", Reid lied.

"C'mon man, I'm a jazz musician in New Orleans, I know what it looks like when someone's not well. It's maybe the one time I could tell you something that you don't already know." Ethan indicated the alcohol. "Might help you forget but it won't make it go away. And if I can tell… You're surrounded by some of the best minds in the world and if you think they don't notice, wow, for a genius that's just dumb."

Reid folded his arms but didn't answer. He could feel the tremors in his hands. Why did he come here?

Leaning forward Ethan asked softly, "What's your poison Reid?"

"I don't know what you are talking about." Reid got to his feet. "I'm getting another drink. Want one?"

Ethan nodded but he was determined not to let this go.

Several drinks later Ethan approached the subject again. "Reid, there was a time when you would tell me anything."

A flash of anger crossed Reid's features. "Oh really? Well, pity you couldn't return the favour by telling me you were leaving."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you but I didn't want you talking me into changing my mind."

"About the FBI or about me", Reid spat.

Ethan sighed. "My decision had nothing to do with you."

"The hell it didn't!" Reid was angry, fuelled by the strong liquor he had been drinking. "I loved you Ethan."

"I did you a favour", Ethan replied, "Just like I am trying to do now. What are you on?"

Ethan watched as a single tear slipped down Reid's cheek.

"I can't…." , Reid began tentatively. "Can we get out of here?"

"Back to my place?" Ethan asked.

Reid nodded and stood up unsteadily. He wasn't much of a drinker and the brandy had quickly gone to his head, particularly on his empty stomach which was now beginning to cramp in the first throes of withdrawal.

By the time they reached Ethan's apartment Reid was sweating profusely and feeling increasingly nauseated.

"Can I use your bathroom?" Reid swallowed thickly.

Ethan indicated a door at the end of the hall and Reid made his way there quickly. Once inside he knelt in front of the toilet and felt the brandy coming back up, hot and bitter. He tried to catch his breath but retched again. He heard Ethan come in and felt his hand, gentle on his shoulder.

"Spencer?"

"Sorry", Reid apologised. "I think I drank too much."

Ethan smiled, despite himself. "You always were a light weight."

Reid stood up and went to the sink, washing his mouth out and splashing cool water on his face. "Yeah, well I'm not a jazz musician in New Orleans."

"C'mon man, I will get you some water. The BAU don't need a hungover Spencer Reid on their hands tomorrow."

"That would be the least of my problems", Reid mumbled to himself.

Settled on the lounge Ethan gestured towards the bathroom. "So that, in there, that was just a reaction to the alcohol was it? It had nothing to do with whatever you are jonesing for?"

"Leave it Ethan", Reid warned.

"Can't. You can't expect me to sit here and do nothing. This is stupid, dangerous. You are risking everything. Your job. Your life."

"You think I don't know it's stupid?" Reid swiped at his eyes. "You think that I wouldn't stop if I could? I didn't ask for this. I didn't want it. I told him I didn't want it. But he was right. In a way it makes everything better, until it doesn't and then you can't stop."

"Who was right?" Ethan asked.

"An unsub. I was kidnapped by an unsub with Multiple Personality Disorder. He tortured and drugged me. He was going to kill me- he made me dig my own grave." Reid sounded like he was on the verge of a panic attack so Ethan moved closer and took his hand.

"Reid, what did he give you?"

"Dilaudid", Reid sobbed.

Ethan pulled Reid into his arms. "Oh Reid. You really don't do things by halves do you."

Reid hiccupped. "What am I going to do?"

"When was your last hit?" Ethan whispered into his hair. "Are you withdrawing now?"

Reid was shaking. "Last night and yes. Ethan, I need it."

Ethan pulled away. "Do you have any on you?"

Reid shook his head.

"Reid, listen to me. If I get you some for tonight will you promise me something?"

Reid nodded. He was desperate and would agree to just about anything.

"I'm serious Reid", Ethan said. "I want you to get help once you are back in DC. Go to rehab. Don't let this end your career. Don't let that unsub win."

"What if I can't stop?" Reid asked quietly.

"It won't be easy but you will be able to beat this." Ethan leaned in and kissed him softly on the lips. "Have the faith in yourself that others have in you. Now, stay right there, I won't be long."

"Ethan? Can I…would I… be… I need a… a shower."

Ethan was pulling on his jacket. "Sure thing. Towels are in the cupboard in the bathroom. Help yourself."

By the time Ethan had returned Reid was pacing the lounge room in a pair of Ethan's sweatpants and a t-shirt. "I hope you d…don't… mind", Reid stammered nervously.

Ethan waved him off and handed him a small bag. Grabbing at it hastily Reid thanked Ethan profusely.

"Don't' Reid. I am only doing this because I know how dangerous coming off this drug cold turkey is. I am not condoning this. And I want you to do it here, in front of me."

"I can't." Reid looked terrified. "It's private."

"Not any more. Do it here or don't do it at all. The choice is yours."

"Why?" Reid asked sharply. "Does this kind of thing turn you on?"

Ethan ignored the last remark. "I want to make sure you are okay. I don't want to find you passed out on my bathroom floor or dead from an overdose."

Reid scoffed. "I know what I am doing."

"That's what they all think Reid. But you of all people should know the statistics."

