"Lilly it's not what it looks like...." I was desperate to fix this. It wasn't my fault, I swear it wasn't!
"Like hell it's not," There are tears dripping down her cheeks, taking carefully applied mascara with them. Stop it Lilly, I hate it when you cry. It hurts me more than you know...it feels like my heart is ripping itself to pieces. Fucking Jake Ryan!
"Lilly I didn't! I didn't want to do it! He made me Lilly!" I'm sobbing now, trying to get to Lilly but she keeps taking a step backwards for everyone I take towards her. She's shaking her head, "Why Miley?"
"Lilly you don't understand....you don't! Please listen to me..."
There's fire in her eyes now, and it burns me. This is destorying me...she won't listen to my heartfelt protests. I've got to get her to listen.
It's not my fault Jake Ryan is this twisted.
It's not my fault he just waltzed back into my life to destory it.
It's not my fault he hates me for dumping him...that Lilly took his place in my life.
Not my fault....not my fault...."Please Lilly!" I can only beg now.
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I hate Miley! How could she!? How could she throw everything we had away? For JAKE FUCKING RYAN!
She begged me to listen to her side of the story but I won't have it. I saw everything I needed to at our secret cove at the beach. Miley goes there alot to think, and a lot's happened there. She admitted to Oliver she was Hannah there. She dumped Jake there. She told me she loved me there.
And there I saw everything I needed to.
Her, pressed up against a tree by Jake, kissing him hard. My vision went red and I saw her push him away vaguely, shouting something at him but I was too far gone to hear what it was. It was probably because she noticed me there.
Well fuck little miss Miley Stewart. She can go on playing tonsil hockey with that overgrown monkey for all I care....
Okay I do care. I love her...and the fact that she cheated on me hurts more than anything I've ever felt before. I just can't believe she threw us away...I thought everything was okay, we've been dating for over six months. We came out to everyone. We suffered the initial backlash from our peers at school before they started coming around. And our parents...mom was shocked but she was okay with it...but Mr. Stewart? He doesn't hardly talk to me anymore. Miley says he pretty much keeps to himself now.
I can't understand why she'd put herself through all of that just to throw it all away!
She's been trying to corner me, get me to listen to her.
I won't have it.
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I'm going to make Miley pay for everything she's done to me.
Dumping me, breaking my heart, stealing my love......
Oh she'll pay.
I've already destoryed her relationship with Truscotte, but that's not the end.
She'll pay for it all, little by little.
I'll break her down just wait and see.
I know she still loves me, and I'll get her to remember that. We were ment to be together and we will be.
No matter what.
Blackmail, threats, the sky's the limit.
No matter what, she's mine.
My Miley.
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"Jake if you hurt Lily I swear to god I'll...."
"HA! You'll do what? Face it Miley, you belong to me. And if you want Lily to stay safe, you better watch your step. Besides, your too weak to do anything to stop me. I've been watching you Miles. I can see the bags under your eyes, don't think I didn't see you pass out the other day either. Poor little Miley Stewart. Hasn't slept for three weeks because of nightmares. Spends her lunches throwing up in the washroom...."
"Don't forget covered in bruses thanks to a stupid jackass who won't...." Jakes face contorted in rage, his hand came up and slapped her across the face. He grabbed her by her shirt and pulled her close to him. "Don't you ever.....EVER talk back to me! Understood?" Miley turned her head away in shame, tears welling up in her eyes. She refused to answer him. He snarled and thrust her away, causeing her to slam up against the brick wall. He drew his fist back and plunged it into her stomach. A loud rush of air was heard followed by heavy weezing and gasps. Jake grabbed her around her neck and held her up against the wall. "Understood?" He whispered harsly, she nodded weakly, and his mouth curved into a sneer. "Good." He let go and stepped away from her, watching coldly as she collapsed to the ground holding her stomach and still gasping for air. When her knees gave out she fell sideways, her head cracking back on the brick. He looked down at her, and for a moment his face softened, and he whispered, "I only do it because I love you Miley. You know that right?" Miley nodded, as best she could, tears streaming down her face. He loved her. She knew he did, but it was a twisted love. His jealousy and overprotectiveness had twisted and mutated him into a monster. "And you love me too Miley...you know that." Miley shook her head as the tears ran faster. She didn't love him. No matter how much she tried, and she had tried in the hopes that he would stop hurting her, she just couldn't love him. Jake's face twisted in anger when he saw her denial. He delivered a kick to her shoulder before walking away. As Miley listened to his foot steps echo down the hall, tears began to flow freely down her face. She sobbed silently as she lay there.
