This is what I imagined the long overdue conversation between Coulson and May would be like after waking up from the framework. Keep in mind that I wrote this before watching 4x20 (Loved those Phillinda scenes btw!). Hopefully we'll get a similar conversation soon on the show, but the 4x21 sneak peek gives me a feeling that we might already get it next episode;)
Please enjoy this drabble!
Waking up from the framework back into the 'real world' had been like waking up from a dream. And at the same time nothing like it at all. Maybe it was more like being transferred to another dimension, with memories from the other completely intact. But most importantly, they woke up like themselves in this one, this world. Everyone could barely look Fitz in the eye, including Simmons. And when Fitz realized the horrors he had done, he had walked away without saying a word.
When Coulson took the framework-machine sensors off his head and looked around, he could only think of one thing: Melinda. He got up from the machine as quickly as he could, almost falling over in the process, to get to her. He helped her out and when she too stood firmly on the ground, they shared a pained, knowing look and he drew her into a hug. She held onto him for dear life, inhaling his scent and instantly feeling safe. This was him. This was them. This was real.
"I'm sorry" he whispered and an involuntary shiver ran down her spine from his hot breath in her ear.
"Don't be. We're back now" she comforted him.
x
x
In the following days they we not able to get a moment alone. Mace's death meant Coulson had taken on the role of director again, while parties higher up figured out a permanent replacement for the fallen director. She told herself she understood he was busy (which she did of course) and he would get around to talking to her, but she couldn't help thinking about him every second of every day. She was in love with him. She'd known before, and they had been taking it slow. Flirting, teasing, starting to cross the unspoken line they had drawn over 20 years ago. The danger of the framework had kicked everything into high gear for her, and she hoped it had for him too. But since they've been back it has felt like he was avoiding her, and it broke her heart a little.
And then, late at night after a particularly long and chaotic day, she heard a small knock on the door of her bunk. She called they could come in, and an exhausted Phil Coulson had walked into her room, closing the door behind him. She put the book down she'd been reading on her bed and he pulled up a chair and crashed on it, completely exhausted.
"You look beat" she tells him.
"Yup, it was that kind of day" he replies. "How I long to go back to being a field agent again, instead of director"
She huffs out an endearing laugh.
"Fieldwork did always suit you better." She says.
"I want to go back to when it was just you and me in the field. Going on missions, having fun. Those were the days."
"I think you're forgetting all the hardship we endured. Remember Moscow, 1990? I would not exactly call being stuck in a cabin during a snowstorm for 2 weeks 'fun'."
He laughs and sits up straighter.
"Hey, I actually quite enjoyed that! And we got to know each other really well then. I don't know if we would have gotten another opportunity to do that otherwise."
"There was barely any firewood! We were freezing!"
"What, you didn't like huddling for warmth with me?" he teases her and she shoots him a playful warning look.
When they stop laughing, a comfortable silence falls around them. She took a moment to just enjoy his presence, not knowing when she'd get the next opportunity to do so. Then she remembered what she'd seen when she had walked into his bunk a few days ago. She'd been looking for him, but instead found the bottle of Haig (their bottle) opened on his dresser. An ache had settled in her stomach and she had not been able to shake it since. Daisy had told her an LMD had taken her place when she'd been abducted by AIDA. From what Daisy had told her, nobody had noticed it. So probably, Phil hadn't either. So what had happened? They'd shared a glass from the bottle apparently. Had he kissed the LMD? Had he had sex with her? It this why he's been so distant?
"Phil" she said, pulling him out of his thoughts. He looked up at her.
"I found the bottle of Haig opened."
He let out a very deep sigh and ran his hand through his short, receding hair which she had, despite the receding, always found to be very sexy on him.
"I'm so sorry, Melinda." He sounded so regretful, so deeply pained by whatever he had done. But despite that, her heart swelled a little at the use of her first name. "I thought she was you…"
He stood up and sat down on the edge of her bed to be closer to her. She pulled up her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them.
