A/N: Hello guys. This is a new fic from for a long time. Since I'm spending less time studying now, due to some… personal stuff. This work might be my last, depends on time. So… I'll make sure this one is memorable. And oh, please do get some Kleenex *I advertised*, listen to mellow music, or if you want me to suggest, Takaramono by Mizuki Nana, in a dimly lit room, alone. Thanks~
Special Thanks To Divine Vengeance For Grammar-Nazi-ing this work. Pew Pew.
It's Not Always Right
~W.K.
"To me… Fate-chan is my precious best friend. I don't ever want to lose her."
I always go to middle school through the forest. Every time I go through there, I always see this brunette with twin tails, sitting under a big old tree, with a book in her hands. She sat there, solemnly her face smiling, sometimes in a frown. The book she reads changes almost every week. Until one day, I went up to that same tree and I didn't see her there instead; I saw a red round jewel lying on the ground.
I picked it up.
"This… must be hers. I should give it to her tomorrow."
But after that day, I never saw her again. I never knew her name. I always went through that path waiting there almost every day for her to come but she never came. Sad, I always held onto that jewel and made it into a necklace that I wear every day. I thought, 'Maybe… I'll meet her again.'
Present
To Nanoha, I am nothing but a friend she can always rely on. I've… been in love with her even before we were formally introduced to each other. I fell in love with her. Despite being a girl, yes I fell in love with her.
She was there for me, when no one was. She comforted me and helped me when no one wanted to. We grew close, had some fights, reconciled and grew closer. Until the feelings I thought which were only friendship, grew into something bigger, something I couldn't control, something I couldn't understand. Something called 'love' that's so unconditional… I wouldn't have fallen for her if I could've. So I won't have to bother her with so much confusion.
Or scare her with my growing feelings.
I don't even know what idiocy came to me… I thought I valued her, looks like I was actually throwing her away, far from me.
"Nanoha. I know we're friends but… I… Love you. I want… you. I… don't know."
"Fate-chan… sorry, I…"
"You don't need to answer me… I don't… need an answer. Please forget it."
"A-Alright… Okay."
She said 'Okay.' I thought, she did forget about it, but since that day, a lot of things changed. She's… scared of my touch. She's wary of my presence and… we don't meet eye contact. She's… staying away from me.
I felt like I pushed her away.
Was love always this painful, Okaasan?
My mother… abused me when I was a child. She was… doing drugs. She made me do child labor in order to get her fill. She told me, 'this is love, Fate.' Until I met Nanoha, she saved me from whatever it was, and I thought,
'No, Okaasan, love is gentle, like the light the sky shines on you every morning.'
Clueless, I thought I was right. I fell in love, confessed and… got hurt.
Was love really like this, Okaasan?
"Fate-chan!" A brunette with short hair came running towards me, one hand raised as if to wave. "How did your confession go?" She asked me. I looked around.
I stood at the park practically staring there into nothingness for I don't know how long. I was meeting up with Hayate, she told me, 'I'll hook you up to Nanoha-chan.' All I needed was someone to talk to. I had no one else other than Nanoha. Hayate was just a friend… I can count on.
"Not sure." I answered, tilting my head onto one side. I felt like crying. I wasn't necessarily rejected. I just didn't give her time to answer me. It was a stupid confession.
Stupid feelings.
Why do I have to be a girl?
I thought, maybe it would've been normal if I was a man, and I fell in love with her.
"Don't think about becoming a man now. I don't think I'd like a man Fate for a friend." Hayate told me and I raised an eyebrow. "I'm a Genius, don't even ask." She answered pointing to her chest with her right thumb so proudly. I smiled at her, and then sighed right after. "Now, now. Tell me all about it."
We started walking out of the park and into a fast food chain. I admit I was hungry, I guess thinking makes you hungry. I looked around the people as I sat in-front of Hayate with the glass mirror at my left side. I rested my left knee on the table and looked out.
There are a lot of couples, one clinging to another's arm. A few girls together, probably out for shopping. Sure, it is a weekend after all.
Hayate came back with a tray and her food in there. She signalled for me to go order mine so I went ahead to the counter. I looked at the listings of the food offered and sighed. Nanoha and I used to eat here too.
"Fate-chan… try this. It's good." From a spoon coming from her own mouth, she directed it to me. With a blush, I chomped on it and commented on how good it was.
