Unrequited

By: Ginomo

Set immediately after "Rejoined." Jadzia is getting over her relationship with Lenara Kahn by spending time with the new Klingon officer on the station.

Even though Worf had not been on space station Deep Space Nine long, he felt like it was taking him longer than it should to get used to the place. The Enterprise was predictable and Worf liked that. Here, there were new people coming and going every day. There were two governing bodies- the Federation and the Bajorans. And the officers were just… different.

In some ways he liked it. He felt like he could blend in more than on the Enterprise. It was true that in both places he was the only Klingon. On the Enterprise that made him stand out, but here there were so many different people that seeing a Klingon in a Starfleet uniform drinking prune juice wasn't anything unusual.

Worf found that he liked having his meals on the replimat. It gave him a place where he could sit and observe the goings on of the station, people generally left him alone, and he didn't have to be bothered by the annoying Ferengi bartender.

Out of the corner of his eye he could see Lt. Commander Jadzia Dax, the station's science officer and lead pilot of the Defiant. Dax went to the replicator, ordered her food and waited as it materialized. She picked up the tray and looked around. Coming her way were Major Kira and Dr. Bashir. Dax looked around frantically and her eyes settled on Worf. For reasons unknown to him, she started heading towards his table.

"Pretend we've been talking," she said quickly as she sat down uninvited.

"Wait… what?"

"Just talk, doesn't matter what about."

"Um…"

"Not much of a talker, are you?"

"No. And why are you sitting with me?"

Jadzia laughed, "Not very friendly either. I'm avoiding Kira and Julian and I know they won't come sit down here with you."

Worf wasn't sure how to take that, "Why?"

"Why am I avoiding them or why won't they sit with you?"

Worf knew the answer to the second one, "Why are you avoiding them? Are they not your friends?"

"They are. They're great friends. But they will want to talk about something that I am tired of talking about. It's all anyone wants to talk about."

"So why have lunch on the replimat if you did not want to talk to anyone?"

She smirked, "Well aren't you the clever one?"

Her strategy worked. Julian and Nerys said at a table on the other side of the replimat, leaving Jadzia alone with Worf. Worf was content to continue on in silence, their ruse having worked. This was not his first meeting with Lt. Commander Jadzia Dax. She, along with Chief O'Brien, had been the most welcoming of the staff members on DS9. Perhaps welcoming wasn't the right word for Dax. She had been… well Worf wasn't really sure. If he were any other man he'd say she'd been flirting with him from the moment they met in Quarks. But he wasn't just any man and Worf knew the idea of a woman like Jadzia Dax flirting with a man like him was preposterous. The only thing he knew for sure was that he felt oddly drawn to her and looked forward to seeing her in whatever capacity.

"So, tell me Commander, how are you liking our station?"

"It is… different than I am accustomed to."

"Different bad or different good?"

"Different." Worf answered definitively.

Jadzia chuckled, "That's a fair answer."

"I like the Defiant. I have never seen a ship like it. That Captain Sisko has trusted me with her day to day operations is a great honor."

"If you ever need any help with anything, just let me know, okay?"

"I will."

The two continued talking until a few minutes later when Major Kira came over to their table. Worf could see Dax's body tense as the Major gently placed her hand on her shoulder.

"Good Afternoon, Commanders," Kira said. She and Worf exchanged respectful nods before Kira turned her attention to Jadzia "Hey, my offer still stands. If you ever need to talk, you know I'm here for you, okay?" Worf could hear the pity in Kira's voice.

"I know. Thank you," Dax said, her eyes never meeting Kira's. As the Major walked away, Worf watched Dax's face. He didn't know her well, but he recognized the look she had. Whatever was going on, whatever had happened, she was ashamed. And the attention she was getting as a result made her feel it even more so.

There was more silence between them, this time Worf was the one who broke it, "I have a new calisthenics program," he began, "I have tried it with the computer, which is sufficient. However, having an actual sparring partner is always best."

Jadzia snapped out of her inward thoughts, "I agree. And there aren't many people around who know Klingon martial arts, especially these days."

Suddenly Worf felt nervous, as if he were asking her on a date, "Then perhaps the two of us could help one another hone our skills."

"Definitely," She smiled brightly. Worf was surprised by how much he liked seeing that smile, "Tomorrow?"

Worf nodded, "Yes, tomorrow."

