Author's Note: This story is based on the NBC television series The Facts of Life, which as far as I know, is the property of Embassy Television, Columbia Pictures Television, and Sony Pictures Television No infringement is intended.

Chapter 1: Used

"Jo, when are you going to realize that this isn't just about you?!" Rose Polniaczek railed at her eighteen-year-old daughter Jo. Jo had left her school in Peekskill to come home and visit Rose that Friday evening in early February. She had been looking forward to spending the weekend with Rose, but unfortunately, soon after arriving at Rose's apartment, the two found themselves in a shouting match. While it had always seemed on the surface that Jo and Rose had a great relationship, in fact, they had a sea of underlying pain and conflict. "Your education at Eastland means everything to me!" Rose cried out a moment later, while Jo braced herself inside for the inevitable guilt trip she knew was coming. "Don't you realize what I put myself through every day to send you to Eastland?! All my life, I yearned for the kind of opportunity I'm killing myself to give you right now. I always wanted to have a quality education when I was growing up. I always wanted to go to college. I always dreamed of having the chance to make something more of myself. Do you think I wanted to spend my life stuck in this hellhole, being nothing more than a cocktail waitress?!"

Jo let out a sad sigh and quietly responded, "Of course not, Ma."

"How do you think it makes me feel when I receive a call from the school telling me that you're cutting classes?! They say you that you recently went over a week without going to English class, and they also tell me that you haven't been to gym class for the past two weeks straight. How do you think something like that is supposed to make me feel?! I'm back here working my fingers to the bone to pay for your school tuition while you're in Peekskill skipping classes and goofing off and doing whatever the heck you please! Don't you have an ounce of respect for what I put myself through every day so that I can send you to a place like Eastland?!"

"Of course I do. I never meant to hurt you, Ma. It's just that when I found out how sick Gail was, it was so hard to face her. It hurt so much thinking about what was happening to her; about how I was going to lose another friend. I felt I just couldn't handle the pain…so I tried to run away by avoiding her. I know you're right. I know how selfish I've been lately. I know how wrong I was to make it all about me when Gail was the one was recently diagnosed with terminal cancer. And I know that my education at Eastland isn't just about me. I know it's about you too. I know that when I go to class at Eastland every day, I'm not only takin' myself. I know I'm takin' you and the whole neighborhood along with me. Like I said, I never meant to hurt you. I never meant to make you feel disrespected. I realize what a big sacrifice it is for you to put me through Eastland, and if there was any way that I could foot the entire bill myself so you wouldn't have to work so hard all the time, I would."

Rose sighed then and said, "I just need you to understand that the opportunity for you to go to a school like Eastland and then to college next fall isn't the kind of opportunity that comes along every day. You're only gonna get one shot at this, Jo. One. You simply cannot afford to be careless with a chance like this. This is literally a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity – one that I will never get. Don't you dare take this for granted, Jo. And don't you dare do something stupid, like skipping classes, getting into trouble, running your mouth, breaking the rules. You did more than enough of that back when you were running around with that hoodlum gang of yours. When you're studying at Eastland, what you learn there could help you become anything in the world, like an architect or a journalist or a doctor. The only thing you'll ever learn around here with that street gang is how to be a bully – and like it or not, Jo, before you went to Eastland, that's all you were – a bully." Jo didn't show it, but the instant her mother called her a bully, it was all she could do to keep from crying. "I want you to be more than that," Rose continued a moment later. "I want you to do something more with your life than just wasting it running around with a bunch of stupid thugs. Do you understand?"

"Yeah, Ma. I understand. You don't have to beat me over the head with a club. I get it that while I'm goin' to classes at Eastland, livin' my life with my friends in Peekskill, you're back here workin' your butt off. That's all I ever think about. Just because I had a few bad days and skipped a few classes doesn't mean that I'm throwin' it all away. It just means that I had a few bad days."

"You can't afford to just take off running every single time there's a bump in the road, Jo. You don't see me running away from all of my responsibilities whenever I have 'a few bad days,' do you? No. You don't. And the reason why is because I realize that I don't have that luxury. It's time you realized it, too. It's time you stopped thinking only about yourself."

That did it. That sentence was the last straw. Jo couldn't take it anymore. Jo had a very deep love and respect for Rose, and she didn't want to be angry at her or for there to be a lot of tension between them, but it was completely unavoidable now. She'd been telling the truth when she'd said that Rose's sacrifices and constant hard work were all she ever thought about. Mrs. Polniaczek's burdens were an unending source of pain and guilt for her inside. Jo had known it for most of her life that Rose really would have been better off had she never been born; that way, she might have had a chance to save up some money from her two waitressing jobs, go to college, and make a better life for herself. Instead, thanks to Jo, all of Rose's time, energy, and money had to be poured into Jo's education and future, and Rose could never have anything for herself. Jo had been painfully aware of that for years, and deep down, she'd always hated herself for it. And the last thing she needed now was to have her mother rub more salt into her wounds. She didn't need to hear Rose go on and on and on about her mistakes and accuse her of only thinking of herself. Again, Jo did love and respect Rose very much, but she knew that if she didn't get out of that apartment now, she would wind up saying some hurtful things to her that she would regret later.