Ethan was right but Reid still didn't want to shoot up in front of him. Doing that would somehow make this all real. He wouldn't be able to pretend anymore that no one suspected. However, on the other hand the withdrawal symptoms were starting to be a problem. He didn't have a choice. Taking out the supplies he loaded the needle with the clear liquid, careful to ensure there were no air-bubbles. Making a tourniquet out of his discarded belt he fed the needle into his arm, depressing the plunger slowly. A feeling of nothingness overtook him and he closed his eyes. He could feel it pulsing through his bloodstream, making his heart beat just that bit faster before relaxing him completely. He smiled.

Ethan watched without saying a word. The ease with which Reid had done this scared him. Crossing the room, Ethan meticulously cleared away the drugs and the used needle. Reid was out of it, gone wherever it was that the drug took him. From Reid's jacket, placed across the back of a chair Ethan heard his phone ringing. Pulling it out he flipped it open. The display read 'Morgan'. There were also multiple missed calls from 'Prentiss'. He got the feeling Reid would have some explaining to do tomorrow. For now though, he turned the phone off, and throwing a blanket over Reid, got ready for bed.

Before Ethan could actually fall asleep he heard Reid in his kitchen. Dragging himself back out of bed and grabbing his robe he joined Reid at the kitchen table. "You okay?" Ethan asked with a yawn.

"Great!" Reid replied eagerly. "I was hungry so I made a sandwich. I hope that's okay, I didn't want to wake you. Do you want me to make you one?"

Ethan shook his head. "I wasn't asleep. By the way, Morgan called."

Reid frowned. "Oh?"

"I didn't answer it. What are you going to say to them tomorrow?"

Shrugging, Reid took a bite of his sandwich. "That I was visiting a friend."

"That might explain your absence but it won't explain why you weren't answering your phone."

"I had no cell service?" Reid knew his team mates would peg that as a lie immediately but there wasn't much else to say.

"You always were a bad liar Reid", Ethan chuckled. "Or maybe it's just that I know you too well."

"Knew", Reid corrected. "I'm not the same person I was then."

"Yeah", Ethan said sadly. "The Reid I know wouldn't be drinking, puking and shooting up in the course of a couple of hours."

Reid flinched visibly at Ethan's harsh words.

"Sorry", Ethan apologised. "I didn't mean that."

"It's the truth though, isn't it? Now I am just a drug addict, biding time until I can get my next fix."

Ethan got up and walked around the table to Reid. "Reid, don't be so hard on yourself. You're just unwell at the moment but you will get better." He massaged Reid's shoulders, leaning down to kiss his cheek.

Reid jumped up suddenly, startling Ethan. He walked over to the piano. "Play something for me."

Ethan sat at the piano and started playing while Reid browsed Ethan's collection of records and books. He pulled a tome from the bookshelf and flipped through the pages.

Reid couldn't help remembering the way things had been all those years before, before the BAU, before the academy. A pang of regret shot through his heart and he glanced at Ethan who appeared lost in the music, eyes closed. He closed the book and returned it to the bookshelf.

When Ethan began playing the opening chords of the old jazz tune 'My One And Only Love' he looked over to find Ethan smiling at him. It had been their song. He still had the John Coltrane and Johnny Hartman record that Ethan had given him on his 19th birthday.

Reid took a seat on the piano stool next to Ethan who moved over to make room. Placing his hands over Ethan's he stopped the music.

Their eyes met briefly before their lips. They deepened the kiss before Ethan pulled away. "Reid wait, I don't think this is a good idea."

Reid looked hurt. "Please Ethan. I want this. I want you. Just for tonight."

"I don't think you know what you are saying."

"Ethan, I feel so alone." Reid found Ethan's lips again. "I just need to feel close to someone."

Ethan returned the kiss with fervour, his resistance failing, and taking Reid's hand he led him to his bedroom.

Reid cracked his eyes open and groaned. His head was pounding and his mouth felt dry. Rolling over he found the other side of the bed empty and cold. He looked around for his clothes before giving up and walking to the bathroom naked. After using the toilet he opened the medicine cabinet and found some aspirin. He swallowed them with some water from the faucet. Opening the door he was surprised to see Ethan standing there with a coffee cup in his hand.

"Morning", Ethan greeted him. "Coffee?" He held out the mug.

"Thanks." Reid took it gratefully. "You remembered how I take my coffee."

"I remember a lot of things. I added extra sugar, figured you would need it today."

"Yeah, thanks." Reid looked at the clock. "I better get going."

Ethan stopped him. "At least stay for breakfast. I got bagels. What's another half hour?"

Reid relented. "Fine, just let me get dressed."

Over breakfast Ethan reiterated what he had said the previous night, reminding Reid of his promise.

Afterwards, at the door Ethan kissed him gently. "Despite what we said, it was never going to be you and me against the world. But that doesn't mean I don't care for you. Please get some help. You are meant to do what you do."

Reid nodded. "I know. I can't really imagine doing anything else. Thank you Ethan. For everything."

"Stay in touch?" Ethan pulled him into a hug.

Reid held him tight, nodding imperceptibly. "Bye."

Reid set off down the street, anxious about returning to face his team mates. He felt awful for the way he had been acting; however he knew that they all knew something wasn't right with him and still no one had asked him anything about it. It was true what he had said to Ethan. He did feel alone. Perhaps it wasn't all their fault though. He knew he put up walls, shut them out. By the time he got back to the police department he had decided that at the end of this case he would have a talk with Gideon, tell him he was struggling. He didn't have to give him a reason. Let him think it was PTSD or whatever. The drug addiction was his alone to conquer but he was determined to keep his promise to Ethan, get clean and be the best profiler he could be.

This was the first day of the rest of his life.