Everyday I learn something new. What surprises me, is that, even after five years of working with Detectives Goren and Eames, they are still teaching me more than I can teach them. I wish I could have worked with one of them before I got stuck with a desk job. It's an honor to be their captain, but I can only imagine how thrilling it would be to work with either one.
Alex Eames is so spirited; nothing gets her down. She works hard, and has patience like no one I've ever seen. She will go over a case again and again, leaving no rock unturned. She does everything she should—if she's given an order, she'll do it and without complaint. But the part of her that shines brightest, when she lets it out, is that tricky little brain of hers. Every so often, she'll come up with a plan that blows us all away. Even Goren shows surprise at how well she hides this gem.
Bobby Goren seems to be the opposite of his partner, though deep down they are very similar. When she holds back, he goes in, without hesitation. When she stays quiet, he fills in the blanks. They are a perfect team. His quick thinking and his knack of butting into people's personal space make him a very effective detective.
The Czabo case threw me for a loop. Frank has been a good friend for many years. He helped make me who I am today. I trusted him with my life. Sadly what I learned through this case was not a pleasant lesson.
My detectives don't like to upset me—I know them that well—but I also know that they would rather do the right thing. This time, the right thing turned out to be against my wishes. As much as they pushed, I resisted. I didn't want to believe that Frank could have abused his position and committed a crime. It just didn't seem plausible. I didn't—couldn't—believe them, until I saw his outburst in the bullpen.
They both knew from the beginning that they had to be skeptical of everything. I've heard over and over not to let personal feelings get in the way, but this was Frank Adair they were talking about. Frank Adair! For god's sakes, I was ready to name my first-born son after this man!
All these years passed, and I never suspected a thing. Marie, his poor wife, she never suspected anything either. She was so good to him, so kind and gracious, always willing to put up with his demanding life. Maybe he was so wrapped up in his many lives that we could never see every side of him. But that can't explain it all.
I should have seen it. I should have accepted their work. All the clues, all the evidence pointed in one direction and yet I forced my mind to twist everything to make him innocent. I wanted to believe that everything was alright, that all the time I had spent with him was good pure fun.
I have learned though. From them, my detectives. It must be hard, I can't see how they put up with this lesson that they've each taken to heart. Especially Goren. The few he has left to place his trust in… If any of us betrayed him… Well, I can't think of the consequences. Eames herself is strong. She has lived through a similar ordeal realizing her father's poor choice in money making. I admire them both for staying strong and doing the right thing.
I wish I could be like them, to say that I can turn my feelings on and off when need be, but I can't. If I did, the squad would fall apart. Sometimes I have to butt heads with them, but it only makes this particular team work harder. They work well in the face of adversity.
I can play roles like they can, but we can't fool each other. I would never be able to walk up to Eames, tell her that I hated her and have her believe a word of it. And yet, sometimes that's exactly what I have to do. I have to guide them and give them their space. Not unlike I do with my girls. I learn from those I father at home, but also from those I father at work. Sometimes I wish I could learn from example a little faster, but in the end, I'm always glad I learned at all.