MelloxMatt Lifes Purpose and Paths

by sinnetregit

well.. this is basically going to be stories about them that i write from time to time.. just give it a shot and maybe you'll get hooked or maybe this isnt your thing but i think they are true love so expect melloxmatt love

1. What Are We Living For?

I was just.. living.. no purpose.. everything was just like broken glass over the floor. No where to go.. but up or down.

It kept me thinking of death. Not something someone my age should be thinking about but I had once read in a book that depression actually reaches children first at the age of 9 to about age 15. That is just natural depression, even if nothing is wrong with your life, but hah, even if everyone can find something wrong with their lives... not many can compare it to ours. Even if we are fortunate to have found a place to stay.. given a goal.. I still cant help but notice.. I'll never get anywhere else if I don't step on the glass.. It will hurt but I cant stop.. I wont.. I wont cry.. I cant.. Distractions.. There will be none.. God.. why have you put my life in this direction? Blessed Mother Mary.. I will do this job you and your son have given me to its fullest.. Please make sure I do not fail your task. That void in me is now filled with determination and I will not be stopped.. I will try until I die.. If I am unable to fulfill this duty.. I can not bare to continue this grief and pain.. I'll fade away.. for there is nothing else to live for.

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I'm stuck.. I cry behind these tinted shades.. No one is going to see me weak.. I know there has to be something else to be done but I just don't want to deal with this shit thats happened to me.. I'll think about it later.. I need some distractions.. Before they take me away... I must get some video games... Maybe steal some of my fathers smokes.. he told me the menthol helped him relax.. I'm shaking all the time.. I'm not going to be phased.. This numb feeling I'm getting is euphoric compared to the past enigmatic senses I've endured recently.. Hopefully where I'm going.. I can just ride life out til I'm done.. There's nothing else to do.. Just have to keep my mind off of things until time has healed all.. I have no clue what I'd be up to then but.. I gotta keep going.. I have to..

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