Disclaimer: I still don't own any part of Warehouse 13 and honestly, I really don't want to. It's much more fun to play with the toys and put them back to play with later.
A/N: Thanks to all comments and reviews. Always appreciated and considered. Keep crying, keep laughing. Without one, you can't have the other.
Leena's was dark. She looked at the clock in the car as she turned it off and understood why. It was two o'clock in the morning. Quietly shutting the door behind her, she attempted to tiptoe up the stairs, skipping the one or two steps that cried when you stepped on them. She had done this far too many times in order to know these stairs by heart. Standing before the bedroom door she quickly discovered it locked. "Damn it! Now what?" she muttered under her breath. She stood looking up and down the hallway, thinking. Steve was away and she certainly was not going to disturb Pete. He'd never stop teasing her about this one. That left Claudia. She turned to stare at the door across the hall. No lights. Well, what do you expect Helena? It is two o'clock in the morning. Better hope she is in a better mood than Myka apparently is, she thought to herself.
Crossing the hall, she tapped on the door. "Claudia?" she begged. Receiving no answer, she knocked a little harder and cracked the door open, again calling to the young woman in a stage whisper. "Claudia."
Sitting straight up in bed in surprise and confusion there was a voice in the dark, "What, what, hey, who's there? What's going on?" Claudia exclaimed incoherently.
"It's just me, darling."
"HG? Shit, are you trying to kill me? What's going on? Why are you in here? Are you okay? Is Myka okay?" Claudia rambled trying to clear her head.
"Yes, darling, everything is fine. Well, almost fine. It seems I am in a bit of a predicament at the moment. The door to my bedroom appears to be locked. I was wondering if I might sleep here tonight."
"Wait. Let me get this straight. It's, uh," Claudia looked at her clock, "two o'clock in the morning. You woke me up to tell me you pissed off your girlfriend enough that she locked you out of the bedroom and you think I'm going to cross said girlfriend and give you refuge. Is that right?"
"That is indeed the situation at hand, yes," HG meekly answered.
"Geez, what did you do now, HG? No, don't answer that. I don't want to know. It's none of my business. You are trying to kill me. No way are you staying here." Claudia got out of bed. "This is so not cool, HG." She grabbed HG by her sleeve dragging her across the hall to the other bedroom. "Myka, wake up!" she yelled, banging on the door.
Myka rushed to the door in a panic throwing it open. "Are you okay, Claudia? What's wrong?"
"Oh, I'm just dandy, thanks for asking. It's two o'clock in the morning, as in a.m., and I just got a frakking wake up call. You forgot something." She grabbed HG's shoulder, forcefully shoved her into the bedroom, turned on her heel and shouted over her shoulder before slamming her door shut. "Good night!"
The two women stared at each other for a long time. Helena eventually broke the stalemate, innocently asking, "Why does everyone always assume it is my fault?"
"History repeats itself! Here's a blanket and a pillow. You know where the chair is or the floor if you prefer."
"You can't be serious?" Helena asked in disbelief.
"Very. Your other option is the hall, but since you felt it necessary to wake up Claudia, who, by the way, you are going to be kissing some major booty for, I recommend one of the previously mentioned options. Or, you could always try Pete. I'm sure he'd love that." Myka got into bed and yanked the covers up to her chin, turning her back to her confused girlfriend.
"Pete? Don't be ridiculous. Major booty? What does that even mean?"
"Oh, have no fear. You'll find out soon enough, I'm sure. You have your choices, Helena. Now make one already. I'm going to sleep."
"Can't we discuss this, Myka?" she pleaded.
"Really, Helena? You want to have a discussion? That's what got us here in the first place. We'll talk about it tomorrow. Now, leave me alone."
Appalled over the situation, Helena finally wrapped herself in the blanket and lay down on the cold, hard floor. Chairs were for reading.
"Can't we just build them a guest house or something?" Claudia complained going on her third cup of coffee. "Seriously, two a.m.! You really didn't hear it, Pete?"
"Nope. Slept like a baby." He started on his second stack of pancakes.
