Emily didn't usually allow her emotions to run wild like this. Her plan made it necessary that she always remain in control. But this day, she couldn't do it. She had felt herself falter little by little throughout the week. She woke up this morning and just couldn't get out of bed. Her heart ached for what she had lost. The thing that, no matter how well her plan worked, she could never get back: Her father. It was the anniversary of that fateful night when he was ripped from her home, and her life, forever.
Feigning sick, she called Daniel and cancelled their plans, knowing he would offer to spend the day watching movies and hanging out on couch. Smiling wistfully, she gently refused his offer. There were times she felt a little badly about involving Daniel in this fight with his parents. But today was not a day she could consider her feelings of guilt or even feelings for Daniel in general.
Turning over, she fell back to sleep, only waking when Nolan came over and starting knocking. She ignored him and eventually, he left as well. Whatever he wanted could wait a day. She was in no mood to be plotting her next move.
Emily eventually got up and dug through the back of her closet for a worn book bag. Pawing through it, she found what she was looking for: a torn pair of blue jeans and an oversized t-shirt with "Allenwood Juvenile Detention" written across the back. Slipping on the memory, she walked downstairs to make herself a pb&j. Emily closed all the curtains in the house and sat down behind the couch to eat her sandwich. This is where she always hid as a child when that woman came over…
Emily swallowed hard as she relived those final nights. Her father, sneaking past her hiding place in the night, letting that cold woman into the house and into his bed. Little Amanda hadn't understood at the time. She had seen the woman at the market, waving with a fake smile at the locals and tugging her son behind her. She was married. She was a mom! Why was she letting daddy fall in love with her?
Abandoning her sandwich, Emily shook her head to clear her thoughts and walked to the bathroom. She hated this persona she had adopted. Every day spent as Emily took her farther away from her real self. And she despised Emily. Grabbing the nail polish remover, she walked up the stairs and up another level to her favorite spot inside the house- her princess tower. Emily sat gazing out the window, scrubbing almost absentmindedly at her nails. Removing her perfect manicure- a trapping of Emily. She watched the young children playing on the beach. She focused on one duo in particular-a young boy and girl building sandcastles. Leaning her forehead against the window, she was overcome with a particular sense of longing.
As the hours passed, Emily found an old VHS of The Three Stooges and popped it into the VCR. She had pulled her hair back into a messy ponytail and cooked up a couple hot dogs with cheddar cheese for dinner. Today, she let her guard down and celebrated who she was rather than who she was becoming. As the sun drifted towards the horizon, she remembered enough to slip on an old zip up hoodie before heading out to the porch. Only when she opened the door did she notice the yellow lab sitting there. Emily couldn't stop the girlish laugh as she bent down to snuggle her beloved Sammy.
Jack came around the edge of the bushes softly calling out for Sammy. The last thing he wanted to do was have another awkward "let's be friends" encounter with the woman he desperately wanted more from. He stopped short as he came face to face with Emily. Only, she wasn't dressed like he had ever seen her. Her hair swept back loosely and for once she was dressed low-key. She had this look of pure calm and enjoyment on her face. It took his breath away. And then she smiled. Jack had to use every ounce of his resolve not to kiss her right then.
"Hey, Jack", Emily was nervous. She forgot for a moment where she was and just lost herself in his smile. "Sit down, the sunset will be beautiful tonight."
"Daniel said you weren't feeling well. I wasn't going to stop by, and then I realized Sammy had given me the slip again. We'll just get out of your way." Jack's actions belied his words as he remained in place, holding her gaze.
Emily said, almost shyly, "Will you sit with me?"
Jack knew in that moment that he could never say No to her.
They chatted easily. Emily admitted she wasn't sick, and that she had only needed a day to herself. Jack mentioned she had seemed quieter lately, not her usual witty self. As Emily tried to sputter an apology, Jack placed his hand over hers saying, "Don't be. I like watching you when you're not trying to play hostess. I can almost see what's really going on inside that beautiful head."
As the sun started to dip, Emily noticed that Jack hadn't removed his hand from on top of hers. Hesitating for only a moment, she shifted hers so that the fingers were interlocking. Looking at him and smiling, she reached out and stroked his cheek pulled his face towards hers for the sweetest kiss she knew she would ever know.
Sweetness turned to passion as Emily's hands began to roam his body almost without her knowledge. They kissed as if it were their only chance to be together. Which somehow they both knew might be true. Emily was straddling Jack on the porch step and only when she broke for air did he have the wherewithal to speak.
"Emily, I…"
She cut him off with a short, but meaningful kiss.
