Behind Closed Doors

A Hetalia story.

Toris, Eduard, and Raivis have always lived a difficult, deprived life. But the stakes are suddenly raised when their mother and her new boyfriend attempt to kill them in an act of fun. Toris has to realize he can't keep her secret any longer because it was not only tearing him apart, but ruining his relationship with his boyfriend. Can Toris come to understand that he was never alone to begin with?

Warnings: Rated T for abuse, language, alcohol usage, yaoi, and hinted...um.. activities...

Alcohol affects the brain. It detaches the reasoning from the rest of the person like it is pulling a cord. Under alcohol's powerful influence, someone could be capable of the most savage and inhuman things possible. Alcohol wipes the memory clean of any ties between people, damages the ability to feel emotions. It clouds the mind with a thick impenetrable fog that only lifts when the last drop of the cursed substance leaves there system. Bitterly so, a person can be changed in an instant from a kind and loving mother to an animalistic sloth with no desire to raise the children she brought into the world. Like a monster they could become in an instant, reacting to whatever their instincts command them to do. For three children, this is the environment they partake in every day, with no other option to escape it.

This is the monster that lurks within their household.

The eldest child brought up in such filthy circumstances is at a ripe age of 16, but with no driver's license to prove that the boy named Toris could legally escape with his brothers in tow. As though as they were his own children, Toris cares for his two younger brothers, providing them with the love their mother could not share. He is the very reason each day they arrive at school with combed hair, clean clothes, and bellies filled with food even if it wasn't very bountiful in taste. Aside from being the practical caretaker, Toris is the root of mostly all the abuse. He is reprimanded when he steals money from his mother in order to pay for their meals. She copes him out each time he tries to hide her vodka and whiskey, or attempts to drive away in her car. Most of all however, the biggest reason why he shows up at school with unexplainable bruises is the fact that he is gay. He had fallen for his best friend, who in turn gladly accepted his new desires and had became his boyfriend, there relationship strengthened by the full year they've spent together. The only time they could spare, or at least Toris could, is on the school grounds at lunch and when they walk home together on occasions. Toris is too afraid of visiting him because that means leaving his brothers to suffer alone at the hands at his mother, and he absolutely refuses to let his boyfriend see the alcohol induced monster she can become. He would give anything, anything, in order to escape the everyday brutality of the woman who gave birth to him.

The middle child is an ace student, top of the 7th grade, but by no means is he the mother's favorite. She would sneer at the times he would present his report card, full of smiles and eager stories of colleges he would someday attend. Three lashes with a belt to the head and there was no more talk of 'escaping' as she put it. As the years past, she came up with more creative ways of 'beating things into their brain', mostly doing this to the child named Eduard. As a result from all the head trauma he received, his vision began to fade away until he was pronounced legally blind. Toris saved up all his money in order for his brother to receive proper treatment, even a pair of glasses, but every time his stash would be found and exploited for more vodka and whiskey. Eduard still made outstanding grades, even if his face was only an inch away from his paper in order to see it. Managing as best as he could, he made it through each school day rather well until teachers started approaching him on his sight. His mother was called promptly. When they arrived home, Toris was unable to react fast enough when she smashed a Vodka bottle into the side of his head, nearly robbing him of his vision in his right eye. The thirteen year old had to drop out of all sporting and academic events. He was placed in a Special ED class so they could individualize his education to adapt to his terrible vision. Eduard would gladly lose whatever little vision remained in order to leave the household of a demon.

The youngest child is the product of one to many drinks and two failed marriages. The end result is a genetic disorder in the boy that causes his body to grow rather slowly. This is formally known as dwarfism. Raivis as he is called, is nine going on ten, but he had the stature of a six year old at best. This does not sway his mother's dislike of him, despite being the practical baby of the family. Much to her annoyance, Raivis has been a crier ever since birth. Many times Toris, Eduard, and Raivis have found themselves sleeping outside because he could not stop shedding tears so noisily. One of the few things that could calm him down is reciting various poems. Toris did not know much poetry, but Eduard did. Together, with Toris following Eduard's lead, they would reenact certain poems in order to drawl Raivis's attention away from the horrible life he was born into. Most of the time he tries to be happy, but several things dampen his mood. Because of his dwarfism, he is the bully's favorite joke. Not just the school's inhabitance, but his own mother would trash talk his height, referring to him as a defective child. He is the offspring of the very last failed marriage, making him the most despicable of them all. Due to this, Eduard and Toris often find themselves protecting Raivis, hiding him when their mother was on an alcohol rampage. Raivis would constantly make pacts with God, pleading that he would never complain about his height again if he would save them from the prison they were trapped in.

