Anger
Chapter 1
Okay, I had this weird idea for a piece. I need some feedback. I have been watching all these song fics being posted and I wanted to do an album fic. In other words could I match the songs on an album to the events going on in our detective's life? Creed kind of made it easy with their weathered album. I plan two chapters for this one. Not too long. As always feedback is appreciated.
Jane ran.
The sound of her Nike Running shoes striking the hard concrete seemed to bring some solace to her. Sweat beaded on her face, back, and thighs as she ran. Her earphones cranked out an old CREED song, Bullets. The sound of her heart pounding was evident even through the music in her earphones.
She couldn't stop, it was the only way to push the anger she felt out and release this overriding desire to strike something. She was angry. She had finally thrown up her hands and said fine. She had escaped to her locker and changed. She had then let the front desk officer know she would be out running. She needed to end the argument that had broiled over in the squad room on the case.
Jane thought, as the song switched up to Freedom Fighter. For weeks they had been hunting a serial rapist. He would stalk his victims learning all their in's and out's. Then he would attack always in the same place, the homes of the victims. Each time it had been in the kitchen. After raping them he would slowly strangle them watching the life slowly leave their bodies. Maura had stated it was a final way for the rapist to get off. He felt in power.
They were currently waiting on DNA results which wouldn't be in for 72 hours. The rapes had been brutal. The rapist had stolen every shred of humanity from the three women he had destroyed. Jane was boiling mad. It wasn't until Jane had made the connection between Thomas Billings and one of the rape victims that things had started to add up into how the victims were chosen. Jane, Korsak, and Frost had meticulously worked to figure out who in the Billing's office had opportunity. Everything kept pointing back to Thomas.
They were 99.9% sure the stalker in the Grumby Case was the rich attorney, Thomas Billings. The evidence was all pointing in that direction. Jane wanted to get a search warrant for his home and offices, but Korsak, Frost, and Maura, who had been present delivering some tox results all disagreed saying the evidence was too circumstantial. They reminded Jane it was all circumstantial. Jane had argued that they used such evidence in other cases to gain a search warrant. Korsak had stated they needed to go slow to prevent any questions arising. The argument had become heated between the detectives and the ME.
As the song in Jane's earphones flipped to Who's Got My Back? the detective felt her thighs begin to burn. She looked down at the Omron digital pedometer, 3 miles. She shook her head, and pushed through the burning ignoring the pain. She felt her body strain and the sweat started to come faster, her breath harder.
She probably would have let everything go, but then Maura inserted her two cents about how you just couldn't go around accusing a well renowned lawyer of one of Boston's finer families without a shred of evidence. Jane had felt the weeks of hunting the rapist snap something inside. She had turned on her fiancé. Maura's expression of fear when Jane rounded on her had told her deep inside she should walk out right then and there. She should get herself under control, but down deep Jane had always felt she didn't deserve Maura. Even though Maura had always assured the detective that no one gave her what Jane did Jane believed that someone better with more money, greater credentials, and more charisma would come in one day and sweep the gorgeous ME off her feet.
"What makes a renowned, rich, son of a bitch more important than the lowly man on the street Maura? How do you think those girls families felt identifying their bodies in your morgue?" Jane's words lashed Maura with venom. Jane stepped toward her fiancé causing Maura to step back, pushed up against a desk. "Do not the rules for the lowly man apply for the rich and powerful too? I have brought in suspects for less evidence than this to question them." Maura was off kilter for a moment only.
"Jane, he is a respected, wealthy lawyer. Listen to me. He will shred every piece of evidence and you will be left with nothing. Wait on the DNA results." Maura placed her hands on Jane gently shoving her back allowing space to form between them. "Don't you ever attempt to threaten and intimidate me again detective?" Jane knew by Maura's tone of voice, the one she reserved for court that she had pushed too far.
"Jane, what the hell is wrong with you? " Frost said pushing his partner further back and inserting himself between Maura and the detective. Korsak grabbed her and swung her around.
