Title: A Night on the Knight Bus
Fandom: Harry Potter
Author: Dignified Madman
Pairing: Harry/Stan
Rating: Teen
Word count: 405
Summary: Harry has just stormed out of his Aunt and Uncles' house after blowing up dear old Aunt Marge. Frustrated, and without a place to go, Harry accidentally summons the Knight Bus. In this crack fic, Harry gets hit upon by Stan Shunpike.
Disclaimer: I do not own these characters. They are the property of J.K. Rowling.
"You look familiar. Whacha name?"
"Neville Longbottom," it was the first name that popped into Harry's head. He stared into the strange bus with his eyes occasionally flickering to the pimpled-face conductor.
"Wotcher there Neville?" He said extending a hand, "The name's Stan Shunpike."
Harry begrudgingly reached out to shake Stan's hand. The innocent touch was held just slightly too long, making him feel uncomfortable.
"Whacha waitin' for? Gerron da bus!" he said a bit too friendly. As Harry entered the bus he could have sworn Stan had given him a swift pat to his butt. He threw a quick glance behind his shoulder and Stan stood there still looking innocent, but still beaming and waving at Harry.
When he boarded the bus, the last thing he expected to see was two rows of beds. Sure enough, that is exactly what he saw.
"Wha's da problem, Neville?" Stan seemed to have appeared out of nowhere, "Ne'er been on da Knight Bus before?"
"Uh- Never," he said still wide-eyed.
"'Ere," he grabbed Harry's shoulder, "I'll show you about. Dis 'ere's da isle. Dis 'ere's da driver's cabin. Yer doin' a great job, Ern! And dis 'ere's da bed." He sat down on the bed pulling Harry with him. Harry tried to force a smile, but it came out as a grimace.
"So, Neville, wereya from?"
"I'm from around," he wasn't sure how much in formation he should be giving this guy, if any.
"No needs ta be shy 'round Stan," he said giving Harry a warm smile, and placing a warm hand upon his knee. Harry looked at the hand; he wasn't sure what he should do. Should he leave the hand there, or should he shake it off. Before he decided on what to do, the hand inched its way into Harry's inner thigh.
"Now, weredya say you were 'eaded off too, Neville?" Stan placed his other hand on Harry's shoulder.
"Leaky Cauldron," Harry managed to answer in a high panicked voice.
"Is dat so?" The hand on Harry's shoulder began to play with his ear, "'Ow 'bout you 'ave a go wif Stan first?"
Harry's eyes went wide with fear. He looked around and the bus appeared to be empty. How was he supposed to fend of Stan by himself?
The bus came to a sudden halt, throwing Harry and Stan from the bed.
"Leaky Cauldron!" called the voice which must have belonged to 'Ern'.
Harry let out a relieved sigh, "Sorry Stan," he said looking up at the man who had fallen on top of him, "this is my stop."