It's just past five when Ryan approaches him at his desk. "I just thought you should know, Pam's sitting on the roof and she looks pretty upset. I think maybe you should go talk to her."
He gives an understanding sigh. "Well it has been a stressful day all around. Thanks for telling me." He gets up and heads towards the back stairwell, and then stops. "Hey, just out of curiosity, what were you doing on the r—"
"Ryan! There you are! I've been looking everywhere for you!"
He gives Ryan a small smile, quickly sidesteps Kelly, and makes his way to the back where he climbs up the ladder to the roof.
There are two lawn chairs set up facing away from the ladder. Pam is sitting motionless in the one on the left, looking out over the small grassy area behind the building. He walks slowly towards her, but she doesn't seem to notice. When he gets within ten feet of her, she inhales sharply and spins around suddenly. She hadn't been expecting him. In the brief moment while she's facing him, he can tell that although she hasn't been crying, there is something amiss with her. Then she turns back around.
"I didn't realize this was the new hangout spot," she says. "I guess I'm just a trendsetter."
"Mind if I join you?" he asks. She turns her head halfway around but doesn't say anything. He pauses for a moment and then sits down next to her. She doesn't object.
For a couple of minutes, they just sit there in silence. But after awhile it's getting awkward, and he prepares to stand up and leave. "Well, if you ever want to talk, you know where I sit."
She turns to him. "I'm sorry, I just feel weird, you know? After today…" She trails off.
"I know. Michael…" He shakes his head. "I tried to stop him, but you know how he is."
"I understand. It's just that now is not the time that I want to be talking to my HR representative."
"To your friend, I thought." Several beats pass.
She turns to him. "What was your marriage like?" When he hesitates for the briefest of moments, she turns to face ahead again and shakes her head. "Sorry, it's none of my business. I mean, if, if you don't want to talk about it, then—"
"No, it's okay." He's not quite sure what she wants to hear. "I met her through a college friend. On our first date we…" He pauses and smiles. "…well, to make a long story short, we somehow ended up barefoot at this old playground, and by the end we didn't even care that we had lost our shoes. It was, well, I guess you could say it was how you always imagine a first date will be. It was… she was… magical." The word lingers in the air for a moment. He looks over at her. It doesn't look like she's paying attention to him; her head is down, her eyes are closed, and is she swaying? "Pam?"
She looks up at him and smiles sheepishly. "Sorry. Go on."
He takes this as a sign that he should speed ahead. "We got divorced a couple years ago. I still loved—love her, of course. But things changed. Things change." She nods. "And it was tough, especially after so many years, and Sasha, of course. Somewhere along the way it stopped being magical and started, well, you find yourself spending more time thinking about the way things used to be than about how they are." She nods again. "We tried to work through it. I did my best to try to be a better father and husband, but she never thought it was quite good enough. And eventually you just get tired, tired of trying so hard, tired of getting no response, tired of little things, too. And sleeping on the couch or in the car only makes you more tired."
A few moments pass. He looks over at her and realizes that this hasn't made her feel any better. "You know, you weren't supposed to find out."
She nods. "I know."
"And he was just having a bad day, and it's just procedure, I have to."
"I know."
"That's not what you're upset about, is it."
"What? No, I mean, I'm fine. I just needed to clear my head." He's unconvinced. "Do you ever think it might have been better if you could have just been friends forever? Is that possible?"
That question makes him feel uncomfortable. "I'm not really qualified to give marriage advice—"
She gives him a quizzical look. "Oh, no, I, I wasn't thinking of…" She doesn't finish her sentence, but he thinks he knows what she meant.
"We always want to keep things the way they are; it's easier that way. So I can't fault you for not wanting things to change with Roy… or whomever. But, um, to answer your question, no, I certainly wouldn't give up Sasha for the world." He's not sure if she's satisfied. "I'm sorry I can't be more helpful."
"No, thank you." She pauses. "You have." She pauses and then stands up. "I should get going. Roy's probably waiting for me. I don't want him to starve."
"I'm sure he won't starve. It doesn't take that much effort to make a grilled cheese sandwich."
She laughs loudly but then realizes slightly too late that he wasn't really making a joke. "Anyway, thanks Toby."
"Any time."
As she heads over to the ladder, he can't help but think that he hasn't been of much help. As she's about to go down, he calls out to her. "Oh, one more thing." She stops to listen. "It's impossible to get along with everyone, Pam, even though no one is stopping you from trying."
She smiles. "I will." He wishes that she had said, "I know," instead, but he doesn't say anything. "Are you coming down?" she asks.
"In a bit, you go ahead."
He watches as she descends the ladder. For a brief moment, she reminds him of his wife—rather, his ex-wife—on their first date. Hopefully, he thinks, it'll turn out better for her.