Without saying another word, Jo grabbed her coat and walked out of her mother's apartment. Rose called after her, but it was no use. It would be a while yet before Jo would be able to deal with her again.

This was the side of Jo's life that almost no one ever saw. On the surface, it always appeared as though Rose Polniaczek was the perfect, hardworking, saintly mother, sprinkled in fairy dust. Almost everybody in Jo's life took one look at her and Rose and came to the false conclusion that Rose worked as hard as she did every day because she valued Jo's well-being more than her own, as mothers are supposed to do. To be perfectly honest, even a part of Jo still bought into that illusion. However, beneath the surface, it turned out that Rose Polniaczek was not the saint everybody thought she was. It was indeed true that Rose was working very hard to put Jo through Eastland and keep her out of their gang-infested neighborhood, but at the core of her being, she was actually not doing it for Jo's sake at all. She was doing it out of her own self-serving desire to live vicariously through Jo. Rose played the part of the loving, giving mother incredibly well through the years, but more often than not, behind closed doors, the saintly mask came off and Rose made it painfully obvious to Jo how much she resented all the sacrifices she'd had to make for her over the years. Sadly, there was a very real reason why Jo beat up on herself all the time inside and had such a guilt complex, and Rose was that reason. More than once over the years, Rose had made Jo feel as though she would have been better off had Jo never been born. To put it mildly, it had always been (and still was) an agonizing, crushing burden for Jo to bear inside that practically nobody ever really understood.

Thankfully for Jo, though, she did have one person in her life who understood, and she ran into her about twenty minutes later down at the community rec room. When Jo saw her sitting at a small table near the vending machine drinking a soda, she smiled.

"Hey, Jessie?" she called, and the nineteen-year-old brunette turned her head. When she spotted Jo, she smiled in return.

"Hiya, Jo," she responded. "Come on over here and take a load off your feet, huh?"

"Yeah, I think I will," Jo said as she walked over to the table. After taking the seat across from Jessie, she told her, "Thanks."

"Yeah, don't mention it. So what's new? How's everything goin' up at that fancy school of yours?"

"I can't complain," Jo said quietly, and it wasn't hard for Jessie to see the sadness in Jo's eyes then, but she decided not to press her. "How's the new job?" she asked a moment later.

When Jo had returned to her old neighborhood for a visit with Jessie over ten months ago, Jessie had been the same tough, battle-hardened, angry gangster as always. Once Jo had left her neighborhood in the Bronx for the small town of Peekskill a couple of years ago, she'd gotten caught up in her new life as an Eastland student, and for a time, she and Jessie fell out of touch. She'd excelled in the classroom, and she'd found a new family with the school dietician, Mrs. Edna Garrett, and with her three roommates, Blair Warner, Natalie Green, and Tootie Ramsey. But when she'd returned to her old neighborhood and spent some time with Jessie again, it reminded Jo that there were people back home like Jessie who were just as hurting and angry as she'd once been, who still needed help. After she returned to Eastland, she made up her mind to keep in touch with Jessie and to keep reaching out to her. It took a lot of work for Jo to get through all of Jessie's anger, but eventually, thanks mostly to Jo's influence, Jessie began to make positive changes in her life. She finally left their old street gang, recently got a job as a mechanic, and she was currently staying with a mutual friend of theirs until she could save up enough money to get her own apartment.

Jessie nodded and replied, "It's not half bad. If you tell anybody I said this, I'll bash your brains in, but the truth is, it actually gives ya a good feelin' inside, earnin' your own paycheck for a change rather than stealin' all the time."

Jo smiled, gave her a hard but friendly thump on the shoulder, and said, "I knew you'd do well, Jess. It's like I keep tellin' ya: ya don't need that gang to survive. You're strong and clever. You can do anything you set your mind to."

"Thanks. Who knows? I just might make somethin' of myself after all."

"You are making something of yourself right now, and I'm proud of you," Jo told her, and while Jessie didn't say anything, her eyes definitely lit up when Jo said that. For many years, Jo had been the little sister Jessie never had, and although Jessie never said it to Jo out loud, it remained an unspoken truth between them that way deep down inside, Jessie wanted to make Jo proud of her; that the example Jo had set with her education at Eastland had in fact inspired her to turn her own life around.