None of their wishes, no matter what they offered in return, are answered. Three lives are riddled with alcohol infected memories, because there mother pulled the plug of her reasoning in order to fully enjoy the numbing effects of her drinks. She didn't even consider stopping when she brought home boyfriend number four...

Toris was order to skip the school day in order to prep the house for his mother's date. Obeying her like a dutiful son, he saw to it that Eduard and Raivis were ready for school, making Raivis recite the spelling words he would be tested over and checked Eduard's books to make sure he grabbed the correct set before he walked them to the bus stop, and then returning to the house where he has spent his life caged with a demon. Luckily, she found it necessary to go prepare for her date and left for a few hours to do God knows what. The house is far from the city limits, only connected to the main road by a thin stretch of gravel road that is slowly being claimed by the environment.

It is a perfect place to hide the horrors of the house that tilts slightly to the left, its shingles torn from the roof and patched with Toris's shirts to prevent water from leaking in. Its pale blue paint is peeling to reveal the rotting wood underneath it, warped by the time it spent exposed to the elements. First, he sweeps off the rickety porch before washing each plank, riding it of the thick layers of dirt. He cleans the six windows the house had, removing thick globs of spider webs in the process. He tries to fix the doorknob, but it still takes quite a bit of jiggling to force it open. He picks up all the bottle lying around the combined kitchen and living room, disposing them in a trash can. He fluffs up the pillows on his mother's favorite chair, and drapes a few blankets on the couch to hide the various stains. Toris adjusts the antennas on the TV, knowing that his mother got angry when the channel didn't admittedly appear. He ties the moth bitten curtains back from the two windows, letting a bit of light flitter in to make up for the finicky electricity. He mops up the wooden floors quickly, because Raivis had made a rather large mess that morning on accident and he did not want his mother to see it when she returned. He washs the dishes and put them up, before storing the food that she left out on the counter. He wipes down the counters and the table, the chairs and the little hanging pots and pans. He opens the single window in that part of the room to let air circulate to get rid of the smell of alcohol. He spruces up the bathroom, lingering only long enough to collect everything that belongs to him and his brothers before taking it to their room. They are forced to stay hidden until mother deems them worthy enough to stand in her boyfriend's presence. There has to be absolutely no trace of kids in the house.

Toris places there bathroom belongings into a small shoe box that he slides under his bed. The three brothers all share a room with single window that Toris has covered with a molded towel. Raivis bed is closest to the door in case he has to make a late night run to the bathroom. It isn't a bed, more like a mattress sitting on the ground with baby blankets from his childhood the only thing that kept him warm at night. Eduard's is on the adjourning wall, right underneath the window. He has a small base that is really short, but is good for hiding little books underneath it. Toris's bed lays horizontal with Raivis's, being the tallest out of all the others. This is where they store all their clothes and precious belongs so it would be out of the way.

Making all three of the beds, Toris's feet travel to the final and most demonic room there is remaining: his mother's. He did not memorize the lay out of the room. He just walks in, opening up the two windows. He picks up all the clothes in a rapid pace motion, collecting the bottles as he goes. He makes the bed at break neck speed and sweeps the floor just as fast. He hates being in her room almost as much as he hates being in her presence. It is creepy, like the very owner is hidden, watching him as he works. Within five minutes, Toris is finished with the messiest room of them all.

He then goes to work washing the clothes. Each and every material has to be washed by hand, all due to his mother and there tight money situation. Toris's stomach churns at the idea of what his mother is burning their money away this time. He hates telling his brothers that they couldn't eat tonight or they would have to continue to wear clothing that was obviously too small. He hates that he is helpless, unable to save Eduard and Raivis from their mother more often. He also hates lying to his boyfriend, Feliks, telling him that his stomach growls frequently because he is sick, or the bruises are because he is clumsy. It's not like he ever believed him anyway, but still lying hurt Toris. He knows the only time it didn't tighten his chest and catch his breath in his throat. It is when he lies to his mother, telling her things for the safety of his brothers. It is almost satisfying when he does so, like some weight is lifted off his shoulders.

