Haven't written an ages..HOWEVER -
Life is a blur and you try and catch the moments that you can. Even while it all seems to crumble, even when you've cried yourselves to no tears, and all that's left is a bitter metallic taste of what once was.
Clary, My dear, my Clary...
I have worn out her name in my own thought, I had chased her away, only to feel myself wanting to get closer and closer to what could never be my own. Cruel irony, I never yet expiernced such a fate until I glanced upon that tumble weed of fire hair and eyes greener and more alluring then any emerald.
"I thought I heard the door open, oh, i thought I heard the door open but I only heard it close..."
Slumped against the wall...I didn't know what alley I was going to pass out in...I had went up with the bottle...Never even knowing I had this fedish for red wine all the while, trying to escape the ghosts in these walls that crawl brutally through my ears and rest snuggly in the deepest crevices of my cerebrum.
This was it, I was a drunken bastard, wild eyed in the middle of an alley, I had fallen down, i didn't intend on getting back up...
"I think I saw you in my sleep, lover, I think i saw you in my dreams you were stictching up the sems on every mangled promise that your body couldn't keep"
I realized now that it had started to rain, I felt my mouth curl up into a smile, perhaps I could cleanse myself of this sin and be just what Clary wanted and needed me to be...
A brother.
I shivered. A brother. A brother. A brother. The thought itself tasted rather ugly in my mouth. Siblings were not meant to feel this way, not with this kind of love. And Oh, how I loved desperatley, always, in the wrong way.
I could only hope that she was now sleeping, sleeping off the pain... The pain I had just intentionally caused, to my own bitter destruction.
Was that really all you could do at the end of the day? Paint sad tradgic faces curling up the alley walls, tucking yourself within an inward ball hoping that somewhere surley far away a green eyed girl is hearing these declarations of love in her dreams.
She had to know how he felt, but he knew she didn't, he could remember her voice squeak when she asked him if she hated her as much as she thought.
he had saved her, she had saved HIM in every way a person can be saved, he had once held her in his arms and ignored the burning sensation to kiss her roughly...and instead placed soft butterfly kisses on her forehead...temple...feeling those small hands within his own.
Why could they not always be like that? Expect for once in a blue Moon?
He gulped - Once in a lifetime is more like it.
And after he had kissed her feverishly that day in Idris, he had again too fucked it up by using his inner demons as a reason for his burning desires.
...However, she was angel, a beautiful angel, and she had kissed me back...
And as Jace Wayland...slowly lost consciousness, slumped against a wooden fence in a flowery indentation of the rocky pathway, he dreamed of an ocean... With a setting sun and a beautiful kind companion sitting silently on the sea shore beside him...
Even in his dreams he regongnized those small hands.
"Stay with me" She murmured..
Oh how he wanted too, but his brain told him to run from this girl who would surley be the end of him, but his heart cried out for her...And his heart would always win when it came to Clary.
But as he opened his mouth to tell her these words that he had held so long inside him...He saw her sinking within the ocean waves, the brutal massive, ever powering waves, he tried despertley but with no avail to over power them and bring her back to him, but she sank deeper and deeper and the waves got stronger and stronger
Falling to his knees, forever to wait for his darling,
He awoke.
With a small, tender hand in his...
"Jace!" And I'd know that voice in any dimension of time. The voice of home, the voice of my Clary.
"Clary" I asked in utter bewildement " How did you find me?"
"Magnus helped...Izzy was worried when she saw how you left from the institute..So was I" She blushed slightly then frowned " You smell like pure alchohol"
Clary's point of view.
The alley Magnus lead me too was beautiful, flowers bloomed all along the wooden fences and the narrow rocky path reminded me of a garden my mother use to take me to, to play in as a child.
It seemed virtually deserted, besides for the two pair of legs protruding from a small indentation in on the walls. I almost ran to him, only wanting to envelope him fully in my arms.
"Clary, ...You should just stay away from here. Your not good for me, ...We're not good for each other. We'll only ruin what little we have left"
His words from the night before echoed in her head like a large knife jabbing through her heart. But right now that was besides the point.
All that mattered was this beautiful boy infront of her.
Absent mindedly, I reached for his hand and watched his eyes break open slowly wondering what he would have been dreaming about and if it had anything to do with me.
Silly.
"Jace!" I whispered.
And he smiled, he smiled in a way that made me fall deeper and deeper in love with him. Those smiles I knew were only reserved for me.