Jadzia Dax sat at her vanity and stared at her reflection. Being a joined Trill was all she'd ever wanted when she was young. The process of integrating the memories, personalities and emotions of several people was not easy, but Jadzia always felt like she did a good job of it. Until now. She and Benjamin had built their own relationship separate from her previous host's and Jadzia naively thought that she could handle things with Lenara just as easily. Instead, she allowed herself to come close to breaking one of the most important rules in Trill culture.

In her hands were the earrings Lenara gave her. Jadzia put them on. As the days passed, she accepted that Lenara had done the right thing. The feelings Jadzia had were not her own, they were Torias's, and seeing Lenara brought them back to the surface. Jadzia wasn't in love with Lenara, Dax was in love with Kahn. What bothered her the most now was that she hadn't been able to see that. She used to be so focused, so controlled. Before joining Jadzia never even allowed herself to love. Now it came all too easily and sometimes at the expense of everything around her.

She sighed and took the earrings off. It would be a shame to never wear them, they really were beautiful. But they'd remind her of Lenara every time she did and the last thing she needed was a reminder of how she'd gotten so good at leaping without looking. Which was also why she'd been avoiding her friends. As well meaning as they all were, the truth was Jadzia felt embarrassed by the whole situation and just wanted to forget it. The only friend she could count on not wanting to talk about it was her newest one, Commander Worf.

Jadzia was due to meet Worf in the holosuite soon. Right there was another example of leaping before she looked. Dax had been laying on the charm pretty heavy since the moment she met him in Quark's. Worf seemed pretty impervious to her advances and it was probably for the best. If she thought this whole thing with Lenara was embarrassing, imagine the fallout from getting involved with a Klingon with a bad attitude. It would be fun, that much was certain, but there's no way it would ever work and the two of them would probably take out half the station in the process.

All that said, Jadzia decided to wear her red leotard to the holosuite, the one that hugged her in all the right places.

"Let's do it again," Jadzia said from her position lying on the floor.

Worf looked down at her and groaned, "You are not focusing yourself. It is not much of a challenge for me when you are not putting up a fight."

Jadzia stood and rubbed her leg, which was beginning to throb. There'd be a bad bruise there tomorrow, "No, let's do it again. I can do better."

"We have been at it almost two hours."

"Have I worn you out?" she asked sarcastically.

"Alright then," Worf raised his bat'leth, "Defend yourself!"

The two parried blows but only for a few minutes. With ease, Worf had Jadzia on the ground again.

She jumped up again, "One more time."

Worf threw his bat'leth down, "If you won't yield then I will."

"So does that mean I win?" Jadzia chided.

Worf sat on a nearby boulder, "If that makes you happy."

"It does."

Jadzia took a seat next to him there in the holosuite. They sat there for a moment, both catching their breaths. Jadzia drank from her water bottle and wiped her forehead. Silences with Worf were unusually comfortable. With anyone else she felt the need to chat or say something witty, but that wasn't the case with Worf.

That said, she was the one who broke the silence, "Thank you."

"For finally getting you to sit down?"

"For not telling me how sorry you are for me."

Worf gave her a puzzled look.

"I'm sure you know what happened with Dr. Kahn. Everyone knows. And everyone has spent the last week asking if I am okay, telling me they wish things had worked out, speaking to me in slow hushed voices like I'm a child who lost her favorite toy. Spending time with you has allowed me to clear my head without having to hear all that."

"I know that when things are not well, the last thing I want is pity."

Jadzia sighed, "Everyone expects me to have it all together, as if living multiple lifetimes means I can't make a mistake. It can be very... isolating."

"But you have so many friends."

She shrugged, "I do. But when you have lived as long as I have, you've pretty much met every type of person out there," Jadzia paused, "Except you. In 350 years, I've never met anyone like you."

Their eyes met for a moment. Worf wasn't sure if that was meant to be a compliment or not, "Thank you… I think."

Jadzia laughed, "That's a good thing. You know, I think you would have liked Jadzia Idaris a lot."

"That was your name before you were joined?"

She nodded, "I was much more focused back then, not at all impulsive. Much more disciplined, like you are. Now, I plow through life letting my heart make all the decisions, and you see what that gets me. I was willing to give up everything I've worked so hard for to be with Lenara. I was willing to give up Dax's life for her. She knew better. She left because it was the right thing to do, it's what a joined Trill is supposed to do. We vowed to protect the symbiont above all. Lenara knew that. Me? I lead with my heart."

Worf was quiet a moment, but then spoke, "Sometimes being able to listen to one's instincts can be a good thing. It is something that I wish to be better at. I am disciplined, but it can be stifling not being able to just do what you feel or go after what you want."

