Music is what feelings sound like
Fighting My Way Back to You
Disclaimer: I do not own anything, but the idea!
Song is By: After Midnight Project
A/N: This is my first Glee story! I have another series like this one with Pretty Little Liars, but I decided to start also writing for my new obsession glee! I just hit shuffle on my itunes, and whatever song comes on then I try and write a oneshot with it! So if you guys like this let me know and I'll write more
Standing on the corner in the city
It's feeling like prison
Tried to hold us both but you got away
Santana stood outside at the bus stop, waiting patiently for the bus to arrive. It was below freezing outside, and she felt like she had frostbite just about everywhere, but she didn't care. She stood; waiting. She pulled her small jacket closer to her shaking frame, trying to generate as much heat as possible. She had been living in Los Angeles for about a month and she was getting used to their warm weather. She had never been a fan of the cold, it made her grumpy. But still she stood; waiting. Her mind began to wonder to the reason as to why she was standing here in this miserable position. Brittany.
Santana and Brittany sat in the back of the choir room, during Glee. Rachel and Finn were up singing one of their, many duets. Which of course meant Santana was in her own world, paying no attention to what they were singing. She hated Berry and even though she had admitted that her voice was wonderful; she was getting tired of listening to it all the time. Rachel had pretty much every solo, and her and Frankinteen had pretty much all the duets.
She wanted to have a solo, or even a duet. Brittany had asked her a couple of months ago, and she knew she should have said yes. They had the same fantasy during the dentist and they were awesome together. Their voiced meshed together and became one; perfectly synced together. Just like the two of them. They were perfect for each other. Santana knew this, she just had a hard time admitting it. She had finally admitted it to herself that she was meant to be with Brittany, she just hadn't told anyone else; including the blonde.
The two finally finish their solo just as Sue makes her way into the doorway, calling for Mr. Shue. He groans, but turns to her and smiles, walking out into the hallway. Santana turns to Brittany who has a distant look on her face as she stared at the front of the room. She was thinking about something; Santana knew that much. She just wasn't sure what. Sometimes if was the smallest things like ducks, and sometimes she would think about major things, like love and her future. "Britt?" She asks, making the blonde look over at her, offering her a sweet smile. "What you thinking about?" She asks curiously, letting her legs swing back and forth in the chair.
"What if the hokey poky is really what it's all about?" She asks turning to look at Santana. Her face was dead serious and Santana couldn't help but let out a small laugh, shaking her head. She chooses to ignore the question and offers her pinkie out to Brittany making her smile, and wrap her pinkie around her own.
They feel a shadow over them and Santana looks up to see Puck standing over them; his signature smirk attached to his face.
"Me, you, breadstix, tonight." He states looking at Santana with a grin, pointing between the two of them. "What'ya say?" He asks, folding his arms over his chest.
Santana looks over at Brittany who is giving her a 'you better not' look. Santana inwardly groans and looks back to Puck. She knew if she said yes to him she wouldn't be getting any from Brittany, and she'd be in the dog house for weeks. Just like she had been when she told her she didn't want to sing the duet. But she also knew if she told Puck no her reputation, would suffer tremendously. "Okay." She says, quietly. She feels Brittany's pinkie unwrap from her own as the blonde storms out of the room, slamming it behind her, just as Mr. Shue walks back in making him looking confused. "Brittany!" Santana shouts, racing out the door after, not caring about the odd looks the glee members were giving her.
I could have been a lover, could have been a fighter
But I didn't know how
And every time you cried I had nothing to say
She runs into the hallway and spots Brittany sitting on the floor against her locker, crying. She slowly walks over and bends down beside her. "Britt what's wrong?" She asks, although she already knew the answer.
"Nothing." Brittany says, shaking her head.
Santana knew she was lying, and she knew what was wrong, but she persisted on getting the blonde to say it. "Britt, tell me what's wrong. I can't fix it unless you tell me." She states placing her hand on the blonde's shoulders.
Brittany lets out a sniffle and looks over at her best friend. "I don't want you to go out with Puck." She says, sadly. Santana swore she felt her heart break with every word spoken from the blonde. She hated making Brittany feel this way. She just wished she could be brave and admit to everyone how she felt about the blonde; but she wasn't.
"You know we had an agreement." She sighs, running her free hand through her hair. After they had made up after the duet mishap, they had agreed for reputation sakes that they should continue and date guys, and keep them a secret.