"Yeah, well, it's not like a preppie education or a college degree, but it's somethin'."

"Yeah. It's something," Jo agreed. "And who knows? Maybe one of these days, you can get your G.E.D. and then save up some money and take a couple of courses at a junior college."

"Please, Jo. Let me take this one step at a time. I only recently gave up my life of crime," Jessie joked, and Jo chuckled a bit.

"You're doin' great, Jessie. You really are."

"Thanks. I'm tryin', anyway," Jessie said, and Jo nodded. Then after a long, silent moment passed between them, she asked, "So, how's your mom?"

Jo sighed and responded, "She is not happy with me right now."

Jessie rolled her eyes and said, "Oh, boy. What's her gripe this time?"

"She's mad at me because I've been skippin' English class and gym."

"Why've you been skippin' your classes? I thought you liked it up there at that fancy joint."

"I do like it at Eastland. It's just that I've run into some problems lately."

"What problems?"

Jo sighed again, and she answered, "A little while back, my English teacher, Gail Gallagher, was diagnosed with a terminal illness and she had to leave school. Gail hasn't just been my teacher this year. She's been my friend – one of the closest friends I've ever had, as a matter of fact."

"Oh man," Jessie said quietly. "That's rough."

"Yeah, it is. And when I found out how sick she was, I just couldn't handle it for a while. I lost my friend Gloria when she decided to jump off the school roof years ago. I lost my dad for many years when he ran out on Ma and me and then got sent to prison. I started skippin' English class because I just couldn't stand the thought of bein' around Gail and bein' reminded that…I was gonna lose somebody else."

Jessie knowingly nodded and said, "I get it."

Jo sighed again, and then she asked, "Why can't Ma be like that? Why can't Ma ever understand, or at the very least, try to understand? The only thing Ma ever cares about is that for a few days, I didn't tow the line at Eastland. She never cares about why. She never cares about what I'm going through inside. She only cares that I made a mistake; that for a little while, I wasn't the perfect Eastland student. You'd almost think it was her education we were talkin' about."

"I know. I've seen how your mom has treated you over the years. I know that despite popular opinion, she ain't the easiest person to get along with."

"Yeah," Jo said sadly. "I mean, I love my mother. I've always loved my mother. I'm not proud of the fact that just my bein' here makes her day-to-day life so much tougher."

"Now you just hold on one second, Polniaczek. Your bein' here is a good thing. It's a very good thing. You mean a lot to a lot of people. Me. Your family. Your friends up at that school. And if that mother of yours had any sense, she wouldn't act like it was such a burden to put you through Eastland. If she had a brain inside that skull of hers, she'd see that you were worth it."

"Hey, lay off Ma, Jessie," Jo warned.

Jessie shook her head and told her, "No, Jo, I won't lay off her. Not this time. I know that she brought you into the world, but still, that doesn't give her the right to treat you the way she does. A real mother wouldn't act like every single thing she does for her child is some kinda sacrifice. A real mother wouldn't resent havin' to put her kid before herself. A real mother wouldn't hold every little thing over her kid's head twenty-four-seven and constantly make her kid feel like crap. A real mother would be glad to work hard to send you to Eastland. She wouldn't resent you for it. And she also wouldn't be a jerk to you when your friend is dyin', either. Face it, Jo. Your so-called 'mom' is a creep. She may have the rest of the world fooled into thinkin' she's some kinda angel, but you and I both know she's not. We both know she hasn't been doin' you right all these years."

"Yeah, but it's not like I made it easy for her while I was growin' up. When Pop ran out on us, she was already in a lot of pain, and then the divorce happened and I started hangin' out with the Young Diablos. I really put her through a lot when I joined that street gang and started actin' up and cuttin' classes and stayin' out 'til all hours. She didn't need me joining a street gang and turning into a bully like I did."

"But that only happened because she was never there for you. I was there with you through it all. I remember how it was. Whenever she wasn't gone from the house workin', she was cryin' over your shoulder about her divorce like a little baby while you were on your own. You didn't have anybody to turn to except Yours Truly and the rest of the Young Diablos. You certainly didn't have your mom to turn to. She conveniently forgot that she was supposed to be the adult and be there for you after you got ditched by your father, not the other way around. You were just a kid. It was never your job to be her shrink. You should never have had to mother your own mother at age thirteen. Face it, Jo: in the parent department, you always got the short end of the stick. You always deserved better…from both of your parents. And as for you not makin' things easy on your mom, well, that's just tough. Bein' a mom isn't easy. Everybody knows that. But like it or not, that is what Rose Polniaczek signed on for when she had unprotected sex. If your mother wanted an easier life, she shouldda swallowed a birth control pill or made your father wear a condom before havin' sex with him. It was her fault she wasn't more responsible about her sex life eighteen years ago, not yours, and she has no right to blame you for any of it. The bottom line is, old 'Saint Rose,' as everybody calls her, needs to grow up, put her big girl panties on, start accepting responsibility for her own life, and stop blaming everything that goes wrong in her life on you. End of story."