"Oh, come on, Pete. The whole building shook when I slammed my door." Claudia continued, "You should have heard their stupid argument after dinner. I finally left to do my work at the warehouse. I know how hard HG can slam that front door and I knew it was inevitable. I don't want to get blamed for it when it breaks. I'm all for domestic bliss and all, and I'm really happy for them, but between all the bliss is the arguing and the other sounds I'd really rather not know about." She poured herself another cup of coffee.
"Where are they anyway?" Pete asked.
"I think Myka went for a run, and HG left for the warehouse way early. I'm guessing the floor wasn't very comfortable. I never did get back to sleep," she grumbled. "I don't care if she can kill me with her pinky. She is so going to be kissing my behind."
Artie rushed in to the dining room in his usual disheveled manner. "Okay children, we've got a...where are Myka and HG?"
Claudia was quick to respond, "World War Three, oh great leader. 'Domestic issues'. You didn't think I spent an evening of my precious youth with you for the fun of it, did you? The lovebirds need a time out. Please send one of them and not the other," she pleaded. "Or better yet, send them both…no, really, really bad idea."
"Just how many cups of coffee have you had?" Artie asked, noticing the slight tremor in Claudia's hands.
"Two a.m., Artie! HG woke me up at two a.m.! I never got back to sleep. How many cups do you think I've had?" The more Claudia grumbled the angrier she got.
"Point taken. No more coffee. We discussed this," Artie simply responded, looking around at the empty room."Okay. Pete, you find Myka. You are on your way to Saratoga Springs, NY. It's famous for its natural springs and expensive horses. There have been multiple reports of big winnings at the race track. Here's the file. Your flight leaves in two hours. Have a nice flight. Oh, and watch where you step!"
"Whose flight leaves in two hours?" Myka said leaning against the door frame, damp from her run.
"Yours!" Claudia barked. "Maybe we'll all finally get some sleep around here. I'm off to the warehouse. Someone has some serious ass kissing ahead of her. I so can't wait until Steve is back." She pushed back her chair and stomped out of the room.
"What's up with Claud?" Myka asked, grabbing a banana.
"Oh, something about WWWF fights and a two a.m. wake up call she may have mentioned." Pete looked at his partner with a look that translated into "Duh," and got up from the table to gather his stuff. "I hear things like that have a way of making people kind of cranky."
"Oh, that." Myka stared at the floor, turning red remembering the embarrassing events from the night before. "I'll go get ready and meet you down here in fifteen minutes, Pete. And for the record there was no wrestling involved," she shouted at his retreating back. "Is that the file?" she asked Artie.
"Yes," Artie said. "Anything you want to add? Like what the Hell is going on and why Claudia is so wound up she is now under the influence of caffeine? Do you have any idea what it is going to be like working with her today?"
Myka just opened and closed her mouth like a fish, not really knowing what to say.
"Where is that scary other half of yours anyway? She missed the meeting, too."
"I'm not really sure. She was gone when I got up. My first guess would be the warehouse."
"I was never very happy about this relationship thing when it started between the two of you. It creates complications. However, I'm told it's not my life and you're happy. But, when it disrupts what little balance there is with this ragtag group of lunatics I have to work with...Just fix it." With those final words Artie got up and headed over to the warehouse.
Myka looked at her phone one last time before boarding the plane. There were no messages or texts from Helena. She wasn't able to find her before she left, resorting to leaving both a message and a text letting her know she was off to NY for an artifact and would contact her later tonight. Helena was ignoring her. Pete looked at his partner as they took their seats. He knew her too well. "Still no word, yet?"
"What?" she responded vaguely, staring at her phone.
"Your stud muffin hasn't responded, yet." He pointed to the phone in her hand. When she stared at him perplexed he continued, "Oh, come on Mykes. You've checked your phone like every ten minutes since we left home. Want to talk about it?"
"First of all, 'stud muffin' is kind of offensive and if she ever hears you say that in reference to her you'll probably find yourself pinned down under her knee. Second, no, I haven't heard from her. She's just being obstinate."