"Fuck the agreement!" Brittany finally yells, standing up, making Santana almost jump out of her skin. She had never heard Brittany yell, nor curse. She knew she had really hurt the blonde this time. Santana quickly stands up, getting to Brittany's level. She reaches out and grabs her hands and tries getting her to look at her, but the blonde wasn't having it. Something more important on the floor had her attention.
"B, you know that I care about you, and that I want to be with you." Santana says, as the blonde slowly looks up at her for a moment, before looking back down.
"Then prove it." She finally says quietly, looking up at Santana, meeting her dark eyes. Brown on blue. Santana opens her mouth to say something, but then gets interrupted by a voice behind her.
"What's going on?" She hears Rachel's voice say making her turn to look behind her where she saw Rachel and all the other glee kids filling the hallway, looking at them confused. "Brittany are you okay?" She asks moving her gaze to the blonde beside her.
"Tell them." Brittany whispers to Santana, making Santana's eyes widen as she looks back at the blonde who was looking at her expectantly. This was what she meant by prove it. She had to declare her love for the blonde in front of all the glee kids; and probably the whole school. But she didn't know if she could do that. She wanted to so bad, but she just couldn't.
"Tell us what?" Quinn asks, looking at the girls curiously. Santana moves her down to her feet and after a moment Brittany realizes she wasn't going to say anything. She lets out a sigh and punches the locker next to Santana's head, making her and the other glee club members jump in surprise. Nobody had ever seen Brittany angry. She looks at the Latina one more time before storming down the hallway. Leaving everyone stunned.
But I'm coming back
Holding you to your words
You said All I had to do is try
Santana makes her way into the Cheerio's locker room later that day, finding it empty; thankfully. After Brittany had stormed off all the gleeks had ganged up on her demanding what she did. Like she always was the one at fault or something; which to be honest she was. She didn't tell them though. She just grabbed her things and stormed off in the opposite direction of Brittany. And now here she was.
She sat down on the bench in front of her locker, and looked up at her name on it, and Brittany's name on the one right beside it. She was pretty sure she had lost Brittany for good this time. She had lost her once, and almost didn't get her back, and was positive this was the last strand for the blonde. She was so mad at herself, why couldn't she just admit that she loved Brittany? How hard was that? Everyone feared her in school and was pretty positive that nobody would say anything to her out of fear, but she was scared. That was another thing she would never admit. Brittany just thought she was embarrassed or ashamed about their relationship, but really she was scared.
She hears sniffling coming from the bathrooms, and she already knows it's Brittany. She debates on weather or not she should go and talk to her or leave her alone. Before she even decided her feet were already moving for her and she found herself standing in front of Brittany who was curled up on the tile floor by the sink. Santana got a paper towel and bent down beside Brittany. "Here." She says, putting it in front of the blonde's runny noise. Brittany cranes her neck forward and with Santana's help blows her nose. Santana discards the paper towel and crosses her legs sitting in front of Brittany, who had yet to look at her, but she wasn't screaming at her so that was good right? "Baby, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Santana states as tears begin filling her eyes. She quickly tried to rid them away before Brittany could see, but she was too late, Brittany was looking up at her.
"Why couldn't you just do it?" Brittany asks; her voice broken and hoarse from crying.
"Because, Britt. We live in Lima Ohio! Gay people aren't accepted here. We'd get a slushie facial everyday." She states, as Brittany just sighs. It was more of an annoyed sigh rather than a yeah you're right sigh. "You see all the shit Kurt goes through. I don't want you having to go through it too." She states. She slowly reaches for Brittany's hand and grasp it firmly, so that Brittany wouldn't pull away.
"Do you want to be with me?" Brittany asks, looking down at her lap which held her and Santana's interlaced hands.
"You know I do Britt." Santana says making the blonde but not, but still not look at her. "And I want to be brave, and scream that I love you in the middle of the cafeteria, but I cant do that. Not yet anyways. But I promise that I will try." She finishes making Brittany finally look up at her.
"All I want is for you to try." She states, making Santana nod her head agreeing. Brittany smiles and Santana leans in placing a kiss on her lips.
I'm fighting my way back to you
They can try and stop me but I'll break through
I'm fighting my way back to you
I'm taking back, what I gave away
The bus finally arrives and Santana jumps on, taking her seat in the middle. She rubs her hands together, trying to warm herself as she awaits everyone to get on, so they can go already. She had been wanted to do this forever, and she was finally going to be brave and do it. She wasn't sure how long she could wait though.