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Jake hurts me. He beats me, he belittles me. He tells me he loves me. He threatens my beloved. My ex-girlfriend Lilly.
That's why I wont' tell.
It's been a month since Jake forced himself on me and Lilly saw.
She hasn't talked to me since, but I keep trying. I'll never stop trying.
My grades have plummeted. Hannah hasn't been seen in forever. There are rumors circulating everywhere.
And not just by the paperazzi, Amber and Ashley have dabbled in my regular life.
The highschool's heard it all. I'm pregnant. I'm a whore. I did the whole soccer team. But I lost it first to Jake Ryan.
That last one's true....but I wasn't willing and he wasn't gental. He was drunk, and I've rarely left my room.
It feels like no one cares...and I refuse to tell anyone.
I don't care about myself anymore, it's useless...I'm useless.
But if Jake lays even a finger on Lilly I'd never forgive myself.
So I don't tell.
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Another month has passed. That makes it two.
I don't have any friends.
But I do have bruises.
I don't have my virginity.
But there are knife marks slashed across my back.
I don't have Lilly.
But I do have a broken heart.
I don't have the support of my family.
I do believe there's nothing to live for.
Nothing but to make sure Lilly stays safe.
So I live, and I don't tell.
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It's been three months, and I hide everything.
My sadness, my tears, my bruises.
I muffle my screams.
I close my eyes.
I live under the shadow of Jake Ryan.
The one man disaster. He's a lunatic.
He hides too.
He hides his violent nature.
He hides his cruel laughes.
He hides the knife I know he keeps on his person at all times.
He hides his behavior towards me.
Lilly hides too. From me.
She's made new friends, apperently moved on.
She ignores me when I long for her.
So I live, and I hide, and I don't tell.
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I talked to Oliver today.
He took Lilly's side those long 3 and 1/2 months ago.
He listened to me.
I told me only part of the story, the part where Jake forced himself on me and Lilly saw.
"I didn't cheat," I whispered.
"So why are you with him now?" Oliver asked me, putting an arm around my shoulders.
I flinched away from him, and shamefaced I met his eyes, "I have to be."
"I've been watching you Miles...you never smile anymore...why? What happened to you?"
A tear drips down my cheeks, "I can't without Lilly. I used to be happy, my smiles were always for her."
"You can fix this Miles," Oliver inisted.
"No Ollie, it's past fixing now. Go home, be friends with Lilly, make sure she's happy for me. Because I can't fix it anymore."
So he left, and I live and hide...and don't tell.
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It's getting worse.
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A tear slips down my cheeks
for every drop of blood
that slides down my wrists.
Help me. Help them. Help me.
I don't want to be here anymore. But I plug along anyway.
I don't know why anymore.
Why am I here still?
Lilly.....
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Regrets write themselves
on the wall of my heart,
like the graffiti of others on bricks.
But they're not strong enough.
Nonsense spills from my lips
spelling a perfect story
of lies and innocence
oh so contrary
to the life I pretend to live.
Help me. Help them. Help me.
The world is blind to you
if you just slip on a mask.
No therapist can pick
your mind and see how you tick
if you don't want them to.
Nobody helps if you don't help
yourself, I should know.
I didn't let them, didn't let myself.
Help me. Help them. Help me.
People lie, they can't really see.
They think if you think they know
you'll spill it all but I didn't show
any real part of me to them.
I'm doomed to condemn myself.
Help me. Help them. Help me.
