Disclaimer: This is the brand spanking new rewrite of the original episode. I am going through the past four seasons and fleshing them out, refining continuity and correcting errors. So if you have any suggestions and what not let me know!
This takes a while to reach the fan fic status but it does happen! I swear!
After each season I plan to have an interlude chapter explaining the random references and bits of trivia. If you seek clarification on anything, let me know about that as well.
The Love Triangle Pilot Episode!! Once There Was a Chicken
Once there was a chicken. This chicken is named Tatiana. On this fateful day Tatiana happens to be walking down the middle of the road, because unfortunately it would seem that Tatiana is not a very smart chicken and does not seem to realize that she is supposed to cross the road.
Which in itself would not be too alarming, however behind her now approaches Raul the former Pool Boy in his new job: a steamroller driver. Hes too busy rocking out to his tunes to even notice the chicken in front of him.
Tatiana happens to glance behind her and notices the steamroller steaming along towards her and she panics. But being the stupid chicken that she is, she runs backwards and such and therefore the slow moving steamroller is actually gaining on her. To make it worse, she trips over Sergey the Super Large Centipede and falls down.
Warden the Walrus sees what is about to happen and being the heroic and lustful walrus he is, he attempts to gain favor with Tatiana by saving her life and pushing her out of the way. Which he does, really hard. Unfortunately for Warden, who is also rather unintelligent it would seem, he now believes that instead of Tatiana it is now He who is trapped and about to be flattened by the steamroller.
Cue Sergey, who manages to push Warden out of the way, and then ends up being squished flat himself for his trouble.
Due to the violence of their pushings, Tatiana and Warden have each suffered brain damage. Warden suffers from short-term memory loss and Tatiana now thinks she is Franco the Elephant. Warden decides he is no longer desirous of Tatiana if she is a male elephant and he goes off.
Then in a dramatic and utterly bizarre twist of fate, it turns out Sergey was Rauls brother. Perhaps from a Black Market Adoption gone awry. Raul is heartbroken and mourns the death of Sergey. Tatiana, for some unapparent reason, has decided to feel threatened by Raul and is charging the boy like a raging bull elephant, but shes a chicken, so it only annoys Raul and causes Tatiana/Franco further head trauma and now she believes she is Alyson the Whale.
Tatiana/Franco/Alyson decides to go to the Nearby Diner, Aloha Foods. She enters the cheery building and sits down in a booth in the non-smoking section, where she smells a strangely suspicious smoke smell. She looks back towards a dim corner and sees a cloud of smoke. She stands up and walks closer and through the haze of smoke a glint of fire is seen, as well the familiar shape of a bird. At the source she discovers Francoise the Penguin, sitting in a booth wearing an oddly familiar and somewhat ill fitted tiger-print leotard and smoking a joint.
"You cant smoke in here," Tatiana tells Francoise. Francoise puffs a ring in her face and could obviously care less. Francoise opens her purse and takes out something that looks like an OO but probably is something much more sinister and frightening and possibly has to do with S&M. She then proceeds to beat Tatiana with it before throwing it off to the side to distract the chicken. Francoise then covers Tatiana with a curtain.
Francoise looks down and spies a bit of paper on the floor. She has found the love letter that Tatiana had written for Raul. Francoise feels the embers of jealousy burning inside her as she also loves Raul. She quickly scribbles out Tatianas name and writes her own over it. She then gives it to Raul. Unfortunately, Raul is unable to read English and therefore doesn't understand the letter.
Francoise comes to believe that Tatiana sabotaged her intentionally and decides that the Chicken must Die. Realizing that Tatiana believes herself to be Alyson the Whale, Francoise seizes her opportunity.
Tatiana topples over as the curtain is yanked off of her head. "Alyson!" She looks up at Francoise. "You are a Whale! You are supposed to be swimming in the ocean or a body of salt water!" Francoise tells the listening fowl. "If you do not return to the sea, you will die!"
Only, since Tatiana is actually a chicken and not a whale and therefore unable to swim, she will drown!
To Be Continued