"I get the feeling that's not something you've ever told anyone before," she replied quietly.

"It is not. I do not share my feelings."

"Why not?"

"I do not trust anyone with them," Worf replied honestly.

"Well, then, maybe we'll be good for each other," Jadzia playfully elbowed him, "You can teach me some restraint and I can show you how to let loose."

Worf nodded, "Perhaps."

There was the silence again. Jadzia stole a glance at Worf, he was looking straight ahead as if he could see something important on the cave wall. She'd meant what she said, she'd never met anyone like him and that intrigued her. The fact that he didn't instantly start hitting on her the way most men did was refreshing. He was a mystery, a challenge, and Jadzia knew she wanted to get to know the quiet, stoic Klingon a lot better. Her eyes traveled down the length of his body. She watched the rise and fall of his chest, watched his strong hands aimlessly grip the handle of his weapon. Perhaps a lot better...

Stop it, she chastised herself, This is exactly the kind of thing that gets you into trouble. Worf could be a good friend, but going down this road with him would be more than Jadzia was ready for. Klingons do not have casual relationships and Jadzia knew she wasn't ready for anything serious. Then again, maybe a Klingon in a Starfleet uniform would be different...

Out of the blue Worf spoke, his gaze still focused on the wall ahead of him, "What about the man you were having lunch with today?"

"Captain Boday?"

"Is he someone you can be yourself with?" Worf asked, his voice filled with hesitation.

"He's a lot of fun, but it's nothing serious. Like you said, I have a lot of friends and he's one of them." Why is he asking me about Boday?

"Then you and he are not… involved?"

"I just had my heart handed to me on a platter by someone I used to be married to, I am in no position for romance anytime soon. I'm managing to keep my impulses at bay," she paused before giving him one of her trademark flirty smirks, "For now."

Worf silently reprimanded himself for even asking her about it. Why did it matter to him who Commander Dax had lunch with? Why was his heart racing?

"So what about you, Commander Worf? Are you a sucker for love the way I am?"

He shook his head, "I do not…" he let his voice trail off. These were not things he ever discussed with anyone, and would usually be offended at the mention of such a personal subject. But with Dax… he didn't know why but he wanted to tell her more, "I do not think I am cut out for romance."

"Oh come on, a big handsome guy like you?"

Worf was beginning to get used to her teasing, "I have always been a very solitary person."

"I suppose it can't be easy being the only Klingon around..." Jadzia hedged. She was really wondering whether or not he'd be willing to break his solitude with an alien.

He focused on that spot across the cave again, "I always imagined returning to the Empire one day and finding a mate. Now I do not see how that will ever happen," his voice trailed off and his gaze fell to his bat'leth, which he gripped firmer, "This will have to suffice in keeping my mind occupied."

"Well, if you ever need any help with staying occupied, I'm always willing," Dax replied with a smile.

Worf looked at her, maybe he wasn't as used to her teasing as he thought. Or maybe she wasn't teasing.

"There was someone… long ago."

Jadzia listened quietly.

"We met when we were very young. Circumstances kept taking us apart and bringing us back together. I loved her more than… more than I ever told her," he sighed, "In the end it was not meant to be. She was killed by one of my enemies."

With anyone else, Jadzia would have taken this moment to say how sorry she was. But just as she did not want to hear that with Lenara, she knew Worf wouldn't want to hear it now.

"I of course avenged her death immediately, but it did not help me the way I thought it would."

Without thinking, Jadzia reached down and placed her hand on top of his, "Thank you for sharing that with me," she said sincerely.

Worf looked down at their hands. His first instinct was to pull away, but he did not. He looked at their hands for a moment, not really understanding what was going on but not wanting to question it. Worf meant what he said, he did not think he was cut out for romance. He never made it a priority in his life because he did not think he could make it work with anyone. He'd convinced himself that he only wanted a Klingon woman, but the reality was that telling himself that when there were no Klingon women around meant he didn't have to try with anyone. Worf could face any enemy on the field of battle, but a woman placing her hand upon his put a fear in him like no other.

Jadzia stood and nervously brushed away from her pant dust that wasn't actually there, "I need to get going, duty calls. Thanks for being so easy to beat."

Worf stood with her, "You beat me?"

"Hey, you gave up, remember?"

"I suppose I did."

Dax gave him her smile one more time, "I'll see you next time."

Worf nodded. He was looking forward to it.

~finis

July 13, 2014