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Lilly...don't cry. I hate it when you cry. It hurts.
I've tried to keep you safe...but I've realized in the last week that you've been in the most danger when Jake was using you as a threat.
As a leash to keep me down. I'm a danger to you. And I want to protect you from everything bad in the world.
If he has no reason to consider hurting you he won't.
When I'm gone...he'll forget all about you.
Help them.
Help them all.
I'm fading away.
Help them all.
They'll need it,
Cause I can't stay.
Show me the way
I'm fading faster now.
A tear slips down my cheeks
for every drop of blood
that slides down my wrists.
Help me. Help them. Help me.
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"Lilly. I love you."
Those were the first four letters written on the white note. The paper itself looked innocent enough, or it would have had it not been spotten with blood. Those first four letters were bolded, as though the writer had traced them over and over again until the pencil had run out of lead.
These five were unbelieveable.
"I never cheated on you,"
But she wanted to believe them.
" willingly."
That one was confusing, but obviously false. The writer was indeed a cheater.
"Someday we'll meet again,"
No they wouldn't. She was dead. She'd never see the brunette again.
"but I just can't take this pain anymore."
What pain?
"Tell Daddy and Jackson I love them,"
They've already read this, both of them. But they wonder, if she really loved them would she have done this?
"and that I'll be with momma now."
That just broke Lilly's heart irreparibly.
"I love you Lilly, and I always will."
Lilly kneeled there beside the hospital bed and cried. Clutching the paper tightly in her hands.
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Lilly. I love you. I know what your going to think. Why did she do it? She didn't have a reason. I want to tell you that reason Lilly but I can't. If I take this secret to the grave with me everything will be okay. But if I tell you, he might hurt you. I just want you to know this Lilly, I never cheated on you willingly. HE kissed ME, I went to our spot to meet you when he showed up. He trapped me against the tree and kissed me. I pushed him away and yelled at him but you didn't see that part. I tried to explain but you wouldn't listen Lils. Just know that I love you, and that someday we'll meet again. I want to stay...I really do but I just can't take this pain anymore. Tell Daddy and Jackson I love them and that I'll be with momma now. It won't be so bad, you'll see. I can't say this enough Lils, I love you and I always will. Please forgive me.
Love Miles.
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I'm the last one here.
Even Robbie Ray and Jackson have gone home.
There are so many questions I want to ask you.
But more than answers, I need you Miles.
Just you.
Please believe me I suffered too.
I missed you so much but I was too angry, too blind.
Too hurt to look past all that and see only love.
I forgive you Miles, I love you and love means forgiveness.
To bad I learned that a little too late.
I don't think I'll ever know what made you do it.
Maybe it's for the better I don't, like you said.
I just want you to come back to me Miles.
Come back, I'll forget everything!
We'll go back to the way it used to be, when it was good.
Before Jake came barging back.
"Please Miles! Come back!"
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Lilly kneeled down in front of the freshly dug grave. Her cheeks were cold and wet.
She was so confused, her mind was in turmoil.
Everything was happening so suddenly, so fast. And she didn't have a reason for any of it.
She knew just one thing right now...she missed Miley.
She was sorry...sorry...she couldn't appologive enough for how stupid, how ignorant, or how blind she was.
"I promise Miley, I'm going to find out what made you do this." Lilly wipped away her tears.
"I love you too Miles, I'll figure this out." Hard with her new resolution Lilly stood and turned. She walked away without turning back. But she swore with all her being that she heard Miley's voice whispering behind her. It must have been a figment of her over worked mind.
But if she'd stayed a moment longer she's have seen a pale figure sitting on Miley's tombstone, and she would have heard the words her lost love had whispered desperatly as she walked away....
"Don't."
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So guys what did you think? I think I took a bit of artistic licence with this and it turned out okay I think but it's your opinions that really matter so review my pretties! Review like the wind! Not sure if I'll continue and make it a two-shot yet...we'll see.
Alright laters ya'll,
Icarus.
(OH and I DO NOT OWN HANNAH MONTANA! This is my disclaimer.)