"Okay, in response to that - First, she probably doesn't know what 'stud muffin' means," he chuckled, "so I think I'm safe on that account." Myka glared at him. He cleared his throat continuing, "I'll keep that knee thing in mind. Second, what exactly happened? Oh, and speaking of obstinate, you're the one who locked her out of the bedroom. Maybe Claudia is right," he finished quietly with a sigh, staring out the window, resigning himself that this was going nowhere for now.
"She really pissed me off and then she just took off in the car. And what is Claudia right about?" Myka was getting agitated with this conversation and where it was leading.
"Oh, nothing. I'm just saying that maybe locking your girlfriend out of the bedroom was probably not one of your better ideas."
"Pete, what did Claudia say?" Myka demanded, ignoring his comment. He was actually right and she didn't want to admit it to him.
Myka was giving him that scary look he really hated. It was great in the field, but not so great when directed at him. Hating himself for slipping up and knowing he wasn't going to get out of this one, he collapsed into the back of the chair, almost knocking off the beverage of the passenger behind him.
"She just, sort of, mentioned that a more private living arrangement should, maybe, be provided for you two. It's not like you're just playing house. You guys are the real deal. Right?"
"What? Why? Like we need to move out? What are you saying, Pete?" Her voice was raising now. The passenger that almost lost his drink hushed them from behind.
"Well, sometimes it gets a little awkward for the rest of us, you know? How would you feel if, hypothetically, Steve and I were like this amazing couple, that also kind of majorly fought and other stuff under your feet all the time, and you were single and living with that every day? Not that you shouldn't do that...stuff..."
Myka snorted. "For once I'm being serious, Myka. There's all of this great stuff between you that balances you two out, but then there's all the other stuff that goes with it. If you two aren't all mushy one minute you're at each other's throats the next and then there's the make up sex….and the not make up sex…" Myka was turning red now. "I'm not busting on you, Mykes. We're all really happy for you both, well, maybe not Artie so much, but sometimes it's a little uncomfortable. It's just not really normal to live like that, not that we're anything close to being normal. You guys should totally have the privacy to do what couples do...Cuddle, argue, and make up, and other things I don't really want to mention that can get kind of loud…a lot. No one wants you to move out. I'm not actually sure if you can, come to think about it. You're both a part of this weird family of ours. We can all eat together and stuff like normal, and we can even still keep a room for you since you know how to lock doors and all. Maybe we just need some sort of guest cottage out back for the two of you. I'd think you'd want to be a normal couple, or at least as close to one as you can get in this business with a 140 something girlfriend. I would if it was Steve and me…you know what I mean, the hypothetical thing. It's kind of the next step, you know? You both deserve it." He looked at her with brotherly love, praying he didn't just completely stick his whole foot in his mouth.
Myka just stared at him and didn't say anything. She didn't really know what to say. They had never thought about it before, just accepting things as they were.
"So, want to tell me what the knock down fight was about that led to Claudia being woken up at two in the morning? Which, by the way, she is not going to forget anytime soon. I think HG has a lot of extra inventory coming her way. God knows what else Claudia will think of. She was some pissed off this morning."
"It was stupid," Myka mumbled.
"Isn't it usually?" Pete laughed.
"Sometimes." Myka laughed back. Pete raised his eyebrows at her. "Okay, probably most of the time. I don't know. She wore one of my favorite shirts and then got grease on it working on one of her little projects. It's just a shirt. Now, that I think about it, it's kind of cute on her now and she stood there with grease on her face…"
"Okay, don't need to hear the details," Pete interrupted.
"Like I said, it was stupid. It was just a long day of mishaps and the shirt just pushed me over. She didn't seem to understand why I was so upset and then she got mad at me and drove away. It was the running away that really pissed me off and why I locked her out. She was gone for hours. Poor Claudia. She has every right for being upset with us. I guess you're right. It's hard to remember there are other people who live there too when we have a whole other world we live in as a couple."
"Ah-ha. That is my point, exactly." Pete smiled. "So, what does the file say?"
Myka gave up trying to connect with Helena. Helena didn't answer the first night or the next morning. She was beyond obstinate at this point and Myka was getting angry again. She left numerous messages, but to no avail. Pete and she were on day three and were both sick of stepping in or around horse poop in the hot, humid August weather of Upstate, NY. Helena was still ignoring her. Myka, not wanting to involve Claudia again, gave in and finally texted the poor girl to make sure Helena was okay. Claudia said she'd been quiet, but busy learning the definition of 'kissing some major booty'.
