Lying there all alone, closing my eyes slowly, feeling the vastness of it all. Grasping it with the tips of my fingers, I could feel them. Clutching myself to sleep, a tear stains my cheek and there's no one to hear or comfort me. I'm broken and everyone, all gone. "They were kids that I once knew…" Music plays in my head, heart pounding in my chest, waiting for the vague to happen.

I long for his touch once again as the cold envelopes me in his embrace. The dead speaks but I cannot hear them, memories pour over me and over flows. Complex emotions swirl in and out of my soul just as I blow away the flames of our past. I was blinded, but now I seek. I was never a part of his world, and will never be. Tantalized and urged to go on but in the end, still a lost soul.

I've been drifting in and out again, was it only a dream or reality? It seems so far away. I can't tell anymore...time. Time is the only thing that keeps me afloat but time is also the thing that keeps me spellbound, memories of the past or visions of the future. One can never tell when magic is involved.

I have accepted my fate. It was never meant to be. But deep down in my heart, I yearn to return. I wanted to return to the age I once was. And now that I am, I have lost everything, everyone's gone.

It was a secret adventure. And it was fun while it lasted. But now that they have left me, memories will never be the same. Cursed by the dead; haunted by the living. I wanted to remember, I wanted to forget; a paradox that'll never end. This emptiness at the pit of my stomach is slowly eating me away. They say I have forgotten… that I have given up. Maybe I have.

I changed. I used to be gentle. But this facade is what's keeping my alive. This mask I've conjured to protect myself from breaking. But I'm already broken. I have long lost Narnia, along with Caspian. And now, I lost Earth too. No more Peter. No more Edmund. No more Lucy… No more me.

Fast asleep while lying wide awake. Trying to piece everything together, lost in this world and the other. What's done is gone, what's gone is done. To forget or to remember, the choice was never presented. The voice in my head won't leave me alone. Time keeps on ticking away, but I can never catch up. It has left me here; blind and deaf. My soul vanished, I'm now hollow: Dead.

This is one thing my reasoning could never grasp. I keep asking "why?" a question nobody could ever answer. I'm starting to fall into this darkness and I know I will never be able to get out.

I've never been Queen Susan the Gentle. I never wore a gold crown with jewels and gems. I never held a bow and arrow with such agility that would put an athlete to shame. I have never ruled over a kingdom with such beauty that caused men of all countries to their knees for my hand in marriage. I have never known Narnia nor Aslan…nor Caspian.

Forget them all. I cannot go back, not ever. I can't stay either, or rather, I don't want to. I am nowhere, not even in between. In between… How I wish there is a way. The wardrobe forgotten, the rings in pieces, the train wrecked everything and everyone. No more rain of tears shed, no more feeling of pain and emptiness. Lost forever, I surrender. "I'm a friend of Narnia no more."

The following day, the headlines read *Remaining Pevensie orphan takes own life" Alas, the end. All gone, nothing remains.