Broken Toys don't wish to play anymore
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto nor do I want to own it, there is a certain manner of speaking to it, that made it irresistible to write.
He looked at the ground as he appeared, his eyes being still fuzzy and confused, his mind awhirl. He looked at his hands, clawed as they were, then at the sky, in which a big shining figure was glowing. He could feel a slight tingling beneath the ragged seal, his eyes going to it as he brought a clawed hand to his abdomen, his eyes then looking at the surroundings, scanning them and then coming to the conclusion that he was in a city, one which looked eerily like the one he had been only moments ago, only a swath of destruction missing as his tails were inert at the moment, forming a blanket around him and covering his nakedness. He looked at two figures standing somewhere below him, they hadn't noticed him yet.
There was a silence as he contemplated what to do, long blonde hair falling in front of his face, making him push the locks away, then looked at the Akatsuki duo standing there, the Leader, Pein, looking at the female unnamed member, who he had killed only moments before.
He had been 26 at the time that happened, though why he was here was a mystery to him. He had apparently either been thrown back in time, into an alternate dimension or the like, since he could feel Kyuubi even though there was a long space between them. He decided that he'd do his best to protect Naruto since he would need to be alive for him to be created.
A smile came to his face as he dropped down, landing behind Pein and then grabbing his Akatsuki cloak, undoing the clasp in a fluid motion, having caught the man off-guard and then taking the cloak and making a run for it before they could recover from the shock of being cloak-lifted.
There was a silence as Pein looked at the figure which now donned his cloak, a grudging amount of respect coming for the nameless figure, who had nicked his cloak without being detected beforehand. He sighed deeply. "Guess I'll have to pick up a new cloak…" his unnamed team member nodded slightly, before they went their separate way, Pein to go and get his gear together to hunt the Jinchuriki of the Kyuubi, the female to get herself some new clothes, since she didn't like to wear the ones she wore now.
He looked at the blast crater, looking at it for a moment, then walking to the moaning figure he saw there, the mask clearly an indication of which member of Akatsuki it concerned. There was a silence as he lifted the mask, looking at the one-eyed man who lay there. "So nice to see you again, Obito-kun."
"Sensei." Was muttered by Tobi, who looked at the man who looked so much like his sensei, though he couldn't be, he wasn't alive. "Rest for a while, Obito-kun. I'll make sure that you'll get better, I promise!" there was a hint of urgency within his voice as he looked at the dark-haired one-eyes Uchiha, who smiled slightly at him. "Don't worry, I'll be okay."
For a moment, he was about to object, but when he saw Obito's body heal at an accelerated pace, he smiled. "You know, if you had shown that you had that ability, I would have been able to save you." He knew much about Kakashi's youth, while not having been there, knowing a lot about the Yondaime was a handy thing, since Kakashi told a lot while drunk, mistaking him for Yondaime and telling him all those stories.
"Konoha nin will be here soon, sensei." He nodded, knowing that his younger self would also be here, if memory served well enough. If he was a good enough actor, now would be the time to start acting. "Don't worry, as long as you're with me, you'll be safe, I promise." He hid his tails under a high-powered genjutsu, looking at the place where the Konoha nin would come.
Twenty minutes later, Naruto stumbled onto the clearing, Yamato and Hinata following him closely. "Akatsuki." For a moment, he was about to laugh, but still, he didn't turn towards them, just showing them his back, his cloak obscuring everything but his hair. "Are you feeling a bit better now, Tobi-kun?" for a moment, Obiton nodded, looking at him with a very loyal look, making him know that he had won the young man's loyalty.
He felt Kakashi's chakra behind him and grabbed Obito without a further thought, disappearing in a yellow flash before the Raikiri hit him, placing himself three hundred meters away.
"It's not nice to do that, Kakashi-kun." He said, still not looking at the man, now standing at his impressive length, which was a bit taller then Yondaime had been, he had been told. He smiled to Obito, putting him on the ground again, where he got up. "Tobi's a good boy, isn't he sensei?"
"Now now, no need to get so slavishly devoted to me. I'm just your sensei, no need to…" for a moment, it seemed like Obito was going to cry, his one good eye getting a bit teary, then a bone-shattering hug was given to him, some mechanical limbs making him feel uncomfortable and curse the person who set them into Obito's body. There was a silence as he was hugged by the Uchiha, feeling a bit uncomfortable to be looked at by his younger selves.
"Don't ignore us, Dattebayo." Naruto's voice could be heard. He took this as the moment to make his grand entrance. "Don't you dare lecture me, Nanashi. You are the source of all my troubles, so you deal with them instead of me."
Naruto looked at the strange Akatsuki member who was apparently into a relationship with the other eyeless Akatsuki. "I don't care if I'm the cause of your problems, I just want you to stop hunting me!"
