Hello, everyone. i am starshine and M&M and i are writing are very first story together. This is new so go easy. if you have any questions we will post the answers to them on the next chapter. we will be posting a chapter every Friday we have 5/6 chapters done and we will maintain ahead of the game. if you have any ideas or any advice we would both really appreciate it.

-Any Glee characters all belong to FOX and Ryan Murphy. Additional Characters will be from yours truly.

Misguided

Monday, November 17th

Santana jolted to consciousness as her door was belted upon. She could hear Berry's tiny feet scurrying back and forth in front of her bedroom door. Santana buried her face into her pillow in anticipation of the next set of more insistent knocks.

"Santana you can't just quit on life when you're hurting. You've already missed this class all last week, let's suck It up and get going." Berry took her lecturing tone. Santana stumbled out of bed and towards the door. She slung the door open and caught Berry in a look of absolute horror that fed some deep emptiness inside Santana. She brought herself to her full height and mad a show of looking down on Berry.

"If I wanted to talk to Fabray I would have called her." Santana reached deep for all the sass and attitude she could muster. She must not have been nearly as impressive as she imagined because Berry placed her hands on her hips and lofted her head haughtily to her right.

"Well at least your dressed." Rachel paraded on as she made a small circular motion with her hand towards Santana's attire. "It's all a little wrinkled and lopsided but maybe that's what you're going for. But honestly honey you should wash that make up off, it's a mess. Did you perhaps put it on with a paint roller?" Berry reached up to Santana's face pulling of a sparkly speck. "Glitter? It seems to be all over your face." Berry wrinkled her nose before continuing. "That's funny I thought only middle schoolers wore glitter… OH so do stripp…. OH, OH, well at least you had a good time last night." Santana's embarrassment rushed up her neck and began to show on her face before she wrested control from her feelings.

"DON"T JUDGE ME BERRY! At least I don't dangle her around like a puppeteer manipulating her like a marionette for your own little entertainment. Quinn is not something you play with to make yourself feel better." The blank stare on Berry's face served only to infuriate Santana further. How could she not see the person who always cared for her, picked her up when she was down, the one person who always believed in her was right in front of her eyes. " Maybe if your head wasn't so far up your ass you could take the time to notice the tears streaming down her face every time you find a new toy; and you carelessly stampede all over the fragments of her heart every time you need some comfort. What about her needs? Suddenly the very sight of you is making me nauseous." Santana slammed her bedroom door as forcefully as she could for effect, nearly as much to cover the fact that she was stifling her own sobs. What kind of monster am I? Why do I always infect everyone around me with pain. God why am I so fucked up!

The only thing breaking up Santana's internal monologue was Berry's stammering and choking back sobs. "I… I don't… She doesn't… Look maybe I'm stupid for caring that your hurting. It…. It's obvious that you are and maybe if you decide I'm worthy of talking to, well I'm willing to listen." Berry's footsteps fading away was more excruciating then the nails digging into her forearms.

"Don't Go." Santana mouthed inaudibly from behind the door. Santana gathered herself before grabbing fresh clothes and made a B-line for the bathroom. Santana sets the shower to a nice toasty temperature and turns and stares into the mirror. Wow I look really fucked up. She thinks as she closes her eyes as she wipes at the mascara that's dried on her cheeks.

"Your so beautiful" Elise says as she touches her cheeks. She nods then closes her eyes to imagine ocean blue eyes instead of the brown ones that are staring back at her.

Santana shoves her palms into her eyes to stop the flashback from continuing on. She strips off her clothes and jumps into the shower. I can't believe I hurt the only person who has ever cared about me. It's just not fair. Santana runs her hands through her dark hair. She silently lets the tears fall from her eyes. I lover her more than anything in this world and I ruined it. Santana screams and bangs her hand into the wall. " I get it you know! I understand I fucked up and I tried to make better but I can't Ok. I just can't. I love you dammit I love you and it's my fault, I destroyed us. I know this. I'm a monster but I just need… I just need you." She collapses to her knees as the water pours over her and she continues to sob uncontrollably. Santana tries muffling her cries but they just keep pushing through harder every time she fights them. She pulls herself out of the shower and gets dressed and heads back to her room. She sighs as she realizes only a hour has passed by. Great another long agonizing day. I'm not even hungry. She sighs and flops down on her bed crossing her legs. She looks around the room and sees Bo the unicorn. I can't get away from her. Santana looks down sighing deeply and shakes her head. She throws herself backwards on her bed and stares at the ceiling. I wonder what she's doing. No Santana quit! You're just driving yourself crazy. She sighs for the tenth time in the past hour.