I shook my head and looked at the food. Ordered a normal one, and returned to my table with Hayate. I sat in-front of her and carefully started to pick on my fries.
"Did you tell her already?" Hayate asked me, her right elbow on the table, holding on to a French fry. I replied to her with a sigh and looked out the glass again.
"I'll never tell her I guess."
"Why not? She's your best friend!"
"She was." With all the bitterness I could muster, I did just say that. She was my best friend. Directly after my confession to Nanoha, I felt like what I had said was,
"Let's stop being friends."
I made a taboo. I fell in love with a girl. I told her my feelings, and it seems like I asked her to break my friendship with her. I deserved that probably. For being a bad girl and even daring to confess and look forward to being accepted.
"What? Fate-chan, tell me about it." Hayate asked me, and I sighed.
Two Weeks Ago…
"Uh… Nanoha, can you… meet me later at 4pm by the bridge? Yes, that one bridge we first met at." I told her over the phone. She said alright and I dropped the call.
"I don't know what to do, I'm so nervous…" I sighed and sat up from my bed. I put my feet on the ground and stood up, walking over to my mirror. "I can do this. I've decided! Yes or No… any answer would be fine!"
When four o'clock came, there weren't any people around the place. This is so nerve wrecking… I must do this! Around ten minutes later, I saw brunette hair with a lopsided ponytail jogging towards me.
"Sorry, Fate-chan, I'm late." She told me as she panted. I gestured to her that it's okay. I leaned on the railing of the bridge and looked towards the sea.
Nanoha leaned over as well and looked. She breathed in deeply and said, "The sea is beautiful, isn't it?"
Out of nowhere, like I wasn't in control of my mind, I told her, "You're more beautiful than anything though." I saw her face taint with pink as I looked at her. "Nanoha… I… love you."
"Fate-chan, I love you too?" She answered back tilting her head in one side.
"Nanoha. I know we're friends but… I… Love you. I want… you. I… don't know." I looked to my side. I saw her expression; it was a mixture of shock, awkwardness, and a tint of being uncomfortable.
"Fate-chan… sorry, I…" She looked down, to the sea, to me, to the ground.
"You don't need to answer me… I don't… need an answer. Please forget it." My heart leaped. My hands were sweaty. She had said, 'Sorry.' I knew what was to come. My eyes… I felt like tears were going to fall soon.
"A-Alright… Okay." She looked at me and gave me a nervous smile.
"Th-that's all… S-see you on Monday." I told her and walked past her as I walked with my head bowed.
"F-Fate-chan! Wait!" I didn't stop. I walked away. I felt my face getting wet. I never noticed that I had started crying. I went home and straight into my room. Silently crying, I looked up to my ceiling.
"Fate Testarossa-Harlaown, you're an idiot."
I could feel my eyebrows quivering, my mouth clasping together as I heard a crack. I felt the taste of blood in my mouth as I held in a sound; tears, again, started streaming down my face.
"Best friends doesn't mean… she loves you back…"
I could feel my tears streaming down sideways to my pillow as I stared at the ceiling. I closed my eyes and felt more drops escape my eyes. My chest hurts, my mind hurts, my eyes hurt. I was stupid enough to think that,
She loves me back.
Her emotions, gestures and everything else, they were nothing but friendship. All those hugs, pecks on the cheeks and possessiveness, all because I was her best friend.
I took them all wrong.
I didn't know how much more idiocy I have in myself. The next day was hell. I walked to school, and saw Nanoha with a man.
"Nanoha-san! Please go out with me!"
I looked at her. She looked confused as a blush crossed her face.
"I...I'll think about it."
Present
"You didn't even let her answer you!" Hayate told me and half-shouted at my face. I just pulled back and looked at her.
"She said 'sorry', didn't she? We're meeting later anyway." I told her and sighed. "And that's more than enough of an answer to me. It doesn't make a difference that… I'm leaving soon."
Nanoha
When I was young, I kept on seeing this blonde female with pretty red eyes in the library. She was always there, walking around, looking for books. She always sat down on a table beside the window. I went to the library on weekends to borrow new books to read, and stay long just to look at her. Until one day, I saw a gold triangular object on where she usually sat, and took it.
"This must be hers. I'll return it when she comes back, I guess."
The next day, she never came there. I waited for her the whole time in the library, but she never came. I told myself, 'Maybe, we'll meet again someday.' I kept the gold triangular device and put it in my purse. I bring it with me, everyday.
