Disclaimer: I do not own Storm Hawks.
Creaming the Cyclonians.
"Darkon we got incoming, it's a Cyclonian cruiser and several carriers." The bright green nose less human figure with a cone shaped green hat was looking at what he called Darkon, a giant mass of darkness with an eye that was red and it looked like a normal human's eye except it was large.
They were on the floating isle of the Shadows family, Darkon had loved his floating magical home and there were very few people living here and very few reasons why anyone wanted to invade, unless they wanted his weapons technology.
"Stall them Sir by shooting your body from a cannon at their ships it should confuse them long enough for me to load my ultimate weapon, the super compressed 'Twinkie Bomb!'." Darkon marked triumphantly by putting a regular sized Twinkie on a view screen from his secret base on the Shadows Island.
Sir Allot, the green humanoid as he didn't consider himself that much human looking anymore just sighed as he made his way to the cannon and crawled inside closing the lid on the cannon.
"How am I posed to shoot myself?" Sir asked thoughtfully remembering that to fire the cannon you had to be on the outside.
"With a handgun of course, but apparently you want me to fire you from this cannon?" Sir groaned knowing who that was and when he was awake it usually meant doom to all those who invaded Darkon's territory, it was Ender T. Shadows a white wolf monster who could transform into several variations of baby dragons and Darkon's super genetically created son who always complained about never having thumbs, it was ever a wonder how he didn't turn out looking like Darkon considering he used his genetic structure to create Ender.
"Yeah you might want to get on that before your narcolepsy kicks in again, you've been asleep for the last five weeks and you have no idea how hard it is to get you off your bed so I can clean it up." Sir was the one guy who did everything; working as Darkon's minion he'd even face violent deaths for his blind loyalty to the monster that wasn't evil unless some other evil came along.
Darkon loves to annoy people and beat down his competition and given the fact that the Cyclonians have heard of Darkon and they were evil, they were asking for the terrible retaliation only Darkon could create and he never did these kinds of things to heroes.
Sir was soaring through the air without a parachute or without a pair of glider wings, he was certainly going to feel the impact of hitting the cruisers wind shield, but he never truly cared what happened to himself as long as it was for a good cause.
Onboard the Cyclonian vessel.
"So let me get this straight…. we came out here for special weapons made by some sort of monster? What kind of weapon could it possibly be that would require such an amount of resources?" The Dark Ace was busy pacing back and forth until something green slammed into the windshield of the cruise, leaving behind a mass of green blood like goop blinding the bridge.
"All hands stop, we need to clean the wind shield off, apparently we hit a very large bug." He scowled and walked off leaving the small fleet hanging near the floating island.
Darkon's base, the overcompensating cannon.
"This is the cannon that will fire my 'Twinkie Bomb' even if it seems a little excessive, it'll cause a massive amount of splash damage when it hits" Darkon explained to Ender and Sir while motioning to a cannon of a indescribably large size to fire a normal sized Twinkie, Sir who mysteriously looks completely fine after becoming a splattered mess on the Cyclonian cruiser raised his hand.
"Yes, you have a question Sir?" Sir lowered his hand and looked to the cannon and turned back to Darkon.
"Darkon I know your evil and all, but can you at least promise me someone won't die when you fire that cannon because it does seem overly dramatic for firing something of that size with one Twinkie as ammunition." Darkon just sweat dropped and then came up with a better idea causing Sir to think of what Darkon was doing when he floated off, when he came back with an entire pack of modified 'Twinkie Bombs' Sir felt like he made mistake in pointing out that he was only using one Twinkie.
"You're right Sir, why not fire more then one and make their entire small fleet squirm in the fear of my awesome baking skills, oh and don't worry I'll guarantee they aren't as half as lethal as the exploding fruit cakes I used last time." Sir could only look in defeat as Darkon knew how exactly lethal those fruit cakes were when he test fired them and he was ignoring the fact that using more then one Twinkie would be overkill because he had an interesting sense of humor.
"Okay prepare to fire, I can't wait to see the looks on their faces when those Twinkies are set off."
Flying towards the Shadows Island.
Ravess was playing her bow violin style again and when the lush green island with a small amount of trees, then out popped out a cannon of massive size that could only mean doom if it fired.
"Retreat! I don't want to be hit by something of that size." Ravess screamed and turned her Talon Switchblade Elite away from the cannon that slowly prepared to fire.
"That has got to be a bluff if I ever saw one, nothing of that size could possible charge enough energy to fire…." The Dark Ace was suddenly cut off by a loud boom and cruiser was suddenly in the path of a mass of yellow rectangular objects.
"Umm… are those…. Twink…." The Cyclonian never finished that statement as the cruiser and carriers where suddenly caught in a large white explosion that covered even the exposed Cyclonians on their bikes in midair.
Darkon's base.
"Sweet." Ender said, while wagging his tail happily.
"Totally." It was the only response Darkon could give as he was staring at the expanding white cloud started falling from the sky with the Cyclonians still stuck to it.
Ravess falling out of the sky.
"What is this stuff, it's all…." The part of the fan fiction was cut due to lewd humor and Twinkie related madness.
After that day Cyclonia would never try to steal one of Darkon's weapons ever again, it also took the first attack group took weeks to get their cruisers flying again and their bikes even longer then that.
To this day, Cyclonia still has a ban on all cake related snacks or selling such products unless you have a license for having it on possession.
End.