Santana's eyes catch a light flashing from her laptop, which is on her desk and rushes over there. She hurriedly opens it and frowns as soon as she sees it's an update from her show 'Fondue for Two' that she was subscribed to. Santana nervously bites her lip and clicks the update box waiting for it to load. "Hey it's Sam and I was kinda hassled into making a duet this week, but I kind of ran out of ideas. Lucky for me my room mate gave me an idea so here it is. 'Everybody Hurts' by me and my room mate Brittany S. Pierce." Why does she have to be hanging out with him? Is he really better then me? How long have they been together? Has she been playing with me this whole time? Was this a sick joke that the two of them came up with just to mess with me? Did I drive her to this? Am I not good enough? Can I not give her what she needs? Santana huffs, rolling her eyes as she digs her nails into her hands to relieve some of the tension.

Don't know, Don't know if I can do this on my own."

Sam's oversized lips started the song.Why do you have to leave me. It seems like I'm losing something deep inside of me. Hold on. On to me.

Brittany sang beautifully with a fake smile and glossy eyes. I can't believe I caused her this much pain. Santana bites down on her lip harder breaking the skin. Sam's voice joins in and they began singing in unison.

now I see now I see. Everybody hurts someday. It's ok to be afraid. Everybody hurts. Everybody screams everybody feels this way. And it's okay, its okay.

Santana abruptly shuts her laptop throwing her head back. Santana shoves herself out of her seat grabs her running shoes and iPod. Heads downstairs in her red sports bra, black shorts and red and black Nikes, with her hair up in a ponytail. Santana reaches the bottom of the stairs before she catches Kurt sitting on the couch with some fashion magazine that Santana doesn't care for. "What are you doing?" she stops eyeing him cautiously.

"Santana sitting." Kurt said then made an overly dramatic and long sigh. "Class was cancelled, looks like a case of the Mondays all around." he shrugged. Santana hurried behind him to the dining room for a bottle of water from the fridge.

"Oh, okay." she mumbled as she hunched over reaching into the fridge to grab her water. "Well, ugh I guess I'll catch you later." she said and headed for the front door.

"Uh-huh" Kurt's eyes intently focused on his magazine as he examined some new outfit or hip new style. "Your clothes are on top of the dryer and don't forget to eat something today dear." Santana froze and turned to look at him as she shook her head.

"Okay porcelain." she chided at him. "You need to get laid." Santana opened the front door and began to head out.

"Don't I know it Satan." Kurt said whimsically and waved his finger goodbye towards the door as Santana left.

Santana pulls into a parking spot, takes a deep breath and glances at her watch. 11:00. Santana gets out of the car walks towards the park and out of the corner of her eye she spies a couple holding hands. He's just gonna break her heart anyway. Santana sighs as she puts her headphones on drowning into the music that begins to play in her head. Santana focuses on her feet hitting the ground as she starts to run on the dirt road trail.

His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy

Santana tries to keep up with the beat as the song continues to play. Santana continuously runs for 20 mins, until she feels her phone vibrate.

Buzz Buzz! Santana suddenly stops jogging as she pulls the cellular device out of her sports bra. She puts her hands on her knees and breathes in deeply. "Hey this is Santana Lopez, how can I max out your capacity?" She smirks as her professional confidence radiates through her voice.

"Please don't hang up." Elise voice pleads over the phone. Santana's face drops as she stares hard at the phone cursing herself for not checking it first. "I-I-I- c-can't." Santana stammers losing all that confidence that had just boosted her up.

"Does seeing me cause you this much pain? Do you want me to drop this class?" Her voice quivering through the end. Santana rolls her eyes.

