Disclaimer: Anything you recognize isn't mine.
A/N: Written for Ravenclaw homework at the Hogwarts Online Forum. The challenge was to write a Remus/Tonks fic using the prompts, "Never on a Thursday," "Pink? Why is it always pink?" and "Do you have to misinterpret everything I say?"
I Want To Spend It All With You
"Remus," Tonks asked tentatively. "Can I - can I have a word with you?"
Lupin looked up sharply from where he had been sitting in the kitchen of Number Twelve Grimmauld Place, poring over something for the Order. At her words, however, he stood up and began to hurriedly gather his papers together. "You know, Tonks, now really isn't a good time... "
"It's never a good time with you, is it?" she snapped, suddenly angry. "Not before meetings, not after them, not near the full moon or when either one of us has guard duty sometime in the next century," she stopped for a moment to draw a breath, and then went on, "Not when Molly's served meatballs for dinner, and - Merlin forbid - never on a Thursday!"
Tonks finished, panting, feeling more like a child throwing a tantrum with every passing second. Remus just sighed like an old, weary teacher, and suddenly the thirteen years between them seemed an uncrossable chasm. Perhaps she was a fool to act like this, to bring up the stupid subject with him again, but she really couldn't help it. She loved him.
Remus finally spoke, interrupting her thoughts. "Look, Tonks. I just feel like... We've been over this, haven't we?" He looked at her for a second, shaking his head, then bent to pick up his neatly stacked pile of papers. "I have to go."
He got up to leave the room, only to realise that Tonks has lodged herself in the doorway, blocking the only exit.
"Sirius is here," he said, making one last-ditch attempt to escape her.
"Yeah, because he's sure to interrupt this little chat. You know how much Sirius loves talking about feelings - his own and everyone elses'!" she said sarcastically. "He ran for a cover as soon as I opened the door."
Lupin gave her a smile at that, and Tonks felt her heart beat faster.
"Fine," he said resignedly, sinking back into his chair. Tonks remained in the doorway. "On with it. What do you want to tell me?"
"The same things I've said before," she told him fiercely, simultaneously praying that this would work and trying not to get her hopes up too high. "I don't care that you're a bit older than me and I don't give a damn that you're a werewolf. I - I love you, Remus, and that's never going to change."
"And I," he said softly, his tone a direct contrast to hers, "will say the things that I have said before. "The age difference between us, Tonks - it's a lot. More than you think. And, obviously, I am a werewolf, and, frankly, that should frighten you."
"Well, it doesn't," she insisted. "There are scarier things."
"Like what?" he asked, almost sadly.
"You-Know-Who," she told him, without a moment's hesitation.
"You'll notice, however," he pointed out, in the same mild tone, "that he is a bachelor."
"Not for lack of trying on Bellatrix's part," she muttered, "Not from what my mum says."
He gave her a wane smile. "If you think the fact that Bellatrix is attracted to Voldemort is going to convince me - "
"Oh, Merlin, Remus," she wailed, shaking her head in disgust. "Do you have to misinterpret everything I say? Of course there are scarier people than you besides You-Know-Who, and a lot of them are married. Frankly, you're not all that frightening. I mean, sorry to burst your bubble and all of that, but Molly Weasley inspires far more terror in people than you do!"
Lupin opened his mouth as if to retort, then closed it, at a loss for what to say. Then they both laughed, and for a moment, the tension between was completely dissolved.
"What about our age difference, then?" he asked her, and, as if he had conjured it by magic, all the tension between them has re-entered the room.
"Thirteen years," she scoffed. "That's nothing."
"Wouldn't you rather be with someone younger than I am?" he asked her.
"You're only thirty-six, Remus!"
"And you're twenty-three," he told her.
"Can we move on from the obvious?" she snapped. "I know how old I am. It's old enough to know what I want."
"Is it?" Lupin asked. "Are you sure that in ten years, you're not going to wish you'd chosen someone more like Charlie Weasley than - "
"Will you can it with Charlie Weasley?" she shouted, now extremely angry. "There's another thing you've misinterpreted. Just because I once mentioned we'd dated at Hogwarts -"
"I said someone like him," Remus interrupted, sounding angry for the first time. "But you have to admit Tonks, he could give you so much more - "
"I'm not interested in what he could give me," she told him scathingly. "He was a terrible boyfriend. He could never really commit to a relationship for more than a couple of weeks. That was all ours lasted - two weeks. We were a terrible couple anyway, the way we argued. We're much better as friends."
"Okay," he said. "Fine. I just think - you wouldn't be happy with me, Tonks. Someone more your age - "
"Are you blind?" Tonks shrieked, pulling on the ends of her mousy brown hair. "Seriously? Look at me! I'm unhappy now!"
"You look fine," he said stiffly, although she could tell he was lying.
"Really, Remus?" she said sarcastically. "Because my mum had always hated the way I wore my hair. Every time I'd visit, it was, 'Pink? Why is it always pink?' Then, about a month after I started having trouble with my Metamorphosing, she said she missed my hair looking like a wad of bubblegum. Which, you know, isn't the nicest thing, but for her - "
"Tonks," he said, changing tactics again, "We're at war. And we're both in the Order and who knows what's going to happen." He looked at her and visibly shuddered.
Her heart hurt at the suggestion. She would die for the Order, if she had to, but she couldn't stomach the thought of anyone else doing the same. Tonks knew it was inevitable, but still... The thought of Remus, lying on the ground...
She shook her head. "I don't care," she told him hoarsely. "I'm not naive. I know what we're getting ourselves into. I know that on any given day, somebody could die. It's kind of in the job description of being an Auror, and I chose that even before I joined the Order."
She cleared her throat and went on, more strongly than before, "But don't you see? We may only have days left, or it could be weeks, months. If we're lucky, it may even be years. It doesn't matter to me - however much time we have left, I want to spend it all with you."
For a moment, they stared at each other, seemingly transfixed. Then Remus dropped his gaze and cleared his throat. "Tonks... I'm not going to change my mind."
"I'm not asking you to!" she told him, crossing the room to him. "It's not about your mind, Remus. It's terribly cliché, but all I'm asking is that you listen to your heart. Love isn't about reason."
She reached out tentatively and placed her hand over his heart. He did not pull away.
There was a moment of silence between them, and then Tonks continued, softer than before, "If your heart... if you don't love me... if I'm too clumsy and annoying and loud, then..."
"No," he whispered.
"All I'm asking is that you listen to your heart," she repeated.
Merlin, she sounded stupid. Like she'd sprung right out of some sappy romance novel.
Maybe, though, she should read more stupid novels, though, because Remus's face suddenly seemed incredibly close to hers...
Then, with their lips no more than an inch apart, he jumped backward, his expression full of guilt and something else she couldn't read.
Regret?
She didn't really have the chance to tell for sure. His sudden jerk backward had caused Tonks to lose her balance, somehow hook her foot around his chair, and fall flat on her face.
It was the kind of fall that only she could have managed. In any other situation, it would have been only mildly embarrassing, funny, even. Now, it was mortifying. Devastating.
"Tonks?" she heard Remus ask softly, as if from far away. "Are you alright?"
"I'm fine," she muttered into the carpet. She couldn't look him in the face. Not now.
Tonks could hear his heavy breathing for another minute before the sound of footsteps and the click of the kitchen door let her know that he was gone.
She thought he whispered, "I'm sorry," before he left, although she couldn't be sure. Once again - she seemed to be making an awful habit of it these days - she had succumb to tears.