He turned halfway, throwing a special kunai with a seal, which imbedded itself in front of Naruto. "And why should I stop hunting you?" he said as he stood in front of him, looking at his smaller self, looking down upon the nearly carbon copy.
"Why do you look like me!" was the first thing that came out of his mouth. "Well, maybe because we're related? Duh, what a dumb question." He looked at his little version with a grin on his face. "Well, since we're all here, I guess I could call over my student. Obito, join us please. I think it's time for us to come back to Konoha once again!"
Without much further hassle did the young man come over, leaving behind a stunned Kakashi, with only Yamato getting the name and the meaning behind it. The rest of the people present just looked at the strange Akatsuki members who acted like they were important and such.
"We're related?" he sighed deeply. "Yes, does it look any different? Do they know about your… tenant?" Naruto looked at him, blinked. "Yes." Then he nodded. "Okay, then I can say that I'm pretty sorry about you being treated like shit by the village, and sorry for sealing the beast in you, but you're not the worst off…"
Naruto realized now fully who was standing in front of him. This was the Yondaime Hokage, the man who he had admired, and who had sealed Kyuubi into him. "You did this? You're Yondaime!"
"Obviously. Kakashi, get over here and join us. You've always been such a strict little kid that I hated to teach you anything, because you did everything by the… hey, is that Icha Icha Paradise? Gimme, I haven't read anything from Ero-sennin in a long time…" within a second, he was holding the erotic book and leafing through it, a big grin coming on his face, looking over at Hinata for a moment and then motioning over. "Read this, girl."
Three seconds was all it took for Hinata to read the page, turn red in the face and then mutter something about being embarrassed, before he whispered in her ear: "Naruto has at least 9 inches."
That resulted in a fainted Hyuuga heiress, with the rest of the team not having heard what he had said and wondering what the Yondaime had whispered to make her pass out.
"Alright, since we're all together now, I think I'll have to kick out Sandaime-sama from his Hokage seat and assume the position again… Konoha needs me, and I sure as hell need the women they have! Maybe I can get Tsunade drunk again on so much Sake that she'll think I'm her boyfriend again and get her pregnant again… Last time I got off with only one week in hospital, though Nanashi was born nine months later."
For a moment, Naruto looked at him, then at himself. "You originally wanted me to be called Nanashi?" Elder Naruto nodded. "Hell yeah. I'd have given you another name, but Nanashi seemed to fit. Tell me, what's your name given by Sandaime-jiji?"
"Naruto." "That's a nice name." "I like ramen. " "So do i." "Cool, wanna go get some once we're back in Konoha?" "Sure. Teams, I know you are here to arrest Akatsuki members, but as the Hokage, I order you back to Konoha. Uchiha Itachi is no longer a threat, and I have it on good knowledge that Uchiha Sasuke is either dead or very damaged, so it'd be a time when he can move again. Hmmm… wait a moment… Obito, Kakashi, I need you two to follow me immediately."
Both men nodded and followed, their sensei's command still going through their mind, whilst Kakashi was reeling with shock that his sensei was alive and a member of Akatsuki. On the other hand, the elder Naruto was busy with getting a lock on to Sasuke's position, something which he had been able to do due to the Cursed Seal radiating some energy which was easily located. He appeared on a branch above the wounded Sasuke as he was being dragged, throwing a kunai in front of the group and then appearing, grabbing Sasuke swiftly and then disappearing again, giving kakashi and Obito ample time to take Sasuke while he would take care of the rest of the members of Hebi.
"Alright you three, shoo. I've got business with Uchiha Sasuke pertaining to his brother, Itachi." He watched as the one wielding the big sword got into a ready stance, while the big one seemed to change into a demonic version of himself, the long haired chick looking ready to kill.
"Alright alright, hold your horses." He muttered as he dispelled his genjutsu, showing his demonic features and then exhaled, a stream of fire following it, nine tails striking the ground after that, a massive tremor shaking the ground afterwards. Gouts of flame exploded all over the area, water following it up, the air being sucked out of the area, making breathing very hard to do. With a smile, he walked away, blocking a strike made by Juugo with one pinky, then delivering a shattering punch to the abdomen, draining the air of all the water inside of it and making everything as dry as possible. There was a silence as he watched how the members of Hebi collapsed to the ground as the very air was gone, nothing there to breathe, the water coming out of their body, causing them to dry out fast. It would only be a few seconds until they died, a massive surge of flame coming up from the ground and incinerating the bodies instantly.
After that, there was a silence as he stood there, his konoha hitai-ate shining in the light as he jumped on a charred tree, moving towards the others. At times, it was good to have close to god-hood powers…
They didn't ask questions on the way back. They had witnessed the pillars of flame shooting up from the ground, had felt the surge of air move away, then had seen a huge fountain of water, the tremor having been the prequel to it.
