I watched the scene in my mind over and over again. Sirius, screaming at Mum, her screaming back, him screaming again, then turning to go back to his room. I started to come out of my hiding spot, then Mum went crazy, pulling out her wand, I can still hear her voice, to this very day, accusing and full of vile hatred,

"Get back here you filthy blood-traitor, come back and fight like a man, you call yourself a lion, but I call you a mouse, come back here and fight"

But he just looked back at her "I will not fight you mother, just let me leave"

"Stupid boy" she cackled "If you will not fight then I will have to punish you, Cruico"

I silently screamed 'no' as the torture curse hit my brother and he fell from the stairs, hitting his head on the bottom step, and then landed on the floor, writhing in helpless pain

I looked at my brother, seeing the pain in his grey eyes, so like mine, but his, still flashing bravely, but slightly uncertainly through the pain,

I looked him in the eye his locking with mine, he grimaced and mouthed, "Help me"

I told my body to move, ordered it, scolded it. But it stayed put. I slapped my face, pinched myself, I wasn't frozen. But when I tried to take a step towards my brother I froze, my feet refusing to move. 'Save Sirius' I ordered my body, my heart thumping hard in my rib cage. I was frozen, too afraid of my mother to stop her insanity.

And at that monument my heart sank, I was a slimy slippery git of a Slytherin, I slunk around ashamed on my stomach. I wasn't first born, I wasn't cool or popular, I was little Regulus Black, always following my betters. I wasn't bold like Sirius, or smart like his Lupin friend, or popular like that Potter kid, or even nice like Pettigrew (or nice like they thought he was). I was just annoying little Regulus, the only reason I was liked at all was because could chase a little worthless piece of gold and catch it before the other kid. And I couldn't always do that either. When I couldn't no one liked me. Not even myself, especially not myself. Not just because of the sport. I was just an unhappy kid who no one really liked.

I wasn't like my brother, I couldn't just be happy go lucky and not care what people thought, I couldn't be a player with a new girlfriend each week. I wasn't brave and I just couldn't ever be.

I looked at my brother again. He was almost fainting from the pain, blood was dripping from his nose and from several other gashes on his face and from other places as well, his whole left side was bathed in blood and his right leg stuck out at an odd angle.

"Reg" he groaned

But I couldn't help him. The sight of him, looking like that, all hurt, and my mother standing over him, a twisted happiness on her face made me sick, I turned my head and emptied my queasy stomach.

"Look Regulus, look at your blood traitor of a brother" my mother forced my face to look at his, the hurt and fear shinning both ways in our matching grey eyes, "do you want to end up like that?" she asked me, her snappy black eyes shinning a soft smooth oily color that burned through me.

"N-n-no" I stuttered

"Then be a good boy" she said throwing back her head in an evil cackle "Or, well, Crucio"

I turned away and ran upstairs, my stomach begging me to stop and heave again, I ran all the way to my room and opened up the window, letting the hot summer air then climbed on the roof and lost myself in the sunset. But I wasn't lost. I knew what my mother had done. I saw the way she tortured my brother, her own flesh and blood. Who cared what he thought about muggle misfits. I never called them mud-bloods, but to me they weren't quiet just ordinary wizards either. I pulled my robes around myself tighter and sighed looking out at the horizon. Letting down my guard for the first time in a long time, and just letting myself cry. When I went back into my room I hesitated then walked down the hall to Sirius' room.

Knock, knock

"Go away" came a muffled voice

"it's me" I said softly

There was a pause "Come in"

I opened the door and walked across the room to where Sirius was sitting on his bed. I stopped and sat down, looking anywhere but at him. I nervously played with the hem of my robes. I stood up, then sat down again and rubbed at a nonexistent speck of dirt on my too small shoes.

"For crying out loud Reg, if you have anything to say, say it!" cried Sirius exasperatedly, taking a piece of ice away from his left eye

I took a deep breath, going over what I was going to say in my mind "Well Sirius" I paused.

Then completely chickened out "Nope I got nothing, bye see yah"

The next morning he was gone

When I think of all the times I wanted to owl an S.O.S. to Sirius asking him to get me out but didn't, I feel completely stupid. Then I feel my arm burn and I almost cry. Because I can't go back. It's too late, it's too late.