Her mind again wonders over to the blonde that she hadn't seen in about a month. She had everything in her head what she wanted to say; an entire speech planned out, but she felt as soon as she saw the blonde her mind would go blank, and she wouldn't be able to get the words out. Brittany always somehow had a way of making her speechless. And that was something nobody did. She was Santana fucking Lopez, she was never speechless.
Brittany lived in an apartment in the city with Rachel. The blonde had gone to peruse dancing, and Rachel of course Broadway, so they had decided to move in together. Santana had tried to stop her from moving in with the annoying brunette, but Brittany for some reason had actually become friends with the short girl. She also knew that Rachel was probably going to try and manipulate Brittany into not being with Santana. The midget had never been a fan of her for some reason which she just couldn't understand. But she didn't care what Rachel did, Brittany was hers, and she was going to get her back.
I'm tracing all the word that I couldn't say
on the window
All this frost stays as cold as I am
I could have been a lover, could have been a fighter
But I didn't know how
Please wait for me, you better wait for me
Santana looks out the window as they pass all the big buildings. Growing up in a small town like Lima, the big tall buildings still put her in awe. She was so proud of Brittany for getting out of Lima and moving to New York to peruse her dream to dance. She just wished she would have gone with her, and not gone to California.
Brittany and Santana sat in Santana's room tangled up in each others limbs on her bed. Santana had her face nuzzled in the blonde's neck just breathing in and out the sweet scent that was Brittany. "San?" She hears Brittany's voice ask, breaking the silence.
"Hm?" She replies, not moving from her position, tickling the blonde's neck as she spoke, making her squirm slightly. Santana just giggled, knowing what she had done, but this made the blonde squirm even more letting out her own giggle.
Santana looks up at Brittany with a smile as she waits for Brittany to ask her the question she was wanting to ask her. "You know how I got accepted into Julliard." She states, looking down at her right hand that was playing with the comforter beneath her. Santana just nods, looking curiously at her girlfriend. "Well I was wondering…" She starts, only to stop letting out a sigh. Santana kisses her cheek and pulls back smiling at her softly, letting her know she can tell her. "Are you going to come with me to New York?" She asks finally looking up at Santana.
Santana lets out a sigh, and sits up on the bed. "B…you know I got accepted into UCLA." She states, running her fingers through her black hair. "You know I've always wanted to go to California." She adds, keeping her back to the blonde. She knew the blonde was disappointed, and she couldn't look at her.
"I know I just don't want to be away from you." Brittany says, crawling towards Santana. She places her chin on the brunette's shoulder and wraps her arms around her waist. "I just thought you might come with me." She adds placing a small kiss on the Latina's shoulder.
Santana lets out another sigh and stands up from the bed, getting out of the blonde's grasp. "Why do I have to give up going to my dream place? Why can't you come to California?" She asks, turning towards the blonde. She knew she shouldn't be yelling at her, but she was frustrated and couldn't help it. She felt like she sacrificed so much to be with the blonde. She was always doing things she didn't want to do, and she was tired of it.
"San I'm sorry. You're right you should go to UCLA." Brittany says sadly, playing with her hands in her lap.
Santana lets out a sigh and sits down beside her girlfriend. "I'm sorry." She whispers wrapping her arms around Brittany's waist. "I know Julliard has been your dream forever, and I am so proud of you for getting in, you have no idea how proud I am." She says, making the blonde nod.
"Do you want to be with me?" Brittany asks, looking over at her girlfriend with glassy eyes. Santana just nods at her question, making the blonde follow her actions. "Do you love me?" She asks, making Santana once again nod. "Tell me." Brittany states, making the brunette's eyes furrow in confusion. "Tell me you love me. I want to hear you say it." She states.
Santana just looks at Brittany, and opens her mouth up to speak, but nothing comes out. She closes and then opens it once again, as nothing comes out. She just closes it back and Brittany sighs. She stands up and Santana tries to stop her, but the words just won't come out, so she watches her girlfriend walk out of her door. 'I love you! I love you! I love you!' she says over in over in her head. Why couldn't she just say it.