"Come with me." she breathed.
She stood taking his hand and walked into the house. The walk inside was quick, but his life flashed before his eyes. He knew he might grow to regret this, but something inside him pulled him forward. He hadn't felt this kind of pure ecstasy since he was a child. Since Amanda…
He shook his head to clear out all thoughts of memories of the young girl – now a woman – he would never see again.
Jack followed Emily through the living room and headed towards the stairs, but he started as Emily stopped just short of them. Turning to face him she said, "Here, I want it to be here." This time, as Emily nuzzled him with featherlight kisses, Jack slowly unzipped her sweatshirt. He leaned her against the nearby wooden beam as he gently pushed it down over her shoulders and off. He threw it behind him. As he leaned back smiling, Emily suddenly remembered which t-shirt she was wearing. She pulled up at the hem in an attempt to remove it quickly, but Jack guided her hands back down softly.
"Slowly." He said. "If all we're going to have is tonight, I want to make love to you like I have dreamt about."
Emily kissed his forehead before stepping around him to the trunk to get some blankets. Laying them down behind the couch, she also placed a few pillows down. They laid down facing each other on the makeshift bed. Emily ran her fingers lightly along his arm and told him "When I was a girl, I used to play behind the couch in my living room. It was my fort, my special place. I would go there to feel safe. I want to feel safe with you, here."
Jack leaned and pulled Emily beneath him. Kissing her neck, Jack ran his hand along the top of her soft t-shirt before sliding it underneath. Moving, his hand upward, he kissed her flat yet supple stomach. His mouth closely followed the upwards path of his hand and her shirt. Emily sighed, already squirming with anticipation of what was to come next. Emily raised her head as Jack pulled her shirt over her head. Throwing it over his shoulder, it joined the sweatshirt on the floor. Jack began another attack on Emily's lips and neck as Em unbuttoned his shirt and pushed it over his shoulders. Jack made his way back down her stomach as he nipped and licked at her breasts through her silk bra. Emily shuddered as she felt his fingers dancing against her lower abdomen as Jack unzipped her jeans. Smiling against her skin, Jack moved to kiss where his fingers had just left. Jack slid her jeans down and slowly released her legs to freedom. Then he stood and undoing his own snap and zipper, said "I don't think I'll last much longer with these on". Only then did Emily notice his obvious erection. She didn't know why, but she got very warm just knowing she could have that affect on him.
When Jack had lain back down, Emily took the lead and straddled him. Reaching behind herself to unclasp her own bra, she leaned down and placed chaste kisses along his collarbone. "I just want to be close to you.", she whispered. Without even realizing, her hips rocked into his and Jack gasped. Laughing, Jack said "Keep doing that and I won't last another minute!"
Jack rolled Emily over and, always the gentleman, paused to ask "Are you sure you want to do…"
Emily kissed his chest, his neck, behind his ear before saying the words that would be burned into Jack's mind forever, "I want this. I want you."
Jack's hands ghosted along her body as he moved to remove her silk underwear. He stroked the outside of her thighs while guiding her legs open kissing the soft inside. Kissing toward the juncture of her thighs, he reached up to palm her breasts. Emily's body instinctively reacted to his touch. There was no thought on her part. No awkward first time jitters. It was like they had been together like this forever. Their souls were completely in sync. His touches had left her so aroused, Jack was only down there for a minute before Emily pulled him to her face.
"I don't want to…like that…I want to come together" was all Emily was able to say before reaching down to remove his boxers. After only a few strokes, it was clear Jack was ready as well. Jack guided himself between her legs and entered her. Emily had been with her share of men, but with Jack, it was different. At the risk of sounding like a Tom Cruise movie, he made her feel complete. A tear almost escaped her as she realized, all these years, all this preparation- this was the feeling of wholeness she had unknowingly been searching for.
As Jack moved within her, Emily realized she had never felt so free in bed. She had always been trying to protect her real identity. With Jack, not know her real name, but he knew her. The tightening of her body brought her back to reality and she knew she was about to come. As Jack felt his release, he leaned down and, gasping in her ear, said three words she hadn't heard in a long, long time, "I love you, I love you, God I love you". After hearing these words, Emily finally let go and came. As they both rode the wave of bliss, sweaty and tired, Emily bent her head and smiled a bittersweet smile into his chest, for she knew she could not return Jack's words.
She felt the same, but to admit it would forgo everything she had planned for the past 10 years. It would ruin her plans for vindication. So she said nothing and kissed him, and simultaneously wishing that he knew AND that he wouldn't ever know her true self.