"I've been wanting to talk to you ever since we've been back, but I didn't even know how to begin to apologize because there isn't anything that can say to justify what I've done. I feel terrible. I've been wanting for something to happen between us for so long- And we had been flirting before- And Simmons tells me the LMD had the same wants, needs… Desires, as you have. And I did notice the she kicked things into a higher gear, and I did find that unexpected, but I just went with it because I was to blinded in my want and need for that something more that has always been between us."
She swallows and nods.
"Did you sleep with her?"
Coulson frantically shook his head.
"No, no, nothing like that. I promise! But…"
"But what, Phil? Tell me, I can handle it."
"We kissed" he admitted.
That hurt more than she thought it would. Even though he hadn't cheated on her. Or had he? They weren't even together. Plus, he thought it was her. She couldn't help but feel disappointed because he hadn't noticed. Disappointed that he kissed that robot, instead of her.
"It was very brief, because it was immediately interrupted. And afterwards she pulled a gun on me, and I knew instantly then that she wasn't you. Because you would never betray me."
They fell silent as he waited for her response to what he had just told her. And finally she said;
"It's okay, Phil. You didn't know." She told him as she swallowed her pain away.
He moved closer to her on the bed and place his hand over her foot, her toes cold in contrast to his warm hand.
"No, it's not okay. I should have known she wasn't you and I desperately wish I could take back the pain I've caused you. But there is one thing I wouldn't want to reverse, and that is the glimpse I got into what it would be like to be with you. And I can tell you, it's beautiful."
She let herself relax a little into having his warm hand on her foot and looked into his eyes.
"I don't think a relationship with me could be described as 'beautiful', Phil. Thirty years ago, maybe. But a lot has happened since. I don't know how much I'll be able to offer..."
He just smiled at her, his thumb drawing small lazy circles on het foot.
"I love you, Melinda" he confessed and her heart started beating faster.
"And I'm in love with you. I have for a long time, baggage and all. I need you to know that, even if you don't want to be with me anymore after what I did."
His big, blue eyes beamed so much love, she could not resist them. She had felt like the LMD had taken something from them. Something they could never get back, but here he was, pouring his heart out for her. They'd lost so much over the years and she did not want to lose him too over this.
Without saying a word, she shuffled closer to him. Her knees pressed against his thigh where he sat on the edge of the bed, setting her entire body on fire. She cupped his cheek with her hand, his stubble prickling under her fingers. His eyes closed briefly as he leaned into her.
"I love you, Phil. I can't deny that I'm hurt, but I don't want to lose what we could be over this. After everything that happened over the past few years, I cannot afford to lose you too."
He slowly placed both hands on the sides of her head, and slowly drew her towards him. Her eyes fluttered closed milliseconds before she felt his soft lips on hers. She responded immediately as she wrapped her arms around his neck to pull herself closer to him as she sat on her knees. One of his hands went into her hair as his other arm wound around her waist. They only broke apart when it the need to breath became too insistent. He rested his forehead to hers and almost thought his ears were deceiving him when he heard a small giggle escape her.
"Melinda May, did you just giggle?"
"Shut up, Phil."
He smiled as she kissed him again, more desperate this time. He pushed her backwards on the bed when her hands started pulling on his shirt to get it out of his pants and over his head. He momentarily stopped kissing her to throw his shirt somewhere across the room, hands immediately reaching down to remove hers as well. Her eager fingers roamed his back frantically, as he let his hands glide from her waist up her sides, his thumbs brushing her bra-clad breasts along the way. She gasped and he took the moment to take it all in, letting his forehead fall to hers.
"No more getting kidnapped, okay? I don't ever want to lose you again" he said quietly.
"Same goes for you" she whispered against his lips.
"Deal."
Not a super long story, but I hoped you enjoyed it! Please leave reviews to tell me what you think!