"Get out of here now and cool off." He stated quietly so Maura and Frost could not hear him. "Before you do something you forever regret." He shoved her to the door. She took one last look at her team, pushed through the doors, and took the steps to the locker room.
The song switched again to Signs. Jane knew as she pushed through the strain that she had fucked up bad with Maura. Frost and Korsak would take the anger. They knew it came from frustration. Hell even Frost let go a few days before, but Maura was different.
Jane looked down at her pedometer, 4 miles. She shook her head. She was tired, but she could still feel the anger burning inside her deep. She slowed her pace, which her body screamed thank you. She turned and began running back the way she came allowing her body to start cool. Frankie had caught her as she was leaving the precinct. He had been called by Frost.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Frankie had placed a hand on her shoulder restraining her chance to leave.
"I'm going for a run." Jane pushed past him, but Frankie wasn't having any of it.
"How could you attack Maura like that? You know she is the only person in this precinct besides mom and I that would watch your back." Frankie stayed near Jane as she stretched in front of the precinct. His angry words just elevating Jane's own frustrations and anger.
"Let me be Frankie. Mind your own damn business." Jane set the pedometer and readied her earphones. Frankie grabbed her arm preventing her from leaving.
"You had better fix this or you won't be welcome at the family meals anymore." Jane laughed coldly and turned to stare at her brother.
"Hell, if I had known it was this easy to get out of the meals I would have done it a long time ago." Jane took off running regretting the words the instant she had said them, but her anger would not let her stop to take them back.
The song changed up again to One Last Breath. Jane listened to the song, letting the pavement pound out before her. When it changed to My Sacrifice she felt her feet leave the concrete and take the wooded path toward her apartment instead of the precinct. The snow and ice from the storm a few days ago made navigating the path more difficult. The Trail Blazers, a local running club, had cleared the pathway for continued use though. The sound of shoes striking snow and ice making that distinct crunching sound that was endemic to Boston Winters brought Jane more back to herself. The cold now attempted to break through the heat from her run. She was slowing, exhaustion starting to take her muscles and body.
The song switched up again to Stand Here With Me. Just about that time Jane hit a patch of ice which sent her careening into a nearby tree and off the bank she had been running on. She tumbled down the hill and landed in a large patch of undisturbed snow. As she came to rest Jane stared up through the oaks and maples. There skeletal branches straining for the sky in a desperate attempt to soak up the small rays of sun that shown on this winter day. Jane caught her breath, and went to sit up. She felt a sharp pain her lower back and lay down again. She thought of Maura instantly regretting her harsh words. The woman had been there for her when others had shied away because of danger and difficulty. Not Maura, if anything it made her dig her heals in harder.
"You're a dumb fuck Jane Rizzoli." Jane reached into the bag at her side she had strapped on before leaving the precinct and retrieved her cell phone. She hit Maura's number. It rang and rang, then went to voicemail. "This is Dr. Maura Isles. I am unable to take your call at this moment. Please leave your name, number, and a short message. Beep."
"Maura, sorry for being callous and stupid. As soon as I get unstuck from where I am I will be heading back to the apartment, however, that may be a short while. Yeah, umm talk to you soon. I love you. Just remember that." Jane ended the call and put the phone back into her bag. Slowly she levered herself up. She felt the pain in her lower back still, but it was numb. Sort of like her insides.
The song switched up to Weathered. Me – I'm rusted and weathered, barely holding together. Jane felt that way right now. Unfortunately, homicide required a great deal of sacrifice within the humanity of the detectives who protected the city. It stole their gentleness of their hearts, their patience, and their belief in people. Maura had restored a great deal of that in her. She knew how to bring out that childlike wonder in her detective. She knew how to lure and seduce the passion from Jane and with just a touch Jane would calm in situations that normally would send her over the edge. So what had gone wrong today? Jane knew. Her insecurities about Maura had been brought to the forefront with Maura's defense of the wealthy attorney.