Present
Fate-chan… just confessed to me. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know how her emotions for me become from friendly love to… a love that wishes for my full attention to be to her. I didn't know what to answer her. Accidentally, I said 'Sorry.' But that's not what I wanted to say.
I'm scared.
I'm so scared.
I… don't know why.
Fate-chan… I'm so scared of you.
Involuntarily, I started ignoring her. I was scared. I never knew that emotions can be this powerful… this… overwhelming… this…
Overflowing.
Her feelings for me are overflowing. I don't know what to do. I couldn't catch them with my hands. I couldn't think about them; it makes my brain hurt. We're meeting later… I wonder what will I do? Will I give her an answer? I'm confused.
Is my answer I love you too? Or can we just remain friends? I can't understand… I don't know how this works... I don't know.
To me… Fate-chan has always been my best friend.
Later that Day at three in the afternoon, in-front of the Takamachi Residence
"Fate…chan." I uttered her name. I looked her in the eyes. Her eyes looked dark, and deep. There are eye bags under them. She must've been crying. "Nyahaha~ Why is this so awkward?" I said to break the silence.
"Sorry, I made it awkward. And I even said that I'll always be there for you." She told me and looked away.
"So… why are we meeting again, today?" I asked her as I looked to the ground. She looks like she's holding back something. As if… she's fighting back, something.
"Nanoha." She said my name. I don't why it scared me but… it did. I took a step back, as she took steps forward. I suddenly found myself pressed on the wall, as she still continued to step forward until our faces were near each other. To the point that we could feel each other's breathes on our own faces. "Nanoha." She said my name again.
I looked to my side. I couldn't look at her face. I'm scared. My heart's beating so fast, my temperature's rising. I don't know what to do. So I pressed my hands onto her shoulders in an attempt to push her away.
Again.
I don't want to push her away, but my body is acting on instincts. My hands grabbed on to her shoulders as I looked up at her, "Fate-chan wai—" Before I could finish my sentence I felt something soft sealing my lips.
"Nanoha… I want you to myself… My selfishness…" She told me. My eyes widened. She's kissing me. She pressed herself to me, her hands wrapping around my waist. I'm not rejecting her. I…
Want this.
"Wa-wait!" I tried saying in between kisses. She started kissing me vigorously to the point that I'm starting to lose breathe. "Fa—te—wait!" By female instinct… I slapped her.
Her face shot down looking to the ground as her right cheek stung. "I…! Fate-chan! I'm sor—"
"I did it again, didn't I?" She said. She looked at me, her eyes gentle, as if… tears were going to fall from there anytime. I've never seen Fate-chan cry… I never knew… it'd hurt this much.
It hurts to see her sad.
It hurts even more to see her cry…
…because of me.
"I..! I'm sor—" I tried saying again I was cut again half-way.
"I'm an idiot. I… didn't want this to happen. I… reg…" She looked down and wiped a tear. She looked at me and smiled, "…ret this…now. I regret this now. Nanoha, forget about me." She started walking away.
I wanted to shout.
I wanted to chase for her.
I wanted to be there when she needs someone.
I want to be there for her when she needs me!
But I'm the reason she became like this.
I do not regret this… at all.
After she disappeared from my sight, my knees buckled sliding my back down on the pavement, I hugged my knees, trying to take in what just happened. My chest hurt. I grabbed my shirt in an attempt to ease it. I started sobbing, and tears started going down my face.
I don't want to forget you, Fate-chan.
Don't leave me.
But I couldn't walk. I couldn't even go after her! What kind of friend am I?
What kind of friend… am I?
The next day… I didn't want to go to school. Hayate-chan fetched me, so I just went out to meet her.
"Nanoha-chan! What happened to you? You're a mess." She told me in a half-shout that rang around my head.
"I'm a mess." I answered her and scratched my head. "I'm not feeling good. I'm skipping."
"Fate-chan… her flight's today." Hayate told me. I think the world crumbled behind me, leaving me standing alone at the middle.
"What? Where is she going?" Clueless I asked. I want to know. I need to know.
"They're all preparing in her home. Her family's migrating to Canada." Hayate told her and looked down. "I thought you met yesterday, she didn't tell you?"
Images of yesterday flashed my mind. Her lips were so soft; her kiss was gentle as it started. I thought about it all night…
I couldn't get it out of my mind.
