Apparently (It's Not That Organized)

An Organization XIII fan fiction

By Spectra16 (n00b in Kingdom Hearts fandom)

A/N: Hi everyone. You won't know me. The last time I wrote a KH fiction (which was back when KH 1 came out) was a long time ago. I'm more of an Artemis Fowl author. So, yeah. (feels shy) And the last time I read a KH fiction was back when I roamed the country side for humor script fics (which was also a very long time ago).

Summary: This story is just about the weird adventures of Organization XIII in the World That Never Was. This story will go through several plots about sitcom like things. Sitcoms aren't all bad, after all, so long as they are fresh and subtly edgy. Tad bit AU. Tad bit OOC. Minut OC.

Warnings: I'm weird. Not "sexual/weird-kinks" weird. No. My main influences are Monty Python's Flying Circus, Neil Gaiman, Douglas Adams, Mystery Science Theater 3000, Gaston Leroux, The Onion, Lemony Snicket, Eye magazine, Anderson Cooper, and an elaborate shade of music. And for future reference, I am not high when I write. I consider "getting high" cheating. Jimi Hendrix cheated. Lewis Carroll cheated. I'm not going to get high in order to make a name for myself.

Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts and all that implies.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Chapter One: The Red Haired Spaz That Never Was

"And so the three little pigs went to live in the house with hot, luke warm, and cold porridge and they lived happily ever after with Snow White. The end," Luxord finished with one swift sentence and closed the book slowly without any sudden movements. Roxas was sleeping (drooling) on Luxord's shoulder, snoring softly. Lux grimaced and carefully grabbed a clump of Roxas' bushy hair to move his head so that he could leave without detection.

Lux climbed out of the bed, trying not to pop any of the already feeble spring. (Luxord/Roxas OTPers, go away) He wore a wincing face to turn off the lamp. Luckily, Roxas had a night light to illuminate the room for Lux to escape. He looked back at Roxas, who was still snoring, and stepped forward a few moments before a floor board squeaked. Lux stopped dead in his being. His head turned slowly to check Roxas.

Still asleep.

Lux breathed a silent sigh of relief. He tip toed away again, not hitting anymore squeaky boards that apparently "never were". He smiled a little as he stood safely in the doorway of Roxas' room. The crescent moon's face on the night light was happily in slumber, not unlike Roxas.

This was every night since Roxas had arrived and become part of the Organization. Luxord was agitated by Roxas' childish need at first, but not he started appreciating how calm it made HIM feel. Luxord was about to turn away when Axel ran down the hall banging pots and pans.

-.-.-.-.-.-

A few moments prior. . .

Axel sat stunned, his face lit by the glow of the screen. His PS2 controller had fallen out of his hands and was upside down on the ground. Axel sat there with his mouth hung open and a most shocked expression on his face. He sat there for about thirty minutes.

Saix walked by, showing off his cross scar on his nose. The corner of his eye caught Axel sitting on the floor with his mouth hung open. Saix quirked an eyebrow and kept walking.

Axel sat in silence. For a very long time. And a bug landed in his mouth and forced him to snap out of his shock. Axel stood up and starred at the screen again. It was memorizing. Something about beating a game was so satisfying. Axel just sat. And sat. And then it hit him.

I beat Kingdom Hearts!

He did a little dance at first. But then unsure questions popped into his mind.

Wait. Sora went back into the other worlds with Goofy and Donald. . . What will happen to Kairi! Poor Kairi. What a babe. And Riku and the King are dead! Oh noes! How will life go on? Well, at least Ansem's dead. What a media whore. And that secret ending is really confusing. What is going on? People in cloaks? Keyblades? What does it all mean? I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE NEXT GAME!

Axel used a portal to get to the Kitchen That Never Was. There he found some pots and pans and he ran down the hallways and banged them together to let everyone know his accomplishment. After running for about six hours, he'd covered every inch of the place and promptly fell asleep on the ground. Before he fell asleep, he smiled at the angry face and the chasing that had ensued with Luxord, and Saix called him a freak. Larxene had banished him from her quarters. It was definitely a night to remember.

-.-.-.-.-.-

A few moments prior. . .

