Regeneration
By the Black Goddess
Disclaimer I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or any of the attendant organisations. This is not real; I make no money from it and I apologise for the copyright infringement.
Spoilers for 'The Gift' and 'Once more, with feeling' Buffy's POV, just thinking about her experiences.
I remember all of it. The darkness, the smell, the fear. I remember clawing my way through six feet of wood and worms to emerge into a frightening world of pain and fire. And I remember seeing them and remembering what they'd done to me. When I could understand it, when it began to crystallise in a mind that had experienced things that humans weren't meant to understand... There are not words to express how much I hated her. She did this to me, put me back into this hostile world just for her. And I feel awful for feeling like this because I know she genuinely thought that she was helping me but I HATED HER. Sometimes I was so close to saying 'You have no idea what you've done to me' or 'You brought me back as much for yourself as for me so stop expecting me to be grateful'. She never thought that after five years of sacrificing myself over and over that I would go to heaven. But I didn't say it. Over and over again I stopped myself from saying anything that might let her guess that I hadn't been in hell. I worked so hard to keep them all safe and happy, secure in the knowledge that they had brought me back safely. And it was all for nothing.
I hated Spike for stepping in, stopping my dance. The only genuine feelings I'd experienced in months, the only chance of going back to heaven with some semblance of honour and he stopped me. Just for a minute there, I didn't know whether I was going to stake him or throw myself into his arms. He makes me feel, all right. He makes me feel sordid and dirty and somehow, mixed in with that, allowed to be angry. I try not to think about that stuff any more.
The End
Please review and tell me what you think - unrealistic, fake, moving? Say what you like but please say something as reviews make my world go round!
Disclaimer I do not own Buffy the Vampire Slayer or any of the attendant organisations. This is not real; I make no money from it and I apologise for the copyright infringement.
Spoilers for 'The Gift' and 'Once more, with feeling' Buffy's POV, just thinking about her experiences.
I remember all of it. The darkness, the smell, the fear. I remember clawing my way through six feet of wood and worms to emerge into a frightening world of pain and fire. And I remember seeing them and remembering what they'd done to me. When I could understand it, when it began to crystallise in a mind that had experienced things that humans weren't meant to understand... There are not words to express how much I hated her. She did this to me, put me back into this hostile world just for her. And I feel awful for feeling like this because I know she genuinely thought that she was helping me but I HATED HER. Sometimes I was so close to saying 'You have no idea what you've done to me' or 'You brought me back as much for yourself as for me so stop expecting me to be grateful'. She never thought that after five years of sacrificing myself over and over that I would go to heaven. But I didn't say it. Over and over again I stopped myself from saying anything that might let her guess that I hadn't been in hell. I worked so hard to keep them all safe and happy, secure in the knowledge that they had brought me back safely. And it was all for nothing.
I hated Spike for stepping in, stopping my dance. The only genuine feelings I'd experienced in months, the only chance of going back to heaven with some semblance of honour and he stopped me. Just for a minute there, I didn't know whether I was going to stake him or throw myself into his arms. He makes me feel, all right. He makes me feel sordid and dirty and somehow, mixed in with that, allowed to be angry. I try not to think about that stuff any more.
The End
Please review and tell me what you think - unrealistic, fake, moving? Say what you like but please say something as reviews make my world go round!