Toris frowns when he realizes he feels that way. A sudden sense of dread washes over him. Did he know the difference between when he's lying and when he's not? It comes so easily to him, having to lie to the boyfriends that came and went, telling them his mother is pleasant, loyal, and above all friendly. He tells his boyfriend blunt explanations like it is as easy as talking. He's lied so much to hide the monster his mother has become. Did he know the difference?

With a basket of now sopping wet fabric, Toris makes his way through the neglected grass outside to a rusted clothes line. Wringing out each piece of material, he flops it over the wire so it was hanging out to dry. He did this with several articles of his mother's clothing, until the basket is empty and the entirety of the line is covered. Satisfied with his work, he returns to the house. In the dim sunlight of the fading morning, the house is almost hexed to look like a little piece of paradise with the off white walls and ornamental crowning. Beautiful it is, aside from the twisting wrath of nature that overtakes the outside's beauty. It probably was once a proud and magnificent house before it was owned by his mom he thought.

Before three failed marriages made the bitter liquor seem like a blissful retreat.

Toris returns to his bedroom, sitting on Eduard's bed as though as it is his own. Sliding a small wooden box from underneath it, he stretches as far as he could to pull out a few pairs of shirts he has hid underneath his mattress. He places them in his lap before opening the box up. It is here he finds mending tools, the proper things he needs to repair the rips and tears that his youngest brother has acquired on the playground. Threading the needle with practiced dexterity, he easily sews up a hole before repairing the seam. Each stitch he makes does not require a second thought or hesitation. He has been mending his brother's clothes for years, to the point that it is like a second nature to his hands. Folding up the shirt, he gets to work on the second one. It happened to be Raivis's favorite, its red color faded from its many years of usage. Toris could remember when he wore it. He could recall when Eduard wore it. Like many things in the house, it is a hand-me-down from the oldest to the youngest. Because of the noticeable height difference from when Toris was nine, he constantly has to hem all the clothes to fit his brother's dwarfism. He didn't mind though. He enjoyed seeing the smile on Raivis's face when he hands him a shirt or pants that were just his size.

Hiding the shirts back in there proper place, with the only thing evident of their patching being the pale blue thread Toris managed to snag from school, he gets up to stretch his aching back. It is a source of most of his pains, having been thrown against the wall a number of times. He shutters at the memory of his mother coming home with her new favorite toy; it was a whip she had mooched off an ex-boyfriend. The memory of a searing pain lacing his back coaxes the scars back to life with a dull throbbing ache. It is the very reason Toris absolutely refuses to remove his shirt, not even in the presence of his brothers. They don't even know what his mother did to him. He tries to distract himself by counting down from a hundred, exhaling deeply to prevent his breathing from faltering. The sporadic pitter patter of his heart began to slow down as the memory fades away. Toris is notoriously known throughout the school as the kid who constantly suffers from random panic attacks. Their mother has left a mark on each of them. Toris with his panic attacks and the deep scars that'll never fade away. Eduard with his mangled eyesight. Raivis with his dried tear ducts and a trail fear that stalks him throughout the day.

Each child has been scared by the fiend lurking within their household, ravaged by thirst and evil intent

Toris goes on about his day, uninterrupted by the sudden and unexpected arrival of his mother. She must have gone to a bar he considers. When the single clock in the entire household rang at the 2 o'clock mark, Toris makes the trek up the winding gravel road, occasionally checking over his shoulder. Not only would a coyote stray from the dense forest. On certain days, his mother would stalk him up the drive. He has grown accustomed to watching his back carefully. His mind wanders as he walks; leaving his body like it is possible thing. If he could physically do that, it would be too ethereal.

Its moments like these that Toris Laurinaitis begins to wish.

He wishes his father had taken him with him, instead of leaving him behind. He wishes he had a different mother. He wishes he lived far, far away from the thick forest and the shambling, tilting place they call a house. He wishes he could tell Feliks the truth, riding himself of a huge burden. He wishes he could provide a better life for his brothers. He wishes Raivis did not have dwarfism, and Eduard didn't have eye problems. Most of all, he wishes that someone, anyone, would save them. His wishes would never come true, he knew, but it is something to hold onto, to believe in. It is something to strive for and keep living in. Once you lose hope in something, it's as good as gone.

