Reno looked dubious as he blearily carried the brown blanket he kept in his car for emergencies (as Tifa had stated they were going to need it) while walking into a church all places as he followed Tifa's perky butt cheeks into it. Unfortunately that wasn't all that was perky about her as she warbled excitedly about Aerith's supposed return and was obviously well rested.
Reno figured he must have been staring at her tits in the past and never noticed now girlishly shrill her voice actually was as it grated on his hangover brain with the dulcet tone of a commercial grinder working over pavement.
He still had no idea what she wanted. She had shown up at his place chattering like a magpie and demanding his help while he was barely awake after being at Tseng's bachelor party. The fussy old stick had refused to dance with the stripper or partake of strong shots, so Reno had done both on his behalf and was now paying the price, that and the stripper had stolen his wallet. So he had gotten into his uniform (the items of clothing closest to his bed) and did his hair into half assed spikes and came with her. He was too hung over to put up any argument with the excitable female.
"This is it!" she squealed and this made him wince but watched her bobbing breasts as she gyrated in place with excitement. "It's just as she showed me in the dream. It is this stone you have to press to gain access to the secret chamber within" she said and she pressed it and it slid open. "It worked" she cried out even louder.
"How is this us going for coffee?" Reno demanded.
"This is much better; we shall resurrect our dear, departed friend. You shall be a god for today!" Tifa said cupping his cheeks with her hands.
"I'm a god every day. There had better be some java in there" he complained pointing into the surprisingly dust free chamber that was lit with light coming through a stain glassed window. It certainly looked like a place of worship, though the walls were made of plain stone and there was no furniture to speak of, there seemed to be an altar of sorts in a corner.
"There is something far better" Tifa said she stepped inside and shut it firmly behind them; Reno winced at the sound it made as it slammed shut.
"What did you go and do that for? We could be trapped in here" he complained.
"We need privacy to enact the ritual. Set the blanket down on the floor, we won't be needing it for a while" Tifa said as she ignored him as if he hadn't been speaking at all.
"Tifa what's all this?" he said throwing up his hands in exasperation.
"We are here to resurrect a person who was never meant to die" she cryptically said.
"Yeah, I get that. Well, you can do that on your own. Here are my car keys; I'm ubering out of here. Be a dear and pick me up at the IHOP next to the Shin-Mart in an hour. Aerith's welcome to join us if she crawls out of her grave" he said, flipping them to her.
"No you must stay; you are part of the ritual. You are the living embodiment of the God of Death who took her and her enemy in life as I am the embodiment of The Goddess and hope" Tifa said going to block his way.
"I didn't kill her! I was never her enemy nor yours; I was just following orders as that was my job. As far as me being an enemy; you were sure singing a different tune when you needed that nasty old couch taken to the dump last week" he lashed back at her.
"It's a simple ritual and won't hurt you. Please, I really need your help" she pleaded.
"Okay fine, what do I have to do?" he asked her.
"We need to get married" Tifa said and he flinched back from her as a vampire would a cross wrapped in garlic.
"Oh no, I'm not offering myself up for that. Not for any woman. Just because I have: movie star good looks, a charming personality and a nice house and a great job where I make a really good salary, means I'm on the marriage market. Why I could easily support a family of….." he protested and trailed off when he realized what he was saying.
"You have a nice place, but the wallpaper in your living room should be scrapped off and the whole room repainted. Mind you the tower windows would be a great place to put our Christmas tree, right beside the fireplace of course. How many children could you support?" she asked him until it was like she was coming out of a trance and she realized what she was saying.
"Any other changes you would like to make to my house? It seems you've been thinking about this for a while" he suggested sardonically, raising his eyebrow at her.
"I don't mean a real marriage. I meant a spiritual one that isn't legally binding" she said, turning so she could hide her blush.
"In any way?" he asked her suspiciously.
"Not in the least" she promised him.
"Okay, what do I gotta do?" he asked her.
"Well first of all you need to take your clothes off…." She said and then blushed when he stood proudly naked before her as bare as the day he was born.
"How did you do that? I didn't even see you move" Tifa said with glowing cheeks, trying to keep her eyes on his face.
"I have it down to a science. I assume you have to get naked too" he said leering at her and this made her blush even darker. His hangover had somewhat abated and he was starting to enjoy himself. He figured that Tifa had finally lost it after years of living with Cloud and was determined to see how far she would take her little game. After all, even Tseng sarcastically called Cloud Mr. Personality, being constantly around that much negativity on daily basis was bound to make someone go around the bend.
"Turn around" she requested of him as blushes still stained her cheeks.
"But I'm going to see you naked anyway" he said with a smirk.
"Just do it" she requested and he did, smiling at the rustle of clothes being removed and turned back around.
Tifa was majestic in her nudity, her body was firm everywhere and her wondrous and much discussed breasts defied gravity and proved to be real and not enhanced in any way that he could spot. His mind leapt back in time to infancy and he said "Mommy" before returning to adulthood.
"What?" she asked him as she forced herself not to cover herself in shame as she stood naked before a man for the second time in her life, who was neither her lover nor her husband. Heck, he was barely even a friend! She had to do this for Aerith she told herself firmly.
"Nothing" he replied with his own cheeks now glowing as they hadn't been before at how infantile he had been acting. They were only boobs, okay really, really nice boobs, spectacular in fact, but still…"Now what?" he asked her to distract her from his faux pas.
"You have to paint the ritual marks on me to show your acceptance of me as your wife" she said producing a type of black body paint from her purse.
"What markings? I'm hardly an artist outside of a brief stint as a graffiti artist when I was a teenager" he pointed out.
"Here is a diagram I drew, they must adorn my back, thighs and…behind" she said with an even deeper blush.