The artifact was finally located the next day; a small plastic horse statue stashed in one of the fountains in Congress Park. They would be home after a long day of layovers and connecting flights that night. Pete hadn't brought up the women's argument since the first flight four days earlier. In the middle of the last flight home, he brought up the subject again.
"So, have you guys patched things up?"
"She's not talking. I haven't heard from her at all," Myka flatly informed him.
"Oh." Pete was dismayed at this information. The longer they went on not talking, the worse the resolution became. "Okay. So, what are you going to do about it?"
Deep in thought, Myka shrugged. "We just need to talk it out. It's all a matter of whether Helena is ready to listen. I'm over it. Like I said, it's just a shirt."
"But..." Pete encouraged, not really looking forward to going home to more drama. He was tired and just wanted to watch a movie and fall asleep.
"She needs to learn that she can't just run away from an argument all the time. It's okay to call a time out, but she can't just get up and leave."
"Then that's what you need to do. Just do us a favor and leave us out of it. I've seen enough crap after the past four days. I swear I smell like a horse."
Myka laughed. It really had been a lot of crap. "You always smell. What's so different now?"
When they landed Pete tossed the keys to Myka. "Want to drive home, Mykes? I'm kind of tired."
They got in the car and Pete immediately texted Claudia about the plan they hatched over the past few days.
-Home…how's the little walking volcano?
- Slow simmer. Curly?
- Anxious. No contact from volcano
-Duh. Operation lock up?
-Yeah, baby
When Pete and Myka were almost at Leena's Pete spoke up, "Hey, let's get this to the warehouse first before dinner. Then we can just chill."
"Sure. Sounds like a good plan. I'll do anything to put off confronting Helena."
They arrived at the warehouse. Pete smiled. She had no idea what she was getting into. For once it was Myka that was clueless and not him.
"Come on, Myka. Claudia told me we have a new storage unit and we should put it in there."
"Do I have to, Pete?" she whined.
"She said it's really cool. Besides, she's been working hard on it all week and seemed really excited about it."
"Fine." They negotiated their way through the maze of aisles until they came to what did look exactly like a commercial storage container, with Claudia standing very proudly in front of the door with a big smile on her face.
"Hey guys, welcome back! Wait until you see this baby, Myka. It's totally rad."
"Got the bag, Mykes?" Myka held it up for Pete to see that she did indeed have it. "Great, after you then."
Claudia opened the door and Pete gave Myka a slight push through the door before Claudia slammed it shut and locked it behind her.
"Hey, what the Hell? Claudia!" she yelled as she turned around to bang on the door.
"I am afraid, darling, we have been 'hoodwinked'." Myka heard Helena speak from behind her.
Over their heads they heard Claudia's voice from a speaker. "Okay you two, this is the deal. Do whatever you have to do to get over this spat of yours. HG and I have worked very hard on creating this. She just didn't know what it was for. Gotcha, HG. It is completely sound proof. No dinner and no pee breaks. Knowing you two I hope you have big bladders, 'cause I think you're going to be in there for a while. In case you're wondering, HG, you are still not done as my personal servant. You still have my laundry to do and my room to clean, as well as my inventory list from today. Artie has the contract you signed. When everything is sorted out, just push the button on the left of the door and Steve will come get you. He'll know if you've resolved you're domestic issues. Have fun."
"Great idea, Claudia." Pete patted her on the back as they left. "How'd you get HG in there anyway?"
"I told her we just got those new gadgets in she wanted for her latest project and I left them in there. Like sending Pooh Bear to the honey pot." She doubled over in laughter.
"You are a genius, Claud."
"I have my moments."
"What about part 'B' of our plan?"
"Oh, Mrs. Frederic was totally on our side, especially after Artie pleaded the whole 'affecting the other agents' efficiency' argument. Excavators are already gone and construction starts tomorrow."
Inside the container…
The two women glared at each other.
Myka was the first to break. "Well, do you have anything to say? It's been four days now."
"Yes, I do. You smell like a horse."