"I've just been busy Elise it has nothing to do with you?" She sighs.

"Santana-" Elise starts off but is immediately cut off by Santana.

"Look I'm busy. I will be in class on Wednesday." she abruptly hangs up without waiting for a reply. She heads back as she continues to ramble along inside her head. Fuck, Fuck, Fuck, why did I tell her I will be in class on Wednesday. Why didn't I take the easy way out? Do I want to see her? Do I want it to happen again? No what the fuck am I thinking. I want to be with Brittany. She ruined everything for me. It's her fault Brittany is with trouty mouth now. Why did she have to follow me into the bathroom that night? Why did I agree to even dance with her. She heads up to their apartment, kicks her shoes off before walking through the living room. Santana places her cell on the table next to a note with a banana sitting on top of it.

Tana I thought you could use some nourishment that you can put in your mouth

-enjoy Kurt

"Since I don't want porcelain's panties to get in a twist!" Santana says to no one as she begins to pull the banana. Buzz! Her phone pleads for attention. I swear if that's Elise I'm going to go all Lima Heights on her ass! Santana grabs her phone and stares as Brittany's name keeps flashing. Santana starts to fidget in her seat. Maybe she want's to see me. Maybe everything is going to be okay. Maybe she wants to talk.

1:33pm Brittany: Hi are you going to the café tomorrow? Because I'm still not ready to see you.

Santana furrows her eyebrows shaking her head as she rereads the text message over and over again. What does she want me to do? I can't fix this if she doesn't talk to me. I said I'm sorry, what else does she want? I know if we see each other everything will be alright. This is torture. She knows I made a mistake. She knows I want to be with her. Why is she doing this to us? Santana tosses her phone onto the table. She pulls her knees to her chest and grabs a pillow screaming into it with frustration.

Santana begins to visualize all the times she was happy with Brittany. How Brittany helped her to become a better person. How she showed her how to be loved and appreciated. She smiles to herself as she recalls the amazing times they had. Brittany was always there for me. She saw the best that was in me even though I didn't see it myself. She showed me how truly amazing I can be. I can't be who she believes me to be without her. She makes me whole. Santana feels the tears welling up and begins to run down her face. She wipes them off with the back of her hand hoping they would stop flowing. Why the hell am I crying? I did this to myself. Why do I always ruin things that make me happy? How could she ever forgive me if I can't even begin to forgive myself. The dam that she built up broke and her tears fell freely. Everyone thinks I'm so strong, but all I do is cry. I don't deserve her. How could I be so messed up? She shoves her face deeper into the pillow hoping that would stop the flow of tears. She lets the thoughts continue to roll around her head as it continues to downpour from her eyes.

"Santana?" Rachel calls for her as she puts her purse by the door and walks over to the couch. Santana's thoughts continue to drag her deeper and make her oblivious to Rachel's approach. "Santana? Are you okay?" Rachel touches Santana's arm that is holding her legs close to her body. Santana's head jerks up and stares at Rachel and she quickly wipes the tears from her eyes that still refuse to stop. Rachel moves next to Santana then wraps her arms around her.

"Why?" Santana whispers pulling away and looking at Rachel.

"It's okay." Rachel whispers while pulling Santana tighter to her chest. Santana finally caves in and puts her head on Rachel's chest while swaying back and forth.

Kurt walks into the kitchen seeing both Rachel and Santana laying on couch in a tight embrace. "Should I come back later?" Kurt pokes at them. Santana and Rachel both jolt awake.

"Ah," Santana cries out as she falls off the couch. Kurt snickers giddily at them.

"You two hungry, or you eat already?" Kurt winks slyly as he unloads the groceries he got from the store and puts them away. Both ladies glare at him for a second before clamoring for food. Rachel grabs Santana's phone from the table and hands her the flashing device.

5:30pm Brittany: ?

Santana eyes drift to Rachel who is tentatively staring at her as she reads the text. Santana gives her a small smile and types out a reply.

5:35pm Santana: No I won't, but we can't keep doing this forever.

5:37pm Brittany: I know. Soon.

The songs used in this chapter are:

lose yourself-Eminem

Everybody hurts-Avril Lavigne