Toris didn't want to lose any more than he already has.

Dutifully, he awaits the arrival of the school bus as it comes blazing down the asphalt road of the main high way. It comes to a blaring halt, depositing two kids before continuing its route at an unusually high speed Toris notes. Raivis falls into his arms, a sputtering mess, unable to explain what has happened to make him so high strung. Eduard's pale eyes are wide, as though as he saw something unjustly for the first time. With his fingers wrapped tightly in the strap of his back pack, he begins recounting slowly as Toris ushers them up the drive, carrying the small Raivis.

"We... we were all getting on the bus..." He explains, struggling to find the correct phrases as he goes, "And... this truck pulled up. The driver… the driver had a shotgun... started shouting at us..." By the way he had said it, Toris understood that it wasn't the group of students he is referring to, "Threatening us... and... and…" The last bit is getting caught in his mouth as he tries to deny the tears there freedom to fall.

Unsuccessfully however, they begin to escape from his damaged eyes, "And momma agreed. She was with him... yelling those things too..." His voice is barely above a whisper, so terrified that speaking about her would strike him dead.

"Mama wants to kill us!" Raivis screeches, bawling loudly into Toris's shirt.

Toris's heart drops at the sound of his brother's cry. Its short lived however, when his hearing begins to pick up on something. The trio freeze when they hear tires crunching against the gravel, throwing up rocks and dirt as they too blare down the road, heading directly at them. Toris only manages one look at the grey truck housing the man and his mother before he snatches Eduard's arm and dives off the road. The truck narrowly misses him, grunting at the sudden shift of gears like it is disappointed it missed. Not giving him anytime for a second attempt at running them over, Toris leads his nearly blind brother into the dense cedar forest, away from the glaring eyes of the pickup truck. Fear was the only thing guiding him at this point, leading him throughout the winding shelter of trees that cluster together.

He couldn't believe his mother would be trying to kill them.

"I don't wanna die… I don't wanna die." Raivis whimpers.

Out of the line of sight, Toris brings them to sit down behind an abundance of berry bushes and thistles. He rocks his youngest brother, whispering quietly that everything would be alright. He pleads for him to be quiet, but that only heightens his brother's anxiety and thus, makes him break down even more. Eduard's memories of poetry fades along with his courage, making him unable to provide comfort aside from wrapping his arms tightly around them, burrowing his face into Raivis's back. They are all scared.

They are always scared.

Toris prays silently that his mother would not find them. It is a wish he wants to come true. He knows with a certain dread what she would do if she happened to find them.

They hear the truck rumble nearby, prowling slowly, trying to find them. Eventually, the growl of the engine is silenced when the occupants of the car get out. They shout each of their names, making Raivis choke on his sobs. His older brothers shed their silent tears, fearing for their lives and the lives of those around them. This time they are spared. The truck roars to life an hour later, and retreats back to the house.

Full realization ways down on Toris like cinder blocks. This is the first time his mother actually attempted to kill them. There are many times he could recall her being on the brink of such a thing, but only when she drank so heavily even her name seemed to evade her. Did this new man, her apparent new boyfriend, talk her into killing them? His chest aches painfully at the idea of returning home. What would happen if they did? What would be awaiting them?

The children could run away. But the fear of running away itself prevents them from doing it. So, when twilight overtakes the sky with a variation of midnight blue, the trio sulkily follows the trail back to their home. Toris is the first to enter, per usual, in an attempt to detour any fights and a possible gun wielder awaiting them. However, when they walk in, his mother is not waiting for him. He could hear there drunken voices in her bedroom, just down the hallway. Motioning for his brothers to stay silent, they sneak into their own room and shut the door quietly. By now, the rush of adrenaline has fled their bodies and left hollow, empty husks in their wake. Tiredly, the boys climb into their assigned beds, and fell into a deep sleep, trying to forget the entire ordeal.

This doesn't last all night.

By the time dawn is beginning to rise, banishing the darkness of night, Raivis and Eduard are curled up in Toris's bed, afraid mother would enter the room in the middle of the night to finish what she has started. Toris refused to sleep a wink, instead staring up at the pale ceiling as he listens to the progress made in his mother's room. Throughout much of it, he is thankful his brothers are asleep. It is inappropriate for their ears to hear. During the course of it, he figured out another wish he hoped would come true.