Santana sighs as she leans her head against the window of the bus. She notices the window fog up where her breath was and begins writing with her fingers. She sits back and looks at the words 'I love you' on the window. Those three little words. The words that had ruined her life. They were simple really, just words. But why were they so hard to say? If she could have just said them, she wouldn't be in this situation right now.
I'm fighting my way back to you
They can try and stop me but I'll break through
I'm fighting my way back to you
I'm taking back, what I gave away
Santana steps off the bus and looks at the tall apartment building in front of her. She checked the piece of paper in her pocket to be sure she had the address right. Confirming she was in the right place, she inhales sharply and crosses the street, entering the building. She goes up the stairs and down the long narrow hallway and finally finds her and Rachel's apartment.
Standing in front of it, she had a million thoughts running through her head. She wasn't sure if she could do this anymore. But no she had to. Taking a deep breath, she reaches out and knocks on the door a few times, before bringing her hand back into her jacket pocket. After a few minutes she was about to walk away, but hears footsteps approaching the door. She hears it open and comes to face with a blonde, but not her blonde; Quinn. "Quinn, what are you doing here?" She asks confused.
The other blonde looked just as confused as Santana did, and it took her a minute to register who was standing in front of her. "What are you doing here?" She asks, folding her arms over her chest. She obviously wasn't happy to see her.
"Is this where Brittany lives?" She asks, folding her arms over her chest also, giving the blonde an annoying look. Quinn nods, but gives her a 'like hell your getting in here' look. "Why are you here?" She asks once again giving the blond her famous bitch head nod.
"I moved here to be with Rachel." She states just as Rachel walks up behind her wrapping her arms around her waist.
"Babe who is-" she stops mid sentence once she sees the Latina standing in the hallway, as her eyes widen. "Santana what are you doing here?" She asks, confusion evident in her voice.
"I just want to speak to Brittany." She says, rolling her eyes. She was really getting annoyed with them, and just wanted to go inside and talk to the blonde.
"I don't think that's a good idea." Quinn says as Rachel nods in agreement. Santana lets out a growl as she looks at the two girls in front of her. She steps forward and Quinn pushes her back as Rachel backs away, her eyes widening in fear of the feisty Latina. She may not be in high school anymore, but that didn't mean she wasn't scared of her anymore. "Santana. No." Quinn says firmly, as Santana scowls at her. "You need to leave." She adds before closing the door. Only Santana stops it and pushes it opened hard, sending Quinn to the ground.
"Brittany!" She yells, making her way into the living room, successfully shoving past Quinn and Rachel. "Britt!" She yells once again, before she sees a door open and the blonde walks out. Brittany freezes in her spot just outside the doorway and her widen as she sees Santana.
I could have been a lover, could have been a fighter
But I didn't know how
Brittany stares at the Latina for a few minutes before she finally finds her voice. "What are you doing here?" She asks; her feet still nailed to the floor. She didn't trust her legs right now. She felt like she was going to collapse at any moment. This girl had completely broken her heart. She thought she was never going to see her again, and now here she was standing in front of her.
"I came to see you." She says, quietly offering the girl a small smile, as Quinn and Rachel make their way behind Brittany in case she needed them.
"Why?" Brittany asks simply, her face unreadable. Santana had yet to figure out if she was happy or not to see her.
"Because I missed you." Santana states simply, shrugging her shoulders, looking down at the ground beneath her. She was now getting self conscious and just wanted to go hide under a rock somewhere. It starting to become obvious that she was not wanted here. Letting out a sigh Santana makes her way over to Brittany, standing right in front of her. She was very aware of the glares she was receiving from the girls behind her, but she didn't care. She reaches her hand up to caress the blonde's cheek, but Brittany pulls back, making the brunettes hand fall back to her side. "And because…I love you." She says, making the blonde's head snap up, looking at her as tears begin filling her eyes, making Santana smile.
She had finally said it.
I'm fighting my way back to you
(Now I'm fighting my way back)
They can try and stop me but I'll break through
(Yeah You know that I'll break through)
I'm fighting my way back to you
(Now I'm fighting my way back)
I'm taking back, what I gave away
Rachel notices the tears falling freely from Brittany's cheeks and she steps forward pulling the blonde into her arms. "I think you should leave now." Quinn states, opening the front door for Santana.
Santana looks over at Brittany hopefully, but she says nothing. Santana sighs and makes her way over to the door, before turning around slowly. "No. I came here to get Brittany back, and I'm not leaving until I do that." She states walking back towards the blonde only to have Quinn pull her back, gripping to her tightly so she couldn't get away.