Luxord closed Roxas' door and sprinted after Axel, who was considerably slower and stupider. Axel looked behind his shoulder to a storming Lux. He screamed like a girl and dropped the pots and conjured a portal to run into to get to the Bathroom That Never Was Used. No one would find him there. Luxord had no idea where Axel had gone, and didn't care. At breakfast tomorrow, he'd forget about their midnight quarrel and let his guard down. And then Luxord would strike.

For now, Lux went back to his own room to play Solitaire on his computer before retiring.

-.-.-.-.-.-

Axel was busily setting fire to the eggs that Saix wanted to eat. Xigbar was throwing plates everywhere, and some of the Organization caught them, but Roxas didn't. He promptly started to cry. Upon hearing his crying, Luxord appeared from a portal and smiled at everyone.

"Good morning, Order!" He chirped. Everyone said good morning back other than Xigbar, whom was always in a foul mood. Instead, he grunted and continued throwing things. Luxord crept closer to Axel, who had his back to Lux. Luxord stood behind him closely.

"You're a dead man, Axel," Luxord murmured. For a moment, Axel sat there, and Lux wondered if he had heard him. But then Axel quickly opened a portal and hurried through. The portal closed before Luxord could follow him in. Vexen rubbed his eyes.

"What kind of trouble is Axel causing now?" He asked tiredly. Luxord turned around gracefully and swallowed.

"The little bastard set my cloak on fire and was banging POTS and pans while I was trying to get Roxas to sleep last night!" Luxord hissed and sat down at the large table in the kitchen. Roxas whimpered.

"Axel's a big, ol' meanie. I so do NOT want to be his OTP," Roxas cried. Luxord patted him on the head.

"I know, I know."

The room went silent with tired apathy.

"Who's gonna make number one his breakfast then? You know Xehanort likes Axel to cook his eggs," Larxene said brushing her hair back. Luxord threw his hands up.

"Xiggybar will do it. Or maybe Zexion," Luxord looked over at Zexion whom was sitting at the table with his hands at his sides. Zexion shook his head wildly.

"Hell no! HELL. NO. Do you know how many germs are in the yoke of an egg! Millions! I wouldn't touch that egg with a dozen Ansem reports. NEVER. Never in a fuckin' million years. Never. I'd rather kiss Xigbar's unwashed ass that touch an egg. Nope. Not gonna do it. Not even for Pez. Never," Zexion kept rambling on about germs and things he would rather do. Luxord turned to Roxas, who looked down into his lap.

"I don't know how to cook an egg," Roxas muttered meekly. Luxord groaned and flipped the egg himself. Everyone sighed in relief.

All of a sudden, One-winged Angel played on a boom box as Xemnas entered the room. Everyone (including dumb little Roxas) rolled their eyes. Xemnas entered the room with his arms raised as if everyone were going to bow down at his feet and praise him. When he realized that they ignored him, he pressed stop on the music, and sat down.

"Where's my egg, bitches!" Xemnas barked. Luxord looked over his shoulder with a look of annoyance. Xemnas shut up. Roxas gasped.

"Xemnas said a bad word! He get the naughty chair now!" Roxas giggled. No one else followed suit. Luxord nodded.

"Yup. Xemnas gets the naughty chair. And then we all get to spank him," Luxord smiled evilly to himself. No one could see him doing this because he back was faced to them. Convenient. Zexion nibbled away meekly at his toast, afraid of the air he was breathing.

"Oh yes. Today we will be having a team meeting," Xemnas spoke quietly, but loud enough for everyone to hear. And upon hearing this, everyone groaned. Xemnas glared at Demyx, who was sitting across from him.

"It's about bringing in some interns. It'll take five minutes," Xemnas tried to convince them.

"Why don't we talk about it now then? There. You said it. We need interns. The end," Demyx tapped his fingers on the table in a fidgety way. And it was driving Larxene crazy. Xemna shook his head.

"We have to decide who those interns will be, dear," Xemnas picked up the Daily Kingdom Times Journal paper and started reading. Everyone sat in silence, wondering who'd they chose to be interns for Organization XIII.