It was as if…
I want more.
"N-No." A blush spread across my face as I crossed my hand in-front of me. "We-we just talked for a bit. Then, she left."
"I'm here early because I'm seeing her off to the airport. I'm actually late though. Her flight's in ten minutes." My eyes widened. I was still dressed in my pajamas and glared at the clock. I ran inside and went through clothes, and wore shoes. Hayate eyed me as I looked at her. I grabbed my purse and ran past Hayate. "Where we going?"
"Fate-chan!" I told her and ran out. She smiled at me and ran after me.
This time… I'm gonna make things right.
Fate
I held on to my collarbone searching for something important.
"Mom! Hold on! I need to get home. I… forgot something!" I told them as I took my suitcase with me and ran away.
"Wait! Fate! At least let Chrono drive you home so you'll arrive in time!" My adoptive Mother, Lindy shouted at me. I couldn't care less. I needed that pendant. At least… I don't want to leave it there.
I ran, as if running for my life home. I saw an old woman getting stuck between people trying to cross the streets. I helped her and felt good about doing a good deed.
I ran past a lot of people as I bumped into more. I saw a lost child and helped her find her parents by bringing her to the police station. I did a good deed again.
It feels so good and comforting…
Who am I joking?
I'm purposely… distracting myself.
I didn't want to leave.
I want to be with her.
…with Nanoha.
I ran inside our house, keying the door. I threw the suitcase to the side and ran up to my room. I picked up the necklace with the red jewel and ran down. Tripping on the last step to the stairs, my phone rang.
"Fate, you're late. You'll have to re-book your flight and go here, alright?" My mom told me, and I sighed.
I missed the flight.
My feelings are… that idiotic.
Staying where she is.
Staying where it hurts.
Normal
"Hayate-chan! Quick!" Nanoha and Hayate went into the airport and looked at the board for flights. They looked for the flights to Canada and read.
" Japan Airlines Bound to Canada, Departed."
"No way…" Nanoha said as she took a step back. Slightly shivering, her hands were clenched into fists. "Why am I such an idiot?"
"You love her back, don't you?" Hayate asked and tapped her shoulder.
"Why do I realize things so late?" The brunette said as deep blue orbs closed and opened. "Why?" She asked herself as tears dropped from her eyes to the ground.
"There, there." Hayate hugged her and rubbed her back as the brunette sobbed into her arms. "You can always email her… no?"
"That… won't change a thing." She said in between sobs. "Because I would never… see her… again." She let go of the brunette and started walking away from the airport.
"Skipping?" Hayate asked and frowned.
"Yeah… See ya tomorrow… Hayate-chan." Nanoha, dejected, walked away. Hayate waved her goodbye and walked to school.
Takamachi Nanoha took a detour, going into the Testarossa household. She walked and walked as she bumped into a lot of people. She bumped into a tall man and accidentally dropped her purse. It opened and revealed a gold triangular object that she picked up hurriedly. She clutched to it, "You can't get lost now. Keeping you safe for when I meet that girl again, is the right thing I might be able to do."
Walking in silence with tears pouring down her face, she gently wiped them, as she walked in-front of the said Harlaown householf, and her eyes widened.
There by the door step, sat a blonde with a suitcase beside her. She was holding a red jewel tied to a necklace chain, looking at it as if to stare. She looked up and saw the brunette holding a gold triangular object.
"I lost that when I was in middle school." Considering it as if it was a normal meeting, they said the same things at the same time.
"Look at that." The blonde said and coughed. "Were bound to meet in one way or another." She stood up and walked towards the brunette.
Dark blue eyes looked at her gentle red ones. "You can have this back." The blonde told her and raised the jewel in-front of her.
"I'm not accepting that, until you listen to me." The brunette answered determination filling her eyes. She extended the gold triangular device to the blonde. "You can have this back now, though."
"I'm not taking that until you take this." The blonde looked at her and tilted her head to one side. "Why are you here, anyway?"
"I'm here because I love you too."
END.
A/N: Well… I ran out of Happy Ending ideas. And that was not too Kleenex worthy, I hope. And I hope you enjoyed this one shot of mine. I leave everything and the adding up of the 'past' scenes to you people. Thank you for reading. And oh, this was never supposed to end happily… I made a happy ending because… I want my readers to smile.
And thanks to Risa for Proof(Not)Reading this for me! ~ W.K.