"No Santana she is done with you! Leave now!" She says, holding the struggling Latina in her arms.
Santana just continues to struggle until finally she knocks the blonde onto the floor, successfully getting out of her grasp and runs over to Brittany as tears begin filling her own eyes. "Brittany…B look at me please." She begs as the blonde keeps her gaze on the floor. She hears Quinn and Rachel telling her she needs to get out now, and that Brittany doesn't want her anymore, but Santana ignores it. She knows Brittany still loves her, she just needed to get through to her. Get her to forgive her. "Brittany, baby please. I am so sorry." She says, quietly as the tears begin to fall freely down her cheeks.
Brittany pulls out of Rachel's grasp as the shorter girl looks at her hesitantly. Brittany takes a step forward and stands right in front of Santana. She reaches her hand out and caresses the girls face softly, smiling at her. "You said I love you." She states as Santana nods.
Santana smiles and takes the blonde's hand in hers and kisses her palm before grasping it with her hand, lacing their fingers together. "And I'll say again, and again. I love you, I love you, I love you." She repeats, making the blonde's smile widen.
"I love you too." She replies, making Santana's heart flutter.
I'm fighting my way back to you
I'm fighting my way back to you
I have to take back all I gave away
Santana and Brittany were sitting at a table in Brittany's favorite restaurant in New York. Santana didn't think she had ever been happier, no she knew she had never been happier. She was in New York city on a date with the love of her life. Yeah nothing could beat that. She looks across the table at the blonde who was running her finger through the leftover chocolate sauce that was on their plate, and brings it up to her lips sucking off the chocolate. Santana couldn't help but laugh; Brittany always did that when they got desert. She reaches over and grabs the blonde's hand, holding it on the table, making Brittany smile sweetly at her. "You look so beautiful." Santana states, bringing their hands up to her lips, placing a kiss on the back of Brittany's.
A deep red shade finds it's way onto the blonde's pale cheeks. Santana can't help but giggle, as the blonde tries to hide her face. "You've told me that like 20 times tonight." Brittany finally replies, as the red fades from her cheeks.
"Yeah I know. But I can't help it. And even if I told you a million times, it wouldn't feel like enough." She says, making the blonde once again, blush a deep crimson red. "And also I love that no matter how many times I tell you, you still blush." She says, as Brittany places a hand over her face, trying to hide the redness of her cheeks, making the Latina giggle.
The waitress then approaches their table, placing the check down. She tells them to have a nice night, and walks away. Santana pulls her hand out of Brittany's and reaches into her bag, pulling out her wallet. She sees Brittany doing the same, and raises a brow. "What are you doing?" She states as Brittany just looks up at her innocently. "When have I ever let you pay for a meal?" She asks, making the blonde shrug and smile innocently. Santana laughs, and places her money on the table, before standing up. "Come on baby." She says as the blonde stands up and follows her out the restaurant.
I could have been a lover, could have been a fighter
But I didn't know how
The girls leave the restaurant and decide to go for a walk through central park which was right down the street from the restaurant. Santana pulls her jacket close to her and grabs the blonde's hand, lacing their fingers together before pulling both of their hands into her pocket. She really hated cold weather, but Brittany had insisted they take a walk, and Santana of course couldn't tell her no. "I am so happy you came back." Brittany states as they walk down the sidewalk of the snowy park.
"I'm happy too." Santana says, laying her head on her girlfriends shoulder. "I missed you so much." She states, breathing in Brittany's scent. "I'm going to do whatever I have to do to have you back." She says softly, placing a kiss on the blonde's neck.
"All I ever wanted was for you to tell me you loved me." Brittany replies with a shrug.
"I know." Santana says, stopping, pulling Brittany back as she continued to walk. Brittany looks over at her as she moves, standing in front of the blonde. "I am so sorry I never said it before." She says, placing her arms around the blonde's waist. "I was a coward, and I should have fought for you, but I didn't. and it was the worst mistake of my life." She finishes, as the blonde wraps her arms around Santana's neck.
"Yes, yes it was." Brittany says with a smile, making the darker girl roll her eyes, but smile also. "As long as you realize that." Brittany finishes as Santana laughs and leans in kissing her passionately.
Please let me know what you guys think, and if I should continue this series and write more! :-)