"How about we have a contest where people pay money for raffle tickets. It could be fun!" Roxas smiled. Xigbar clutched his head.

"NO! SHUT UP ROXAS! You're as dumb as a Moogle! Without a head! Last time we did that, we had a million Marluxia fan girls try out and they infested our Castle That Never Was and trashed the fucking place! Look at Marluxia! He's never been the same since then!" Xigbar gestured towards Marluxia whom was busily making phone calls in the corner. He talked nervously and shivered visibly.

"And you've got the real time, right? I know. I just didn't think anyone would have it. Linux, you know man? We're so nameless. I tried hooking that server up to some HP shit and nothing happened, man. I'm saying man a lot, man! Gotta. . . Gotta. . . Get that real time. I. . .," Marluxia realized everyone was watching him. "I have to go. People are starring at me." Marluxia hung up and hoarded himself in the corner, gradually molding himself to the wall. Everyone turned away from him and thought about interns again. Luxord flipped his egg onto Xemnas' plate from where he was standing. Everyone seemed impressed.

"Wow Lux! That was really cool!" Xemnas said and started chowing noisily. Lux scratched the back of his head.

"I had to reverse time like seven times before I got it right," Lux said bashfully. Everyone quirked an eyebrow.

"You're time changing skills frighten me, Lux. I don't mean to give you any ideas, but . . . You could like . . . Molest me and I wouldn't even know it," Larxene clutched herself. Luxord grimaced.

"Luckily for you, I'm not a pervert like Axel."

"HEY!" Axel shouted and then slapped his mouth shut, forgetting that he was hiding. Luxord turned around in rage and chased Axel out of the room, followed by giant, sharp playing cards that flew into Axel.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

A/N: For the reference of the readers, here are the Order's names and descriptions. I really don't blame you if you don't know them all. They all have really weird names and some weren't even seen in the game.

I. Xemnas is the real "bad guy Ansem" who is also known as Xehanort. He's that jerk you have to kill in order to destroy Kingdom Hearts. He' crazy. And crazy means he's the head honcho for Organization XIII.

II. Xigbar has the eye patch. He's not cool at all. His hair is absolutely ridiculous. He could've easily been written off the KH 2 script, I think.

III. Xaldin is that wacky Samurai dude that loves his knives.

IV. Vexen. I don't think we ever meet him in KH 2. If we did, I was sleeping during that part. Nonetheless, he seems less likely to get drunk and strip. He reminds me of Qui Gon Jin from Episode I. But whatever.

V. Lexaeus has a dreadful name. I think we meet him in KH 2, but I don't think we ever fought him (or maybe he's just mentioned). He also seems boring, because his hair isn't on crack.

VI. Zexion has crazy cool blue hair. We never meet or fight him in KH 2. This is the only character that weren't not sure what his weapon is. Apparently his wrists have something to do with it.

VII. Saix was definitely the biggest pain in the ass. He's the one with the emo cross scar on the bridge of his nose. What a little poser. He reminds me of that other poser. What was his name? . . . Oh yeah. Kenshin. Face scars are so cliché and so not cool.

VIII. Axel probably has the biggest fan base. He's got cool Knuckles-like red hair and an attitude problem. And everyone thinks Axel/Roxas is OTP. I dunno. It seems kinda creepy. Roxas just looks too young. But it's fresh. For fear of sounding cliché, I like Axel.

IX. Demyx is a little mullet whore. And he plays a citar that conjures water people. I hate him! He's so squeaky!

X. Luxord looks the oldest besides maybe Xigbar. I'm guessing he plays the father figure in the Castle That Never Was. This should make for an interesting plot. He's the card guy.

XI. Marluxia was not in the game (only Chain of Memories) but has a big fan base anyways. Probably because he has purple hair. All these names are so painful to write. He has also been said to be the more homosexual one in the group, only because of his pinkish hair and flower power. Personally, I think Xigbar is, but whatever.

XII. Larxene is the Mary Sue of the Organization only because she's the only girl. We never encounter her in the game. Lucky her. (grumbles)

XIII. Roxas has to be the youngest. And the only reason why he made it in the Organization is because he's Sora's Nobody and can wield an key blade.