He wished he had a phone so he could have called Feliks in the woods, pleading him to come rescue him. He wasn't for sure how long he could live in fear and isolation, detached from the rest of society. He also knew that if this new boyfriend participates in the things his mother does, then it would make things that much harder to pull through.

Toris wakes up his brother's at seven, coaxing them gently out of bed and assuring them they would be okay. He helps the both of them pick out clean clothes and change. Asking which books Eduard needs, he gives his brother the appropriate literature. Again, he has Raivis recite his spelling words before he pulls his shoes on. Afraid that his mother would be waiting in the living room, Toris opens up the window and tells his brothers to climb out. His heart floods with relief when they make it to the bus stop without a single hitch from his mother or the new boyfriend. He just dreads the return home, though. It is hard to miss the grey pickup truck still sitting in front of the house. Each brother gets a seat on the bus, alone. They stay silent, more silent then they did when they needed to be, on the ride to school. This happens every day, like they are afraid speaking would break the tranquility, the feeling of leaving that house behind even if it is for a brief time.

Since the beginning, the children have suffered. They have grown accustomed to fearing the next day.

Upon their arrival at the school, Toris makes sure they arrive at their appropriate classes. Before he could even consider which way to go to find his locker, he is met with a bone crushing hug from a person he is more than glad to see. Forgetting about the strict rules on PDA, Toris embraces his boyfriend tightly, trying to ignore the fact that more than anything he wants to break down in his arms and tell him what his mother attempted yesterday.

It is really beginning to bug him. It is as though as she was behind the steering wheel, and not that man.

"Toris! Where, like, were you yesterday? I was so worried!" Feliks exclaims, moving to hold Toris's hand. Together they walk to their locker while Toris conjures up an excuse on the spot.

"I had the flu, I'm sorry." The lie feels bitter on his tongue, no matter how easily it rolls of it. He didn't like it one bit.

"And you didn't call me?" Feliks is worried, but underneath it, he is a tad bit suspicious. This has been going on for years, the petty excuses that he's learned not to trust. Even before they got together, he did this. Feliks knew his best friend-turned-boyfriend better than anyone else. He knew without a doubt something is bugging him.

"I've told you before Feliks. Our phone is broken."

"Then at least, like, let me come over and help you out a bit."

"I'm sorry but Eduard has clarinet practice after school. You can't come over." Toris realizes a little too late that he will be caught with this lie.

"You know as well as I do Toris that he can't read the notes anymore." Feliks pulls him out of the common stream of students, leading them to a more secluded area of the school. Neither one of them is particularly worried about being late, but still Toris grew nervous. He tries to monitor his breathing, but the more he thought about it, the more erratic it gets. He didn't want him to find out how many times he has lied to him, what has been going on in their household, all of it. He wants it to remain a secret, no matter how stupid that really seems. It's just still very hard for him to comprehend his mother almost killing them. It was intentionally, but she didn't have blood thirsty intent to do so. If she did, she would have looked for them more feverishly. It's almost as if… they did it for the pure fun of it.

His head begins to spin, and it feels like his heart is pumping to hard. Before Feliks could ask what was really going on, Toris begins suffering from a panic attack.

His breathing comes out short and quick, making his chest ache terribly. Cold chills stroke his spine, sending his body into violent tremors. Feliks is quick to pull him completely out of eye sight, before cradling Toris to him.

"It's okay Tori…" Feliks coos softly, rocking them back in forth as he plants little kisses on his forehead and cheeks, "There's nothing to be panicking about. Everything is alright."

Toris couldn't ever figure it out. It's like Feliks's melodical voice could somehow slow down his heart rate and calm his tremors. It could breathe life back into his lungs, and above all calm him down. Within in a matter of minutes, when it could have lasted hours, Feliks completely sooths Toris to point that he is panicking no longer. He didn't even bother to ask his question, because he knew that is what causes him his greatest anxieties. Instead, he continues to rock back and forth, even long after the bell rang and the hallways clear. Much to Toris's surprise, he finds himself crying. He didn't confess, like his mind urges him desperately to do. He just cries on Feliks's shoulder, and like the loving boyfriend he is, Feliks helps him through the pain.

Could Toris ever tell him what is going on?

Or at least tell him that his mother tried to kill him?

Credit goes to my bestie Liet and the TV show Deadly Women. We were watching it when we started talking about this idea!

-Soul Spirit-