"Well if you want me to paint your ass, I suggest you turn around" he said taking the body paint from her. He figured if a naked chick wanted him to touch her, who was he to say no? She gulped and did so.
"Must you….poke me?" she said in a strangled voice as she shivered slightly at the coldness of the paint as it was applied to her body.
"I'm naked in a strange place with an equally naked and might I add, very attractive woman who is asking me to touch her. How else do you except my body to react?"
"Must you stand so close to me then?" she asked him.
"I'm not" he said with a smirk in his voice.
"Oh" she said when she realized what he meant and her eyes went wide. This was confirmed when he finished painting her thighs and she could only stare at what jutted proudly from his groin. While Cloud hadn't been small…this made his look….she quashed that thought. She was there to perform the ritual to bring her friend back as clinically as possible, not look for a potential mate.
When they were done, the results almost looked like tribal art against her pale skin.
"Now what?" Reno asked Tifa.
"We get down on our knees and pray to the goddess to bless our marriage. We can use the blanket to kneel on" she suggested and got into prayer position and after a slight hesitation, so did Reno.
"Please Goddess Minerva; bless my marriage to this living embodiment of the god of death. If you do approve it, I ask that you return my deceased sister, Aerith to us" Tifa silently prayed with all her might.
Meanwhile Reno attempted to as well but his prayers were very rusty as he hadn't prayed since childhood "yo, I haven't spoken to you in years. I gotta compliment you, your statues have the greatest boobs I have ever seen, the second greatest" he corrected himself. "I ask that you allow Aerith to return, she was a nice gal and had the sweetest ass on her. Amen" he concluded.
"Now what?" he said breaking the silence.
"We must consummate our marriage" Tifa said with determination in her voice.
"But I thought you didn't like me that way!" Reno said in an incredulous voice.
"I don't, but it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make for my beloved sister" Tifa told him, he frowned at the word "sacrifice" this gave him pause but only for a second.
"Come here then" he said kissing her and she soon had her legs wrapped around his waist as he held her in place while he pounded into her, bouncing her on his hard flesh. She was draped over his lap while his legs were crossed on the blanket and grunted with each thrust into her incredibly tight liquid heat. He wondered at how intense it felt with Tifa, it was sex like nothing he had never experienced in his life.
Tifa was trying to remain calm and do it as clinically as possible but Reno wasn't the "polite" lover Cloud was. Reno was like a beast unleashed as he pounded into her and niggled each sweet pleasure center in her body until she was practically shrieking with need for release as she moaned against his lips as they furiously kissed. Each thrust heralded on a colossal orgasm and Tifa wondered if she would survive it. She cried out and threw her head back as it washed over her and she furiously came for twenty long seconds while his own hot love burst heavily into her at the exact same moment. They were practically comatose when Aerith arrived to view them locked into a lover's embrace and their bodies still joined.
Aerith materialized in the room in a blinding flash light as Reno and Tifa felt themselves fading as the ritual for her resurrection drained their life forces enough to allow it. The newly resurrected Aerith looked around at her surroundings, and paused when she saw Reno and Tifa's naked bodies lying on the floor, still entwined.
"OMG...ha! You guys really did it! I bet Zack you would! You didn't need to actually have sex to bring me back, you know. Your praying was enough. I just wanted to win my bet!" Aerith was laughing, as she searched through their clothes to wear for something to wear that they could do without. This wasn't Aerith, the waif-like girl she had been. She was now a full blown woman where maturity had been added to her face and body and her eyes brimmed with mischief as she quirked smiles at them.
She picked up Reno's discarded shirt and put it on. "I want to thank you though, what you did allowed for me to drain off enough of your life forces to bring Zack back too. I have to go; he wants to watch the submarine races tonight. I wonder what that is?" she said with a pause and flitted off, leaving them frozen with horror as they realized it had all been in vain. Well for Tifa it was, for Reno; it was same old, same old.
He couldn't help staring at the wonderment of a naked Aerith and wondered which woman he was supposed to be looking at, the one he had just had sex with or the other naked girl. "That's my shirt" is all he said.
She just giggled and opened the hidden door and ran lightly off.
Tifa got off him in a flash "No one can know about this" she hissed at him as she primly covered her naked body with her arms in a way that amused Reno in view of the circumstances.
"Who knew Aerith could be a jerk like that? Believe me, I ain't telling anyone" he said gathering up his clothes. "Now what am I going to do for a shirt?" he asked her.
"You always have it unbuttoned, why even bother wearing one?" Tifa asked him as she turned around to dress. "All of this was for nothing" she wailed. "Where are my panties?" she demanded and he retrieved them from behind the altar where they were hidden and she snatched them from him in a huffy way and put them on to his chuckles. His sense of humour was having a field day.
He just smirked and put his suit over his bare chest. "Come on, you promised me coffee. I'll take my wife for a prenuptial breakfast at the IHOP. I could use some pancakes. You really made me work up an appetite and then I'll drop you off at home for a shower afterwards" he said taking his car keys from her nerveless fingers as she handed them to him. He opened the door for her and she climbed into his car it as she ignored his mirth with an indignant glare. "You can have a proper reunion with Aerith after Zack bangs her for the first time in the flesh" Reno said to his silent companion as he started the engine. "So for our divorce, should my fake lawyer call yours or do you just wanted to continue to "consummate" our relationship on the sly?" he asked her, placing a hand on her thigh.
"Shut up. I don't want to talk about it" she said through clenched teeth as she batted it away.
"Well thanks for the fun morning" he said as he peeled off with chuckles flying behind them.
Tifa herself questioned why she hadn't remember how Aerith's sense of humour was almost brutal when she was alive. Yes Aerith could be a jerk as Reno had said, she concluded.