A/N: I have been wanting to just do quick oneshot compilations so here's number one.

Itsumo

Rated: M

Summary:(Retrace)- If there was one memory I could retrace, I would retrace that one person.

Retrace

Echizen Residence

There was a time; a moment somewhere in the back of my mind that sometimes resurfaces. A certain memory that would haunt me and throw what if's in my head. It wasn't something I thought about every day, but sometimes it would float into mind and I would pause and think about it. Still, I never took the time to fully think it out because I hate what if's, I hate regrets, and I like to think I have none.

So it was no wonder that I continued on with life and shut that memory away….

That was until this day. All it took today was a picture my daughter brought me. It was out of her curiosity of who they were and a distant memory of one college day with my senpai's vividly filled my mind as if it had happened just yesterday.

In the photo Kikumaru-senpai was squeezing the life out of me as usual, Kawamura-senpai was dressed in his chef outfit because they had pulled him away from his work for this photo. Inui-senpai with his serious glasses andhis fat worn notebook of data that contained too much nonsense and truth. Tezuka-senpai with his never changing mature, buchou face who happened to be visiting from London that one spring day. Oishi senpai with his polite smile, Momo-senpai with his enthusiastic grin, Kaidoh-senpai with his pissed-off viper face and then… there was those deep blue eyes that I knew were behind those closed eyes. There was that irritating, familiar smile from within the photo staring at me years later still retaining that hint of danger and challenge.

20 years ago

Tokyo, Japan

Ryoma scowled in distaste at the ugly feeling inside. He couldn't quite identify the actual description of what the feeling inside him meant but if anything, one clear feeling shone through.

He didn't like her.

Her was Fuji's girlfriend.

It wasn't that she wasn't nice or decent looking, no, that was far from it. Actually if Ryoma thought any more on it, the problem was that she was too pleasant to the eye, too well-mannered, too likeable.

She wasn't someone Ryoma could write off with any old excuse that she was too much like this or that. No, she was perfect like Fuji-senpai had said and that was what ate at him.

Because it wasn't as simple as 'I don't like your girlfriend so I'm not going to hang around you when she's around'. It was the fact that just recently Ryoma found out his mind had allowed more than tennis, school, Karupin and Ponta to fill his head. It was the irritating fact that he had wanted to see the tensai, the fact that he wanted to scowl at the incredible things that came out of his irritating mouth, to watch how his lips curl at the ends when he was mischevious, to be a brat because he knew he'd get to feel those slender hands run though his hair momentarily.

Yes, Ryoma knew it was unlike him to want that. He knew he preferred to be alone and yet something he didn't like was happening. He had recently discovered his feelings for the blue eyes tensai.

He hated it.

He didn't want these conflicting emotions, he didn't want the color to rise on his face as he replied to simple questions, he wanted to NOT have anything to do with his senpai but his feelings disagreed with his rationality.

"So if I was honest, those were the happiest and most painful days of my life then. Because I was his friend, his kouhai. Yet I was having the most conflicting feelings remaining like this."

Ryoma had no experience in such matters if he was honest. There never was a need to try to understand how one like him could want to be with someone so different and annoying. So in all honesty, Ryoma dealt with it by suppressing it.

It worked at first too. He was able to function normally without revealing his problematic feelings… but then those feelings wanted more than to just quietly exist and observe, they wanted to flow.

Ryoma was not that type though. If suppressing those swirls and aches wouldn't work then he'd abandon it and run… which also worked for a while. But like all things that usually lay buried, it had its way of worming up.

"So I gave in. That's what the damn feeling wanted right? For me to throw my hands up and admit that deep down I liked my senpai…. A lot. But you know, those feelings wanted more than just admittance after all that time I tried to bury and pretend. It wanted to be said, to be known to more than just me."

It was a good time to say something yet Ryoma kept holding back. He was going professional and leaving them like Tezuka-senpai. He was graduating and moving on with life but still the dull ache at seeing Fuji-senpai with his girlfriend continued. Ryoma knew he was being stupid but he was in fear of the inevitable after all this time. He knew only rejection was in the horizon and the feeling of being broken. Still. Ryoma couldn't hate her or him so he continued to force his feelings to back off.

"Still the temptation finally won out. It was one night in his apartment, two days before my departure, just him and me celebrating my professional career with liquor and memories. Nothing probably would've happened that night if the electricity didn't die, if I didn't wish for time to stop momentarily for me, if those feelings would've just allowed themselves to be quietly buried."

Ryoma leaned over in the moment. It was one of those moments where no rational thought passed, it was all instinct. Ryoma pressed his lips against Fuji's warm ones and applied enough pressure to engrave the feelings. He had spent enough time lingering without knowing. Perhaps it was the perfect excuse to finally show his cards, so he did it.

Ryoma's eyes lid open. He didn't know he had closed them until this moment but he wasn't going to leave this hanging. He adverted his eyes to Fuji's lips and spoke.

"Fuji-senpai, I like you."

Plain and simple. No fancy words, no edging around it. Just the way he'd always been. Straight and blunt to the point.

Ryoma watched those blue eyes he loved widen in shock. The mouth that usually would have a witty comeback or answer open speechless.

Ryoma hadn't wanted that moment to pause but it did. It was the longest pause in his life since the he could remember.

"I felt an immense release I never knew I was holding and though he didn't say anything I knew we couldn't be together. I left that night with tears watering behind my eyes and something stuck in my throat. I was glad he wasn't nice and called for me or I wouldn't have been able to walk away bravely like that. I might've collapsed, cried… or worse; demand he return my pent up feelings."

Echizen Residence

"So you were okay with that?"

Ryoma smiled at his daughter and nodded slightly as he eyed the photo in his hands.

"I had to be. I couldn't love him if I couldn't reach him. I left convinced I had no regrets."

"So do you then daddy?"

Ryoma shook his head and looked up at his golden eyes that stared intently back at him.

"I met my daughter's mother and slowly I buried those feelings I had for a senpai, I met my daughter and she still stares at me with those eyes."

The woman smiled and hugged her father.

"I love you daddy."

I love you too." Ryoma replied setting the picture back into his college yearbook before shutting it with a soft thud.

He watched his daughter walk away before he pushed the book back to where it had sat all these years.

Sometimes Ryoma wondered if he had returned what would have been the outcome.

Would he have returned those feelings?

But if he did then his daughter wouldn't exist.

"Would I be happier with him then I was now?

I don't know, all I know was that if I could retrace a memory, I would retrace that one person permanently into my life instead of having what if's.

A/N: I mainly wrote this because I feel there are times in life where you sit and wonder what would have happened if you went a different path than the one you chose. I hope you all enjoyed it so review to show your love and share your thoughts.