Sasuke was being guarded by Obito and the Elder Naruto, who wanted to be called Kyuubi now, to avoid confusion. There was not much to talk about as they made their way back to Konoha, looking at the things that had changed little in the time that they had been away, coming to the gates after an hour or so of traveling. There was a silence as they had to show their passports. When the two 'Akatsuki' members were asked for their passports, Kakashi spoke up that they had been unable to retrieve them due to being undercover, until one of the Chuunin saw Kyuubi's face, immediately letting them inside with some well wishes to Kyuubi for being back. They opted for the roofs, since it would allow them better movement.
Kyuubi waited in the waiting room along with the rest of the members of the team, looking at the portraits of the previous Hokage. "So, the big-breasted woman has the Hokage seat now… damn, I was hoping for a nice return to that very comfortable chair…"
The secretary told them that the Hokage was in a meeting, that it would be a long time until she was finished. Kyuubi had enough. "Do you know who I am, woman? I am the Hokage, now let me in with that big-breasted, foolish woman, before I take this kunai and ram it straight through that skinny little throat of yours and feed you to my son."
He went to the doorknob, twisting it and opening the door… seeing the Hokage on the desk with her assistant, in a very erotic pose at the moment, both of them naked. He blinked and then walked inside, closing the door behind him and then shook his head, got out a length of wire that he had nicked from Kakashi a while ago, then began to his work… after he tied Tsunade and Shizune together, that is…
Grabbing the Hokage hat, he put it up, pulled on his old cloak and then set to work, when the Secretary asked if Hokage-sama was disturbed by that rude man, he answered. "Send them in, quickly."
Three seconds later the door opened and Kyuubi smiled as he watched the members of the teams enter, looking besides his desk to see the naked forms of the current hokage and her assistant, then smiling slightly. "As you can see, I have taken my rightful place amongst the remnants of the Hokage of old… Along with witnessing a carnal act between your false Hokage and her assistant, both of them bound lying next to me, I have no choice but to make sure that this mission is deemed a success as Uchiha Sasuke is retrieved and thus, I reward payment of an A-ranked mission to you. Naruto-kun, please stay behind, since I will have to discuss things with you."
Naruto stayed behind as was planned, his eyes looking at the man who he thought was his father. Obito also lingered in the room, poking Tsunade's ass with his foot a few times, the woman glaring at her, but the tape over her mouth prevented her from saying anything. "As you may know, you live in a dump. Therefore, I will order you to come live with me and be acknowledged as my son. Do you accept this?"
Naruto was too happy to accept so he just nodded. "Obito, please untie the ladies. They'll be given their clothes when they can behave like nice, responsible, adults…" Obito nodded, untying the ladies, until Tsunade backhanded him against the wall, a grunt of pain coming from him as he lay there, looking at the ladies.
"What is the meaning of this?" Kyuubi looked at her. "You're replaced as Hokage by someone younger, someone who SHOULD have the spot instead of a beautiful woman like you." She blinked. "Can you show Naruto to my house? I'm not certain if it's still standing…" Tsunade kept on blinking. "Naruto-kun, why don't you lead your mother outside, I have some paperwork to fill out, making me Hokage again. Also, Obito, go find Kakashi and if you can find her, Rin, and get together. I want you a team again tomorrow morning, my office. Also, get a towel to clean the brunette up, Godaime-san dirtied her a bit. Here are your clothes, see you tomorrow, goodbye."
With that, he threw them out of the room, trying to legalize his claim to the Hokage position.
Three weeks later, he was languishing in his chair, thinking about what a great catch he had made when he had sent his special team against Pein, the Akatsuki Leader, who had been captured the last morning, the unnamed female member also being captured, thus making the organization be pretty much disbanded, since they didn't have their leader anymore.
"Naruto, you go to your friends and play with them, I don't care. Just get the hell out of my room. " "Otousan is grumpy today." He didn't mind it that Naruto called him otousan, in fact, he liked it, since he had power over the boy now. He was siphoning the chakra off Naruto's Kyuubi with every moment that passed, the seal on their belly acting as a siphoning device, which amplified his power immensely. When Tsunade had spoken that she was quitting the job, murmurs had risen from the villagers, though he squashed them immediately as he spoke up, telling the villagers that he would take over from her, without trouble, to raise their son, Uzumaki Naruto.
How he had convinced Tsunade, he didn't really know, but it must have been either because of the hypnotic gaze that he had or because he was so knowledgeable about her and being a caring husband to her, something which she had been lacking in her life.
That was just written to vent about the Akatsuki Leader looking like a freak. I'm used to freaks, but he is too freaky! one piercing ois okay, but he looks like he robbed the piercing shop clean and then some...
weirdo...
One-shot, i dedicate to the Akatsuki Leader, Pein.