"I know," Jo said quietly. "I know you're right. But Ma does love me, Jessie…in her own way."

"In her own way," Jessie said skeptically. "That just sounds like a B.S. cop-out to me. Your mother has never really been there for you. She always acts like she resents everything she has to do for you. I wouldn't call that 'love.'"

"Okay, so Ma isn't exactly a saint. But neither am I."

"Maybe not, but that still doesn't mean that you deserve the crappy way she treats you behind closed doors. You don't. You deserve better. You really do."

"I guess," Jo sighed. "I don't know. Sometimes, I just get so sick and tired of feelin' like I have to carry Ma and Pop and the whole neighborhood around on my shoulders. I always feel like it's not just me that's goin' to school at Eastland and getting ready to start college next fall. I always feel like I have to carry Ma and everybody else with me because they never got a chance to go to a fancy school like Eastland and then to college. It'd just be nice if I could have one day, just one day, where I was the only person I had to be responsible for and I didn't have to be so scared of lettin' Ma and our whole neighborhood down."

"Jo, you're not responsible for all of them. Forget them. Most of 'em never did anything for you anyway; they only judged you when things went wrong. And besides, it's not as if your mom and the rest of the neighborhood are a bunch of little kids, and you are not their mother. They're adults, and they need to act like adults and accept responsibility for their own lives and not put any of it off on you."

"Thanks for sayin' that."

"It's just the truth."

"Yeah, but it feels good to hear somebody actually say it," Jo told her, and then she let out a sad sigh. "I love Ma. I really do. And I know she works her butt off every day to try and give me a better life than the one she had. But for some reason, especially when we have fights like this and she goes on and on about how she never had the kind of opportunity she's giving me and how I owe it to her to do better…it just makes me feel so…used. I know that probably doesn't make any sense."

"Actually, I think it makes perfect sense. It ain't exactly a secret how much your mother resents it that she never got to go to a nice school or get a college education. Don't you get it, Jo? Your mom's not doin' any of this for your benefit. She's not doin' it because she's worried about what might happen to you if you couldn't get out of this gang-infested hellhole by goin' away to that school. She's just doin' it for herself. Puttin' you through that fancy school, havin' you livin' out her dreams…it gives her a kind of high in a way, like a drug or somethin'. Your mother is using you, Jo. In a weird, messed-up kinda way, she's a druggie who's gettin' her highs from you goin' off to that school. She ain't bustin' her butt every day because she wants to help give you a good life or because she's concerned about you. She's only doin' it to get high, just like any drug addict."

After pondering Jessie's profound observations for several moments, Jo finally admitted, "You know, Jess, you just may be onto somethin'. You may be right." Jo then laughed a little and shook her head at herself, and she said, "Boy, who'd have thought that you would end up bein' my shrink?"

Jessie dismissed what Jo said with a wave of her hand, and she responded, "Eh, don't worry about it. You've been my shrink tons of times over the years. I'm just returnin' the favor."

Jo smiled and said, "I know I said this already, but I'm proud of ya, Jess. You're not that same angry kid I grew up with that always tried to pick a fight with the whole rest of the world. You've really grown up a lot since I last saw you."

"I still can't stand the rest of the world," Jessie admitted. "I still think that most other people are low, rotten, self-serving creeps."

"Many people are," Jo sadly agreed.

"But that's no excuse for makin' a mess out of my own life, wastin' it in a gang or behind bars. You made me see that."

"I'm glad."

"Hey listen, Jordan's out of town for the next couple of weeks visiting her aunt, so I've got the apartment to myself. You wanna come home with me tonight?"

"Yeah. Hey thanks, Jessie. I really appreciate that. I do not wanna go home tonight. That's for sure."

"Yeah, I don't blame ya. I wouldn't wanna go home either if I was in your shoes."

"Are you sure it'll be alright with Jordan? Because you know if it's not, we could always go to my Aunt Deb's apartment."

"C'mon, Jo. This is Jordan we're talkin' about. Of course she won't care. Not if it's you."

"Yeah, you're probably right. Anyway, after all of tonight's drama with Ma, I could really use a good night's sleep."

"I can tell. No offense, Jo, but you really don't look very good right now."

"I don't feel very good, either. I don't know what's been goin' on with me lately. I just haven't been myself."

"You do look pretty tired. Maybe a good night's sleep will help. Come on," Jessie told her, and then she and Jo got up from their seats and left.