Another Day, Another Intern
A new intern comes and goes. May offend those that are religious. Alright, it will probably offend those that are religious. You've been warned.
Disclaimer: I don't own the TV Show Bones or its characters. I do however, claim Zoey as mine.
"Dr. Brennan, this is your new intern, Zoey McEvans." Cam introduced, motioning to the small girl at her side. Dr. Brennan glanced at her briefly, taking in a short, slender twenty something young woman, with blonde hair with purple and blue streaks, a dusting of freckles on a plain pale face, and curious blue green eyes. She nodded shortly at the new intern and motioned her forward.
"The remains were found a few hours ago in the warehouse district. Tell me what you can about them."
Zoey flashed a smile and moved towards the table, pulling on a pair of latex gloves. "Male. Youngish. Early to mid twenties." She cocked her head and squinted lightly. "Bone structure indicates he's Caucasian and was probably a heart breaker." Brennan frowned and opened her mouth to comment on that last bit, when Zoey corrected herself. "Sorry, Dr. Brennan, his features are atheistically pleasing."
"Anything else?" Booth asked agitatedly, from where he was pacing, watching Hodgins pick gravel from the body's shoes.
"There's something…" Zoey trailed off, digging slightly into the chest cavity. Booth made a face as she pulled a chunk of metal out, which was revealed to be a cross on a chain. "Ah, the poor guy was superstitious." She squinted at the back of the cross. "There's writing on the back." She added, handing it to Dr. Brennan.
"I think you mean religious." Booth snapped. "What's it say?"
Brennan cleaned it off and shook her head, passing it to Angela, who had just strolled up. "It's scratched up. Can you do anything with it, Ange?"
"I can try." The brunette said. "By the way, welcome to the team, Zoey."
"Thanks." Zoey responded cheerfully, before giving Booth her attention. "I'm sorry if I offended you, agent, but I did mean superstitious."
"How's believing in God make somebody superstitious? Superstitious is believing in curses and bad luck." Booth frowned at her, waving a hand to emphasis his point.
Zoey arched an eyebrow at him. "Superstition: a belief or notion, not based on reason or knowledge, in or of the ominous significance of a particular thing, circumstance, occurrence, proceeding, or the like." She quoted. "Belief in God isn't based in reason or knowledge, therefore it is a superstition."
"Ooh." Hodgins grinned. "Girl's got you there." He gleefully told the speechless FBI agent.
"She's right." Brennan added frankly.
"Hey, I put up with you squints talking blasphemy. I'm not putting up with baby squints doing it too." Booth snapped.
"Oh." Zoey said mournfully. "You're religious, aren't you?"
"Yeah, I am. I am a proud member of the Catholic church. I'm the only one here who's going to heaven because I believe in something that can't be dissected and analyzed under a microscope!" Booth practically shouted.
"Booth, calm down." Cam and Brennan said simultaneously, as Zoey stripped off her gloves and settled her hands firmly on her hips. Hodgins and Angela gleefully looked on as the FBI agent stalked over to the intern.
"Since I don't believe in heaven, why would it bother me that I'm not going there?" the blonde asked.
"You're going wish you had believed in it when your soul goes to hell!" Booth growled.
"So I'm going to hell for something as little as not believing there's a omnipresent puppet master pulling my strings but the guy that murdered that poor cutie," Zoey jerked a thumb over her shoulder to point to the remains. "probably has a seat reserved in heaven 'cause he believes in said omnipresent puppet master and his zombie son?"
"Zombie?" Booth sputtered.
"Christianity: the belief that a cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree!" Zoey retorted.
"That—you..." Booth sputtered incoherently, seriously considering going for his gun.
"Ouch." Hodgins said with feeling, fighting laughter.
"I'm not working with you!" Booth managed to shout, pointing at the intern, before spinning around to face the rest of the team. "I'm not working with her! Bones, Cam, she goes or I go!" He stalked away muttering angrily.
Zoey watched him then looked back at Cam and Dr. Brennan. She shrugged. "Sorry."
"I'll go talk to him." Dr. Brennan sighed.
"It's alright, Dr. Brennan." Zoey assured her. "Don't bother. I'll go. I don't want to cause trouble for you." She waved and left, depositing her gloves in a trash can on her way out. The team watched her go as Hodgins finally managed to control his laughter.
"I'll go call in another intern." Cam sighed, walking off.
"I'll go work on this." Angela said holding up the cross that had started the row, before going to her office.
"I'll just—go." Hodgins snickered, taking his samples to his work area.
Brennan just sighed in exasperation. At this rate they were never going to find a replacement for Zack. She had better go tell Booth he wouldn't have to work with Zoey while she waited for the new intern to show up.
A/N: This has been bugging me to be written since I read the atheist's definition for Christianity. So here it is! Hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed imagining it. Tehe. Later.