Jane heard the song switch up to Hide. She pulled herself to a nearby tree to lever herself into a standing position. Her legs tingled and she wasn't sure if it was the run or the fall. She rested her head against the tree one of the ear buds dangling to the side. She climbed up the bank returning to the trail. As she walked down the trail the song switched again to Don't Stop Dancing.
Jane limped along feeling the lyrics in her body and soul. The tingle had increased to a dull throb. The snow she had been laying in had melted and seeped through the sweats she had been jogging in along the path. She was now chilled. The anger she felt had dissipated and left her with emptiness the detective always got making her feel alone. Within the wood it was easy to feel that way with the creaking and the moaning of the wind in the trees.
She emerged from the pathway and walked to her apartment building doors. There on the steps to her apartment building sat Maura, her Vera Wang double breasted winter coat in trench pattern wrapped around her. She had the fur collar turned up protecting her neck. Her eyes red from crying, tears still wet her cheeks.
The song switched for the last time to Lullaby. Jane limped to just in front of her staring up at her lover and fiancé. Jane took an ear bud out of her ear.
"I'm sorry. What I said was unfair. It came from frustration and anger over the case." She reached for Maura, but the ME stepped up one step. Jane dropped her hand and looked toward the icy steps. She stepped up on the step, her lower back screaming in pain. The detective flinched but made no other hint that there was something wrong. Maura's eyes detected it, but still she said nothing and made no move.
"I was wrong to try to intimidate you. You were right, I know that inside. I am afraid he will get away and I will be standing over another dead girl's body trying to find an explanation to give her parents why I am incompetent and couldn't bring the murderer to justice before their daughter died. I'm sorry again Maura." Jane girded her will and continued up the steps when she came even with Maura a hand snaked out grabbing the detective's fingers. Jane stopped and looked down at their entwined fingers.
"You hurt me Jane, deeply." Maura's words were just a whisper. "I thought we had moved past all that, but I see there is some kernel of the wealth argument still left. Maybe in some ways I do defend them more because I see that they get accused and believed that their bad just because of their wealth when I know deep down they are no different than you and I. For that I do not feel ashamed, but for allowing it to make us argue I do." Jane looked at Maura's face where tears silently glided down her cheeks.
"It's my fault. You once told me I know people better than anyone you knew. I told you bad people. You have many friends Maura who are wealthy and good. I even enjoy being around many of them with you. But there are some, like Thomas Billings, that give me that inner feeling of something not right. I'm sorry I implied you were not there, not watching my back. You always have, as my brother so succinctly reminded me before my run. I let my anger get the best of me and I took it out on the one I loved most and promised to protect." Jane pulled Maura to her, her body protesting and she ignoring it. "I will spend the rest of my days saying sorry and trying to make up for it." Maura rested her forehead against Jane's. "Mi spiace davvero tanto il mio amore."
"Perdonato amore. Come non potrei?" Maura whispered and softly kissed Jane. "Let's go inside so I can fix you. I take it you had a problem on your run?" Maura grabbed the pedometer from the arm holder. It read 5 miles. "Jane, you need to cool down yet if you went this far." Jane shook her head.
"Don't think I can with the pain in my back right now." Maura reached under the cold, soaked sweat shirt feeling the tight muscles in Jane's back.
"I think I have a solution." Jane grimaced at Maura as they moved up the steps.
"Yeah, well I am open to suggestions." The detective limped through the double doors with the ME the cold air suddenly being blocked out and warmth invading the air around her.
"Well, how about a nice hot bath, followed by some Thai food, then a hot oil massage, and we will see what develops from there?" Tears gently fell from Jane's eyes some from the pain and some from the comfort she had received from the ME. She nodded as Maura assisted her toward her apartment.
If all works out the next chapter will be posted tomorrow. The Italians between Jane and Maura.
Jane – I am so sorry my love.
Maura – Forgiven love. How could I not?